I want OUT. I want to DIE.

[king-priest]

i'm not going to lie.... as much as it might seem evident to most of you, i really am going under. it's almost as if i'm lying to myself, when i clearly know that i'm not okay... and it just makes things worse. i can't help it. the worst thing is that, i know what i have to do... but i just can't put myself up to it..

i've always been oppressed by my past- they taunt me. just how the way things are, and the way that I am is a constant reminder of where i've come from and what i've been through. my life.... is a broken record, or a figment of someone's imagination. i feel alone... not that i don't have friends or family, but their companionship is of no use. i should seek help, but i know it won't help me. God is the only solution and I MUST trust in Him.... but He's making this a bit more difficult than I could handle.

Life is nothing but a lucid dream.....

You know your not some figment of imagination...you are an ambassador of Christ...you are a king through His royalty and you are a priest through His blood. You are an heir of all that He has been given to Him by His Father ...our Father. You are a son of God by birthright. You share in His glory and power. You are baptized by the Holy Spirit. You are His beloved.

Now....as for the statement that He's making it a bit more difficult than you can handle, well, now that....that's not true. He will NEVER put anything on you that you can't handle. And you know...even though to you ...it may not seem that you can handle it but you can, and He knows it. His Son Jesus Christ has provided all the tools necessary for us here on earth before we go to Him. He has provided that in eternity past.

God doesn't send His Son to die for salvation only and then let His children fend for themselves....He gave us His Word and the Holy Spirit. Jesus conquered this world so we may know that we too can walk this world and endure.
Since you and your wife were one flesh and one spirit, you are used to walking with her...your partner...your other half. But since she's with Her Lord and you are still here, you have to learn to walk all over again. But you know, instead of being only a half...He has given you Him.Your other half is/should be Him. Andby Him you will walk again.
But you have to excercise your spiritual "muscle" everday...with here a little and there a little. Precept upon Precept and line upon line. It's not enough to just say you will trust Him...read ...and mix your faith with a verse and APPLY it. Soon that small spiritual step will grow and turn into spiritual walking. And don't forget to feed yourself on His WORD. Without spiritual food you can't make the journey. His [Word] food will sustain you.
And just as any runner knows that the key to running the race is good food and excercise[training]. Well, He has provided the best food possible....divine food.....His Word. Trust that He is always there and made the way for you to succeed...to win in the end. For all God's champions begun with determination and fluent intake of doctrine and discipline[training].

You know...emotions were designed to appreciate God. But even emotions can be tainted by the old sin nature. Jesus Himself didn't have a sin nature but yet He didn't want to go to the cross and asked to let His cup pass Him. But He kept His emotions in check and so can we. For He knew that He must go to the cross to save us. And we were the prize that His eyes were on when He went willingly to die....for us, for me, for you.
Emotions can be decievers if left alone to run rampant without bible doctrine to teach it to respond the right way instead of reacting. So we may learn to respond to Him and appreciate Him and what He has done for us. To know that true happiness comes from Him.
Many different people have had many trials and tests and many tragic events happen to them. And in our suffering...bring to memory His suffering. And through that God made a way through the pain and opened our hearts to Him. We are all stronger in the areas we were weak in.
We each have an area of strength. Some rape,abandonment,addict,abuse, disease, or disasters.Even the passing of a loved one. The list goes on but you know no matter how long the list is, God taught us to walk again with Him and each one of us are stronger in different areas. This site is evident to that.
Since the beginning of the human history with Adam and Eve, people have been married and people have died. It is good to marry.Marriage is an instituion by God that we have someone to express our love to. And as much as you might not think so, death is good to. For to die is to gain. We all shed our flesh to be with HIM.
His Word is comfort to those that pass as well as for comfort to those who has must remain.

FAITH + BIBLE DOCTRINE +APPLICATION = FAITH REST.
oCCUPATION WITH CHRIST IS THE KEY TO LIFE.

 

[Dexx]

A question for a7x if i may: Your wife - did she die or did she leave?

 

[HomeChicklet]

c

 

[b*unique]

i hope you'ok buddy..come in for dinner again

 

[Stefania777]

out of this life... this inevitable cycle of pain, sorrow, deceit, and betrayal.

*This is a not suicide note, because my corpse should speak for itself.


HELLO. My name is _________ and I was a Christian. Not that I denounce the entire religion as a whole, but I refuse to believe that I am in His mercy and grace of having to live life as it is. I acknowledge God, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. I just do not believe that God loves me anymore.... and I have all the more reason not to love Him.

I know things happen for a reason... but without a doubt, we don't all go through the same trials and tribulations. Some people have it easy- and I'm one of those who have it hard... on my account, I have it the WORST. NO- I am not a dying cancer patient. NO- I did not lose my entire family in some accident. NO- I did not lose my leg in the war. However, God has taken the one and only thing that I've ever loved. My wife.

My wife was my life. My love. The one essential element that kept me alive. She was my one and only.... and I loved her so much. I couldn't bare through the notion that if in case I did lose her, I would rather die than live through my entire life with my back turned against God. And this has only begun.....

I'm 23 years old. Fairly young, but I feel as though I've lived a thousand lives. I've been through a lot and just as I thought things were getting better, the world crumbles before my eyes. I'm not going to get into specifics, but one thing you should know is that I am not easily aggravated or hurt... unless I'm pushed to the extreme threshold of pain. And God, certainly has found my weak spot to be more than enjoyable. It seems like He takes pleasure in watching people suffer for the one purpose of somehow invariably directing our faith towards the skies.... and I've had just about enough. I don't want to parttake in any plans of His and I certainly do not wish to suffer for His 'great' cause.

I know ALL of the answers to which all of you will tell in vain. They have no meaning; just meaningless cliches, as so you should define your life by it. So, don't tell me the things that you'd want me to hear.

I just wanted to be happy..... is that SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?
GOD????????

One thing I have learned in being a Christian is to be patient. We can not judge our whole lives based on one not so pleasant event, because then it isn't God who is making us feel miserable, it is ourselves forcing misery into our own lives. I don't think you need a speach or anything like that, just some time alone. If you really want happiness then seek it, don't run away from it by dwelling on what makes you sad.
Anyways, I'll be praying for you...I sure wish that you find joy in your life soon.
Oh BTW I love A7X (actually I'm wearing one of their shirts right now )
Peace,
-Stefania

 

[Kristin364]

Be strong - everything will be ok, you'll see. I know everything seems to royally suck right now - it happens to me, too. I've had a rough time growing up and I never thought things would get better. Things improved, slowly but surely. God must have a plan for you; be patient.

 

[Surrender2Win]

Hi there....What your going through, in some ways reminds me of a book I just read, I know your a guy...and this book, if it were a movie would probably be considered a "chic flick"...regardless, I think that if you read it, maybe you would be able to find some hope, and perhaps see God's faithfullness in your life. The book is called Waiting for Morning, by Karen Kingsbury. If you decide not to read the book, then I would like to sugguest a book in the Bible that might be helpful if you read it from beginning to end...Lamentations.

I am saying a prayer for you, I know that I couldn't possibly understand exactly what your going through, but please know that I can hear your heart and hear your pain. I'm glad that you came here for support.

Amanda

 

[Utah Knight]

COMFORT

When your heart is sad and lonely,
And your friends seem far away.
Turn to Him who is all holy,
And He'll drive your cares away.

When a dear one seems to fail you,
When for friendship true you long,
Confide in Him who is all true,
And He'll right your every wrong.

Jesus' heart is your true refuge,
To Him you can always flee,
Even when your hopes are sinking,
He will then a true friend be.

He will soothe your lonely spirit,
He will love and bless and say,
"Come to me and I will comfort,
You, today and every day.
​

 

[Plan 9]

a7x, please post! I'm worried about you!

 

[white knight]

that scared me. you wanted to die but were is the victory in going to hell? where is you geat revenge towards god? how can you possibly do anything once you are dead if nothing else you should stay alive to console others in a similar situation. God love you. i love you. i care pm me if you get this message.

 

[angelofgood]

Just keep your chin up I know how it feels. My parents are divorced and I felt that God is punishing me, but he is not. I learn that God is doing a favor of saying that my parents are not right for each other and they have to find someone else. I know that God has a plan for you. Just be patient for it. I know it will come for you. Keep your chin up!!

 

[IloveGodandimacat]

wow.... i know what it is to lose some one too.... i lost my grandma on my dads side.... i know im only 15 hoiw much help could i be to you? and i wanna know did ur wife die or leave...? that is very important info.... i know that god has a plan for everyone i thought why did she have to leave when my grandma died and now i have my moms parents failing health.... and i love them to death.... i know that everyone has their time.... if they die god still has a plan for me... i am so sorry that you lost ur wife.... that makes me so sad.... im always worried i have lots of friends that dont care about the world and all we can do is pray... im praying for you..... i would like to know if youre doing any better and i think ill skip dinner i mean ill be there but i wont eat it sorry.... im kinda picky how could a guy ever live with me...? i hope ur doing ok.... im praying for you bro... although i already said that.... god has a plan for you keep fighting.... dont let the devil convince you.... dont be tempted to go do things you shouldnt i should send you this prayer my dad sent me it is really good what happens is that this guy is praying the lords prayer and he talks about temptation and then god responds dont go into temptation or something... i dont remember... ttyl.... praying for ya... i know i repeat myself...

 

[Nathan55]

I think somewhere in the Bible it mentions that the trials we face through live are proof that God loves us.

 

[Jimmy West]

I just wanted to be happy..... is that SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?
GOD????????

I am not going to offer you any flowery words or scripture. I do think I know what you need. Have you ever had a hug from God? It starts with you getting all tingley and then your body just feels like it is squeezed by love. I have asked God to give you one just to show you that he does love you.

Believe me, there is total joy in his friendship.

 

[GQ Chris]

I went through something similar last year. Although we weren't married, I regarded my girlfriend, the mother of our 5 year old girl, to be the most valuable thing in my life. We finally broke up last year and I was in agonizing pain, yes I didn't want to live either because I thought that I couldn't live without her.

I'm not going to lengthen this, but basically I've healed when I never thought that I could. I thought that life was over for me, and now I feel like it's just begun. My ex girlfriend married someone three months after we had broken up to add insult to injury.

But I leaned on God and he has brought me through the pain, the disappointment, I held on and he heard me, I made it through the toughest thing I have ever had to go through in my enitre life.

To the OP, you will get through this if you lean on God. No matter how bad you're feeling draw close to God and he will draw closer to you.

There's life after a breakup or divorce. You are not the first person who has ever had to go through this, and you definitely won't be the last.

 

[GQ Chris]

People leave people all the time, it happens everyday.

Life goes on, the sadness is only for a season, don't throw away your whole life because of this, for that is only a lie from the father of lies himself.

 

[GQ Chris]

This original poster was exactly myself last year. He sounds exactly as I did last year, no one could convince me otherwise. I am a new man, I have put on the new man.

 

[GQ Chris]

A good Christian friend of mine today said to me that sometimes life is great, and sometimes it's a bag of horsesh!t. That's exactly right.

 

[chocolateloverjen]

WOW, WHAT CAN I SAY I THINK THE people before said it all for me. listen to them.
i know how you feel i want to die sometimes, i suffer from depression but lately i have been giving my feelings to God and i have also been open with my boyfriend. He is trying to help me and is currently praying for me, he does anyway. I think we all need people arounf us for support. I hope things get better and truly read what others have said.
God Bless
xxx