today a lot of little things built up when my "friend" brittney came down and so i went to my room to cut. it was a dull knife, and i expecrted a few scratches. uh huh. i ended up cutting deeper than i thought... and then i panicked... i ran back to the gym to find someone. i found caleb. i told him my cut was too deep. he ran and got his mom (who is an RN) and she took me to the bathroom.
when we were going there i was still thinking, "this is all a dream; i didn't really see what i saw. she's gonna look at it and be like, your fine." but when i pulled up my pants leg, i was right; it was deep. Nancy said i might have to get stitches. the school nurse was called, someone grabbed me a coat and shoes from the dorm and found megan, who did EVERYTHING she could to be able to go to the hospital to find me since the faculty woudln't let her go with them.... but it was ok; i only needed someone if i was getting stitches, and it turned out that they only had to tape me up.
my dad was comming down anyways, so he got there and told me that the dean was sending me home till i could get evaluated by a shrhink to be able to come back, informing me that i woudln't be able to go on my class trip to boston.
the ironic part is, i just got a counselor down there. they're sending me AWAY from a place where i COULD get an evalution and come back, to a place where it might take a month, and i can't handle a month at home. i will go nuts.
and they were very cruel to me when i left; stood there and watched me pack and yelled at me to hurry up. my sister megan and brittney helped me, but the dean was just so.... cold! and they told me they'd work with me. i hate deans. i hate that school. maybe i just won't come back.
dads promising me to take me to boston with megan on spring break. maybe even washington dc since thats more interesting. i'm trying to be optomistic about missing my class trip. hearing that just made me want to cutr all over again, but i knew that that would just make it worse. plus, what if this happens again?
i've made a decision: i'm going to stop. not for megan, not for jacq, not even for brittney. i'm stopping because is caed myself. the doctor told me that where i was normally cutting on my legs was actually quite close to a main artery. the cut i did make was WAY close..... so yeah. i'm stopping. thinking about it makes me want to puke. i think i'm gonna have nightmares when i think about making that cut.... i can't get it out of my mind!
please pray for me! its going to be a wholel ot worse before i get better, and i have a feeling that these next few days are going to be and i will need prayer or i will loose it. so, yeah. so now i'm at "home."
when we were going there i was still thinking, "this is all a dream; i didn't really see what i saw. she's gonna look at it and be like, your fine." but when i pulled up my pants leg, i was right; it was deep. Nancy said i might have to get stitches. the school nurse was called, someone grabbed me a coat and shoes from the dorm and found megan, who did EVERYTHING she could to be able to go to the hospital to find me since the faculty woudln't let her go with them.... but it was ok; i only needed someone if i was getting stitches, and it turned out that they only had to tape me up.
my dad was comming down anyways, so he got there and told me that the dean was sending me home till i could get evaluated by a shrhink to be able to come back, informing me that i woudln't be able to go on my class trip to boston.
the ironic part is, i just got a counselor down there. they're sending me AWAY from a place where i COULD get an evalution and come back, to a place where it might take a month, and i can't handle a month at home. i will go nuts.
and they were very cruel to me when i left; stood there and watched me pack and yelled at me to hurry up. my sister megan and brittney helped me, but the dean was just so.... cold! and they told me they'd work with me. i hate deans. i hate that school. maybe i just won't come back.
dads promising me to take me to boston with megan on spring break. maybe even washington dc since thats more interesting. i'm trying to be optomistic about missing my class trip. hearing that just made me want to cutr all over again, but i knew that that would just make it worse. plus, what if this happens again?
i've made a decision: i'm going to stop. not for megan, not for jacq, not even for brittney. i'm stopping because is caed myself. the doctor told me that where i was normally cutting on my legs was actually quite close to a main artery. the cut i did make was WAY close..... so yeah. i'm stopping. thinking about it makes me want to puke. i think i'm gonna have nightmares when i think about making that cut.... i can't get it out of my mind!
please pray for me! its going to be a wholel ot worse before i get better, and i have a feeling that these next few days are going to be and i will need prayer or i will loose it. so, yeah. so now i'm at "home."
