I think it's time to end it.

[momofone]

Several months ago, my husband had an affair. We've struggled the past few months to get back on track from this, attending counseling regularly. I posted my story a few days ago: http://www.christianforums.com/t5137575-on-the-road-to-restoration.html

Last night I decided to go up to his work place and surprise him with dinner. He was working an overnight shift, and I knew he wouldn't have much chance to get something healthy to it, and I thought it would be nice for him. I got to his work and was stopped at the door by one of his coworkers. I knew immediately that something was going on. They have cameras on the outside of the building and everyone there knows me, and knows my car, so someone had seen me pull up. I wasn't going to let them stop me from going in. My stomach was in knots. There was something going on, the coworker was behaving in that weird way that just screams that he's trying to cover something up. You know what I mean? Trying to block my path, trying to engage me in conversations about things I had no interest in.

Anyway, I pushed past him and walked into the lounge area where the TV and things are for break times. And my husband was sitting there, on the couch, with the woman he'd had an affair with. He didn't see me at first, and they were kissing. I wanted to scream, and almost did, but instead I just put his dinner down on the table and walked away.

I know that he now knows I was there. He's tried calling me several times, but I don't want to answer the phone and talk to him right now. I'm just grateful he doesn't get off of work until afternoon, so I haven't had to see him yet.

I've been up all night crying, and praying, and I just don't know what to do now. He swore to me that he'd stopped seeing her, and it had seemed like things were so different, things were going so good. But he lied to me, again, and I just don't see where to go from here.

Thanks for listening to me.

Shell

 

[dayknee]

Several months ago, my husband had an affair. We've struggled the past few months to get back on track from this, attending counseling regularly. I posted my story a few days ago: http://www.christianforums.com/t5137575-on-the-road-to-restoration.html

Last night I decided to go up to his work place and surprise him with dinner. He was working an overnight shift, and I knew he wouldn't have much chance to get something healthy to it, and I thought it would be nice for him. I got to his work and was stopped at the door by one of his coworkers. I knew immediately that something was going on. They have cameras on the outside of the building and everyone there knows me, and knows my car, so someone had seen me pull up. I wasn't going to let them stop me from going in. My stomach was in knots. There was something going on, the coworker was behaving in that weird way that just screams that he's trying to cover something up. You know what I mean? Trying to block my path, trying to engage me in conversations about things I had no interest in.

Anyway, I pushed past him and walked into the lounge area where the TV and things are for break times. And my husband was sitting there, on the couch, with the woman he'd had an affair with. He didn't see me at first, and they were kissing. I wanted to scream, and almost did, but instead I just put his dinner down on the table and walked away.

I know that he now knows I was there. He's tried calling me several times, but I don't want to answer the phone and talk to him right now. I'm just grateful he doesn't get off of work until afternoon, so I haven't had to see him yet.

I've been up all night crying, and praying, and I just don't know what to do now. He swore to me that he'd stopped seeing her, and it had seemed like things were so different, things were going so good. But he lied to me, again, and I just don't see where to go from here.

Thanks for listening to me.

Shell

Oh man..<hugs you> I am so so sorry that this has happened to you..right now, maybe its a good time to separate yourself from him even if only for the day to think..I pray that God will help you so much with your feelings of rejection..I know first hand how hard this is..Im truely sorry for what is happening..I wish I had words to comfort you sister...<hugs you>
God is so good and right now leaning on him is the best thing you can do...I know for me what I would have done but you prolly wouldnt, nor would anyone else, condone those types of actions..I know being a christian its so easy for alot of us to say stay in this marriage and make it work..but the truth is..we get so hurt for so long by so much lying and decietfulness that there is almost no way back..
I will be praying for you

 

[TrueHope]

Oh, Sweetie. I am praying and crying with you! Losing trust is the most difficult thing in the world, especially from one you trusted enough to marry. I can't give advice on this, but I can say one thing...Depend on our Lord. Cry to Him and lean on Him no matter what happens!!!! He will give you strength beyond your understanding! That much I know is true!!!!

And Thank the Lord for showing you this situation! He does not want you fooled, just as you don't want to be fooled! Through all bad, good always comes out of it! Hang in there and know that you are not alone, nor ever will be!!!!!

 

[SabrinaFair]

Oh Hon!! I am SO SO sorry!!

Once you get so immersed in sin the tentacles are constantly pulling you back until you chop them all off and stay away from the stumbling blocks and temptation. The devil counts on that.

Praying for you, that God will comfort you and help you through this difficult time. Lifting you up in prayer, snuggle up to God, He is faithful and He loves you so very much. As our loving Father, this grieves Him Greatly, and I pray He will help you heal.

 

[SabrinaFair]

 

[IKTCA]

Momofone:

God placed a tall barrier between a man and affair. If I visited several porno sites or watched some porno movies, I couldn't have an affair. Even if my neighbor's wife seduced me by exposing her body to me, I wouldn't be able to lie with her. I don't have the ability to numb my conscience temporarily and lie with another woman. No man, whether believer or not, does. It would take much more evil that systematically and intentionally numbed my conscience. Cheating is different from a child stealing his friend's pen, or a man falsifying IRS documents. Jesus said one can divorce his spouse in the case of affair (but not for any other sins.) The sin of cheating spouse is of different magnitude.

If having a one time affair takes so much evil, how greater evil will it take to have a prolonged affair? If I slept with another woman for a month, I wouldn't be able to come out of this evil by weeping an hour before my wife. If I genuinely repented, I would weep before the Lord for many days and nights. If I was indeed reformed, my words and demeanors would be different, and it would be obvious to my wife. And she would know for sure that I would not lie with another woman again.

Rupert

 

[jonahwascooperative]

wondering...is there no step between marriage and divorce? while God considered Israel (along with everyone else) to be unfaithful and there was a period of estrangement/separation, the opportunity was there for restoration. Hoseaic (obviously not a real word) theology?

is separation without divorce the first logical step?

anger and frustration may push one towards divorce, but...

in a similar situation, not infidelity - but my wife seems to be firmly convinced that my role on earth is to do nothing else but support her overwhelming need for material gratification. debt, so what. give something to someone else (charity) - fine, after she has her Lexus. trying to fill the cavern of need that is her soul has become more than exhausting. thinking the next step might be a post-nuptial agreement or financial separation.

divorce? obviously wrong. however, I'm tired of fighting this for the past several years. but again - wondering if there are intermediate steps and what the Biblical perspective is on "escalation."

 

[SabrinaFair]

How are you doing today Momofone?

Praying God comforts you and gives you peace that passes understanding today.

 

[Bambi979]

I'm so sorry for you!! I wish I had words to help you but I can't imagine being in this situation. Lean on the Lord, he loves you and he will never leave you. I pray that God gives you strength through this. (((Hugs)))

 

[momofone]

How are you doing today Momofone?

Praying God comforts you and gives you peace that passes understanding today.

I am doing okay today. He came home from work yesterday crying and apologizing, and I told him to stop. If he was truly sorry, he never would have done it. I already had a suitcase packed for him, and I asked for a separation. I'm not ready for a divorce, though without sincere repentance and CHANGE on his part, I fear that is where it is heading. With God's help I had done many, many things to change myself and address the concerns that my husband had. I'd gone to counseling regularly and faced the things in myself that were sinful and harmful. I'd faced my neediness and clinginess; worked on my nagging and fault-finding. I had not tried to change him, I knew that change could only come from within, and so I focused only on changing myself. And it was good for me. My self-confidence grew; I started a transcription business that just exploded with growth; I began to lose weight; I was a happier person. And my husband could see that; he acknowledged it regularly. He was more open to me, more affectionate.

But the temptation pulled him in again. Our pastor and our counselor had told him that he could never, ever see his mistress again, that she would be like a drug that he had to quit cold turkey, because if he ever did see her again, he would fall. And instead of listening to the advice of someone who had been through it in the past, he felt that he knew what was best for him. And now here we are, again.

He's staying with his brother now. I praise God that my business was successful because now I can support myself and my son, I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do to pay the bills like I did when my husband wanted to leave in September. I have cried this time, but not like I did before. The Lord has given me a peace with myself that I've never had before, and I'm going to be okay, no matter what way this goes.

I am praying for my husband; that he will find his way out of sin and into the place the Lord wants him to be. I am praying for his mistress; that she too will find her way out of sin and the Lord will help her find her place again.
I am praying that the Lord will continue to provide for me and for my son, that I can remain independent and free in Him and His glorious bounty.

I feel that perhaps the events in September were simply a way to prepare me for what was to ultimately come. The Lord knew the temptations my husband was facing, knew what was in his heart, and gave me the push I needed to prepare myself to be alone, to be a single mother again. Perhaps this separation will wake my husband up to reality, will show him just what his actions will cost him. But I am leaving that up to the Lord, it is not in my hands.

Blessings and love,
Shell

 

[TrueHope]

I am praying for my husband; that he will find his way out of sin and into the place the Lord wants him to be. I am praying for his mistress; that she too will find her way out of sin and the Lord will help her find her place again.
I am praying that the Lord will continue to provide for me and for my son, that I can remain independent and free in Him and His glorious bounty.

I feel that perhaps the events in September were simply a way to prepare me for what was to ultimately come. The Lord knew the temptations my husband was facing, knew what was in his heart, and gave me the push I needed to prepare myself to be alone, to be a single mother again. Perhaps this separation will wake my husband up to reality, will show him just what his actions will cost him. But I am leaving that up to the Lord, it is not in my hands.

That is very important!!!! So many when they are in pain, forget to pray for those who hurt them. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do!

As you stated, single mother again...is he your 2nd husband?

I am praying for you and your husband. And for the Lord to open the eyes of him and the mistress to what their actions have caused. To lead them to sincere repentence. God Bless you and Hang In THERE!!!!!!

Stay strong in the Lord!

 

[momofone]

That is very important!!!! So many when they are in pain, forget to pray for those who hurt them. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do!

As you stated, single mother again...is he your 2nd husband?

I am praying for you and your husband. And for the Lord to open the eyes of him and the mistress to what their actions have caused. To lead them to sincere repentence. God Bless you and Hang In THERE!!!!!!

Stay strong in the Lord!

Thank you for your prayers. My son was from a previous relationship, not marriage, that I had before I was saved. It was the birth of my son that brought me to the Lord. I was single, had dropped out of college, and had no money. My mother helped as much as she could, which was a miracle because we were barely speaking when I got pregnant. Then my son was born 6 weeks early and suffered a near fatal infection. I prayed, and prayed and told God that if He saved my baby I was His to lead. The next day my son's fever broke, the infection cleared, and I began my walk with the Lord.

My husband has called me twice today. He already wants to come home, but I've told him I need more time than that. Seeing him still makes me angry; I am struggling to forgive him, and until I do, I need to be alone.

 

[TrueHope]

oh, I understand that....2 of mine are from a previous relationship. So you can imagine the sacrafices my husband has done. As they are HIS in his eyes! (God bless him for that!)

You HAVE to have time to heal. The best thing for you is to stay away from him for now to get your mind clear. When the other is near, our thoughts get tangled and we tend to hear the devil speaking to us, and can get into worse trouble.

He will call, and he will keep calling. That is expected. But since he couldn't even keep his word from his first confession of being unfaithful, and had people from his work try to protect him, it sounds as if he isn't ready to go to the next level yet of true repentence. He needs time as well. He doesn't know it yet, but he does. Plus, remember, he has the other...whispering in his ear what he should do.

I am glad to hear you have taken the right steps. I was in a very abusive relationship before my marriage and I dealt with a lot of difficult situations. I am lucky not to have any STD's from that one's behaviors!

Your main priority is you and your son's healing. Focus on your son, and be patient and calm. Trust ONLY in the Lord these days. No-one can help you the way HE can!!!! Believe me, I know that is a fact!!!! Your strength comes from Him. And He allowed you to see this situation that continued. Thank Him for that!!!! And pass your pain, and your hurt in forgiving to Him. He knows how hard this is for you! And doors will open for you towards healing! But time is of essence!!!! Without your husbands influence taunting you. Be calm and polite. (Not only do you show your strength, but it throws your husband for a loop too.)

God Bless!!!!

 

[SabrinaFair]

I praise God that He has blessed you financially so that you can face this trial without that worry, I pray it will continue to prosper. You have a really realistic and level outlook on this, God has truly prepared and strengthened you for this time.

Praying for you and your family.

 

[catlover]

Several months ago, my husband had an affair. We've struggled the past few months to get back on track from this, attending counseling regularly. I posted my story a few days ago: http://www.christianforums.com/t5137575-on-the-road-to-restoration.html

Last night I decided to go up to his work place and surprise him with dinner. He was working an overnight shift, and I knew he wouldn't have much chance to get something healthy to it, and I thought it would be nice for him. I got to his work and was stopped at the door by one of his coworkers. I knew immediately that something was going on. They have cameras on the outside of the building and everyone there knows me, and knows my car, so someone had seen me pull up. I wasn't going to let them stop me from going in. My stomach was in knots. There was something going on, the coworker was behaving in that weird way that just screams that he's trying to cover something up. You know what I mean? Trying to block my path, trying to engage me in conversations about things I had no interest in.

Anyway, I pushed past him and walked into the lounge area where the TV and things are for break times. And my husband was sitting there, on the couch, with the woman he'd had an affair with. He didn't see me at first, and they were kissing. I wanted to scream, and almost did, but instead I just put his dinner down on the table and walked away.

I know that he now knows I was there. He's tried calling me several times, but I don't want to answer the phone and talk to him right now. I'm just grateful he doesn't get off of work until afternoon, so I haven't had to see him yet.

I've been up all night crying, and praying, and I just don't know what to do now. He swore to me that he'd stopped seeing her, and it had seemed like things were so different, things were going so good. But he lied to me, again, and I just don't see where to go from here.

Thanks for listening to me.

Shell

<<<<Shell>>>>

Only you can decide what to do with him, in the mean time perhaps you want to look into getting an attorney to protect your son and yourself.

 

[alwaysyoung]

I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you're going through. I can see in your words that God is giving you grace to walk through this situation.
Lisa