You don't have to be good enough to have what God has for you.What I've learned is God doesn't always supply stuff like that directly, but I know He probably was going to provide me with a better job at some point. One other detail that I didn't divulge in the original post was that He was in the process of answering my prayers for a better job that was more flexible around my school schedule...that summer, I'd gotten a new phone and at one point had this pressing thought that I needed to figure out how to get into my voicemail on it so that if any jobs wanted to offer me a position and I missed the phone call, I could get back to them later. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I ended up forgetting about it and brushing it aside for some reason. I ended up getting locked out of my voicemail on this phone and when I managed to get into it after the whole fiasco happened, I found out that I had two job offers that would have been perfect with my schedule. And I later realized that even if I'd missed them, it would probably have even been better that I didn't work that first semester coming back to school because it was a BUSY semester...concerts, papers, homework, church...and as far as money, I had enough saved up from working that I was able to pay for the fall semester all in cash in one big chunk and even had about $1500 leftover from unused vacation time that I would have gotten paid back to me in one big check if I'd quit my job that would have paid for gas, food, other expenses...I just thought that if I didn't have the whole year upfront that God would punish me.....catastrophic thinking and trying to be three steps ahead...I literally messed this WHOLE thing up...
And the reality that I might not ever get another chance hurts mainly because I didn't choose to reject what God had for me because I didn't want it...I wanted it very badly, but felt like I couldn't have it unless I did certain things on my end to make myself good enough to have it...somewhere along the lines, wires got crossed. I didn't mean for this to happen...
I don't mean to sound argumentative and I'm really not trying to. Just giving all the details I can so the picture can be as clear as possible.
You know, Christianity is like a source.
It plugs into Jesus. If you're plugged in you know what God would want for you if He could plainly speak to you. He wants what's good and right.
I think you have God tooooo involved in your life.
This may sound strange, but yes, you missed your voice mail because you forgot it and missed it. You should keep God out of stuff like that.
You could use that power line to God by transforming your mind as it says in Romans. Think more positively, don't feel like you're so different from everyone else. I'm a lot older than you...I cannot blame God for any problem I've had in life.
Look to Him for the strength you need to face what you have to. But realize that YOU are maneuvering your life...God is not directing every decision you make.
You seem to rely too much on your feelings...
Just do your best and try to be happy with yourself. It sounds like you're doing a lot of right things, concentrate on those.
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