Hi, I really need some advice. I am 48, single, and currently pursuing my MBA. I have one son who is 22 years old. I am retired military, a landlord, and drive a Lexus. I have a fairly decent job and I make good money. So what is the problem right??? I am soooo unhappy!!!! Here goes
.back in 2010 I took in my disabled mother and I was her full time caregiver. My son and I took care of her. We really didnt have any other family here to assist us, so we took full responsibility. I took off work and was here for her around the clock. She passed away in June of 2012. My son and I moved out of our home (it was too big) because I was planning on relocating. We moved into a smaller apartment and I rented out my home. We are in a town in Florida where the wages are low and the jobs are few. We do have family here but they are so distant. I want to relocate to Los Angeles, CA. My moms older sister lives there and my cousins who I grew up with. We are very close. The problem is
.my son doesnt want to relocate. He is in college here but I dont want to leave him, I want him to come with me. He got into some trouble here recently by hanging out with the wrong crowd and got arrested. To make a long story short it was over marijuana and he ended up with a misdemeanor and a years probation. I want to move away from here so bad but how do I move away from my only child especially so far away?? I really dont want to leave him here because there is no family here he could turn too. His dad is in Nashville. I have been through so much here. I am a Christian and I do go to church here but I just want a fresh start. I cry constantly because I am torn!!! Please advise. Thanks and God Bless
.Rose
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I Need Some Advice....Please
- Thread starter model38
- Start date
The answer is both simple and difficult at the same time. You have two choices:
1. Stay where you are to be in close proximity to your son
2. Move to LA to get a fresh start
You can't have both. You have to choose which of the two is more important to you. It's really that simple.
Either way, you are not going to get all that you want. You have to accept that.
OR the best choice...
Ask God to open your heart and eyes to what He would have you to do. Ask Him if there is something besides the two options. Allow Him to show you exactly what His will is, and you will have peace.
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SkyeMist
Junior Member
Turkle is right. The best option is to ask what God wants you to do, to stay or to re-locate. It sounds like your son needs your help right now to get his life straightened out. You could spend the next few years with your son till he graduates and gets a job and then re-locate to LA. In the meantime, you can serve in church and make new friends there and on CF to make you feel less lonely.
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Posted: Ask God to open your heart and eyes to what He would have you to do. Ask Him if there is something besides the two options. Allow Him to show you exactly what His will is, and you will have peace.
agree.
agree.
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ezeric
HE loves me too.
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You can do both!
Just not simultaneously.
Many times we get a 'leading from GOD' (wisdom in LOVE) comes to us, but then we don't wait on the timing.
Our times are in HIS Hands the scripture boldly reminds us. Psalm 31:15
Years ago the LORD gave me an understanding that I was going to help lead people /help people into GRACE into the Kingdom.
As I meditated on such a grand calling...the LORD spoke to me saying:
"How come I give you a vision and the first thing you try to do is fulfill it?"
Like Moses, hearing that he is the Jews next liberator, and the first thing he see's is a hebrew being beaten by Egyptians and kills the Egyptian!
I mean after all, Moses is their liberator, isn't he?
We get a leading, and we try to "DO" something about it, where it is supposed to be HIM doing it in HIS timing...
I say both decisions are 'right' just your timing is off.
-eric
Just not simultaneously.
Many times we get a 'leading from GOD' (wisdom in LOVE) comes to us, but then we don't wait on the timing.
Our times are in HIS Hands the scripture boldly reminds us. Psalm 31:15
Years ago the LORD gave me an understanding that I was going to help lead people /help people into GRACE into the Kingdom.
As I meditated on such a grand calling...the LORD spoke to me saying:
"How come I give you a vision and the first thing you try to do is fulfill it?"
Like Moses, hearing that he is the Jews next liberator, and the first thing he see's is a hebrew being beaten by Egyptians and kills the Egyptian!
I mean after all, Moses is their liberator, isn't he?
We get a leading, and we try to "DO" something about it, where it is supposed to be HIM doing it in HIS timing...
I say both decisions are 'right' just your timing is off.
-eric
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Think of how unsupported you feel right now; then think of how your son might feel if you took off.
Even though kids want independence, they really need the anchor at that age. It's a strange balancing act to give them enough autonomy, but still be there for them.
We tend to think that once they hit 18, they will not need us any more, and we won't need them... but the change is not that abrupt. Pursuing their ambitions further outward makes it appear that way.
Can you find a place a few miles away, that feels more "you," near a more cheerful spot? Sometimes just being closer to a loving community can make a world of difference. It might also provide that balance your son needs.
Moving is expensive and time-consuming -- can you justify more family visits out west, by comparing that to what you'd spend on moving?
I will also add, you are at an age where your body's chemistry will put you in this mood. Plan for it. It could last a decade, and manifest in all sorts of odd ways. Aimlessness, depression, sorrow, anxiety, despair. But it's supposed to improve later.
I was flipping channels last night, and a movie showed a new mother saying, [Isn't this amazing, how the love sweeps over you when the baby appears]. Despite the mushiness, I thought about hormones and instincts -- that the love comes to us when people need us, and sometimes physically/hormonally we're given that extra push (like after childbirth). Your body currently doesn't have a "needed" event for adrenaline or sweeping concern.
Your mother no longer needs your constant tending, your son might have cold moments to show he's competent, and the compulsion to get things done is only based on what you need to do for your career and school. No more putting out other people's fires.
You could either create fires (not literal ones!) by volunteering or working where needs are stronger.
I find that the longer I work, the more I see the pressing needs in business as not really pressing. Pandering to clients who will be trouble in the long run, creating products that the consumers don't need, trying new software just to appear more modern, adding rules that end up taking man-hours for everyone to read and comply with.
You probably don't have time for busywork that distracts you from schoolwork and the job, that would makes you feel like short goals are accomplished quickly, with self-expression. Some people do that with crafts, or getting a dog. I know that sounds ridiculous, but the momentum of quick responses is sort of nice. And creativity... everyone needs some outlet that doesn't relate to progress.
Some people find their dissatisfaction comes when finally having complete control over their decisions.
Not being able to blame slow results on having to pick up the kids, or watch aging parents, or staying late to meet a boss' demands. Getting mad at oneself for not living the life they imagined they would.
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
But your life turned out okay -- you did a lot of great things.
Are there more goals that must be met, or are they all appearing vague and random now? Planning for retirement and inevitable physical decline, not a very exciting goal. Unless you set yourself to move to the other coast when you're done with your MBA, or your son is done with school, or you pick up retirement at work and make a change.
Even though kids want independence, they really need the anchor at that age. It's a strange balancing act to give them enough autonomy, but still be there for them.
We tend to think that once they hit 18, they will not need us any more, and we won't need them... but the change is not that abrupt. Pursuing their ambitions further outward makes it appear that way.
Can you find a place a few miles away, that feels more "you," near a more cheerful spot? Sometimes just being closer to a loving community can make a world of difference. It might also provide that balance your son needs.
Moving is expensive and time-consuming -- can you justify more family visits out west, by comparing that to what you'd spend on moving?
I will also add, you are at an age where your body's chemistry will put you in this mood. Plan for it. It could last a decade, and manifest in all sorts of odd ways. Aimlessness, depression, sorrow, anxiety, despair. But it's supposed to improve later.
I was flipping channels last night, and a movie showed a new mother saying, [Isn't this amazing, how the love sweeps over you when the baby appears]. Despite the mushiness, I thought about hormones and instincts -- that the love comes to us when people need us, and sometimes physically/hormonally we're given that extra push (like after childbirth). Your body currently doesn't have a "needed" event for adrenaline or sweeping concern.
Your mother no longer needs your constant tending, your son might have cold moments to show he's competent, and the compulsion to get things done is only based on what you need to do for your career and school. No more putting out other people's fires.
You could either create fires (not literal ones!) by volunteering or working where needs are stronger.
I find that the longer I work, the more I see the pressing needs in business as not really pressing. Pandering to clients who will be trouble in the long run, creating products that the consumers don't need, trying new software just to appear more modern, adding rules that end up taking man-hours for everyone to read and comply with.
You probably don't have time for busywork that distracts you from schoolwork and the job, that would makes you feel like short goals are accomplished quickly, with self-expression. Some people do that with crafts, or getting a dog. I know that sounds ridiculous, but the momentum of quick responses is sort of nice. And creativity... everyone needs some outlet that doesn't relate to progress.
Some people find their dissatisfaction comes when finally having complete control over their decisions.
Not being able to blame slow results on having to pick up the kids, or watch aging parents, or staying late to meet a boss' demands. Getting mad at oneself for not living the life they imagined they would.
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
But your life turned out okay -- you did a lot of great things.
Are there more goals that must be met, or are they all appearing vague and random now? Planning for retirement and inevitable physical decline, not a very exciting goal. Unless you set yourself to move to the other coast when you're done with your MBA, or your son is done with school, or you pick up retirement at work and make a change.
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To add to the great advices before me.
we may often choose unconsciously when we are in pain, please do not do that. I suggest to stay with what you know for the meanwhile rather than the unknown far away.
God aids every mother in perseverence and he knows all the sacrifice in your past and your current situation as a mother and it will not be in vain.
The apostle Paul said: I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15
we may often choose unconsciously when we are in pain, please do not do that. I suggest to stay with what you know for the meanwhile rather than the unknown far away.
God aids every mother in perseverence and he knows all the sacrifice in your past and your current situation as a mother and it will not be in vain.
The apostle Paul said: I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15
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ProudMomxmany
slightly insane mom of many
Your son is 22? He's all grown up. Time to cut the apron strings/umbilical cord and do what you feel you need to do. Maybe, in time, your son will follow you. Our older children have scattered all over the country as they grew up, got married, pursued careers. Some were left at our former duty stations, as they developed a life there and chose to stay. Some chose to follow us to where we settled when my husband retired from the Navy.
We miss the children who are not local, but we see them a couple of times a year, and Skype/facetime often. Its not easy when they're far away, but it is a joy to see how they grow and change into independent adults. They're scattered all over the country, from one coast to another. Another upside to that is if we want to go on vacation, we just go visit a child
We miss the children who are not local, but we see them a couple of times a year, and Skype/facetime often. Its not easy when they're far away, but it is a joy to see how they grow and change into independent adults. They're scattered all over the country, from one coast to another. Another upside to that is if we want to go on vacation, we just go visit a child
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He's all grown up but they are still a family, if she doesn't support her son, who will, and if he may get back on the right track, why not? There is nothing late for a mother that wants the best for her son. At least let her try, and if her help fails then only i think that it will be the best option to move but not before.
The best thing is to turn to the bible that says:
1 Corinthians 3:9 For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.
1 Corinthians 3:13 their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. 14 If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. 15 If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.
In the end we Christians are to help each others right? so what about a lost son?
The best thing is to turn to the bible that says:
1 Corinthians 3:9 For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.
1 Corinthians 3:13 their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. 14 If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. 15 If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.
In the end we Christians are to help each others right? so what about a lost son?
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ProudMomxmany
slightly insane mom of many
I respectfully disagree. The kid is 22. He's smoking weed and hanging with the wrong people. At that age, he should know right from wrong. If he chooses the wrong path, then he deals with the consequences. Sometimes you have to let them fall on their faces before they are ready to straighten up. Its painful to do, but sometimes its necessary. I do not believe in protecting adult children from their harmful choices. As an adult, he needs to grow up, take responsibility for his life and let mom live hers. We have a 23 year old son who made some bad choices. We didn't step in and rescue him. He needed to see the wrong choices he made and figure out what he was going to do to straighten up. At the time, we were over 2000 miles away. He got his act together once he figured out there was no rescue from mom and dad.
There's a difference between helping and attempting to keep the child from dealing with the consequences of their actions.
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Another Lazarus
Old Newbie
tell ur son that with weeds smoke everyday ur son is gonna be a looser in life, a spoiled young man without future, who used to live in comfort without working hard for a living, cannot expect much from this kinda man, i once read in Bible that in old time Israel when u have a lazy son who drinks wine and sleep all day than you can bring him to the people and tell people about his sins and let people stone him to death.
Tell him hard and if he keep on ignoring your advice, take him to the police and jail him before its too late cause i heard many naughty juvenile who even cause their parents death of heart attack and agony.
The Bible on Laziness, And Selfishness With Wealth
Tell him hard and if he keep on ignoring your advice, take him to the police and jail him before its too late cause i heard many naughty juvenile who even cause their parents death of heart attack and agony.
The Bible on Laziness, And Selfishness With Wealth
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