I think I regret

Brikkz said:

You didn't read the whole thing?

IF you didn't that's good if all you read was the last line.

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I read the whole thing.

Brikkz said:

Can I have a staff member delete that?


I...

Now I am the crazy person. I shouldn't have written it i should taje ut diwn

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well we all allready read that

but i mean i think you can edit or hide it on your own no?

anyway... like... no need to hide it
it is not that bad

you are a cool person
really

Brikkz said:

Oh... nobody normally reads my entries. soo i didnt expect.

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Seriously?

You write that stuff in a blog in a public forum & think nobody is going to read it.

Lots of people read. They just don't comment.

Brikkz said:

I came up with some things while I slept tonight that explains a lot of why I am how I am. I got screamed at tonight so I left in a hurry to go to bed instead of staying in trouble thats why my reply came so late lol.

Anyway I decided instead of hassling y'all just to write my crazy rambles down in my blog. God destined me for Him and not for everyone else. I often forget that I am not meant to be loved by people but I am meant to LOVE. God created people to love HIM not me and that often seems to be my problem is I want to be accepted and I don't need to be.

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I try to remind myself of that on a regular basis. Probably the vast majority of our sins are committed in the name of mere human respect. We must only love other people as God loves them and for God, and that even includes our families. That is the only way to keep everything in the proper order and keep from ending up in the disorder that is sin.

Smart people make it in the world.

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I don't presume that I am included in that group of "smart people" but I'm no engineer or professor or nun. I'm a cashier at a department store making slightly more than minimum wage part-time. It's not so glamorous or successful.

Brikkz is always falling, failing and making an oaf of herself.

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I am often failing according to the world, by neglecting my soul (yes, sometimes CF contributes to that) and by falling into mortal sin. I may have come a long way but I have a very, very long way to go.


Now, I'm sure I'm not a very good standard for an intelligent and successful young woman but at least you know you have company down here

But that aside I don't think I'm too dumb to be Catholic. I just felt I was too much in a hurry to be in God's church. It is a hard faith to live out.

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There is only one way to live it out -- by the Grace of God.

It is so tough sometimes I want something I can't have because I am Catholic.

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Ah, yes, that strange dilemma.

Msgr. Robert Hugh Benson said:

How is it, for example, that while in one mood our religion is the lamp of our shadowy existence, in another it is the single dark spot upon a world of pleasure -- in one mood the single thing that makes life worth living at all, and in another the one obstacle to our contentment? What are those sorrowful and joyful mysteries of human life, mutually contradictory yet together resultant (as in the Rosary itself) in others that are glorious? Turn to that master passion that underlies these mysteries -- the passion that is called love -- and see if there be anything more inexplicable than such an explanation. What is this passion, then, that turns joy to sorrow and sorrow to joy -- this motive that drives a man to lose his life that he may save it, that turns bitter to sweet and makes the cross but a light yoke after all, that causes him to find his centre outside his own circle, and to please himself best by depriving himself of pleasure? What is that power that so often fills us with delights before we have begun to labour, and rewards our labour with the darkness of dereliction?

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You are married. Don't you experience that same contradiction with regards to your husband or your children? Do you ever say to yourself, "If only I didn't have a family, I could go out clubbing and having fun?" or "I wish I was still single so I could go after him!" But these thoughts should be fleeting because you know that your family gives your life meaning and you wouldn't truly wish to be all alone again for anything (I'm projecting, of course, but these are rhetorical questions).

That is the essence of the love relationship we have with Jesus. Sometimes we want to say, "If only I wasn't with Him, I'd have so much more fun partying!" but truly, partying is a fleeting pleasure but our relationship with Jesus lasts for all eternity. Of course, if I am thinking rationally, I know I never want to commit another sin in my life. But, on the other hand, I fall into sin all the time because I'm not thinking rationally, because that fleeting pleasure distracts me from my One True Love. Committing a sin is like cheating on Jesus and I never want to do anything to destroy that relationship with One who has given His very Life for me. Yet there I go committing the same sins over and over again. It's sad, but then we just have to repent and work on rebuilding our relationship again.

It's a slow process towards holiness that essentially always involves much backsliding. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and it will be amazing how far you will climb.

Brikkz said:

my stomach hurts.

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Alright... I seriously do not know whats going on here but I'm more than a little confused. Sorry if I did anything to offend... I feel like I did something wrong but for the life of me cannot figure out what.

I need to get some sleep. Theres enough drama going on in RL for us right now & I can't figure this out. So all I can do is offer prayers.

Brikkz said:

Actually i never thought anyone paid attention to it Michie. My fault. I would like to be banned now.

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Argh!

Brikkz said:

Michie its not you its me.

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Just relax Brikkz. You may need to talk to someone but there is no need for embarrassment. It's more common than you think.

Ok, I got to go collapse. Prayers for you hon.

Brikkz said:

Please can this thread be deleted? I am so embarrassed I feel my stomach it knots.

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Brikkz, contact one of the mods & see if they can get it deleted for you. Don't worry hon.

Brikkz said:

Please can this thread be deleted? I am so embarrassed I feel my stomach it knots.

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I'll see if I can find a mod online to do it...not many at this hour until about 7am.

Brikkz, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing at all.

Brikkz said:

I think my crazy ramblings are enough to be embarrassed about.

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They are not crazy but if it embarrasses you that is your call. I pm'd a mod.