I need your help

[Pilgrim1951]

I am uncomfortable opening this very personal problem to a public forum. However, the wisdom and love and humility I have seen displayed here gives me courage. I need prayer because of a very difficult situation I am going through. It's difficult to find a way to give background and info in this situation without having to write a book. I just ask the Lord to help me share this as briefly and succinctly as possible. Please, any who may offer advise or wisdom, please pray before you speak. I am in a very precarious position and I desparately want to be in God's will in this situation. So, here goes.

My relationship with my sister is in shambles. A few months ago, she emailed me and started to tell me the things I was doing, and had been doing wrong in our relationship. I was very hurt and angry, and a little confused. Every time I tried to answer the email, it became bitter and I would say some really nasty things. So I just sent one saying I would think and pray about the things she had said. I went to the Lord for some kind of direction. It was a couple of days before I got an answer, and when I did, I was certain I had not heard correctly. He said "Witchcraft", and He impressed on me that He was making that reference about my sister. I didn't understand this, but I remembered some years ago hearing a teaching about witchcraft that had to do with people controlling and manipulating other people. I knew this had always been true with my sister and over the years I had gradually learned to keep things to myself. I had incurred her wrath quite a bit in the past by not keeping my mouth shut. Also, the Lord told me " do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces."
This was such hard truth about someone I love. Also, she is a Christian. But the Lord showed me how over the years I had done exactly that, my pearls being the things that were close to my heart and she had torn me to pieces. He began bringing memories back from when we were children and how complacent I was and how my sister would ridicule and critizize me. Our parents were not very good parents and there has been an issue in my past through therapy and later on by a word of knowledge from a lady at church regarding my being sexually abused as a child. I have had dreams, but no direct memory. Recently, my sister began dealing with her own memories about sexual abuse from our dad. All of this has been coming out. My sister and I have had several confrontations since this original email, but I can't have the relationship with her that we have had in the past. I believe the Lord has convicted me of idolatry in that I have allowed her to control and manipulate me. Over the years I have dealt with constant fears and phobias. God has delivered me from many of them. I feel that this situation is the most important thing other than my salvation, that I have ever dealt with in my spiritual life. The pattern in the past with my sister is that no matter what happened, who did what, I was the one to apologize and ask for her forgiveness. If I didn't she would not speak to me, or worse would be very faky sweet. I don't remember her ever apologizing to me about anything. She has and has had in the past many problems in her relationships. I have always been too ready to beg everyone's forgiveness about anything. I feel that the Lord has shown me that my sister hates me because I was born. That sounds stupid, but it is a child's reaction. He has shown me that I have never felt like I deserved to even take up space on this planet. That my sister's belief about me was that the only purpose I had, and have is to be a puppet for her. God doesn't want me to be a puppet for anyone. He wants me to serve Him only.
I want to do that. I believe He wants me to leave her to Him, so that He may deal with her and with me separately and free us both from the bondage of this unhealthy and unholy relationship. I would appreciate any prayers and feed back from any who feel compelled by God to do so. If a lot of this seems vague, I will answer any questions from you in explanation or be more specific if you need me to. I feel like broken glass inside and that every nerve is exposed. I hurt so bad, and I am so afraid. I know this is necessary, but the enemy keeps trying to beat me down and tell me I'm selfish and wrong and bad like my sister says I am. I want to hold fast in the Lord. Please help me in any way you can.

 

[Chilldogg77]

Pilgrim, I'll be praying for both of you. I have prayed before typing this, but I don't know that I necessarily feel compelled by God to do so. I saw that 14 people had viewed this, but no one had responded, and I thought you might want to hear from somebody. You said that you believe that He wants you to leave your sister to Him, so that He may deal with you separately. Do you feel that this belief comes from God, and you are not being decieved? If so, you can still help your sister by praying for her. In fact, that is the most powerful thing you can do for her. I would continue to pray and reflect, and act in the way you believe God wants you to. Trusting in Jesus is never the wrong decision. Peace in Him--Greg

 

[Serenity Now!]

I'm sorry. I'm guilty of reading this and not responding. I will ask God to speak through me.

I agree to please pray to God and make sure this is what you need to do with this situation. It sounds so complicated, and I don't want you being deceived by other forces at work.

God bless you. I'll be praying for you.

 

[whatseekye]

I think that separating yourself from someone who is behaving in a destructive manner (both to themselves and to you) is good because it establishes a healthy boundary. I don't think that being a Christian means that you should always subject yourself to abuse no matter what. Consider 1 Cor 13:3, from the famous "love" chapter:

1 Corinthians 13
3And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[1] but have not love, it profits me nothing.

To me, that verse definitely speaks against self-sacraficing relationships and situations where you are throwing yourself away without real agape love. If you have no love in this situation, do not destroy yourself by throwing away your peace of mind.

But on the other hand, I feel like the heart of God is to love others, to have compassion and to pray for enemies. It might be the hardest thing to pray for her, but God can heal your heart when you go to him humbly and admit that you can't forgive and can't sincerely care. Then he can turn your inability in to His ability, through that act of submission to his will, by praying for her. But this doesn't mean you have to be dishonest and deny your feelings to yourself. Tell God how you feel but also ask for His will to be done, and know that God always loves. Even though I fail to love, I know that the One that I do love, God, is going to help me love others when I stay close to his will. These aren't just pretty words. They are true and reliable. So go to God and get your heart right with him first. Tell him all about your inability and the problems you have with other people. God is always faithful to forgive when we go to him in the right spirit. He will help you forgive yourself and your sister and move on in life. Remember that Jesus himself experienced heartbreaking opposition and was despised, yet he made it all possible for us to walk like him through the shedding of his blood which becomes our covering and safety.

 

[crossrunner]

Dear one...you are in my prayers. Please know our Lord can heal all that hurt. I hurt so much for you and will pray that you find peace and joy our our lord Jesus. Keep us updated on how you are doing.

cr

 

[Endure2]

friend
i pray that God would keep you and bless and bring you out of this, in the name of Jesus. and i will pray for you some more.

your on the right track, if you keep seeking and hearing from the Lord and allowing him to speak to you and lead ou like he has been, youll be fine.
Gods plan of restoration is already moving in your life.

Godbless
Lee.

 

[IKTCA]

.

 

[apadilla]

Dear Pilgrim 1951,

First of all, I will pray for you, that GOD will help you in your battle against the evil.
Also, I would hope that if your sister is also a christian and hopefully a member here that she would read your post.
"Forgiveness" is so huge, because it releases you from bondage and lets you go forward regardless if the other person forgives you or not.

MAY THE LORD GOD BLESS YOU!!!

 

[KleinerApfel]

I am uncomfortable opening this very personal problem to a public forum. However, the wisdom and love and humility I have seen displayed here gives me courage. I need prayer because of a very difficult situation I am going through. It's difficult to find a way to give background and info in this situation without having to write a book. I just ask the Lord to help me share this as briefly and succinctly as possible. Please, any who may offer advise or wisdom, please pray before you speak. I am in a very precarious position and I desparately want to be in God's will in this situation. So, here goes.

My relationship with my sister is in shambles. A few months ago, she emailed me and started to tell me the things I was doing, and had been doing wrong in our relationship. I was very hurt and angry, and a little confused. Every time I tried to answer the email, it became bitter and I would say some really nasty things. So I just sent one saying I would think and pray about the things she had said. I went to the Lord for some kind of direction. It was a couple of days before I got an answer, and when I did, I was certain I had not heard correctly. He said "Witchcraft", and He impressed on me that He was making that reference about my sister. I didn't understand this, but I remembered some years ago hearing a teaching about witchcraft that had to do with people controlling and manipulating other people. I knew this had always been true with my sister and over the years I had gradually learned to keep things to myself. I had incurred her wrath quite a bit in the past by not keeping my mouth shut. Also, the Lord told me " do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces."
This was such hard truth about someone I love. Also, she is a Christian. But the Lord showed me how over the years I had done exactly that, my pearls being the things that were close to my heart and she had torn me to pieces. He began bringing memories back from when we were children and how complacent I was and how my sister would ridicule and critizize me. Our parents were not very good parents and there has been an issue in my past through therapy and later on by a word of knowledge from a lady at church regarding my being sexually abused as a child. I have had dreams, but no direct memory. Recently, my sister began dealing with her own memories about sexual abuse from our dad. All of this has been coming out. My sister and I have had several confrontations since this original email, but I can't have the relationship with her that we have had in the past. I believe the Lord has convicted me of idolatry in that I have allowed her to control and manipulate me. Over the years I have dealt with constant fears and phobias. God has delivered me from many of them. I feel that this situation is the most important thing other than my salvation, that I have ever dealt with in my spiritual life. The pattern in the past with my sister is that no matter what happened, who did what, I was the one to apologize and ask for her forgiveness. If I didn't she would not speak to me, or worse would be very faky sweet. I don't remember her ever apologizing to me about anything. She has and has had in the past many problems in her relationships. I have always been too ready to beg everyone's forgiveness about anything. I feel that the Lord has shown me that my sister hates me because I was born. That sounds stupid, but it is a child's reaction. He has shown me that I have never felt like I deserved to even take up space on this planet. That my sister's belief about me was that the only purpose I had, and have is to be a puppet for her. God doesn't want me to be a puppet for anyone. He wants me to serve Him only.
I want to do that. I believe He wants me to leave her to Him, so that He may deal with her and with me separately and free us both from the bondage of this unhealthy and unholy relationship. I would appreciate any prayers and feed back from any who feel compelled by God to do so. If a lot of this seems vague, I will answer any questions from you in explanation or be more specific if you need me to. I feel like broken glass inside and that every nerve is exposed. I hurt so bad, and I am so afraid. I know this is necessary, but the enemy keeps trying to beat me down and tell me I'm selfish and wrong and bad like my sister says I am. I want to hold fast in the Lord. Please help me in any way you can.

Hello Pilgrim,

I think you were very wise in allowing the Spirit to lead you when you replied to your sister, saying you were thinking and praying about her email.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath" and this is a good initial repsonse to any accusation or attack.

It also gives your sister the message that you are listening to her and consider her feelings important, without actually looking like you're agreeing with her or necessarily accepting the point she makes.

You have a great deal of pain to deal with yourself, and I guess you've given us only the merest hint here.
Therefore I agree with Whatseekye about establishing the healthy boundary while the two of you spend some time seeking help through these things.

What exactly this boundary means in practice is something you need to work out.
You don't mention how much you see of her. Do you live close to each other, telephone or visit, or is email your main point of contact?
Are there other family members who will be affected too much if you take a short break from each other, (eg. your kids all play together?)

You certainly need to protect yourself, but also you need to preserve the relationship in some way, so that you can each remember the other affectionately and in prayer, even during the time of mutually agreed reduced contact.

You may each want to leave the door open to restore the relationship when the time is ripe.
After all, you are sisters twice - in human terms, and in the Lord. This is potentially very precious, and makes it all the more painful that things are broken between you.

Do all you can to find peace and heal yourselves independently from each other, and eventually you may find the path to healing the relationship too.

It sounds to me as if you may be more mature spiritually than your sister - your gentle attitude is Christlike. Painful experiences can do that if you are willing to give the matter to God, which you seem to be trying to do.
She may be the elder, but perhaps God will use you to teach her something later.

Don't be too hard on yourself regading the "idolatry" as you call it, of your sister.
It seems to me that the two of you were little children surviving the best way you could under the circumstances, and for her that meant control of you, and for you it meant looking for security in someone stronger than yourself.

I think this needs some real human contact and deep prayer ministry, but take care in finding the right person.

Don't be afraid to ditch them and try someone else if it feels wrong: Remind yourself that this time you are an adult, you are a child of God, and you make the boundaries of who says/does what to you.

Oh I'm sorry i've gone on so long. I hope you can take this all in.

God bless you, guide you and heal you sister,
Susana

 

[KleinerApfel]

(PS yes I'm praying too!)

 

[Sharky]

Firstly...

And...


I can't feel the pain you feel nor can i relate.

But i can definetely pray.


Remember not to repay evil for evil but love your enemies, bless those who curse you. If someone throws an evil opinion about you, just ignore it and speak gently to them.

You already know this and it's way way harder to put it into action when the situation arises.


What you must do is apologize to her and everyone you've (or might have offended).

It's probably crazy, but the wise thing to do is to clear up yourself first. Forgive your sister. Forgive those who hate you, ask for forgiveness from her about whatever you have offended her. At least from you, God will see that you have done right.

Also, don't forget to warn her because from what i'm reading, she's displaying fruits that are evil. You must warn her of God's wrath if she does not repent from that. But also examine yourself too so that you yourself do not get snared into the devil's trap.


So love your sister, ignore all evil coming from her. Remember to always pray for her and seek God first. God can see your heart. If you suffer for doing what's right, it is pleasing to God.


Don't stop praying either.

And remember you're much loved here. The devil hates that and he's going to do whatever he can to make you give into your sister's attacks.

But do the opposite, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, be gentle, turn the other cheek, and don't give in.

 

[IDS]

I recently heard a song by Ray Boltz about aborted children coming up to the Father in heaven and asking Him what were they supposed to be.


What about children who have childhoods aborted? Instead of being loved being used. Instead of protection hurt. Instead of being treasured being burdens. What happens to these children? Do they grow up to be what they are supposed to be? Or do these fragile, damaged innocent ones carry the pains of childhood into adulthood?


Remember Cain and Abel? Abel's sacrifice was acceptable to GOD. Cain's wasn't. Cain was angry with GOD and Abel died. Often when a person is angry with GOD innocent people get hurt.


Every person has an alabastar box containing the "essence" of their life. A perfume that is uniquely them. A combination of ingredients (life) that make you you. In the bible is a story of one who broke open her alabastar box and poured it upon the head and feet of the Lord. Jesus said that wherever the gospel is preached this story should be told.


What is in your alabastar box? What do you treasure? Is there an offense that will not go away locked safely inside? A crippling hurt that to this day brings you pain? That dark spot upon your soul, that shameful past, that disguised anger, that incurable hurt.


But I have given the Lord all. Well, yes, there are a few issues in my life but I am working on them. As long as I work on my issues they will be my issues. An amazing thing occurs when one opens their alabastar box containing the ugly, stinking things of their life and begin with tears to pour them upon the Lord. A beautiful perfume fills the room. The perfume of healing, forgiveness, restoration, peace.


Hebrews 4:15a For we have not a high priest (JESUS) which cannot (CAN) be touched with the feelings (FEEL) of our infirmities (OUR HURTS).....



Pilgrim 1951, I believe it was Mary Magdalene who was the one with the alabastar box in scripture. She had a bad past. She was arguably the least worthy person to annoint the head and feet of Jesus that day. But her spirit was drawn to Him. Her heart was broken. And it was necessary. She did not understand the significance of what she did that day. But she had to do it.


Did Jesus really need a perfume poured over Him worth a year's wages? I am sure it felt good but I doubt that was what touched the Lord's heart at the time. I believe what she did was more important than what she did. Pouring her heart and soul out, caring not what others thought, as she ministered to the One she loved. There were whisperers and critics. There always will be. But she touched the heart of GOD in His time of need during her time of need.


.....peace.....