my husband of three years and i are having a difficult time in our relationship. i am a at home mother and find my self completely bored in my relationship. We hardly talk and when he trys to be kind i just push him away. i have gained 40 pounds in the last 8 months and am very unhappy. i have prayed and prayed but find myslef pushing towards a seperation. he does nothing to help me around the house or with our two children. his job is 9-5 and mine is 7-10. I have over an 18 hour day cleaning, taking care of children and of him. HELP what should i do?
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i need some advice
- Thread starter sarhanken
- Start date
do you need to work ? If not stop . I was a stay at home mom too and we just did without a lot of things.--one car for example.
How old are your kids ?
Do you have a family member or close friend or fellow church member who could watch the kid for you so you could go out once a month --even if it for a walk
Don t seperate. This too shall pass.
Don t just say I need help give him something specific to do.
what does he do at work ? what is your job ?
I am not being nosey I just need a better perspective.
How old are your kids ?
Do you have a family member or close friend or fellow church member who could watch the kid for you so you could go out once a month --even if it for a walk
Don t seperate. This too shall pass.
Don t just say I need help give him something specific to do.
what does he do at work ? what is your job ?
I am not being nosey I just need a better perspective.
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didymus he is a mechanical tech. at a company. my children ages are 4 and 2. the only time he does any thing to help is when i get angry. and then it feels to me like that is the only reason he does anything. i don't work i take care of the kids all day and i have my 16 year old sister that lives with me that i take care of. i feel overwhelmed. i never have abreak i am around children all day. my sister works and goes to school and then when she has free time she of course likes to do 16 year old things
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YouthPastor
Name = Brett
sarhanken - Why are you mad at him? Why are you bored?
I just sense there is something deeper? Is there some resentment? Some past hurt?
I just sense there is something deeper? Is there some resentment? Some past hurt?
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have you tried to explain how you feel? you said that he helps when you get angry-i know my husband will do stuff when i'm mad just so i'll get off his back, but i realize later he still doesn't actually get it. he needs to understand that being at home w/ the kids is a full time job in itself.
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thanks for all you suggestions. I have tried to talk to him and he listens and says he is sorry but i dont see that he does any thing to fx it. i dont want a separation but in the past i would leave and he would change
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Wide-eyedWithWonder
The Paradoxical Woman
Christian counseling can help - if you are both willing to work at it. My mom and stepdad also used two books - His Needs, Her Needs and Lovebusters - to help them. These books will open your eyes and his eyes to what's really going on - if you both read them. Please don't be discouraged! 
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MetalBlade
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- Feb 23, 2003
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I may not be married, but I think my opinion is important nonetheless. You must talk to your husband about the problem, but most of all keep talking to God. If your husband agrees that there is a problem then you both need to work it out. A counsler would be good, especially if you are both christians, there are christian marriage counslers out there! I'll pray for you!
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MY-LIFE-IS-IN-YOU-LORD
I am a Princess because MY DADDY is the KING of KI
I can truly understand. When I read your post I had to look again because it sounds like I could have wrote it!
PM me so we can talk! or e-mail
PM me so we can talk! or e-mail
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kimber1
mean people suck
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Trust in God to work out the problems. Don't just walk away from your commitment. I too am a stay at home mom. I babysit 3 other children and have 2 of my own ( 11 and 3) . I can sympathize with the no help around the house thing. Luckily my hubby worked 3rd shift for awhile and was home during the day to see jsut exactly how hard it is to work at home. Maybe sit down adn discuss with him exactly what all you do during the day and ask him if he could please help instead of doing it once you're already mad. Also, you need some time out away from the kids!! Trust me I know how you feel. Even if it's just to the store to get a loaf of bread by yourself. You need that "alone time". Will your hubby keep an eye on the kids for you to do that?
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IslandBreeze
Caribbean Queen
Okay, I don't mean for this to be judgemental, and I hope it doesn't come across that way.
First of all, a 10 o'clock bedtime for your children? That seems VERY late--then again, I don't have kids, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. But if your day runs THAT long, an earlier bedtime could do wonders for you AND your kids.
Secondly, you said you've put on 40 lbs in the past 8 months? I feel for ya. Especially if you've had a baby recently. Again, I don't have kids, but I know how important it WILL be for me to lose that weight. Not for my husband, but for myself. So I feel better.
It sounds like you and hubby need time together. Get over the guilt, and call someone to take them for a weekend. They'll survive, and it will do WONDERS for your marriage. I've seen friends do it, and it's VERY helpful!
There is NOTHING better than a mother staying at home to be with her kids. God will bless you for it, and your kids will appreciate you so much! Again, forgive me if I was judgemental; I didn't mean to be. I'll say a prayer. Good luck!
First of all, a 10 o'clock bedtime for your children? That seems VERY late--then again, I don't have kids, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. But if your day runs THAT long, an earlier bedtime could do wonders for you AND your kids.
Secondly, you said you've put on 40 lbs in the past 8 months? I feel for ya. Especially if you've had a baby recently. Again, I don't have kids, but I know how important it WILL be for me to lose that weight. Not for my husband, but for myself. So I feel better.
It sounds like you and hubby need time together. Get over the guilt, and call someone to take them for a weekend. They'll survive, and it will do WONDERS for your marriage. I've seen friends do it, and it's VERY helpful!
There is NOTHING better than a mother staying at home to be with her kids. God will bless you for it, and your kids will appreciate you so much! Again, forgive me if I was judgemental; I didn't mean to be. I'll say a prayer. Good luck!
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Fight adversity.
Your situation is not unusual. I recommend marriage counseling. Really.
A client of ours once said something that was very true, "If people worked half as hard to stay together as they do trying to break apart, there would be a lot less divorce."
I believe you two can work through it. You don't want to lose your marriage. That is not a solution to your situation. Overcoming this and staying together is the solution.
For now make that committment to each other. Or, being married, remember the vow you spoke before God and everyone. Tell your husband, "Somehow, someway, we are going to work this out."
Your situation is not unusual. I recommend marriage counseling. Really.
A client of ours once said something that was very true, "If people worked half as hard to stay together as they do trying to break apart, there would be a lot less divorce."
I believe you two can work through it. You don't want to lose your marriage. That is not a solution to your situation. Overcoming this and staying together is the solution.
For now make that committment to each other. Or, being married, remember the vow you spoke before God and everyone. Tell your husband, "Somehow, someway, we are going to work this out."
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Bsign24
Call2witness
- Feb 27, 2003
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I can sympathize with what your going through, and you'll be in my prayers. Although I'm not married, I've seen what happens when a married couple have problems. I do believe that you and your husband ought to set aside for yourself a quiet time of study and reflection in the Word, you can be surprised how much comfort the Word has in such situations. You and your husband must remember that by joining together in Holy Matrimony you are now one flesh, one unit, you both work as one person. May God help you both in this trial.
God Bless
God Bless
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