I need some advice....

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Hi Guys.

I know I shouldnt be posting here but I guess I just need some help form my brothers.

A bomb was dropped on me last night. My best friend (who happens to be a guy, runs alot of the childrens minitry at our church) revealed to me that he has been with a prostitute 4 times and it happend again on Saturday night.

I dont even know what to say. I know he had been struggling with Pornography and it just got so much worse. Now every time I talk to him hes so down on himself and thinks hes scum. We talked about Jesus forgiveness and he has repented, but Im the only one who he has told and comes to me to talk. Which is fine, I just dont kwno what to say anymore.

I have suggested telling his parents, suggested seeking professional help, IM totally out of ideas. I prayed for him, prayed with him. I just dont know what to do anymore.

Guys Im turning to you for help and prayaers.... maybe you have some advice for me? Im seriously lost here

Thanks
Yoru sister in Christ
Sign <><

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Wow. That is a bomb.
I suggest sending a PM to member GySgt

Really.
This dude needs to get a hold of himself. And GySgt, or "Gunny" I think has some experience in this type of ministry.

 

[thereselittleflower]

As hard as this sounds, he needs to remove hismself from the children's ministry . . someone who is having difficulty like this needs to take a break from ministry until they get it under control . .

He is addicted to pornography, and he needs help getting delivered from it . . you are not that person as you don't have a background of dealing with this . .

May I suggest that you go to your pastor and ask for help - you don't have to say who your friend is . .but you can get guidance on how to help your friend get the thelp he needs . .

I know what I would tell you if he were Catholic in addition to what I mentioned above, but they are probably not part of your beliefs (such as confession and partaking of the Eucharist) . . .

I would also suggest that you encourage him to talk to your pastor, and offer to go with him to support him in this so he doesn't feel so alone . .

There is only so much that you can do for him, but prayer is the most important . . your prayers and the prayers of others are very effective against sin and evil . . .

Have you put him on a pray chain yet? Of course you would have to use discretion about how to do it and what to say, but prayer is very, very important right now. . .



Peace in Him!

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

As hard as this sounds, he needs to remove hismself from the children's ministry . . someone who is having difficulty like this needs to take a break from ministry until they get it under control . .

He is addicted to pornography, and he needs help getting delivered from it . . you are not that person as you don't have a background of dealing with this . .

May I suggest that you go to your pastor and ask for help - you don't have to say who your friend is . .but you can get guidance on how to help your friend get the thelp he needs . .

I know what I would tell you if he were Catholic in addition to what I mentioned above, but they are probably not part of your beliefs (such as confession and partaking of the Eucharist) . . .

I would also suggest that you encourage him to talk to your pastor, and offer to go with him to support him in this so he doesn't feel so alone . .

There is only so much that you can do for him, but prayer is the most important . . your prayers and the prayers of others are very effective against sin and evil . . .

Have you put him on a pray chain yet? Of course you would have to use discretion about how to do it and what to say, but prayer is very, very important right now. . .



Peace in Him!

Hey!

Thanks for your advice. He has removed himself from ministry before, and when he did that, thats when he got into deep trouble. He told me he hasnt done this since summer. Its so sad because he has such a big heart for ministry.

I think Im gonna have to sit down with him and tell him that he has to speak to someone who has a background in these things. And of course I will go with him. But whenever I suggest this he says no. So I just dont want to give up on him, that wont solve anything.

I just personally find it hard to carry his burdens for him, and I can bearly carry my own.
I love him as my brother in christ so much and I hate to see him like this. He has such a heart for children and he wants to despertaly be a missoinary.

Do you know where I can add him to a prayer chain? Like how would I go about doing this?
Thanks for your help

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Wow. That is a bomb.
I suggest sending a PM to member GySgt

Really.
This dude needs to get a hold of himself. And GySgt, or "Gunny" I think has some experience in this type of ministry.

Ok I will do that for sure.


Thanks Mr Cheese

(How come you havent been online lately?)

 

[cleaveun2him]

Perhaps you should consider the next step as suggested in the new testament. If you know of a sin in a member you are to talk with that person. If that is ineffective, as it seems to be in this case then you are to bring other Christians into the loop, so that together you might help that person. If that fails then you are to bring it before the church.

I definitely agree with the other posters that until this sin is dealt with your friend should not be participating in children's ministry...especially NEVER alone. Prayer both by yourself, or placing the concern during a prayer session, or on a prayer chain is a powerful tool.

 

[Silent Enigma]

Well, if he would repent publicly about this problem it would bring the sort of accountability that helps a person overcome this. It'd have to be voluntary.

Although since he's involved in children's ministry I think that the parents have the right to know this.

 

[Pastor_Benjamin]

As a person on the leadership team it is vital that he brings this issue to the attention of the pastor. Why should he do that you say? As some in a role that requires integrity he must be completely honest and tell the head of the church when he runs into a problem so that the problem can be addressed and solved if possible. I cant think of a better person to help him with his problem then the pastor. A plan must be implemented so that this Jezebel spirit is not allowed to run rampent over this Young man's life. I have batted this particular demon on many of nights. The bible says in order for you to plunder the strongman's goods you must first bind the strongman. The bible also says whatsoever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven and whatsoever you loose on earth shall be loosened in heaven. Removal from leadership is a definite must intill this sin is addressed. I pray this has been of some help to you.

God bless,

Pastor Bruce Benjamin

 

[Jack_Racz]

Well, if he would repent publicly about this problem it would bring the sort of accountability that helps a person overcome this.

My frat uses accountibility groups to help us with...well, basically everything. Maybe he should get a couple friends that he can rely on when he feels weak and needs to be held accountable. Like my accountablility group are pretty close, we call each other all the time... especially if we are or have been having problems. It's all about trust and being willing to change.

And God Bless you for taking such a concern in your friend

 

[allieisme]

I too would have to agree with some of the posters here, even though he isnt struggling with issues regarding children, struggling with pornography is horrible, thus he should be removed from his duties with the children ministry, and as far as accountability, he should definitely see the pastor of your church, at the least, thats what he should do..
I will pray for this man, and his struggles..
How come you said you shouldnt be in this forum? That confused me, you have every right to ask a question at any time

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

See Adam does have an accountability partner. I just dont think he uses him. I hate to say it, but I feel as tho Adam dosent want to stop? Like he forgets the feeilngs he has after doing so.
I think hes comming over this morning, so we can pray together, and I am really going to encourage him to speak to someone. And *gulp* suggest maybe that he backs away from ministry until he can get things straightened around.

Do you guys think it would be wrong of me to go behind his back and tell someone? It seems so wrong, but I know it needs to get out in the open. However then guy is 24 and I guess its not like his parents can force him to stay home on the weekends.

I do know however that he isnt allowed on the computer after his paretns go to bed, which is good, but Im still not sure how much he follows that.

I dont think adam would call anyone because it seemes to happen late at night. Oh and I asked him about the whole prostitute thing, and I guess this past weekend it was his idea. I guess he called his friend Joey and they went out together. He blamed it on being Valentines day and being lonely. I mean I guess I can understand, Im just as lonely as he is, and single, and want to be with someone, but I donno I guess I just dotn udnerstand.

Thanks for listening to my rant guys. And thank you for your prayers.

Sign <><

 

[thereselittleflower]

Hey!

Thanks for your advice. He has removed himself from ministry before, and when he did that, thats when he got into deep trouble. He told me he hasnt done this since summer. Its so sad because he has such a big heart for ministry.

I think Im gonna have to sit down with him and tell him that he has to speak to someone who has a background in these things. And of course I will go with him. But whenever I suggest this he says no. So I just dont want to give up on him, that wont solve anything.

I just personally find it hard to carry his burdens for him, and I can bearly carry my own.
I love him as my brother in christ so much and I hate to see him like this. He has such a heart for children and he wants to despertaly be a missoinary.

Do you know where I can add him to a prayer chain? Like how would I go about doing this?
Thanks for your help

\

Does your church have a prayer chain?

I posted in OBOB (One Bread One Body forum here at CF) asking for prayers for my father in Decembe, who was on his death bed, and the doctors fully expected him to die any time . . I asked people to pray for him. I then called my Church (Catholic) and asked them to say prayers for him .. and he was put on their prayer chain . . .

We were making arrangements for me to go down on a moements notice to see him as soon as he was released from the hospital to die at home because his time would be short . . .

Within a few hours, my brogher called me to tell me he had made a striking recovery, a 180 degree turn around, and is now well . .


If you don't know where to go to ask from a group of intercessors to pray for him, call your local Catholic Church . they have people who are always praying for needs . . and come to OBOB (One Bread One Body in the Community forum group) and ask for those there to pray for him . . he will get on prayer lists around the world . .


Peace in Him!

 

[Lyle]

Hi Guys.

I know I shouldnt be posting here but I guess I just need some help form my brothers.

A bomb was dropped on me last night. My best friend (who happens to be a guy, runs alot of the childrens minitry at our church) revealed to me that he has been with a prostitute 4 times and it happend again on Saturday night.

I dont even know what to say. I know he had been struggling with Pornography and it just got so much worse. Now every time I talk to him hes so down on himself and thinks hes scum. We talked about Jesus forgiveness and he has repented, but Im the only one who he has told and comes to me to talk. Which is fine, I just dont kwno what to say anymore.

I have suggested telling his parents, suggested seeking professional help, IM totally out of ideas. I prayed for him, prayed with him. I just dont know what to do anymore.

I will throw my advice on the pile.. The only way to overcome such lusts, is the Bible... Nothing has proven more effective then this.
Memorizing poritions of the Bible, and drawing them as a sword when you are being tempted.. The Word of God is powerful and alive, and will send the devil running. James says "resist and devil and he will flee."
If your friend is truely willing to change, this is the course he must take.

On a personal note of such problems.. I have counseled many through such times and temptations, and I have seen this to be the best way... Because God gives us power to overcome the world, the flesh, and the devil..... I would like to talk with him on this matter....

 

[Lyle]

See Adam does have an accountability partner. I just dont think he uses him. I hate to say it, but I feel as tho Adam dosent want to stop? Like he forgets the feeilngs he has after doing so.

The desires of the flesh are so strong, and so hard to pull out. If he wants to change, he must lstand up against this..... "A true Christian can never be overcome, unless he surrenders his will." The devil cannot defeat him in this area, unless He gives up....

 

[thereselittleflower]

All has to be bathed in prayer, especially to break an addiction such as this . . and this is what it is, and addicition . .

It will be broken in the spiritual realm first through the intercession of believers . . then, his mind and will will be free to choose what is right . .




Peace in Him!

 

[Svt4Him]

Well, here's my thought. Refer him to a pastor or leadership team, and get away from him. I know he's your best friend, but that's not healthy for him, especially if he has women issues. I have seen this turn bad too many times, so why play with fire.

 

[ShetlandRose]

This is a 24-year old man, an adult, and his parents don't allow him to be on the computer after they go to bed? What does this tell you?

Pride is what is keeping your friend from seeking help, but from what you have written here, I can also see that he wants to stop sinning and knows it is wrong but also wants to hang onto his sin. In his immaturity, he shifts the blame to something like "loneliness."

After repentance (true repentance, mind you) he should go immediately to his pastor or priest and confess all. He has been placed in church leadership and the shepherd (Pastor/Priest) of his church is held accountable for the welfare of the sheep, in this case the children, and holds concern for Adam's spiritual health as well. This is a very serious matter. If Adam has confessed to you, then he must be suffering from guilt. As a friend, don't desert him unless you feel you will be drawn into his sin as well. Whether you should go to the church leadership yourself, only God can tell you; I am certain He will make it known to you what He wants you to do. I hope you can convince your friend that seeking help is the best way and the feeling of being clean in God's sight will be worth it.

ShetlandRose

 

[allieisme]

I don't think its wrong or horrible, if you go behind his back and tell someone, he is so washed up in sin right now, he probably doesn't feel he even has a problem. Have you prayed about going to someone and telling them? If not I would strongly advise you to do that, and make sure that is God's will of you to do.

 

[JLP]

Hey Girl!

Funny, me giving YOU advise...but this is something near and dear to my heart!

1. He needs help immediately. Look at what I am going through because something like this was not addressed early on.

2. You said he has a heart for childrens ministry. He MUST take care of himself before he can do any ministry to others.

3. Remember that things like this are spiritual sicknesses. If you knew he had a sickness and you knew a doctor that could help, you wouldn't think twice about taking him. He needs help...he just can't see it. He will convince himself that he can work it through. He can't!

G.K. Chesterton remarked, "The man who knocks on the door of the brothel is looking for God." A little pamphlet I am reading from RBC ministries goes on to say that the danger, intrigue, mystery and madness of an illicit affair promises to satisfy a hunger that in reality can be satisfied only in God.


4. Be there for him. Continue to love and support him, but make him accountable for his actions. In all honesty, his accountability should be to a man, not to you. It really would be inappropriate for you to listen to what he is struggling with in any detail.

5. As someone mentioned earlier, if he won't listen to you, take someone with you and talk to him. (make sure it is someone that is spiritually mature and trustworthy).

6. By adding another person into the equasion, that will take some of the burden off of you.

I am praying for you and for him! Feels to me like Satan has moved a bunch of his troops into our neck of the woods. Let's prepare for the battle with prayer!

JLP

 

[Starcradle]

Dear Fish,

This is truly a heartbreaking situation and I commend you for seeking the advice of your brothers and sisters in Christ in order to help Adam. As you well know, Scripture is the highest authority, and it does address what is to be done when a member of the church is engaged in sexual immorality.

1 Corinthians 5:1-13


It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles--that a man has his father's wife! And you are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away from among you. For I indeed, as absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged (as though I were present) him who has so done this deed. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, along with my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
Your glorying is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? Therefore purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, since you truly are unleavened. For indeed Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed for us. Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person.
For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? But those who are outside God judges. Therefore "put away from yourselves the evil person."


I will allow the above passages to speak for themselves.