I think I'm losing my faith in God. Need advice.

[parsonsmom]

I need some help.

This past year I've been going through an issue, and I've reached the point where I think I've lost my faith in God and am starting to question His existence. Now I won't go into the details because they aren't all that important. What is important is that I feel that I've reached my wits end.

I have prayed and prayed and prayed for either a resolution or peace, sometimes while in tears, yet God ignores me and continues to let me suffer. I've literally begged Him to help me yet He ignores me. And I just don't understand why. I'm not going to sit here and say I've been the world's best Christian, because I haven't been, but I have tried to live my life as God commands. And yet none of it seems to matter to God as He refuses to help me and seems to take utter delight in my misery.

I really am at the point where I just want to curse God's name and die (either physically or spiritually). I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know what else to do.

So please... Someone PLEASE tell me what I'm to do to not feel this way. Tell me how not to lose my faith completely. I know it's not right to give God an ultimatum, but I want a resolution tonight. If God, who is supposedly all powerful, truly cares about me, He would take away my suffering. If He would have me go through one more day of this, then He isn't a God I want to serve, nor is He a God I think I could serve.

I feel bad for feeling this way, but I simply can't feel differently no matter how hard I try :-(

satan comes to kill; steal and to destroy; Jesus came to give you life eternal.
he is a liar ; and the father of them.

I can testify that God is alive; and well; I was dying 33 years ago; I spent 3 days on a hospital bed; no vitals; my skin was warm and moist. I spent the time with my God.
I'm going to post some prayers; I will pray them before I send them; and I want you to pray them out loud; several times; I mean to keep on until you get relief; remember this is a spiritual thing; and your feelings don't have any thing to do with it.

Romans 10: 9. In Jesus Name; The word is near me, in my mouth and in my heart that is, the word of faith which we preach: that if I confess with my mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in my heart that God has raised Him from the dead, I will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.


Psalm 91; Please pray out loud; This is a personal prayer;

When I dwells in the secret place of the Most High; I Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty; I will say of Him ; You are my refuge; and my fortress; My God in Him I will trust; He shall deliver Me from the snare of the fowler; And from danger; He shall cover me with His feathers; And under His wings I shall take refuge; His truth shall be My shield and buckler; I shall not be afraid of the terror by night; Nor of the arrow that flies by day; Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday; A thousand may fall at my side; And ten thousand at my right hand; But it shall not come near me; Only with my eyes shall you look;
And see the reward of the wicked; Because I have made the Lord; who is my refuge;
Even the Most High; my dwelling place, No evil shall befall me;
Nor shall any plague come near my dwelling; For He; God; shall give His angels special charge over me; To keep my in all your ways of rightousness;
In their hands they shall bear me up; Lest I dash my foot against a stone; I shall tread upon the lion and the cobra; The young lion and the serpent I shall trample underfoot; God said; Because I has set My love upon Him; God; He will deliver me;
He will set me on high; because I has known My name; I shall call upon Him; and He will answer Me; He will be with me in trouble; He will deliver me and honor me;
With long life He will satisfy Me; And He will show me His Salvation. Amen;
So be it. In Jesus Name. amen; so be it.




This is a Prayer for agreement to be healed; I would like for you to read
out loud and come into Agreement with me; verbal.

Father, in the name of Jesus; I come before You asking You for my healing;
It is written that the prayer of faith; will save the sick; Thank you; Father;
for sending Your Word to heal me; and deliver me from all my destructions;
Jesus; You are the Word; who became flesh and dwelt among us;
You bore my griefs; pains; and carried my sorrows; and sickness;
You were pierced through; for my transgressions; crushed for my iniquities;
the chastening for my Peace; my well-being fell upon You; and by your;
stripes; and scourging;I am healed; and the Lord will raise me up; And if
I have committed sins; I will be forgiven; I let go of all unforgiveness;
resentment; anger; and bad feelings; toward anyone;
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and I desire to be in good health;
I seek truth that will make me free; both spiritual and natural; good eating
habits; and appropriate rest; and exercise; You bought me at a price, and I
desire to glorify you in my spirit and my body; they both belong to you;
Father; I give attention; to Your words; and incline my ear; to your sayings;
I will not let them depart; from my sight; but keep them in the midst;
of my heart; For they are my life; and health; to my whole body; Since
the Spirit of Him; who raised Jesus from the dead; dwells in me; will also give life to my mortal body through His Spirit who dwells in me; I bind any hindering Spirits; that comes to
bring sickness or disease; or any thing that is not of the Word; and
bring it to subjection; to the Word; I consider it done.
Thank You that I will prosper; and be in health even as my soul prospers. In Jesus Name; Amen. So Be It.

 

[Ellwood3]

You know what hurts the most? Our feelings can sometimes - almost always feel like reality, they feel real - so sometimes we're like, I'm feeling this so what is the point?

Well, here's a point - no matter how we feel, God still loves us. There are high points and valleys and no matter how steep that valley is God not only loves you unconditionally (even if you are hurting so badly you think he has forsaken you) but he is also there with you the same time.

God loves you so much. You already know about Jesus Christ, you've already come to him, both of us need to stop trying and working our way to please him - but understand that Jesus has already made us pleasing to the Father. Thank God that he's so gracious.

I've been through a weird relationship in the last year or so by watching alot of Christian television, this pastor says this, this pastor says another, all of them are telling me to obey, serve, commanding me, I feel a heavy presence when I read the Word - one of - either obey or be destroyed or punished, know that this isn't the Lord. When we feel good, we want to praise the Lord, when we feel like crap, we feel like... "Why are you doing this to me, God?" - but know everyone in the world experiences this, even Christians, this is normal and will be normal until we're brought up with new bodies and enter eternal life.

I've suffered my bouts of depression over the years (especially the last few months - about why does God feel so silent?), I lost my grandfather, I lost my girlfriend of eight years, I slept around, I suffered alot and these battles go up, down, up, down, all the time but I know this - our God is hopeful, he is much more than this world, much more than our joys and sadness, you don't have to do a single thing but just KNOW that Christ, God and the Holy Spirit love you dearly. You are their beloved child, God is our Father and he will is always there for us... Even when we feel if he is not.

It's not about obey, commanding, coming under laws or legislation, even Godly legislation - Christ fulfilled all of that. It's just knowing that Christ is Lord, he conquered death and sin and we have a hopeful expectation in not only our joy being restored but aswell as our depression, and having our lives being restored.

You are doing the work God commands as this Scripture points out -

And the people said, "Lord, Lord, what does God want us to do"

The point here is that they thought they all here to do something to gain God's love

And Christ replied, "To believe in the One he has sent".

You will hear from many so-called believers that you have to do this, or that, some of us can't, some of us are in positions where we can't even lift our heads, we feel so tired and weary, that's why we need to be feed. Believe in the one he has sent as you are doing and know God will restore you! In Jesus mighty name.

Not only that but I feel as if the Lord has big plans for you, even the most mightiest men of God went through their trials (none of them were perfect), know we can never figure out the mysteries of the Lord with our minds but our Father is always at work and His Holy Spirit will work on you. Be strong because our Father isn't neglectful, he is loving, kind, tender, strong, mighty, all-powerful, you know the word love? It doesn't do our Father's love justice - what our Father's love is like - is compassion times infinite, he's got you in the palm of his hand.

God bless!

Please know the Lord loves you, us, and we are his children. We will trust him, we don't have to feel this abnormal restless pressure to do right, or to obey because it will come supernaturally through the Holy Spirit.

(The boldfacing is mine)

You are very encouraging, CalebTumanako. Sensible advice. Did you know "Caleb" means "whole-hearted," as in "someone fully devoted to God"?

Helpful.

 

[Ellwood3]

You know what hurts the most? Our feelings can sometimes - almost always feel like reality, they feel real - so sometimes we're like, I'm feeling this so what is the point?

Well, here's a point - no matter how we feel, God still loves us.....

When we feel good, we want to praise the Lord, when we feel like crap, we feel like... "Why are you doing this to me, God?" - but know everyone in the world experiences this, even Christians, this is normal and will be normal until we're brought up with new bodies and enter eternal life.

(The bold, blue is my emphasis.)

You've hit on something extremely valuable.

I think there's a vital truth that we need to praise God in the dark times as well as in the sunshine.

I don't always find that so easy to do.

So one practical thing I do is to put on music to help me praise God, and to keep that praise in the background.

I suggest to anyone down (or not): Find music to help. One of the weapons--treasures--blessings we can have is even at the times when God makes no sense—is to worship Him anyway.


Get music that is inspiring.

For me at this time, my favorite is the CD Songs by Rich Mullins.

Some might prefer hymns or other praise songs.

For myself, hearing Rich Mullins play Sing Your Praise to the Lord (he wrote it, Amy Grant also did a version of it)—is a good song. I may even put it on repeat and keep repeating it and just let him sing a prayer. Mullins’ Awesome God, and Creed as well as some other music. Many of these are prayer songs (Mullins wrote a lot of them) and that way, in essence, I have someone working for me, praying a praise and worship song to vibrant music.


I think when we are frustrated with God, focusing on the frustration usually makes prayer and praise less frequent—exactly the opposite of what’s important and needs to be done. Finding some good music--whatever sort you like that speaks for and to you--in addition to books and other helpful materials, helps keep God at the middle—the center—of all that’s going on.



I think when we are down and God appears to be far off, putting on our favorite worship songs, and just keeping it on in the background, gives the demon world a headache.

 

[Ellwood3]

Psalm 16:8:

I have set the Lord always before me, because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.



Here’s another thing that helps me:

I was at an event with Ray Vander Laan, and once he asked us to stretch our arm out in front of us as far as we could.

Do that, right now if you want to.

Then Vander Laan said recited a scripture, about “God is always at my right hand” and RVL said that God is never farther away than our right hand.


That always reminds me, when God seems far off, that all I need do is stretch out my arm and know in faith, He really is right there.

 

[Ellwood3]

Clive Staples (“C.S.”) Lewis, author of many books, including the Narnia tales (now made into movies) wrote a book called The Screwtape Letters.

In The Screwtape Letters, an experienced demon named “Screwtape” teaches his nephew, a demon named “Wormwood” how to deal with ruining the person Wormwood is assigned to. The book—there’s even a audio version of this starring John Cleese of the Monty Python players, and a newer, and superb version of it by Focus on the Family with Andy Serkis (who played “Gollum” in The Lord of the Rings movies) as Screwtape.

The Screwtape Letters takes you into the underground lives of these demons as they plot how to tempt and destroy, and fight God. They call God “the Enemy.”

Here’s a quote from The Screwtape Letters :


“Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending to do our Enemy’s will, looks ‘round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”


If you would like to aggravate the devil who seeks to destroy you, trust God even when it’s dark; even when the lights are out.

Keep going in the dark.

God bless.

 

[CalebTumanako]

When it comes obeying. I've learnt that obeying is a must, those feelings of rebellion must be quenched. I just hit a bank a few moments ago and I feel the Lord brought me here - the truth is, look to Christ, man. I know what it feels like to feel that heavy burden, that heavy yoke on your shoulders, it's so disheartening but I'm a firm believer in God brings a person through many trials and tribulations and that he will do His work in your life.

All of what I wrote has been written through my trails, mistakes, errors and so-forth. It really does feel like -- a refinement.

I know the devil wants to take and steal your joy away, then when he's done that, he will start throwing doubts into your mind (thank you Yeshua! My beloved Christ!!!) then he will try and wear you out and down until it comes to the point where you are questioning your faith altogether - well, guess what, the Lord is Our Father... Our FATHER. Would a loving father not be there for their child when they are in need? Persevere because God is working on you and he loves you so so so much, loves us that he calls us His sons and daughters and we call him "Abba", "Papa", "Daddy", all because of what Christ accomplished on the cross.

Don't let anyone take your hope away! Ever! There is always hope! Jesus is Lord or I like to say YESHUA IS LORD. Raised from the dead.

When I came to the Lord, it was like a huge war erupted, well guess what, I believe my Father is the Mighty One and who will honestly contend with us with the Mighty One of Israel by our side.

 

[woodpecker]

Read Job

 

[Realmenlovejesus]

Rejoice dear brother for God only tests those who are worthy of his testing. You must be pretty special to the Lord. I have a feeling he may be trying to tell you something. It's there anything you are leaving out? If you wish to pass the test in move on than you need to find out what the Lord is trying to tell you. If Gold is valuable we test it and purify it with fire. If the gold is worthless than it does not get tested and refined to perfection because it's a waste of time. In the same way, you must be pure gold to God that he is willing to test you to make you stronger and so that you lack in nothing.

Oh brother don't you see you are being testing because you are of great value to the Lord and with his tests. The bible says to consider it great joy when you come under tests because it simply means God sees something in you worth purifying.

 

[Faithful2Faithless]

I haven't logged in for a long while, but tonight I suddenly remembered this forum.

Thank you all for the kind words. However, things seem to grown worse for me, and I just don't understand why. I've tried praying. I've tried devotion. I've tried crying out. I've asked God to show me what He wants of/from me and yet... Nothing. Instead, I'm left to drag myself out of bed in the morning, put on a happy face, act if everything is okay and then come home at night only to be awake until the wee hours of the morning because I have such unimaginable pain that won't go away, no matter what I do.

And I'm just tired. I've been emotionally destroyed. I really do feel that if I were to climb the tallest mountain, God would send a strong wind just to ensure I fell off of it to my death.

Whatever faith I had is gone. And that's the honest truth.

 

[FullonGrace]

Hi. I dont know nor intend to imagine the pain you havee and how dark you suffering as been but maybe God does his best work from seemingly hopeless situations.
Regards

 

[Aviela]

I need some help.

This past year I've been going through an issue, and I've reached the point where I think I've lost my faith in God and am starting to question His existence. Now I won't go into the details because they aren't all that important. What is important is that I feel that I've reached my wits end.

I have prayed and prayed and prayed for either a resolution or peace, sometimes while in tears, yet God ignores me and continues to let me suffer. I've literally begged Him to help me yet He ignores me. And I just don't understand why. I'm not going to sit here and say I've been the world's best Christian, because I haven't been, but I have tried to live my life as God commands. And yet none of it seems to matter to God as He refuses to help me and seems to take utter delight in my misery.

I really am at the point where I just want to curse God's name and die (either physically or spiritually). I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know what else to do.

So please... Someone PLEASE tell me what I'm to do to not feel this way. Tell me how not to lose my faith completely. I know it's not right to give God an ultimatum, but I want a resolution tonight. If God, who is supposedly all powerful, truly cares about me, He would take away my suffering. If He would have me go through one more day of this, then He isn't a God I want to serve, nor is He a God I think I could serve.

I feel bad for feeling this way, but I simply can't feel differently no matter how hard I try :-(

I think at times we can all go through times in our lives when we have doubts. To be honest, I found reading passages in the Bible that talked about God's character helped me with this. Reading these passages and spending time with God helped. Spending time with God listening and knowing that He has a plan for me. I needed to learn to trust Him that when He said I couldn't have the things I wanted it was for my good. This has saved me from various things that could have been nasty. I'm not sure what types of struggles you are encountering but it's also been helpful to me to spend time fellowshipping with others who you trust and who understand your needs.

 

[woodpecker]

I haven't logged in for a long while, but tonight I suddenly remembered this forum.

Thank you all for the kind words. However, things seem to grown worse for me, and I just don't understand why. I've tried praying. I've tried devotion. I've tried crying out. I've asked God to show me what He wants of/from me and yet... Nothing. Instead, I'm left to drag myself out of bed in the morning, put on a happy face, act if everything is okay and then come home at night only to be awake until the wee hours of the morning because I have such unimaginable pain that won't go away, no matter what I do.

And I'm just tired. I've been emotionally destroyed. I really do feel that if I were to climb the tallest mountain, God would send a strong wind just to ensure I fell off of it to my death.

Whatever faith I had is gone. And that's the honest truth.

I suffer with anxiety and depression, I am not a doctor, but I understand what you are experiencing,...you may need to seek professional help, a Christian councilor or Christian psychologist.

I gave up on God for awhile, treated my self with alcohol and drugs...life became even worse without God.

Seek help, and also try this... read a chp of the New Testament every day, And have a journal with you, as you are reading make it personal and write it in your journal as if that Holy Spirit inspired author was talking directly to you, example:

Hebrews 10
19 And so, dear brothers and sisters,
we can boldly enter heaven’s Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. 20 By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. 21 And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God’s house, 22 let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.

23 Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise

............

Your journal:

So dear (put your name here) YOU can enter Gods holy place. (Your name) Jesus is your high priest! YOU can go into the presence of God with a sincere heart, but you must fully trust Him.

YOUR guilty conscience has been made clean with Christ blood, YOU are washed pure.
(Your name here) hold tightly without wavering to the hope you affirm, (WHY?)
For God can be trusted to keep His promise.
.....

Doing this has helped me when I "feel" like God is not hearing me, or I Him.

All trials are a test of your faith, do not give up...get help, we Christians are not to do this alone, God bless you

 

[JDMiowa]

Remember a day can be a day, or a year or even a thousand years. This prophecy applies to all three. On the fourth thousand year, on the fourth year, on the fourth day, Jesus dies for our sins. Daniel 9: 26-27

 

[achristian2]

This thread has a lot of encouraging posts.

OP, no matter how bad things get, keep clinging on to God because He is the only solution, He is the only one that can get you out of the difficulties you are in. It may not seem /make sense right now, but we just have to keep pressing on.

 

[AbbaLove]

This thread has a lot of encouraging posts.

OP, no matter how bad things get, keep clinging on to God because He is the only solution, He is the only one that can get you out of the difficulties you are in. It may not seem /make sense right now, but we just have to keep pressing on.

​

Is there possibly some unforgiveness that is the cause of your anguish

Let the Lord’s prayer penetrate your soul and spirit like a healing balm

“... Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that have trespassed against us ...”

It’s not easy to forgive those who may've caused wounds, but there is Joy in the morning

Let us all pray the Lord's Love will begin to heal your troubled heart​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tA7E7pbUws

 

[JDMiowa]

I try to write articles that encourage others in their faith. Maybe I should have titled this one,"God is Love, and He Loves to see us Love each other". Two of the greatest love stories in the Bible.


First. I'll tell you the last love story. Its about Christ and his bride,"The Church". Even though she had disobeyed and sinned he loved her with all His heart. In Gethsemane he partakes in the,"fifth" cup of the night. That night at sunset is the beginning of his last day alive. There in the vineyard he drinks from the cup, also known as,"Elijah's cup", containing the wrath of God meant for the nations. He took this cup knowing it will cost him his life. Yet he loved his bride, who was created by him in his likeness and would rather die with her, then live eternity without her. The very,"day" he partakes, he dies, because of his great love for his bride, the Church. He is known as the second Adam.


The first love story is much the same. Adam had everything and the earth was beautiful. Yet Adam wanted someone to love, he was lonely. God saw this and decided to create a woman out of Adam. God had told Adam,"Do not partake from the tree of good and evil, the day you do, you will die." Adam loved his wife with all his heart. As any loving husband he told his wife what God had told him,"Do not partake of that tree, the day you do you will die." Adam wanted Eve safe, he also told her as a loving husband may,"Don't even touch it". Now one day Eve was in the garden and the serpent started talking to Eve. Eve told the serpent,"God said we can eat of any tree except this one, the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Then she said,"We can't touch it, the day we do we will die." The serpent seeing this miscommunication that had accord between Adam and Eve took advantage of it. The serpent may have leaned on the tree, and Eve seeing the serpent not dying, doubted what her husband had said. She then partakes believing she will not die. Adam sees this and knows his wife is going to die very soon. He is very sad because of a misunderstanding of what he had told her. Adam can't see living without Eve. He decides he would rather die with her then live eternity without her, so he partakes also yet knowing he will die that very day. God saw this great love Adam had for Eve, and wanted it to continue. To God a day is as a thousand years, so God gave them up to a thousand years to live. Adam lived 930 years, yet still short of the thousand years needed to reach the end of the first day.

The story of Romeo and Juliet does not even compare to theses love stories.

 

[AGTG]

Stop thinking all these negative, ungodly thoughts. These things deny God's truth. Start proclaiming what He says about Himself and what He says about you.

You are a Christian. You know God exists. This is why you're here. You may have faith as small as a mustard seed right now, but it's still faith otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to make this thread.

Jesus promised that He would not quench a smoldering wick. That means He will never turn you away.

Start by confessing the sin of unbelief. Recognize Jesus' blood has washed you clean after you confess this. Thank Him for His mercy and grace.

Then... Spend the next few weeks pulling up scriptures that declare the goodness of God. Meditate on them in prayer. Declare them out vocally to the foul spiritual forces trying to discourage you. Stand on His promises. Fast a couple days a week (overnight) and spend more time praising Him and worshiping Him.

Every one of the things I've just described to you are acts of faith. Watch God set you ablaze as you step in to fight the good fight. It's not His will that you flounder. He loves you tremendously. You just need to do this His way.

Praise Him and declare all the scriptures that show His steadfast love for those who seek Him.

 

[CalebTumanako]

Sometimes, AGTG, it's not as easy as to STOP these thoughts especially if they are intrusive - it's a sign that the enemy is trying to stop this child of the Lord from entering whatever God has called them to do. It seems like this person has a great ministry ahead of him/her and it does sound like attacks from the enemy. We have to stop this attitude of, "do this, confess that, repent of this, renounce that" and all will be fine. All you have to do is believe in the one God has sent. God has you in his hand, it says in his Word -- that no one can snatch us from the hands of Jesus and our Father. Persevere. It feels like God has a mighty calling in your life OP. God loves you. He LOVES you so much. Remember that warm feeling you might have felt atleast once in your life and you couldn't understand it? It might have been after something hurtful happened to you, well, that's the Lord's presence. God is warmth to our souls like how the sun beats down on our faces during a cool day. God loves you, the Holy Spirit comforts us in our times of despair and desperation. You are going to pull through this in Jesus name. You will because you have GOD on your side. I too get blasphemous/awful/Hellish thoughts as well but I don't buy into it and I rebuke them because I know in my heart of hearts (my spirit) that everything is all okay and God's got something better for us even if we do not see it at the time. Jesus is Lord. Yeshua, poor, a poor Jewish rabbi who wasn't apart of the Pharisees, he didn't even a place to stay some times, nails were dug into his flesh, he hung on the cross, he even said, "God, God, why have you forsaken me?", Jesus UNDERSTANDS YOU. HE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. DON'T WORRY, MY BELOVED. HE HAS YOU IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND. JESUS CHRIST IS LORD.

 

[DarylFawcett]

MOD HAT ON!!!!!

A thread clean up was done to remove an inappropriate post and a direct reply to it with a reminder not to goad/flame and not to debate in this area of CF.

MOD HAT OFF!!!!!

 

[toLiJC]

I need some help.

This past year I've been going through an issue, and I've reached the point where I think I've lost my faith in God and am starting to question His existence. Now I won't go into the details because they aren't all that important. What is important is that I feel that I've reached my wits end.

I have prayed and prayed and prayed for either a resolution or peace, sometimes while in tears, yet God ignores me and continues to let me suffer. I've literally begged Him to help me yet He ignores me. And I just don't understand why. I'm not going to sit here and say I've been the world's best Christian, because I haven't been, but I have tried to live my life as God commands. And yet none of it seems to matter to God as He refuses to help me and seems to take utter delight in my misery.

I really am at the point where I just want to curse God's name and die (either physically or spiritually). I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know what else to do.

So please... Someone PLEASE tell me what I'm to do to not feel this way. Tell me how not to lose my faith completely. I know it's not right to give God an ultimatum, but I want a resolution tonight. If God, who is supposedly all powerful, truly cares about me, He would take away my suffering. If He would have me go through one more day of this, then He isn't a God I want to serve, nor is He a God I think I could serve.

I feel bad for feeling this way, but I simply can't feel differently no matter how hard I try :-(

the "God" that has caused you the troubles is not the true One, but the wicked one; That Who is really the true God never ever caused harm/affliction to anybody/any soul; (so to say) among the gods only the manifestation of the "darkness" is the thing that (tries to) cause(s) evil/harm/affliction, so you can take it out on the wicked "god", because it is something quite normal to resist him

but there is (also) a true God, Who never ever caused, and will never cause, harm/affliction to anybody/any soul, and there has been a need for worshipers to seek Him - for example by invoking Him, because the world has been full of many other(false) gods that manifest in the form of human religions i.e. religions that are not entirely of the true God, including even such sects that are called "christian", and which are actually facets of the wicked one, such as brahma, vishnu, shiva, krishna, etc., but there have also been false Christ, false Jesus, false Holy Spirit, and false Heavenly Father, including such that manifest in the form of sects that are called "christian", i don't say necessarily that the religion in which you were baptized/initiated and where you have hitherto practiced faith is one of those religions, though i met with many heresies in some "christian churches", such as the beliefs/persuasions: "the religion (as a whole whatever kind of religion it may be) is always better than the unbelief" (as if the religious satanism is better than the irreligious medicine), "the spiritual man is always sinless or much sinless than the irreligious man only because he is religious" (as if there were no spiritual people who caused greater troubles to humankind than irreligious people ever managed to cause to the world, considering the fact that eve, adam, cain, and in general all other greater sinners presented in the biblical scriptures were most harmful to other people by committing spiritual iniquity), etc., but if the world has hitherto been flooded with many other(false) gods, lords(christs), jesuses, spirits, angels, prophets, etc., then it will be better that we be careful not to have any other god/lord(christ)/spirit besides the true One, for example, years ago i met some christians of one most conventional christian denomination (i don't say which exactly lest they accuse me i speak so of them) who prayed for some people including (for) me, and when they prayed for me, i felt some negative/unpleasant spiritual impact on myself, i asked them why i had begun to feel such an impact on me since they started to pray for me, they answered that there are some spirits in the world that mess around with people and that they are not responsible for the actions of those spirits and that there is (ostensibly) no problem, but most of the people for whom they then prayed were subsequently befallen by curse and died soon afterward - this is just one of the cases of this kind that i know even from experience, of course i don't accuse/judge those christians, because the purpose of the faith is to work for overall salvation in God and Jesus, not to doom our brother/neighbor to be hurt/suffer/die, indeed, we should even forgive him/her, but, regardless of what the situation in one religion or another is, it would be better that we be careful and sure what we actually do when we practice faith, that is why there are Holy commandments of faith in the Scripture such as: you(the worshipers) should not have other gods besides Me(the true One), you(the worshipers) should not make any spiritual theory or spiritual practice, that is not of Me(the true God), in connection with any thing that is in heaven, or that is on earth, or that is in the waters beneath the earth, neither should you revere such things, nor should you serve them (even if someone else made them), you(the worshipers) should not use the faith for vain(unclean/unrighteous/evil) purposes, you(the worshipers) should not defile the sanctuary of your true God, nor His creature/creation... (Exodus 20:3-11), otherwise if this was not important, there would be no such commandments given by Him, which are not just commandments, but universal principles of (practicing) faith

i met at least a few very good christians that really cast the devilish spirits out of possessed people and healed sick persons even of cancer only by praying, but nevertheless/ultimately God made me understand it would be more reliable that the worshiper be careful and confident by himself/herself when practicing the faith lest he or she sin great sin i.e. commit spiritual iniquity, irrespective of what the religion says

1 John 4:1 "Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.",

2 Corinthians 13:5 "Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?",

1 Thessalonians 5:21 "Prove all things; hold fast that which is good."

i wish you success as to the good things

Blessings