I seriously do need prayer

[Gwendolyn]

So I did post about how I was in a very bad place mentally a week or so ago (http://christianforums.com/showthread.php?t=7311727)... but now this request is a bit different.

In addition to very severe depression and anxiety, I need to get rid of some things in my life. I posted about my former boyfriend... well, I ignored it while I was with him because I was depserate for him to like me, but the relationship just wasn't spiritually healthy. I found myself doing things I never wanted to do and even now, I am still caught in patterns of negative, sinful behaviour with him that just complicate my depression. I'm becoming a real danger to myself because of all the self-hatred that this behaviour breeds, to put it simply.

I need prayers so that I can give up this behaviour - the way of speaking, of relating, of interacting with my former boyfriend - and that I can find the strength to buck up and break the pattern. I'm trying to be pretty discreet because I figure you don't want to hear the details, but this is really serious to me and it is a big hurdle.

I need prayers so that my feelings for God trump my feelings for this young man and for the shallow, useless validation his sexual attention gives me.

I need prayers so that I can finally go to confession and KNOW that I mean it, and have no doubt in my mind that I will not intend to be drawn back into this crap. I just can't go to confession and say I'm sorry knowing that I'll probably fall back into the same sinful patterns of behaviour with my former boyfriend a few hours later. It feels insincere.

I need prayers so that I can go back to Mass and rediscover the things that used to be of paramount importance in my life. I need prayers so that I can start talking to God again.

I need prayers so that I can shed the sinful vestiges of this failed relationship and reclaim those parts of me that I used to love best. The parts of me that are buried under all of this disgusting garbage that have been piled on top by that relationship and all it brought out in me.

I am only asking because I have been trying desperately to solve this on my own for the past few months, even before we broke up. And I have failed miserably, and it just keeps getting progressively worse. I seriously don't think that anything will work aside from prayer. Only God's help will allow me to finally leave all of this behind and start to build a new tomorrow. I've tried everything in my power and it just doesn't work.

Thank you for reading this, and for giving me your time. I usually hate this kind of stuff and I feel like a big whiner and a mooch... but I honestly don't know what else to do.

 

[MoNiCa4316]

Don't feel bad about posting this

I will keep you in my prayers. I've had to (and still have to) struggle with some patterns of sinful behavior too that I couldn't get rid of for many months.

I just had a thought about confession.
Our sinful nature is such that we get drawn back into the same old sins over and over. It is not wrong to admit this. But don't be discouraged by it. When you're in Confession.. just cry out to God, like you're really in need, as long as you regret what you've done He will forgive you, but really trust Him for the grace and mercy. Ask from the bottom of your heart to help you. In other words.. don't let any weakness keep you from Confession..I believe that God can advance a soul in holiness in a short time if the person feels like they have no virtue or strength left, and is reliant on Him. Because that person is not resistant, God's grace simply pours into their soul. It's never insincere to say "Lord I'm so sorry I've done this, and I feel like I'll do it again in a few hours, I really don't want to, but I don't know how to stop.." that is in fact VERY sincere. Many people don't acknowledge that.
Don't try to fix your life before you approach God in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.. going there is what might help you learn how to overcome that sin in the future. He wants us to come to Him just as we are, no matter how messed up we feel, because He wants to heal us.

I don't know if I'm making any sense..

I might be speaking a bit from myself here too lol because lately I've been feeling lost in sin.

I hope and pray that God will help you go back to Mass sister; as the Eucharist helps give people strength to endure trials. rest assured He understands the reasons you've been away though. He sees you underneath it all.

God bless you

 

[Ave Maria]

Praying for you!

 

[sleepythesahm]

praying
*hugs*

 

[ukok]

I will pray for you. I just found this online and thought i would share it with you:

NOVENA PRAYER TO SAINT PHILOMENA

(to be prayed for 9 consecutive days)

We beseech Thee, O Lord, to grant us the pardon of our sins by the intercession of Saint , virgin and martyr, who was always pleasing in Thy sight by her eminent chastity and by the profession of every virtue. Amen.

Illustrious virgin and martyr, Saint Philomena, behold me prostrate before the throne whereupon it has pleased the Most Holy Trinity to place thee. Full of confidence in thy protection, I entreat thee to intercede for me with God, from the heights of Heaven deign to cast a glance upon thy humble client! Spouse of Christ, sustain me in suffering, fortify me in temptation, protect me in the dangers surrounding me, obtain for me the graces necessary to me, and in particular (Here specify your petition).

Above all, assist me at the hour of my death. Saint Philomena, powerful with God, pray for us. Amen.

O God, Most Holy Trinity, we thank Thee for the graces Thou didst bestow upon the Blessed Virgin Mary, and upon Thy handmaid Philomena, through whose intercession we implore Thy Mercy. Amen.

 

[Rhamiel]

Dear Gwendolyn, my sister in Christ, I understand how you feel. You are in my prayers and I hope you find peace in Him, who binds all our wounds
St. Paul’s letter to the Romans 7:15-20
15For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
This verse has brought a lot of comfort to me.
I do not want to sound condescending but you can not be to hard on yourself, you are going through a lot, it is good that you are striving to better yourself, but we are all fallen humans, and only through His grace can we better ourselves.
You can not rely on yourself, you have to trust in Christ.
Confession is the best thing you can do, you might not feel as good afterwards but we can not trust our emotions. I know that sounds like a cop out, but I really don’t know what else to tell you.
On a personal note, I have a lot of respect for you and always have. You have always respected the standards and rational objective realities.
Sincerely
Alex S.

 

[gabrielListens]

Prayer said for you, Gwendolyn

 

[stephenc]

Prayer said.

 

[Radagast]

Praying for you.

 

[Foundthelight]

Dear Gwen,

May I call you Gwen? God is infinitely understanding and forgiving. He understands why you fall back just as He understands your depression. We don't know why He made us subject to such things but, as Rhamiel pointed out, even Paul new such agony of conflicting desires.

People tried to hold to the strict commands of the Law and failed miserably. God knew that He needed to give us a way, as sinners who will almost invariably fall back into sin, to come back into reconciliation with Him. Go to confession feeling sorry for your sin as you have expressed to us. You will receive forgiveness. Keep working toward your goal. You will with time, prayer and possibly medication (you are seeing a Dr. for this aren't you?) be healed.

We lift up our prayers for you.



Willis

 

[MissBabylon]

Praying for you.

 

[WarriorAngel]

I will add you to my rosary intentions.
Also - you aren't as alone as you think.

We all have faults we continue to struggle with and no one said it would be easy.
The path is hard and narrow [lots of rocks and thorns along the way] - but admitting these things to yourself is indeed repentence.

And some thots to chew on... if all he wants is a physical relationship - then he will never honor or respect you. So stay strong.

God Bless you.

 

[Gwendolyn]

It's never insincere to say "Lord I'm so sorry I've done this, and I feel like I'll do it again in a few hours, I really don't want to, but I don't know how to stop.." that is in fact VERY sincere. Many people don't acknowledge that.

It's a pretty insincere thing for me personally to do because I don't have the resolve to change. I'm still pathetically attached to former boyfriend and I often feel like any attention from him at all is good, so I do dumb things to seek it. I'd be lying if I said I was sorry when I absolutely knew I'd do it again in a few hours, even if I didn't necessarily want to.

Don't try to fix your life before you approach God in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.. going there is what might help you learn how to overcome that sin in the future. He wants us to come to Him just as we are, no matter how messed up we feel, because He wants to heal us.

That is a great point, Monica. I'm so stubborn that I constantly have that attitude, like I need to get myself in line before I even think of going to confession. I find myself struggling to believe that it's a good thing to go when I know I'll just sin again because I feel like I'm personally slapping God in the face if I were to do that. I mean, there's a difference between walking out of confession being firmly resolved not to sin, and then falling to temptation... and walking out of confession knowing that you're going to fall anyway. I'd rather be in the former situation... it's more honest and I feel like it has more potential for conversion.

 

[Fish and Bread]

It's a pretty insincere thing for me personally to do because I don't have the resolve to change. I'm still pathetically attached to former boyfriend and I often feel like any attention from him at all is good, so I do dumb things to seek it.

You should find a good replacement boyfriend instead. I hear people with the word "Fish" in their Internet screen names make good boyfriends. I don't know where that rumor came from, but it sounds highly plausible to me. And I'm not biased about such rumors at all.

Hey, wait a minute, is that a "Fish" in my screen name? Look at that. Wow. What a coincidence.

 

[Mom2Alex]

You are indeed in my prayers, dear. It sounds like you are in a very tough place right now, and do know that someday it will be part of the past. Rest in God as you can and know that He is holding you even when you doubt it the most. *hug* Never be afraid to request prayers.

 

[Rhamiel]

prayers

 

[cowboysfan1970]

You posted in the other topic that you have OCD. I started having problems with that in high school. It's something where you know that it's not rational or normal, you know there isn't anything to it, but there is this part of your mind that just won't listen. When you do a ritual it makes you feel relief even if it's just for a short time. Trying to break the cycle of rituals is tougher than someone who doesn't have OCD can imagine. The anxiety itself is usually a part of the OCD. I think that trying to get attention from your former boyfriend probably won't work or help. In the long run it will make everything worse for you. Break ups are horrible because you get these ideas in your head that you will never get to have that with anyone else ever again. About 99% of the time that doesn't work out to be true. Keeping hope is hard when it feels like you don't have any but as long as you are alive there is always hope.

 

[Michie]

Prayers for you Gwen. That God gives you strength & wisdom during the trying time.

 

[New_Found_Faith]

 

[Fish and Bread]

Gwen, I just saw this online and I thought you could probably use a laugh. Plus, it seemed topical, so...