I need some help

[Ellan]

Hello, I am Ellan. I'm 23 years old and I'm dutch.

I don't know where I should post this so I will just do it right here, hope it doesn't go against the policy's.

First of all, I wasn't raised in a religious way. I found God in my own way since my whole family is non-believing. Since I wasn't raised religious it's hard for me to understand God at some moments, and it's hard for me to always believe that things will be better. On my profile it will say that I am christian but honestly I don't really know under what category I should put myself. Let me start with my story, I will make it as short as possible.

5 years ago I met my (now ex) girlfriend. I didn't want to commit but we were together, just not 'officially' 2.5 years ago I cheated on her, which I still regret. She forgave me and we continue our relationship, this time official, the thought of losing her scared me so much that I wanted to keep her forever, so we made it official. 2 years ago I broke up with her, I still don't really know why, but I did. She found another man and I broke down, I prayed and prayed and prayed and eventually with the help of God I got her back. Not for long, because 1 year later we broke up again and the story repeated it self, the Lord brought her back to me. I made many mistakes, especially not keeping my promises to God, and about 4 months ago she broke up with me completely out of the blue, Friday she loved me to the moon and back, monday she broke up with me and it all went downhill from there. In that time I've been praying a lot, I've been thinking about what my mistakes were and really wanted to make it work between me and her, and keep my promises. Since a week now she has a new boyfriend, some childhood friend of hers. I don't have to tell you how I feel right now, since I was trying to get the relationship back. I've been praying, thanking God for what he gave to me, asking him to believe in me and my promises, asking him to protect me from hurtful things (foto's of them, facebook posts) and he did, until today. Yesterday I read something about a 'prayer journal', It's basicly where you right down an scenario which you really like to happen. So I wrote an scenario in which I woke up, and my ex and her boyfriend broke up. The completely opposite happend, I woke up and when to my computer only to see that they have made their relationship official.

I don't know what to do, people always say; keep your faith in God, and I do. But for someone who wasn't raised with a religion, who wasn't raised by praying and had to find everything out thereself, it's hard. God made miracles happen for me, but I just feel like he has given up on me. I feel empty, I'm afraid of my own thoughts, I don't dare to go to bed because the silence gets to me. I keep having these 'doomsday' thoughts and it's getting too much.

I will leave this post for what it is, I will give additional information when asked for. Sorry if this is in the wrong section but I just want to know your opinion.

Thank you for reading.

 

[A_Thinker]

Hello, I am Ellan. I'm 23 years old and I'm dutch.

I don't know where I should post this so I will just do it right here, hope it doesn't go against the policy's.

First of all, I wasn't raised in a religious way. I found God in my own way since my whole family is non-believing. Since I wasn't raised religious it's hard for me to understand God at some moments, and it's hard for me to always believe that things will be better. On my profile it will say that I am christian but honestly I don't really know under what category I should put myself. Let me start with my story, I will make it as short as possible.

5 years ago I met my (now ex) girlfriend. I didn't want to commit but we were together, just not 'officially' 2.5 years ago I cheated on her, which I still regret. She forgave me and we continue our relationship, this time official, the thought of losing her scared me so much that I wanted to keep her forever, so we made it official. 2 years ago I broke up with her, I still don't really know why, but I did. She found another man and I broke down, I prayed and prayed and prayed and eventually with the help of God I got her back. Not for long, because 1 year later we broke up again and the story repeated it self, the Lord brought her back to me. I made many mistakes, especially not keeping my promises to God, and about 4 months ago she broke up with me completely out of the blue, Friday she loved me to the moon and back, monday she broke up with me and it all went downhill from there. In that time I've been praying a lot, I've been thinking about what my mistakes were and really wanted to make it work between me and her, and keep my promises. Since a week now she has a new boyfriend, some childhood friend of hers. I don't have to tell you how I feel right now, since I was trying to get the relationship back. I've been praying, thanking God for what he gave to me, asking him to believe in me and my promises, asking him to protect me from hurtful things (foto's of them, facebook posts) and he did, until today. Yesterday I read something about a 'prayer journal', It's basicly where you right down an scenario which you really like to happen. So I wrote an scenario in which I woke up, and my ex and her boyfriend broke up. The completely opposite happend, I woke up and when to my computer only to see that they have made their relationship official.

I don't know what to do, people always say; keep your faith in God, and I do. But for someone who wasn't raised with a religion, who wasn't raised by praying and had to find everything out thereself, it's hard. God made miracles happen for me, but I just feel like he has given up on me. I feel empty, I'm afraid of my own thoughts, I don't dare to go to bed because the silence gets to me. I keep having these 'doomsday' thoughts and it's getting too much.

I will leave this post for what it is, I will give additional information when asked for. Sorry if this is in the wrong section but I just want to know your opinion.

Thank you for reading.

Hello Elan ...

Life is not easy, whether or not you were raised in the faith.

We all experience heartbreak, disappointment, trials and troubles.

But we have the Lord with us as we go through these things.

Maybe God will bring your girlfriend back ... and maybe He wants you to move on.

Just take it a day at a time and see what God does in your life.

In the meantime, pray, read your scriptures, fellowship with your christian brothers and sisters, and try to trust God to work everything out.

I will pray for you, as well.

 

[DaisyDay]

Let her go since that's what she wants.

And welcome to CF!

 

[dqhall]

Hello, I am Ellan. I'm 23 years old and I'm dutch.

I don't know where I should post this so I will just do it right here, hope it doesn't go against the policy's.

First of all, I wasn't raised in a religious way. I found God in my own way since my whole family is non-believing. Since I wasn't raised religious it's hard for me to understand God at some moments, and it's hard for me to always believe that things will be better. On my profile it will say that I am christian but honestly I don't really know under what category I should put myself. Let me start with my story, I will make it as short as possible.

5 years ago I met my (now ex) girlfriend. I didn't want to commit but we were together, just not 'officially' 2.5 years ago I cheated on her, which I still regret. She forgave me and we continue our relationship, this time official, the thought of losing her scared me so much that I wanted to keep her forever, so we made it official. 2 years ago I broke up with her, I still don't really know why, but I did. She found another man and I broke down, I prayed and prayed and prayed and eventually with the help of God I got her back. Not for long, because 1 year later we broke up again and the story repeated it self, the Lord brought her back to me. I made many mistakes, especially not keeping my promises to God, and about 4 months ago she broke up with me completely out of the blue, Friday she loved me to the moon and back, monday she broke up with me and it all went downhill from there. In that time I've been praying a lot, I've been thinking about what my mistakes were and really wanted to make it work between me and her, and keep my promises. Since a week now she has a new boyfriend, some childhood friend of hers. I don't have to tell you how I feel right now, since I was trying to get the relationship back. I've been praying, thanking God for what he gave to me, asking him to believe in me and my promises, asking him to protect me from hurtful things (foto's of them, facebook posts) and he did, until today. Yesterday I read something about a 'prayer journal', It's basicly where you right down an scenario which you really like to happen. So I wrote an scenario in which I woke up, and my ex and her boyfriend broke up. The completely opposite happend, I woke up and when to my computer only to see that they have made their relationship official.

I don't know what to do, people always say; keep your faith in God, and I do. But for someone who wasn't raised with a religion, who wasn't raised by praying and had to find everything out thereself, it's hard. God made miracles happen for me, but I just feel like he has given up on me. I feel empty, I'm afraid of my own thoughts, I don't dare to go to bed because the silence gets to me. I keep having these 'doomsday' thoughts and it's getting too much.

I will leave this post for what it is, I will give additional information when asked for. Sorry if this is in the wrong section but I just want to know your opinion.

Thank you for reading.

One who is faithful will keep his promises and commitments. If you were dishonest with her, you lost her. If you were selfish and did not give her enough, you lost her. If she was not faithful and did not keep her promises to you, she lost you. If she was selfish and not giving to you, she lost you.

At this point you should not try to get together with her. There must be a hundred better things to do than to dredge up memories of a love that was lost. You may try to learn more about Jesus and God. At 23 you should have options available. There is hope for repentance and self improvement. There are other women. Paul taught us we should not fornicate. The apostles taught against sexual immorality as the Jews taught sexual morality from the Book of Deuteronomy.

 

[PollyJetix]

Ellan... I am so sorry you are so entangled with this heartbreak.
I was married for 18 years, and had 2 children... and my husband changed to the point where he decided to abandon us. Looking back, I can see where the seeds of his abandonment were there from the very beginning, but I refused to face the flaws of his character.

It takes 2 to make it work. And God will not force anyone to do His will. Not you. Not the one you want to come back to you.

The important thing for you from this moment on, is...
Are you going to sit and bleed the rest of your life, over this person?
Will you let this define you, as a person? Or will you get up, dust yourself off, and learn from it?

I convinced myself for about 10 years that God was going to bring my husband back.
That God was going to discipline him, and turn him around.
But that's not the way God works.

I was trying to magically control my husband's will, by praying... in fact, that was actually trying to use God as a tool to control my husband's power of individual choice!

I had to come to the place where I realized I was a separate person from the one I had loved for so many years. I could only make choices for myself.

I wanted my ex-husband to come to God. I still do.

But I cannot make his decision for him. I can only make my own decisions.

So, I came to God, myself. Instead of looking at my ex, and longing for him, I must look at God, and long for Him.

Perhaps that's why God allowed my ex to make the decision he did.
Perhaps I had an idol. Perhaps I loved my ex, more than I loved God.
Looking back... I think I did.

 

[Uber Genius]

One who is faithful will keep his promises and commitments. If you were dishonest with her, you lost her. If you were selfish and did not give her enough, you lost her. If she was not faithful and did not keep her promises to you, she lost you. If she was selfish and not giving to you, she lost you.

At this point you should not try to get together with her. There must be a hundred better things to do than to dredge up memories of a love that was lost. You may try to learn more about Jesus and God. At 23 you should have options available. There is hope for repentance and self improvement. There are other women. Paul taught us we should not fornicate. The apostles taught against sexual immorality as the Jews taught sexual morality from the Book of Deuteronomy.

This is not how I understand Christianity!

Jesus doesn't love us if we are obedient and without sin!

God is not standing there with a carrot and a stick!

Paul, after 20 years of being a Christian minister and apostle and writing a portion of scripture and planting dozens of churches, healing the sick, raising the dead, and being an exemplar Christian says "Wretched man that I am, who will deliver me from this body of sin and death."

Are we expected to be more perfect in our obedience than Paul?

Paul has great tribulation in his life but is not due to lack of obedience.

He considered his relationship with God to be one of a slave serving God.

Jesus likewise told his disciples they would suffer.

God is not a butler, fetching the things we want when we are good, and punishing us when we are bad.

 

[Uber Genius]

Hello, I am Ellan. I'm 23 years old and I'm dutch.

I don't know where I should post this so I will just do it right here, hope it doesn't go against the policy's.

First of all, I wasn't raised in a religious way. I found God in my own way since my whole family is non-believing. Since I wasn't raised religious it's hard for me to understand God at some moments, and it's hard for me to always believe that things will be better. On my profile it will say that I am christian but honestly I don't really know under what category I should put myself. Let me start with my story, I will make it as short as possible.

5 years ago I met my (now ex) girlfriend. I didn't want to commit but we were together, just not 'officially' 2.5 years ago I cheated on her, which I still regret. She forgave me and we continue our relationship, this time official, the thought of losing her scared me so much that I wanted to keep her forever, so we made it official. 2 years ago I broke up with her, I still don't really know why, but I did. She found another man and I broke down, I prayed and prayed and prayed and eventually with the help of God I got her back. Not for long, because 1 year later we broke up again and the story repeated it self, the Lord brought her back to me. I made many mistakes, especially not keeping my promises to God, and about 4 months ago she broke up with me completely out of the blue, Friday she loved me to the moon and back, monday she broke up with me and it all went downhill from there. In that time I've been praying a lot, I've been thinking about what my mistakes were and really wanted to make it work between me and her, and keep my promises. Since a week now she has a new boyfriend, some childhood friend of hers. I don't have to tell you how I feel right now, since I was trying to get the relationship back. I've been praying, thanking God for what he gave to me, asking him to believe in me and my promises, asking him to protect me from hurtful things (foto's of them, facebook posts) and he did, until today. Yesterday I read something about a 'prayer journal', It's basicly where you right down an scenario which you really like to happen. So I wrote an scenario in which I woke up, and my ex and her boyfriend broke up. The completely opposite happend, I woke up and when to my computer only to see that they have made their relationship official.

I don't know what to do, people always say; keep your faith in God, and I do. But for someone who wasn't raised with a religion, who wasn't raised by praying and had to find everything out thereself, it's hard. God made miracles happen for me, but I just feel like he has given up on me. I feel empty, I'm afraid of my own thoughts, I don't dare to go to bed because the silence gets to me. I keep having these 'doomsday' thoughts and it's getting too much.

I will leave this post for what it is, I will give additional information when asked for. Sorry if this is in the wrong section but I just want to know your opinion.

Thank you for reading.

unfriended her on facebook!

God doesn't remove people's free will. But he does, on occasion protects us from bad relationships that would be extremely painful over time. Imagine being married with small children when she just left you.

Perhaps it is time to forget the past and create a plan for maturity.

This plan would involve you determining your calling from God.

It would identify where you needed to mature intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.

It would involve learning how to study the scriptures, understand God's nature, strategy in human history, what he calls you to be like from a character perspective.

Discipleship is costly in terms of time and money spent on books and other resources. You are now free of the biggest impediment to discipleship for a young man, namely, "A girlfriend!"

Look at this time as an opportunity to realign your priorities toward discipleship as opposed to a "Beleiver.."

Grieving a lost relationship is necessary but should be a function of weeks, not months. Picturing handing my grief to God and asking him to take the pain away and help me move on, has proved effective over the years, God will help you leave the pain and break the soulish bond that occured between the two of you.

You have opportunity to LEAVE THE WOMAN.

By that I mean not define yourself by the woman you are with. I highly advise taking time off from dating and focusing on discipleship. You will meet someone soon enough and may not have this opportunity again.

 

[drjean]

Welcome to CF!

Until we are secure in whom we are, we are always looking for someone else to "complete" us. God loves you and, as you shared, shows you He is in your life by giving you miracles. Thank Him for those, talk to Him about your issues (it sounds like you really know what you should do, but maybe are afraid God will abandon you, too?)

 

[Drifter Kybe Scythe Kane]

Hello, I am Ellan. I'm 23 years old and I'm dutch.

I don't know where I should post this so I will just do it right here, hope it doesn't go against the policy's.

First of all, I wasn't raised in a religious way. I found God in my own way since my whole family is non-believing. Since I wasn't raised religious it's hard for me to understand God at some moments, and it's hard for me to always believe that things will be better. On my profile it will say that I am christian but honestly I don't really know under what category I should put myself. Let me start with my story, I will make it as short as possible.

5 years ago I met my (now ex) girlfriend. I didn't want to commit but we were together, just not 'officially' 2.5 years ago I cheated on her, which I still regret. She forgave me and we continue our relationship, this time official, the thought of losing her scared me so much that I wanted to keep her forever, so we made it official. 2 years ago I broke up with her, I still don't really know why, but I did. She found another man and I broke down, I prayed and prayed and prayed and eventually with the help of God I got her back. Not for long, because 1 year later we broke up again and the story repeated it self, the Lord brought her back to me. I made many mistakes, especially not keeping my promises to God, and about 4 months ago she broke up with me completely out of the blue, Friday she loved me to the moon and back, monday she broke up with me and it all went downhill from there. In that time I've been praying a lot, I've been thinking about what my mistakes were and really wanted to make it work between me and her, and keep my promises. Since a week now she has a new boyfriend, some childhood friend of hers. I don't have to tell you how I feel right now, since I was trying to get the relationship back. I've been praying, thanking God for what he gave to me, asking him to believe in me and my promises, asking him to protect me from hurtful things (foto's of them, facebook posts) and he did, until today. Yesterday I read something about a 'prayer journal', It's basicly where you right down an scenario which you really like to happen. So I wrote an scenario in which I woke up, and my ex and her boyfriend broke up. The completely opposite happend, I woke up and when to my computer only to see that they have made their relationship official.

I don't know what to do, people always say; keep your faith in God, and I do. But for someone who wasn't raised with a religion, who wasn't raised by praying and had to find everything out thereself, it's hard. God made miracles happen for me, but I just feel like he has given up on me. I feel empty, I'm afraid of my own thoughts, I don't dare to go to bed because the silence gets to me. I keep having these 'doomsday' thoughts and it's getting too much.

I will leave this post for what it is, I will give additional information when asked for. Sorry if this is in the wrong section but I just want to know your opinion.

Thank you for reading.

Look at your options, as still a young man, well at least I'd be pleased with other women out there for extra options for me-I'd hope you to feel the same way so you can move on. You can't live in the past forever. There are enough girls out there to maneuver with to go for. Your hurt can stay there at least there partially, true, but God will give you other options out there too, and trust me, He has some ideas about how to do that. All in all things should go well with that type of thinking. Remember if she's happy and you love her, you need to reach out with your perceptions and put yourself in her shoes and think of the bigger picture and let her go. Even if she is the love of your life, then I'm pretty sure God can bring her back to you, but at the same time figure out that for yourself. I dunno, say I love you with whatever her name is over and over again and really assess how that feels with your ways and quirks deep down inside. Good luck and God bless.