I want to believe but I can't

[MrsAlmeida2012]

My name is Jessie. My husband and I were married in January. I was raised atheist, my parents want nothing to do with Christianity. My husband was raised Christian to an extent- he was always told about Jesus, but his divorced parents never actually enforced it and took him to church.

My first day of kindergarten, I met this girl named Shayna. She and her entire family were/are wonderful, sensitive, faithful Christians. Even as a small child, I always wished I had her family, as mine would openly mock anyone who believed. Shayna and I grew apart once we hit puberty; she took the narrow road and I took the broad. Even still, she and her family were always there for me and knew my heart like my parents never did. I always wanted to have a Christian family, but never had the chance to learn about Jesus because my parents would have flipped. Fast forward through some partying, drunk, deflowering years, and I met my now husband.

Once I started dating him, I knew I would marry him someday. Well, we were being stupid and reckless and ended up pregnant 7 months into our relationship. Go figure. We ended up marrying January 2012. He is an awesome dad to our son and an awesome husband to me now. But a few months ago, things were really bad, we were drinking, smoking weed, watching all kinds of horror movies, getting drunk and going to concerts(only when our son wasn't around). His mom and I got into a petty argument and my husband chose his mother before me, when I didn't even give him an ultimatum. He kicked me out of our home and his mother wouldn't let me have our son back (she was watching him overnight when he and I got into the huge fight over my argument with his mom). They took everything from me. He kept my car to drive to work and back, on the key ring was my house key, I wasn't allowed to come home, I wasn't allowed to have our son. I had no money, as my husband kept me on an allowance since he was the one working while I stayed home with our son and took care of everything here. I had nothing.

Finally, I came to a realization that we can't just be "christians" because we believe there is a god. We have to devote our lives to serving the Lord and love Him and praise Him at his feet! I told him what was in my heart, that he needed to be the spiritual head of the household if I'm expected to submit to him. We went to Christian marriage counseling with our now pastor, things smoothed over, it helped a lot. We became involved in our church, I'm in the choir and a women's Bible study and help in the daycare on weekends. My husband helps in the daycare too, and is in a men's book club at the church. He has made a complete 180 since he was saved and he is such a good man to me. He has patience, love, respect, kindness in his heart now, where he never did before, especially for me. I am so in love with my husband that it hurts sometimes. He's my best friend, my encourager, my protector, my provider, and my lover. I will never choose to be without him.

The problem is that I feel like I'm just pretending to believe in God. I wanted this, we're happy and healthy now, my husband is happy. This is what I wanted. Now that I have what I wanted, I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I have knelt in the corner of the empty sanctuary at our church and begged, cried, pleaded for Jesus to save me. I have admitted that I'm a sinner and given praise for the sacrifice of the Son. I have prayed for forgiveness, I have repented with my whole heart. I so badly want to believe in Christ, our Savior, in God himself! I just can't. I have been seeking and seeking and seeking and praying and begging and repenting and aching to find my faith in the Lord. But there's always a part of me that thinks these things:

Why would a good god demand we worship him? Wouldn't a good god be humble and turn away worship? Why is my husband so sure when I'm the one who wanted this change and I can't believe? When I pray, why do I feel stupid, like no one is listening? Why can't god just give me a sign that he's there so I can let myself believe and serve? Why do I feel like I'm playing dress-up every time I go to the church (I'm there 4 days a week)? There must not be a god if I've been truly seeking him for 6 months and still don't feel any different.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel like a liar and a fake and a bad wife. I am desparate to really believe. I want to so badly. Every day, I grow sadder and every day I grow further apart from my husband. I'm afraid to tell him. I get so angry with him for coming home and telling me about his day, the things God did for him, his answered prayers. I get angry with him each night for suggesting we read from the Bible, when I was the one who wanted to do it. I got angry with him for throwing out all of our DVDs and not allowing me to watch anything but G rated tv or whatever. I get angry with him for tuning the car radio to a Christian station with just sermons and no music EVERY TIME WE'RE IN THE CAR. I am very disgustingly angry with him because I just found out that he's fasting.

Why do I feel this way? I don't want to feel this way.

 

[Alive_Again]

You ask for a sign! Here's Your sign! Help is right here!

I have knelt in the corner of the empty sanctuary at our church and begged, cried, pleaded for Jesus to save me. I have admitted that I'm a sinner and given praise for the sacrifice of the Son. I have prayed for forgiveness, I have repented with my whole heart. I so badly want to believe in Christ, our Savior, in God himself! I just can't. I have been seeking and seeking and seeking and praying and begging and repenting and aching to find my faith in the Lord. But there's always a part of me that thinks these things:

This sounds quite a lot like my experience so many years ago. I was reading the Bible and had received Him into my heart. I never knew what happened, because I didn't pray a formal prayer and no one was with me. I wasn't in church either. I had already committed my heart to Him and He honored my request.

Later when it came time to do the committal thing officially when "I was ready", I did the things you talked about in the earlier paragraph, but nothing! I thought that Lord didn't love me, that I was too big of a sinner, that I just couldn't seem to believe where I could stand in faith. I fought some serious battles with some devils who speak to you to feed every reason to you why God isn't pouring out when you're crying out!

That's the key here (standing in faith). You desire to submit and repent and believe. Since nothing seems to be happening and you have "a part of you" that seems to be holding out. That's called a stronghold! It's demonic and EVERYONE deals them in some areas of their lives. We go through stuff living in this fallen world as sinners, and these things get built into our "souls". The part that reasons and feels, and the emotions. It's not you and people can be held in bondage. If you agree with them, then it seems like the Lord is holding out on you. It seems like you look to Him, but it's the deception that helps to keep you at bay spiritually.

I have prayed for forgiveness, I have repented with my whole heart. I so badly want to believe in Christ, our Savior, in God himself! I just can't. I have been seeking and seeking and seeking and praying and begging and repenting and aching to find my faith in the Lord. But there's always a part of me that thinks these things

Your saying all the right things and if you think you mean it you no doubt do. You'd know if you were lying. Just because you're dealing with a stronghold of unbelief doesn't mean you don't believe.

Here's what you need to do. First of all, everything within you that says anything like: "I guess I don't believe", "I just can't believe", or "I want to believe" --- toss that aside and call that deception because your heart and your will say that "I want Jesus to forgive me and be Lord of my life." That's the part to focus on. That's the part that counts in the eyes of God. It is the stronghold that obscures the revelation.

Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. You need to be around some anointed preaching of the Word, particularly about faith. That was my problem. I couldn't seem to get God to move although I was saying exactly the right things. Knowing that you need faith is important, now you need to do what you need to get it. You need to have the anointed Word of God sown in your heart.

What God did for me was to lead me to some Kenneth Hagin books on faith and as I read them, the Holy Spirit started to turn the light on in the inside of me. Hagin was healed of an incurable blood disease and partial paralysis, and he tells you how God raised him up by getting and learning to exercise faith. Knowing that strongholds of unbelief exist and they are not you should give you some real hope, because you now know that the problem isn't really you.

The enemy hates it when you get wise to him. As you're learning faith and who you are by virtue of your faith in what He did and His Lordship over your life, you can stand against the devil (in faith) with the authority Jesus died for you and everyone in the church to have!

Knowing how to get faith should put you on the road to discovery. Once your spirit gets wind of how to believe God and act in faith, you can begin to ask Him for things in your life, and God honors faith!

Here's some good news: God loves you enough to send His Son to die for even (just) you. He does not want to hold back on you. He wants you to believe. He will show you by His Spirit (through anointed teaching by a teacher with a "ministry gift") how to believe and act in faith. When you overcome the unbelief and learn to stand on your feet in faith, God WILL respond to you and your life will be changed just like mine was!

I second guessed Him every step of the way. Through teaching and hearing the anointed Word, faith came (by hearing). The light came on, God's love entered in, I discovered that I was really in covenant with God and life was and is good. I would strongly encourage you to to the Christian bookstore and buy some Kenneth Hagin books (you can get them on Amazon too). Jesus told him: "Go teach My people faith!" Thank God for his ministry too, because I'd be sad in the corner bemoaning my situation STILL just like I read in your message.

Take heart my friend, because the light is going to shine and you are finally going to enter in to what you are crying out for. To know and experience God's love so you can tell others that He lives. Not because you read it in a book, but because He lives in your heart.

 

[Alive_Again]

But there's always a part of me that thinks these things:

I wanted to add one more thing here that is important. We live in a world that has a spiritual dimension to it that we typically cannot see. God is in it, angels, and devils. Your family are aetheists. That in itself is a demonic stronghold that has unbelief as the strongman. Your whole upbringing was enshrouded in that element. Your family spoke unbelief over you (literally cursing you). You suffer from that same stronghold. Your heart wants Jesus and the call of God has been on your life since you were a child. Jesus paid the penalty to redeem you from curses. This is too much to go into in this message, but you can break free from every element of the curse and unbelief. You'll need to get into it with your whole being and watch what God works in your life!

I wish that you were attending a Spirit filled church. They minister with the anointing. Evangelical churches are very good, but they do not teach you about spiritual warfare. If your life wasn't caked with sin growing up, you might get by with that. If you walked on the wild side, you can pick up some pretty serious bondages. I know I did.

One thing you'll find out is that devils are legalists. When you transgress God's "laws", they have a legal right to afflict your life. When you profess Jesus as your Lord, you give Him the authority over your life. One thing I would definitely do is to renounce aetheism and every form of doubt and unbelief (out loud!). They hear you. It is their stock in trade, but once you renounce that you can stand on the Word of God and declare (you can ask Jesus again first to be sure), that Jesus forgave you, and lives in your heart by faith. Declare with your mouth your new allegiance and mean it! Get mean! You can say: "Doubt and unbelief! You're a liar and I resist and bind you in the name of Jesus!" Tell them to be silent and flee in Jesus' name. Start declaring the Word of God out loud from your mouth. This is a spiritual principle you'll learn once you get the hang of this. Scripture says a lot about "binding and loosing". You can prevent or permit spiritually based on what you declare and what lines up with the Word of God.

The whole get rid of the questionable dvds (particularly with magic themes) and ditching the weed are all good ideas. These things can permit these spirits entry into your house because you "give place" to the devil by partaking of things they influence.

You want an anointed atmosphere in your home. This brings life and peace. It promotes faith and love. I'd get some anointed worship music and start reading the Bible. Get some of the Kenneth Hagin books on faith and start feeding on them. Start getting what comes out of your mouth to line up with scripture. Start resisting the enemy and begin to learn to stand on your faith. The truth will "dawn" on your inner man. This is the man that "hears".

You need to work through the strongholds of unbelief that your upbringing gave you (it's the very reason why you struggle with unbelief). Lay hold on eternal life. Build an atmosphere the Holy Spirit likes (anointed music) and put everything else aside. You'll get over your husband being the only one seemingly betting blessed. You'll start to partake and the truth will arise in your heart and life will be good and Jesus will be Lord, and you'll have a testimony like I do where God sends you people who have difficulty believing God will save them.

 

[Alive_Again]

When you want to fight the good fight of faith and finally defeat strongholds of unbelief (or any other kind), we need to be mindful of the things that promote each of the two kingdoms.

Our knowledge of both kingdoms is received and operated in by faith. If you're a believer, or one who aspires to be because you heard the truth and you know that's the way it is. You know God is working in your home (in your husband as you affirmed), and He IS working in your life by drawing you to Him. Every desire you have reveals this. You might become annoyed that your husband is successful in this and you're not. Who wouldn't? You don't want to stay that way or keep that mindset, but you want to do something about it!

I want to reiterate about building the "atmoshere" thing around you, especially in your home. We live in a physical and a spiritual world. We want God's kingdom and will to come just like it is in Heaven. In Heaven, their is praise and worship and great thanksgiving. It is free from the defilements of the world. It is those very defilements that are enemies to faith.

Examples of things that defile:

What comes on Television. Like your own being, your home has "gates". The things we allow in it either help to make or break your atmosphere and point to which kingdom is going to be at work in it. Your heart can be right and you're calling for God's kingdom to move in your home. He responds too (though you can't really perceive it now). You've got angels in your home right now that you can't see. Both you and your husband have the calling of God in your life (unmistakable).

The kingdom of darkness also can be at work in your home. When you allow oppression to enter into your home through corrupt media sources (music, radio, TV, even your own corrupt words) it will live there until you do something about it. Devils are tormented by the anointing and truth of God. They will hang on as long as they can (even in great fear) if they can get you to believe you are powerless over them. A Christian has authority over every enemy and over every work of darkness..unless they're "giving place" to it (providing a legal right to be there).

Horror movies (possibly the biggest culprit out there now to literally letting the TV provide an open gate into your home. God's not into death. We are to meditate on things that promote life and God's kingdom. Devils come right into your home and bring defilement when you watch that stuff.

Especially vampire movies - Twilight is a big culprit. Seducing spirits are attached to that along with the spirit of death. They put a "love story" in it to make it seem attractive. Just like many things like Harry Potter, they put a "good side" on magic and the powers of the enemy. It makes it palatable for the children to watch. There is no such thing as a "white witch" or "white magic".

R or even X rated movies that have lust scenes in them. They loose a spirit of lust or perversion into the home. Some movies just depict perversions in them to demonstrate some evil character. Most people just kind of go "oooh!" when they see it and just agree that it's creepy or really bad. What you've done now is loose spirits into your house that minister that very thing. This is not done by accident and it is a carefully devised trap of the enemy, who literally runs Hollywood now. How many people "start small" by giving your "gates" to observe this kind of thing and over even a short period of time develop a stronghold in this area.

Enough press about the enemy! God's atmosphere of the Kingdom of God brings eternal life, healing, and deliverance. It brings deliverance to the captives. You want His Spirit loosed in your home freely and without interference. What we get into over the course of our lives determines the assignments we have to work through to get freedom.

You want to loose the anointing in your home by having anointed preaching, teaching, music (praise and worship being the best kind), and the Word of God entering into your eye, ear, and mouth gates. Give God a chance to minister life to you.

We are 3 part creatures (according to the Word of God). We have a spirit, a soul, and a body. It is the spirit of a man (the inner man of the heart) that "hears" the "voice" of God that brings faith. These "voices" are primarily impressions upon your spirit man.

First you must have hope. Supernatural hope. It is not just natural human hope, but it is hope imparted to your spirit. God ministers this. Supernatural hope causes your spirit to sit up and say, "I think I'm on the right track, and you've got my attention!" "I want to hear more!" This comes from hearing the Word of God too. You must have supernatural hope before you can have faith. Rise up in hope and take steps as you bear witness to the truth and take authority over your life and circumstances by giving God a "stage" or a "place" to set up the throne of His kingdom in your midst. Take inventory in your house of things that might open the door to oppression in your life and get rid of them!

 

[Harry3142]

MrsAlmeida2012-

It appears that you're looking for the proper emotions to instigate faith. But it is not emotions that lead to the faith; instead, it is the decision to have faith that leads to the proper emotions.

We see evidence of the necessity for making a conscious decision centuries earlier than Christ's time among us:

"Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." v(Joshua 24:14-15;NIV)

Choose for yourself to put your faith in God and what he has done through Jesus Christ, and the proper emotions will follow your making that decision. There will be 'bumps in the road' because we are all human, but God knows that better than we do. So having made the decision to put your faith in him, trust him to guide and direct you through every aspect of your life, even those where you do not have an overtly emotional connection with him.

 

[Alive_Again]

I'm going to lengths to help you because I want to see you set free and to be able to enter into the things of the Kingdom of God unhindered. I identify so much with your situation. There's nothing more horrible than thinking that you can't make yourself believe, and that maybe God has a good reason for not pouring out to you like He touches others. It seems to minister favoritism, and that hurts.

So far we've determined that you want to be a believer (one who is exercising belief). Belief is an action. It's something you do. You want to get faith in your heart alive, so you can use your "action/believe" in a way that puts "legs" on it. God really starts to move as you use these legs. These "legs" in motion might be referred to as the "walk of faith".

(For we walk by faith, not by sight
2 Cor 5:7

We don't just want to have the opinion of man. We want to know what God says about things. Opinions (that are not God inspired) do not minister life and hope and faith. Words that minister life do. God's Word ministers life. One of the first things God started to teach me on the inside when I first started to endeavor to walk by faith (in pretty much the same situation you are), was that God stands behind what is said in His Word. I would read these books by Kenneth Hagin (they are anointed!), the Spirit of God would be the one doing the convincing me on the inner man. This is what needs to take place with ALL the revelation on the Word and Kingdom of God. It needs to be revealed to your heart. As this happens, the light of hope and faith come on and you know God's life is coming through!

Even if the enemy (who will not go down without a fight when it comes to "Am I a Christian or not, because I don't feel anything and I don't experience what others are experiencing, even though I'm crying out every way I know?!

Just keep feeding on the Word of God. Let an anointed teacher like Hagin feed you the "sincere milk of the Word". One of the "elementary principles" of the Word is repentance from dead works and faith toward God. This is where you become established. God builds a foundation on the inside of you. That foundation is the Word of God. That Word brings faith.

"So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."
Romans 10:17

A "stronghold" is basically a "system of reasonings" established by the enemy in your soul. This can be established from a lifetime of hearing what the enemy is saying (which is pretty much everything contrary to what God has revealed already in His Word). Your background of aetheism set up this platform of unbelief that is far beyond what you desire in your heart. It seems to be "of you", and yet, if is NOT "of you".

Since the soul is distinct from the spirit, we need to work on the heart, where God's Word as a seed is sown. We recognize that the soul needs "renewing" and we won't recognize or give authority to your soul to dominate your life. You want your heart, the heart that says, "I want the Lordship of Jesus in my life" to be the part of you that is calling the shots.

The "yoke of oppression" is destroyed by the anointing power of God. A yoke is something you put on animals to lead and subdue them. It goes over their neck and shoulders. Sometimes it takes a little time for these systems of thought to be unraveled. God will build precept upon precept in your heart. Keep your eyes and ears fastened on the things of God in hope and don't give up! You will get through!

And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing.
Isaiah 10:27

I won't say anymore until you've said something, and I know you're interested to hear more. I went from crying out just like you were...

I have knelt in the corner of the empty sanctuary at our church and begged, cried, pleaded for Jesus to save me. I have admitted that I'm a sinner and given praise for the sacrifice of the Son. I have prayed for forgiveness, I have repented with my whole heart. I so badly want to believe in Christ, our Savior, in God himself! I just can't.

I FINALLY found out how to receive the things of God by faith. I FINALLY had God respond to me where I knew it was Him. I FINALLY had Him minister to my inner man that God's Word was the authority and foundation of the solid rock to base my faith on. It is the revelation of that truth in your heart (not just your soul) that enables you to believe. To have hope and faith. It was the teaching on faith I had that FINALLY showed me how to put legs on that faith by BELIEVING. This opened the door to the Kingdom of God and its blessings that God has ALREADY provided for us in the Heavenly places in Christ Jesus.

What have I experienced since that time? I have been born again and I KNOW IT now. (I was the weakest Christian I have ever known or heard of... because of unbelief established by my lifes influences.) I have been filled with the Holy Spirit and can pray Spirit led prayers. The Lord has appeared in my dreams. He has imparted a LOT of truth that has enabled me to overcome (as I did it) in a LOT of areas. I have identified and defeated the devil in my life MANY times. It's a war as we go through life, but if we learn how to do the things that make for victory, we can enjoy VICTORY. I have learned mysteries and have had the Holy Spirit BEAR WITNESS to truth in some pretty incredible things when I heard it. When He bears witness on the inside, you KNOW what you heard was true. I have operated in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Although I have not seen God, He has on a couple of occasions in my dreams took me to a place where He was and I laid right before Him as He imparted His heart to me. It was the most life changing moments of my life. To God be the glory for all of this!

I have recognized the voice of the Lord and am learning to move with His gentle flow in His Spirit, which causes you bear fruit of love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.

The victorious abundant life is what we all want. We're all learning to flow with God, but to be established in faith is the foundation on which our life in the Spirit is built and God Himself will open the eyes of your understanding, once you submit yourself to God by inclining your spiritual ear to the preaching of the anointed Word, and wake up to the enemies of your faith and doing things that promote faith and not unbelief.

I'll wait until I hear you're interested in more before I post again, so I know you're on base with this and you're sincere (I believe you are). I pray you do because God SO WANTS TO HELP YOU BE ABLE TO RECEIVE HIS LOVE AND GRACE!

 

[Gothbot]

I don't know your pain or what you're going through.
But I feel like I should tell you this:
God loves you and is with you no matter what you do. He understands what you're thinking, and He understands just what you feel. He knows the words you're going to say before you say it.

Keep strong. Jesus is with you. don't be afraid to tell him what you feel, even if you're angry with him.
you're not any less of a believer if you experience this. The fact that you're holding on says a lot about your faith.

I'm going to tell you parts of my story really quick, and I'm going to try to keep it brief. What you said about wanting to believe kind of leads me to it, even if my story is a little irrelevant:

I have known about God all my life, yet really got to know Jesus when I was 14. But I was deeply discouraged by scrupulous thoughts, because at many times, I didn't feel saved. I didn't feel like God was listening to me, or that I was even right with Him.
I have groveled and worked so hard to feel right with God before only to feel silence and condemnation, no matter how hard I worked to get myself to feel right. NOTHING did it. This went on for about 5 years.

It turned out, I was being tormented by the enemy, who told me that God was far from me and he wasn't listening. It was NOT God making me feel this way, because that's not His nature. God never condemns or guilts. There is no condemnation for those in Christ. If you ever do something wrong, He only convicts. He never left me in those times; He was just as close to me as He is when I feel like He's right there. I just didn't know that at the time. I thought that my feelings would show me my standing with God and because of that, my walk with God wasn't as it was supposed to be.
The truth is, some days you're going to feel God. Some days you're not. He's there with you regardless. In those times when you don't feel him, he may be wanting to show you that he's there despite your feelings, and that your feelings are never a barometer for the truth. it doesn't mean he's not there, though. He has promised never to leave you, nor forsake you.
It might feel like you're going through the motions and that these words don't help. That's normal. I get that.
As a Christian, you are already as close to Him as you can possibly be, at all times, even when it completely feels like God has taken a vacation and forgotten about you.
Anything telling you that God isn't listening is a lie. The devil loves to discourage you. God only strengthens.
If you search for God you will find him. He will be shown to you, maybe not immediately or in ways we want, but maybe He is that quiet presence in the midst of the storm. He works in mysterious ways but He always works for the good of those who love Him.

God won't always give you a sign, because sometimes the only place you need to look is in the Bible. Maybe what you should to try to remember is that Jesus alone gives you right standing with God and He is everything you need. He alone makes you righteous, not a sign, nor absence of guilt feelings. God helped me out of my need to understand Him by feelings just by the fact of His sacrifice that gives us righteousness to the level of Jesus, no matter WHAT.

If you want to read more about feeling like God is far away, maybe visiting this site could help, because it explains better than I can. Go to "guilty" on net-burst . net (I can't post links).
I'm not sure if it will help because your situation is much different than mine.

He is there, even if you can't feel him and you're desperate to. Your faith is precious and wonderful. Keep going and don't give up. He rewards faith.
God sees your faith. Even if it is as small as a mustard seed, and I can tell you yours definitely isn't that small.

I got atheist-like thoughts too.

you don't necessarily have to watch only G rated TV, throw our all your DVDs, or listen to only Christian music. unless your moral convictions tell you not to, but there's nothing wrong with listening to secular things. Peripatetic said it perfectly.

"Welcome! I'm sorry that you're going through this difficult time, but you aren't alone. Many Christian seekers struggle with expectations (both personal and in the family context). There is no rule that says you have to have a big, transcendental moment where you become saved. Many of us have grown in our faith over time, with lots of ups and downs. So my first piece of advice would be to take it one day at a time and don't put so much pressure on yourself to find and identify a specific kind of belief within you.

Secondly, I would advise balance in your lifestyle changes. Throwing out all of your DVDs and eliminating music in the car may be too much, and could cause burnout in your husband as well. Most Christians still enjoy secular movies and music. Christian maturity should lead us away from excess and the edges of some boundaries, but it should end up with moderation and balance, not isolation from the world."

I don't know if that helped. I'm no expert in knowing about God, just a sibling in Christ recovering by His merciful hand. If you would like to contact me for anything my Yahoo email is gandalf_beard . Take care. I'm praying for you.
Remember you're not alone.

 

[Alive_Again]

I hope you are giving heed to the admonition to meditate on the Word of the kingdom. That which comes forth from the anointing.

I'll share this here and I had to chuckle. When I read the original post, I do not remember reading anything about seeking a sign. After I finished writing it out, I had the urge the write: "You asked for a sign! "Here is your sign!" in big red letters.

I used the biggest font I've ever used (what normally might be considered obnoxious). I was sure God wanted me to do it to get the attention of one of His beloved sheep whom the enemy was beating up on...

I read the post again after I sent it and saw the bit about asking for the sign! God is so good. Sometimes the enemy distracts us to the point where we're not even sure God is on our side anymore, but He has a way to get our attention! Now, it is for us to take note and do what we're able and give God a chance to work with you.

 

[Rick Kirkham]

Read the Bible together. Join a church. When I first went to church I thought it would be full of wimps and hypocrites. I now have the honor of calling some of the toughest, honest, courageous and giving people friends whom I have met in church.

Rick

 

[Alive_Again]

How would you feel if you had a child who somehow couldn't receive your love for them? If you done everything possible for them to have abundant provision for their heart, mind, and body, yet they still had a sense of lack? Wouldn't that as a parent, hurt you? You might say well, God is God, and if He really wanted to, He could do something about it! True, but God has a plan for your life, and walking by faith is something you'll need to learn to do to be a success in your spiritual walk. He could just open up the Heavens, but He would have us "walk by faith and not by sight". Also He does just pour our mightily on some people in the beginning, for some, He allows them to be tested and to experience certain things, and to learn how to be overcomers by giving heed to His Spirit and hearing and obeying His Word.

I typed out some excerpts from some of Kenneth Hagin's stuff on faith. His teachings edified me SO MUCH, particularly when I was very young in my walk.

From Kenneth Hagin's book "What Faith Is" is a quote:

"Faith says the same thing the Word of God says. Unbelief, on the other hand, is taking sides against God's Word."

"Faith says, "It's mine—I have it now!" Hope says, "I'll get it sometime." As long as you hope, the answer will never materialize. But the moment you start believing, it will work."

From Hagin's book: "The Real Faith"

"The word "believe" is a verb—an action word. To believe in a Biblical sense means "to take" or "to grasp." To believe Jesus means to take Him for all that the Scriptures declare Him to be: To believe on Jesus as Savior means to take Him as your Savior;

A man can say, "I believe in salvation," yet never be saved. He can say, "I believe that Jesus is the Son of God," yet die and go to hell. He can say, "I believe that the New Birth is scriptural," yet never really possess the New Birth."

Although he talks of healing in the next line, if we changed it to salvation, we could say:

"By believing what your physical senses tell you, you would say, "I don't have SALVATION; I am OPPRESSED." But by believing the truth of God's Word, you can say, "I am FORGIVEN AND SAVED by THE CROSS OF CHRIST AND HIS SHED BLOOD BLOOD AT CALVARY!"

"Man's nature is twofold: There is an inward man and an outward man. The inward man is the spirit. The outward man is the body. To believe with the heart means to believe on the inside—to believe with the inward man. To base one's faith on physical evidence is to believe only from the natural human standpoint—to believe with the outward man.

Smith Wigglesworth made the statement, "I am not moved by what I see. I am not moved by what I feel. I am moved by what I believe." This is the way Abraham was. Thomas, on the other hand, said, "Unless I see and I feel, I'm not going to believe."

Our testimony of conversion should be based on Romans 10:9, "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

"I believe God is going to hear and answer my prayer someday." That is hope; that isn't believing. You may call it believing, but it is still hope, because you are postponing it to the future. Faith is present tense. The Bible tells us that God has done something for us now:"

The Word teaches us that we are to believe first, THEN we are to have. We can choose to believe after we have the revelation in our heart. Once we see that it is true in our heart, we can CHOOSE to believe.

"The Word says, '. . . What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.' I believe I receive. I say it today. I said it yesterday. I'll say it tomorrow. I say it in the presence of the devil and all the imps of hell. I believe I receive. I say it in the presence of God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, and all the holy angels. I believe I receive. It is written,"

Now we add the scripture...

Exceedingly Growing Faith (pg 29)

"...faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." You cannot believe without hearing the Word.

"As I read the Word, though, the devil was right there trying to bring to my remembrance all the doubt and unbelief I had ever heard."

"I began by telling them it is unscriptural to pray, "If it be Thy will" concerning anything which God's Word has already promised us. When you put an "if in your prayer, you are praying in doubt."

You may ask, "How can I tell whether I have heart faith or whether I am just agreeing with my head?" If it is merely mental agreement or mental assent it says, "I know God's Word is true. I know God promises me healing or the Holy Spirit, but for some reason I can't get it. And I can't understand it."

Real faith in God's Word says, "If God's Word says it is so, then it is so. It is mine. I have it now." Real faith also says, "I have it when I can't see it."

My faith is not in what I see and hear. My faith is in what God says. When we get our faith to that point, we are right and in order, and that brings results.

"Thomas said, in effect, "I will not believe until I see." And Jesus said, "Thomas, thou hast believed because thou hast seen; blessed are they who have not seen, yet do believe." Those are the ones who are blessed!"

"Keep talking about the right thing. Believe the right thing.
It is simply wrong thinking, wrong believing, and wrong talking which defeats people. You see, the devil can't defeat you. Jesus has already defeated the devil for you. Satan doesn't defeat you; you defeat yourself! (Or, if Satan does, it is because you permit him to do so. It is a consent of ignorance.)"

"God has given us His Word to get our thinking straightened out so that our believing will be right. If our thinking is right and our believing is right, then our talking will be right.'

"The hidden man of the heart" is the spirit, the real man. This real man, the hidden man, the inward man, is spirit. He has a soul and he lives in a body.

With our spirit, we contact the spiritual realm.

With our soul, we contact the intellectual and emotional realm.

With our body, we contact the physical realm.

You cannot contact God with your mind. You cannot contact God with your body. You can only contact God with your spirit.

And God contacts you through your spirit. When you hear the Word of God preached, you hear it with your physical ears. It then goes through your natural mind. But if it is to affect you, you must receive it in your spirit.

Pg 54

"What things soever ye desire" means exactly what it says.
"When ye pray" means right then—the moment you pray.

"Believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them" in common, everyday language means, "You've got to believe you've got it before you get it."

When I understood it, I immediately said, "Why, Lord, I see what I've got to do. I must believe while I am still lying here flat on my back, that the paralysis is healed." (Notice I said "is healed," not "going to be healed."

Many people would say, "I believe God is going to heal me." But that is not New Testament believing. I know, because I had stayed in that bed for a year believing that and never got anything.)

Notice that it says, "believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have
Pg 59

"Yeshall have them [the desires] " (Mark 11:24). The Amplified Bible's translation reads, "For this reason I am telling you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe—trust and be confident—that it is granted to you, and you will [get it]." When are you going to get it? After you trust and are confident it is granted to you.

Too many want to get it first and then they will believe they have it. But Jesus said that you have to believe you've got it, and then you will have it.
pg60

If you want to walk by faith, the Word must be superior to anything and everything else. It must be superior to any knowledge, whether that knowledge is yours or someone else's.
Pg 64

This helps to point out why an "atmosphere" can affect your faith.

From Hagin's book: "The Real Faith"

"We often wonder why it is so hard to believe God and "fight the good fight of faith" Paul wrote about in First Timothy 6:12. The reason is because we are surrounded by an antagonistic atmosphere in this world. The world is presided over by Satan, the enemy of all righteousness. Paul calls him the god of this world, the prince of the powers of the air. We live in Satan's unreal world, surrounded by currents of unbelief that are so subtle they can dominate us before we realize what's happening. These currents of unbelief are so persistent that only a few ever rise above them."
pg29

Hagin's book "Words"

HOW YOUR WORDS AFFECT YOUR CHILDREN

CHILDREN ARE A PRODUCT OF WORDS.
Words heal us or make us sick.
Words bless us or curse us.

The words that I hear in the morning will linger with me all through the day.
How little wives may realize
Pg 13

If you went into a room where they had just been frying fish, you could smell the fish. It would still be in the atmosphere. The air was heavy in that room. Those WORDS were still in the air. (There are WORDS in the air around you right now. If you don't believe it, turn on a transistor radio.) As we talked to this pastor and his wife, we learned that they had indeed had a disagreement. The lives and personalities of children brought up in that kind of an atmosphere will be warped. Mothers and Dads: Your home atmosphere is the product of WORDS. Children fail because wrong WORDS were spoken. The right WORDS were not spoken.
Why is

pg 15

I want to add here that when approaching God's Word and our desire to receive from Him by faith, we should NOT become anxious. That's the enemy's gig. Ask God to show you truth and then put all of your knowledge of lack and what was unbelief on a shelf and just settle down and begin to let God get this over to you. Let the Word do the work. Don't say after reading for a while: "I still seem the same!" The Word is seed and it takes a little bit for seeds to grow. Your heart is a garden and what grows is what is sown into it. God is on your side. You'll do better to start saying that out loud and start at some level getting into agreement with what God has said (and is still saying!).

Be at peace and pursue truth and let the seed begin to grow in your heart. Don't be anxious and let worry overtake you. Let God do what He does and don't give up!

 

[parsley]

Did you husband ever apologize for taking the children from you and leaving you with nothing? It sounds like he always comes out on top.

God's promises are true, and constant. He said that anyone who calls on His name will be saved. You have called on His name over and over. You don't need to deserve any more than that... prove any more than that... work three more days per week in the church. God already loves you.

While the word worship is used for the acts of singing, going to church, raising hands, shouting... any number of things, the scriptural word for worship is more conceptual.

Most of the definitions for the Hebrew word for [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Geneva]worship, imply bowing, as one would honor a king or queen when standing in his/her presence. Recognizing that they are in charge, and respect is expected for getting requests heard.

Thanksgiving is simple appreciation for what God has already done for us. We do that for any human, ideally. How much more we should do that for God. His request that we thank Him is not much different than a parent teaching their child how to express gratitude. It's not just to Him, but a stance of gratefulness and humility.

I would suggest praying that God would clear out any misconceptions about who He is and what He expects of you, and starts fresh teaching you more about Himself. He will, don't worry. You have had a lot of clutter to weed through in your life changes.

There's a chance that the demands/expectations your husband places on you fix your brain into a pattern of thinking, and you expect God to treat you the same way. Let go of any of that, if you see it.


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