I need your help and support

[lost9933]

Hi
I'm a christian man 23 years old.
I have some sexual attraction to hot bodies of men but I don't have this attraction to female bodies :/ I'm also not so manly I just look like I'm younger with feminine features
and this really annoys me, I don't want to be homo
I can control these attractions and I'm not addicted to porn videos but even though I want to be straight, I look to my friends they all are straight and happy
I also have OCD and now thoughts and fears of the future attack me 24/24 hours the whole week and because of this anxiety and overthinking I have a hard pain in my stomach, this pain dissapears once I stop thinking but because of OCD these thoughts let me feel like I don't have a future and that I won't marry when I grow up
can I marry if I just have emotional attraction to women and not sexual!

I also have a fear that if my friends know that I have these attractions they may stop talking to me or change their view, even though this is out of my control
should I tell them or not
I really love them and they love me too i dont want to loose them
please help me

 

[Lulav]

Hello!

First I'd like to say welcome to the forums, you've come to a good place. Secondly I know it's hard but we should not compare ourselves to others, the reason is because we only see what they want us to see, we don't know what is going on behind that persona. Many do it because they are afraid of rejection, and understandably so, but we all live in our own world with our own perception of who we are and who others are.
We should concentrate on firstly who we are, and those who have accepted Jesus as their savior and King are children of G-d.

We all like to have friends and do things that please them but to be a true friend you must care about that person no matter what, through thick and thin. Good times and bad times. Otherwise they are 'fair-weather' friends and not really friends at all.

First you need to find out who you are and sometimes that can be difficult. You mentioned OCD, and there are many reasons for this and most cases can be treated with therapy and or medication. Have you been able to seek medical help for this? If not I would highly recommend you do so. I have personally struggled with depression and PTSD and finding the right doctor and medication has really helped.

I have also meditated on these words from the Bible, from Jesus

Matthew 36:33-34 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Live in the here and now and make the most of it. Take your worries off yourself and see what you can do for others, this in turn will help you to know who you should be.

Here's another from King David Psalm 4:8

In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety.

I can't tell you what to do as far as making a decision about your friends. Nor would I recommend marrying a girl to look acceptable.

Do you have a church community? A priest or pastor you can talk to?

 

[lost9933]

Thanks for your reply.
I don't want to marry a girl to be acceptable, but thats my desire, I'd like to have a wife but my problem that women don't arouse me sexually how can i tell her that !
according to my friends they may listen to me and help me but I just hate to see others know my secrets and for example when I look depressed but I just get worried that they would stop talking to me if I tell them.. and live my life without friends but I really feel guilty when I'm with them even though I didn't choose to have these homo attractions
should I tell them or just keep it between me and God

 

[Lulav]

There are some women that are open to that kind of marriage, you would have to discuss that with her before marriage.

Do you have one friend that you know you can trust with this? If so it might be best to go to them privately and speak to them about it and see what they offer to help you tell the others. Maybe a time will come up when you are alone and you can draw the conversation around causually and ask if they have any deep dark secrets and see if they will tell you theirs and you will then share yours.

 

[lost9933]

Do you think I should feel guilty if I didn't tell them about that,
I don't know if you understand me
they think by default that I get attracted to women just like them, but in fact I don't but thats a secret between me and god
so do you think I should feel guilty that I'm keeping it secret or not

 

[Lulav]

I do not think that by keeping it too yourself you should feel guilty, you don't have to overcompensate like if they see a pretty girl and make certain remarks you do the same to act as if you are. There's no need to do so. You may respond with something like, 'not my type' and if they ask what your type is just say 'I haven't met her yet' and leave it at that.

 

[lost9933]

Thank you
I'd like to wait for others' opinions in my struggle please

 

[KevinesKay]

Thank you, lost9933, for sharing. I commend you for that. May the Lord bless you.

Although, I have never struggled with same s*x attraction, some thoughts come to my mind.

For me, I had to learn that everything I have in life is a privilege, a gift from God. Things such as s*x, love, marriage, children, are not needs, but given to me by the grace of God. And these are all things that I need to surrender to Him. Easier said than done though. For many years, I felt so entitled to feeling good that I did some very destructive things to go about getting what I felt I needed.

What I'm trying to say is that I sense that God desires you to surrender your eyes for other men and your desires to have marriage with a woman to him. That instead of pondering on what you don't have, or what you're missing out on, focus on exercising, appreciating, and developing the gifts that God has already given you. Besides, marriage isn't all that. Most of us being married understand that it takes a lot of hard work, and it's not always cookies and cream. Many women desire s*x and children in their marriage. I don't think you would want to put a woman through the pain of living in a marriage that is void of both of those things. I'm not saying it's not possible. I'm just encouraging you to surrender these desires over to God.

His disciples said to Him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But He said to them, Not all receive this word, but those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs who made eunuchs of themselves for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven. He who is able to receive, let him receive it.
Mathew 19:10-12

As for telling friends about my addiction to p*rn, many of them know, but many do not. I've learned the hard way that not everyone receives this news well. It took a while before I found enough friends to confide to in this manner. I would imagine the same would apply to you. I would encourage you to find friends to confide in. We need that. But use caution when choosing which friends to confide in about your situation.

 

[Thrash Metalhead]

I think you may need to tell someone about your struggles. Keeping it bottled up inside is not good and can cause problems with your mental well-being. Maybe go see a therapist about it.

For the friends, if they really do care about you then I'm sure they can help you with your struggles.

 

[rodM89]

Thank you
I'd like to wait for others' opinions in my struggle please

Hello! Let me first say I admonish you sharing your struggle with other believers seeking help and support with this. That's very brave. I completely understand the struggle you are facing. I hope you haven't come to feeling like you are alone with this or some freak of nature. I too had a big crippling fear of sharing with people wondering what their response might be. Quite frankly I think you won't fully know until you take a step of faith and open up to someone you feel you can trust. Most of all trust God with it. I was horribly scared when I first told my pastor and I would have rather jump out the window than face my fears of tell someone. But it worked out and one by one I told other people who accepted me. So I'm encouraging you that things will work out. I really hope that you can find help with coping with your OCD as well.

 

[sitch777]

First off, I'm sorry you are going through this. I myself am really feminine for a man (trust me I know xD). I'm not sure if this applies to you, but don't think about the cliche role of a woman in the relationship. Could you be attracted to a woman if she had the more masculine role? Is it a psychological thing or just completely physical? I want a woman to make me feel safe and comforted rather than the other way around (I understand it is equal but you get what I mean). Wanting to be on the other end mentally does not make you gay, if that was the case then I would be flaming (lol). Like I said I'm not sure if this applies to you but, I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences on the matter. Godspeed brother

 

[Maurious Paul]

Don't worry about your problem brother. Come to know about the ONE who loved you so much that HE gave his only begotten Son for you and so as He(The Father thou art in Heaven) commanded the ONE who gave his life for you. When you concentrate on growing your knowledge towards Him, the feelings you have now will fade away. Let Him to cure your thoughts by believing in His one and only begotten Son. Come to The Light my brother. When there is Light where shall be the darkness. As to encourage you (towards Him) and drive you out of that feelings I shall give you a verse,

"...Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." - 1 Peter 5 : 7(KJV)

 

[blessedbethyname101]

God be with you and your struggles. I wish I had some advice but don't have any since I cannot relate to your problems. However, I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you overcome your problems with help from God.