- Oct 11, 2019
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The past few days haven't been good. I've been in severe emotional turmoil and my mental state was a mess--after a really stressful suicidal episode I had the other day which almost marked the end of my life, I started openly doubting whether God was even there.
I know it was my fault. All of the stress and depression has put a wedge between God and I; and I've been too stubborn to ask him for help. Despite my husband urging me to reach out to God and that he was always there, I still did not have the courage to do it.
Yesterday however...I think he gave me the wakeup call I needed.
Hubby and I were driving yesterday, just cruising through the county as we often do on warm sunny days. We turn down a long stretch of gravel road, and suddenly we start swerving. I didn't know my husband had lost conplete control of the car until we turned into the field to our left--and before I knew it, the entire car started rolling/bouncing with us in it.
And then, by a miracle from God himself...we came out of it perfectly fine. I really thought we were going to die...the experience of being helpless like that in a rolling car was scarring and I'll likely carry the memory with me for the rest of my years. By the time the car stopped, it was on it's side with hubby on the ground of the car in a pile of our stuff mixed with broken glass, and I was suspended by my seatbelt in the passenger's seat. The windshield was all but shattered, that car was hot and leaking gas--and if it hadn't been for the metal desk with tempered glass my husband had been keeping in the back, the top of the car likely would've dented in and either crushed or trapped us.
I have no idea how we only walked out of that situation with a few scratches and sore bodies, but I do know it was absolutely by God's grace that we were left unharmed physically.
After that, I thanked God and prayed seriously for the first time in weeks. I was flooded by a sense of calm and reassurance, and after what happened...
I never want to take living for granted again.
I know it was my fault. All of the stress and depression has put a wedge between God and I; and I've been too stubborn to ask him for help. Despite my husband urging me to reach out to God and that he was always there, I still did not have the courage to do it.
Yesterday however...I think he gave me the wakeup call I needed.
Hubby and I were driving yesterday, just cruising through the county as we often do on warm sunny days. We turn down a long stretch of gravel road, and suddenly we start swerving. I didn't know my husband had lost conplete control of the car until we turned into the field to our left--and before I knew it, the entire car started rolling/bouncing with us in it.
And then, by a miracle from God himself...we came out of it perfectly fine. I really thought we were going to die...the experience of being helpless like that in a rolling car was scarring and I'll likely carry the memory with me for the rest of my years. By the time the car stopped, it was on it's side with hubby on the ground of the car in a pile of our stuff mixed with broken glass, and I was suspended by my seatbelt in the passenger's seat. The windshield was all but shattered, that car was hot and leaking gas--and if it hadn't been for the metal desk with tempered glass my husband had been keeping in the back, the top of the car likely would've dented in and either crushed or trapped us.
I have no idea how we only walked out of that situation with a few scratches and sore bodies, but I do know it was absolutely by God's grace that we were left unharmed physically.
After that, I thanked God and prayed seriously for the first time in weeks. I was flooded by a sense of calm and reassurance, and after what happened...
I never want to take living for granted again.
