I think I'm an alcoholic

[TheMainException]

So...I have anxiety issues...and some depression issues...Issues which I thought had been dealt with a few months ago. I've been dealing with them for over five years and should know better (heck, I'm a psychology major). I know these things just don't "get dealt with" and then suddenly go away. It's a life long thing. But now I've begun to drink to take away the anxiety. It helps, it really does. I'm not getting plastered or anything, just a couple shots every couple days. But I know it's alcoholism because it's self-medication. It's this horrific desire pulling me to where I know I shouldn't go, towards that bottle. I finished the only bottle of gin I had to myself. And with it gone, I don't drink, since I'm underage and can't get it without asking someone else, something I'm loathe to do. But an alcoholic doesn't need to have a drink in hand to be an alcoholic. There's still that terrible pull...and I don't know what to do.

 

[BlessEwe]

Big hug to you! Have you been to a doctor to see if you may need to be on a med for your anxiety, and depression? In the rehab hospital I work in the doctor always checks for this, sometimes our bodies may be unbalanced. I am sure you know where you are heading, progression. This will eventually bring you down. It sounds like you know where you are going with this and want to help yourself. I will be praying for you.

 

[LoG]

So...I have anxiety issues...and some depression issues...Issues which I thought had been dealt with a few months ago. I've been dealing with them for over five years and should know better (heck, I'm a psychology major). I know these things just don't "get dealt with" and then suddenly go away. It's a life long thing.

Are you dealing with the issues through psychology or through christian means? Psychology may take a lifetime but looking to God for healing can be a whole lot faster although some action may need to be taken to open oneself up to it.

 

[Jayangel81]

Im praying that God helps you with the alcahol and depression/anxiety.

Hang in there

 

[TheMainException]

I am on anti-anxiety meds, but I haven't been to the doctor for quite some time now...my next visit is in a few weeks, but it's a doctor who doesn't know me because my old doctor retired. Retirement...such a bummer ... But I'll deal. I always have. This seems to be nearly a new road block. I progress through things and then get thrown another problem on top of the others. And it seems that, if given the chance to drink, I will. I can barely say no. I've said no about once in the recent past. I just can't do it. I have no will for much of anything. Getting out of bed in the morning, harder than anything. I skip most of my classes this way...I can't find the will to leave my bed until noon many days...and I go to bed around 10 or 11...so that's over 12 hours for certain.

I've been in therapy before and I'm really thinking about going back this summer, but what I think I need more than anything is quite simply God. I just live my life as if he doesn't exist most days, and as much as I know what I need to do, I don't do it. It's really that simple. What I shouldn't do is so easy to do and what I should do is so hard to do. So you can see what I do and what I don't do...everything is opposite for me. It's quite bad and I'm somewhat surprised at times that I've got enough will to get through college.

 

[AngelDove1]

My heart & prayers goes out to you...

You've taken the 1st step
You addmit you have a problem
Thats a start,now don't stop

Your not alone,know this
Get help its out there

 

[TheMainException]

I don't even know what to do anymore. I finished a 750 ml bottle of gin by myself in four days. That's about four 50 ml shots per day...and the 50 ml shots are big...most countries serve those as doubles, not singles. the US serves 40's I believe. Man, I'm messed up.

 

[BlessEwe]

As a recovering drug/alcoholic addict we can not control our dependance through our own Will Power. Recovery can happen when we completely surrender (come to the end of ourselfs trying to control ect.) and find acceptance that we are powerless over our addiction. Reach out our hand for help and allow another to help us.

You have a choice right now if you are going to live or die, it is that simple.

Anti-anxiety drugs and alcohol is a deadly combo, which can also make you very depressed.

Call for help, go to the emergency if you can not find someone to help you. There are hotline numbers to, well in the USA there is. You need to take that big step now and everything will fall into place in time.



Big Book page #50:

• In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them.

 

[Angeldove97]

Well before this drinking becomes a really bad habit, try picking up a different habit that will actually HELP your body. My habit that I started that is making me healthier and is also helping to stop my depression completely (I've been suffering on and off since I was 13): take 1 vitamin b complex pill in the morning (this is the pill that helps my depression), and take another before bed. It's twice the dosage of normal but I found that it has helped me alot.

Try avoiding drinking because you're starting to associate drinking to help relieve your depression--- that will get you in trouble. Really try to find a habit that will help you with the depression and will keep you away from drinking.

 

[TheMainException]

Angeldove~I've heard a lot about the B vitamins and I know that they help...but as far as a habit goes...it's not a very time consuming one to say the least. It should help, but I've found that my depression is less chemical than in my mind...I'm not rare...more people cycle themselves into a depression than they know...but I'm sure my mood dips a little low and then I cycle myself down even further...but I think boredom has been a major start to both things. I'm home now...away from alcohol and I won't be smoking cigs...but this is also where I also always got my weed...so I'm out of the biggest issue at least. Not to mention, I work most days 8-6, starting monday. The only day off in the week will be sunday...that doesn't exactly give me a lot of time to be drinking...besides, I can't stumble back to my dorm room in the middle of the night...I'd be driving and my mom would then find out...and well...that's not cool now is it?

BlessEwe~Thankfully, my med, Seroquel, is not a deadly combo with alcohol. I've looked up the side effects of mixing the two...it just increases the effect of the med...meaning...I sleep a little longer that night. I actually stopped taking prozac (I have a month's supply left, so I figured I'd use it during the winter months when I wasn't feeling well), but mixing them was bad, so I stopped doing that since I knew I would be drinking.

 

[Everlasting33]

So...I have anxiety issues...and some depression issues...Issues which I thought had been dealt with a few months ago. I've been dealing with them for over five years and should know better (heck, I'm a psychology major). I know these things just don't "get dealt with" and then suddenly go away. It's a life long thing. But now I've begun to drink to take away the anxiety. It helps, it really does. I'm not getting plastered or anything, just a couple shots every couple days. But I know it's alcoholism because it's self-medication. It's this horrific desire pulling me to where I know I shouldn't go, towards that bottle. I finished the only bottle of gin I had to myself. And with it gone, I don't drink, since I'm underage and can't get it without asking someone else, something I'm loathe to do. But an alcoholic doesn't need to have a drink in hand to be an alcoholic. There's still that terrible pull...and I don't know what to do.

[FONT=&quot]
It seems like things have been tough for you lately. Suffering from anxiety and depression can make anyone feel very helpless, frustrated, overwhelmed, and just fatigued. As you have noticed, it is natural for an individual to find some sort of coping method to deal with the pain at hand. For some it may be drugs and for others it is alcohol. And then there can be self-mutilation, workaholism, and eating disorders. These self-destructive coping methods provide relief, escape, and a temporary solution.

Like you, I have struggled and suffered from both depression and anxiety. Both are extremely debilitating and painstaking. Both are very powerful and they disable logical and reasonable cognition and create inner disturbances. As a psychology graduate, I know a thing or two about the complexities and dynamics of mental illness. Coping with mental illness can be challenging and most will find themselves coping with their pain that is ultimately self-destructive and problematic.

Yes, drinking alcohol to numb your anxiety and pain is a solution. It is working for you, is it not? This is your way of coping. You feel anxious, you drink. You drink, you feel better. Thus, the cycle will continue and it will soon become harder and harder to put the bottle down. You simply do not want to deal with any negative emotions and I do not blame you. Alcohol is creating too much of a good thing for you right now to give up--emotional and mental numbness and a perceived barrier between you and your anxiety and depression. As long as you are getting something from alcohol, it is more likely you will continue to consume it. But is this solution going to create future treatment and recovery of your depression and anxiety? Or will it only become an additional roadblock that will only prolong your road toward a better quality of life?

From reading your post, I can tell that you know your current method of self-medication is unhealthy, problematic and self-destructive. I know that you want to overcome your issues with anxiety and depression. I know that you do not want to become an alcoholic. But what would happen if you put the bottle down right now and worked on your depression and anxiety? Surely, the pain and uncomfortable feelings would be powerful but what is at cost here? [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]The cost is alcoholism and another problem that would be thrown into your life that will only prolong the pain, misery, and dissatisfaction. By drinking you are both relieving and prolonging your pain. However, I do suspect that you acknowledge that your current misuse of alcohol is negatively affecting you. This is the reason why you reached out on the forum because you have been troubled by your behavior. The question is: If a person (such as you and I) acknowledges our wrong behavior as self-defeating then why would this individual continue to do so? Like I said earlier, there is something beneficial that is received at the present moment. In the mind of the person in pain, the future can wait because the pain at the present moment is too great and it needs to be dealt with by this coping method. But what you and I need to do is really focus on our choices and how they will impact our future. What is important to us? Is it happiness or peace?
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]To the depressed individual, this is the case and they will do anything to get it; risking their body and mind in the process. Instead, the depressed or anxious individual needs to set aside their never-ending need for happiness and peace and really focus on renewing their mind with prayer, challenging their own thoughts, practicing self-discipline, cultivating healthy expressions of negativity (such as art or exercise), focus on positive affirmations, therapy…etc. There is nothing flashy, fun or easy about recovery from mental illness and low self-esteem. It is a long, drawn out process and this is why so many individuals still struggle with addiction. However, this is not to say that desiring peace and happiness is wrong because it is not. But I have noticed (and in my own life) that we may become so preoccupied with feelings that we opt to getting out of doing the hard work and thus risk losing self-discovery, treatment and recovery. Because peace and happiness is not our ultimate goal but it is rather the competence to handle life’s stressors and despairs with healthy coping methods. Life is not guarantee peace and happiness but we are given the choice to react positively to difficult situations.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I realize that you have got to have the desire to stop misusing alcohol. Nothing that I have said in this post will help if it falls on an unwilling spirit. However, I have faith that you will take my words to heart and I hope you know that these words are of genuine care and empathy, not critical judgment. The only thing that can hold you back from a life that you want is yourself. I have realized this from my many, many painful years and the pain inside can certainly be accepted and overcome! Do not give up![/FONT]

 

[Blue Olive]

TheMainException,

Like anyone who has started taking drugs or alcohol, they did so because the couldn't handle some problem in their life. The alcohol/drugs reduce their awareness and so make them numb to the pain. The problem is that it makes you numb to all the good things too.

As a beginning to your remedy, I suggest that you make sure you are on a proper diet (lots of fruits, veggies, and grains). Also, make sure you exercise regularly and take long walks looking at various things in the world around you. You will not believe how much these things help until you have tried them.

I'm not sure how familiar you are with prescribed drugs, or "meds" as some call them, but they are not a solution. Eventually, these "meds" become the problem.

 

[ChristFollower25]

Great post Steelerbred

TheMainException,
Your post reminds me a lot of myself four years ago (I'm 24). I applaud you for at least recognizing that your drinking can/will lead to a much bigger problem, I was not so wise. It took a DUI and a few "run-ins" with the police for me to acknowledge that I had an issue. Not to mention the friendships that I strained/ruined. I haven't had a drink in a little over a year, the biggest life-savers for me were; reviving and deepening my relationship with the Lord, evaluating the company I keep (a lot of my friends at the time were/are heavy drinkers), and finally, focusing on my physical health as far as eating healthy, and exercising. I now feel great, in all aspects of my life, but it frightens me to think about where I would be had I not stopped drinking. Like I said, realizing that you are on a bad path is a start, I pray that you will have the strength and will power to take action.

At His Feet,
ChristFollower

 

[TheMainException]

Steelerbred: Thank you. I think we've got a common background...psychology understandings and issues...I appreciate your down to earth and rhetorical question filled post. That is one of the best kinds. It's been six years of pain and suffering...and sometimes I see light and sometimes I see only the blackness. I still am an alcoholic...but I've been seeing that I have tried to stop drugs and alcohol during times when I had become afraid or had tried to stand alone. I was not ready. I am ready now. I've given up life. I'm giving it to God, for real finally. I've seen many new things and have a new fire in me...the pilot light was out...but God relit it. I'm seeing the future of my life and the lives of a group of individuals and I've seen that my road is a great one. I've made resolutions and prayed prayers and have come to new places in a short amount of time. (I won't give specifics cuz it would take more time than I have right now, but the option to hear more is always around). Basically, I'm standing up now...and this time I'm allowing the great One to hold me up.

Blueolive: Two words for you: Meds suck. I've been on prozac in the past and an anxiety/sleep med now...and I'm working as hard as I can to get off of it now. It hasn't become a problem yet, but I want off of it ASAP because I hate being on it. I want to sleep naturally...but it's just rough. Also, since being home from school...i'm actually eating fruits and veggies every day. And I work in a greenhouse quite a bit and outside in my yard...so I'm living a healthier lifestyle right now.

Christfollower: The change in my life is overwhelming and I can only thank God for the people he has placed in my life. I have a great friend who is helping me to walk towards God and stay on the right path...I adore him so I go where he goes and go to church with him friday nights...we're working together because God brought us together for a mighty plan...and we've been helping each other for about six months. God has brightened both our lives by bringing us together...I know that God has a great plan for me and for him and I don't want to mess it up...I'm finally eager, ready, and willing to obey his will and to take the necessary steps.

thank you everyone...life is changing...thank you.

 

[healy]

lots to think about,steeler.. you guys making hepful posts helps me even. i dont know what to say rite now,sorry

 

[ChristianHorror10]

im sorry to hear you might be an alchoholikk, Just give your temptations to the Lord and he`ll help you

 

[unkern]

hey brother, I figured that I wanted to share my background cuz we can relate alot.

I started drinking around the age of 6 my Dad would give me beers, which developed into me being an alcoholic. I got into drugs When I started high school I tried mary jane, pcp, meth, cocaine. About junior year I developed OCD, Anxiety, and Depression. I met a pastor at my gym that became my mentor. I found out that my shrink could only tell me what was wrong with me, but he couldnt fix it. I found that when I gave my troubles to God these disorders went away. However, it took me awhile to stop drinking but I did begin to lose my dependence on it. I began to realize I was more fun without it, it never truly numbed the pain it just made me feel like I was numb, and while I was drunk the pain swelled up inside of me. Alcohol is garbage in doesnt enhance our lives, but God will enhance yours when your ready.

 

[MAC]

So...I have anxiety issues...and some depression issues...Issues which I thought had been dealt with a few months ago. I've been dealing with them for over five years and should know better (heck, I'm a psychology major). I know these things just don't "get dealt with" and then suddenly go away. It's a life long thing. But now I've begun to drink to take away the anxiety. It helps, it really does. I'm not getting plastered or anything, just a couple shots every couple days. But I know it's alcoholism because it's self-medication. It's this horrific desire pulling me to where I know I shouldn't go, towards that bottle. I finished the only bottle of gin I had to myself. And with it gone, I don't drink, since I'm underage and can't get it without asking someone else, something I'm loathe to do. But an alcoholic doesn't need to have a drink in hand to be an alcoholic. There's still that terrible pull...and I don't know what to do.

If I may and you would like to try it even if you are drinking or been pull by the desires of your own nature to gratify your thirst, try to get a Old and New Testament audio bible (MP3) so that you may be renew in your mind DAILY. This will begin to work in your inwards parts for faith cometh by hearing and hearing the Word of God.

Plus take 5 minutes to ....

Take care.....

 

[ww2pigeon]

It is not how much I drink, it's what I do when I drink. I don't get in trouble everytime I drink, but everytime I have been in trouble, I had been drinking. Alcohol doesn't care what you KNOW. My best thinking BROUGHT me to the bottle. Go to a few A.A. meetings. See if they fit. My prayers are with you

 

[TheMainException]

Well, I won't be going to an AA meeting...my parents would then find out, cuz I'm still living at home and they'd want to know where I was going all the time.

Life has gotten significantly better since leaving school for the summer. I've not been alcohol free, as I did slip a few drinks at a family party and the desire has not completely left me, but I have not been drunk for about three months.

These summer months have been an uplifting time. On wednesday I hope to go to a house church with the friend who has been the key in my sobriety. God has used him in a mighty way to revamp my life. And nearly every friday I spend two hours in the presence of God. I'm going to try to learn this thing called "soaking." It's basically just soaking in the presence of God...but there are methods to make it easier and take away some of the mental road blocks.

It took being ready to really change. The other two major times I tried to change, I've realized that I wasn't ready to throw myself at the feet of the Lord and give myself away. Giving myself away was the one thing I wasn't ready to do...and I couldn't give some, I had to give all...and that's when things finally began to change.