I should hate him...

[flying_kiwifruit]

I went out with a guy for 13 months. During that time he would play on my emotions, he learnt when he could get what he wanted out of me, because when I was upset I would do a lot of things to him. When I wanted to break up with him he would threaten to kill himslef so I would never break up with him though I really wasn't happy. I finally did break up with him because I couldn't handle it any more.

I've talked to a councellor and my mates all agree that he was emotionally abusing me. I know I should hate him, I should not want to be his friend anymore. We did not speak to each other or talk to each other for a few months but last night I saw him again, I found myself acting like I was his friend, and I hated that. I want to hate him but I can't for some reason.

Can someone help me? Should I hate him or not? Sorry about the ramble.

 

[dizzydoll]

I went out with a guy for 13 months. During that time he would play on my emotions, he learnt when he could get what he wanted out of me, because when I was upset I would do a lot of things to him. When I wanted to break up with him he would threaten to kill himslef so I would never break up with him though I really wasn't happy. I finally did break up with him because I couldn't handle it any more.

I've talked to a councellor and my mates all agree that he was emotionally abusing me. I know I should hate him, I should not want to be his friend anymore. We did not speak to each other or talk to each other for a few months but last night I saw him again, I found myself acting like I was his friend, and I hated that. I want to hate him but I can't for some reason.

Can someone help me? Should I hate him or not? Sorry about the ramble.

You have set good healthy boundries. Don't feel guily for the dissassociation. As long as he can do these things and get away with them he'll never get victory over this. Hate takes time and energy and it is negative. You have a senisitve caring heart! Thats a good thing. It sets you free. Let God do His good and perfect will in His way. Hugs
Izzy

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

You have set good healthy boundries. Don't feel guily for the dissassociation. As long as he can do these things and get away with them he'll never get victory over this. Hate takes time and energy and it is negative. You have a senisitve caring heart! Thats a good thing. It sets you free. Let God do His good and perfect will in His way. Hugs
Izzy

Can you explain that a little more, because you have me confused.

Half of me wants to hate this guy but the other half remembers all the times we had fun together while we went out and before that. I don't know which half to believe or which half is right. I don't know if I should hate him or not.

 

[Criada]

I don't think hatred is ever right... in fact Jesus tells us that to hate someone is as bad as killing them in God's eyes.
Negative emotions are inevitable, but they are something we need to work through, with God's help, and come out the other side of.
It sounds as though you have done that - don't try to go backwards!

If you can relate to this person without hate, that is a wonderful thing.
But - there is a difference between forgiveness and putting yourself back in the path of danger... it doesn't sound as though you should continue this friendship on anything but a very superficial level, and certainly try not to be alone with him!

Praying for you, sis
God bless you.

 

[Angeldove97]

Hi Hun,
I dealt with one guy---who I dated for a year until I realized he was too much to handle emotionally (very much like your situation)--- and after I broke up with him, I too had to decide to set strict boundaries of never talking to him again. For a long, long time I hated him--- I hated his abuse and how he used me.

But I really don't think God wants us to live our lives this way. For about a year after that I took that hate and placed it on everybody else, even my family and closest friends. I turned my heart completely to God though and that helped me keep going.

God saw it was time for me to start learning that not everybody person is bad and sent two wonderful Brothers into my life. Another two or three years past and finally I can say that I've forgiven this guy and I don't hate him.

Do I want to be around him ever again? NO Do I want to be around our mutual friends? NO (I broke off all my friendships with mutual friends because of how bad the abuse was) If I knew he was dieing and only I could help him out for some reason? Yes, of course I would--- why? Because he's still a human being and God asks that we do what we can to love one another, especially our enemies.

Thank God that you actually acted friendly towards him--- that's a good thing, not a bad one. But should he want to be friends with you, tell him you can't do that. It's one thing to treat a person right, it's completely different from you having to be friends with him.

 

[dizzydoll]

Can you explain that a little more, because you have me confused.

Half of me wants to hate this guy but the other half remembers all the times we had fun together while we went out and before that. I don't know which half to believe or which half is right. I don't know if I should hate him or not.

I mean don't hate him
It s ok to treasure good memories
Protect yourself, set boundries and teach him what makes you uncomfortable, if he oversteps the boundry then withdraw enough to keep yourself comfrotable. If he completly disregards the limits you set then he is being selfish. Good fences make good neighbors.

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

Thanks for all the replys.

I'm going to stay friends with our mutual friends, because they are some of my closest mates, but I'm not going to be friends with him, nor will I hate him. I'm going to aim for middle ground here.