I need some advice about a friend...

[Starting again]

I think some of you would have to be wise, as I notice there are quite a few people on the forums that have had a nice amount of time to live life, make mistakes and meet people and so on...
Hmmm.... so, here's the thing, I have this friend that I totally adore, which is great, but the only thing is, they have so much power to make me feel so bad, sometimes even depressed, they never mean to make me feel bad, but if they're grumpy at me for some reason it upsets me way more than anyone else, I can't seem to just shrug it off...
How come I have given them so much power, and how can stop them from having such a huge affect on me?
any thoughts?

 

[TheGuide]

I think some of you would have to be wise, as I notice there are quite a few people on the forums that have had a nice amount of time to live life, make mistakes and meet people and so on...
Hmmm.... so, here's the thing, I have this friend that I totally adore, which is great, but the only thing is, they have so much power to make me feel so bad, sometimes even depressed, they never mean to make me feel bad, but if they're grumpy at me for some reason it upsets me way more than anyone else, I can't seem to just shrug it off...
How come I have given them so much power, and how can stop them from having such a huge affect on me?
any thoughts?

It may be that you fear being alone. For sure, you require new friends, but you also need to be alone and get into the word of God to build up your spirit.

Let me explain further. When people not only tear us down, but they cause others to join in doing so, that is not friendship. Why even bother standing up to them, they're obviously mean. Now I don't know your age, but if you are an adult then you need to make a decision.

If you are a teen, then I understand that you may be in an envirornment you cannot escape (school, neighborhood) and you have to be in contact with these people.

At any rate, you have to take a stand and tell them that they hurt your feelings when they talk to you like that. Don't be prideful, tell people when they hurt you.

Now if you tell them and they don't care, even taunt you more for speaking out, then it should be much easier to walk away from these people, because they have no intention of respecting you.

Also, this may be your test to prepare you for a greater work. Because persecution on any level can be painful and we all have to be strong to continue our walk with Christ.

God bless you,

The Guide

 

[Starting again]

It may be that you fear being alone. For sure, you require new friends, but you also need to be alone and get into the word of God to build up your spirit.

Yeah, I have a huge fear of being alone in life.... But I love my alone time with God. I don't mind being by myself for an few hours or so...

Let me explain further. When people not only tear us down, but they cause others to join in doing so, that is not friendship. Why even bother standing up to them, they're obviously mean. Now I don't know your age, but if you are an adult then you need to make a decision.

I'm 21
This friend is not mean to me, they just say what they think...
My problem isn't that they are mean, but that I take it so seriously.
I just don't understand why I care so much about what they think.
I mean, I do care what people think, if someone says something nasty about you, you're going to feel bad for sure.
But this friend doesn't even say nasty things about me, or to me.
I'm just really sensitive when it comes to this one friend.
I don't get why.

At any rate, you have to take a stand and tell them that they hurt your feelings when they talk to you like that. Don't be prideful, tell people when they hurt you.

I have tried to tell them how they make me feel, but they don't get it, and to be honest if I were them I wouldn't either, because it isn't anything they are doing, but more, how I am taking it.

Now if you tell them and they don't care, even taunt you more for speaking out, then it should be much easier to walk away from these people, because they have no intention of respecting you.

Hehe, thanks, I have no worries there, I have too much respect for myself to let someone bully me obviously and go crawling back for more.

Also, this may be your test to prepare you for a greater work. Because persecution on any level can be painful and we all have to be strong to continue our walk with Christ.

Thank you, its hard to keep in mind that pain can make us strong.
God bless.

 

[jsimms615]

I think some of you would have to be wise, as I notice there are quite a few people on the forums that have had a nice amount of time to live life, make mistakes and meet people and so on...
Hmmm.... so, here's the thing, I have this friend that I totally adore, which is great, but the only thing is, they have so much power to make me feel so bad, sometimes even depressed, they never mean to make me feel bad, but if they're grumpy at me for some reason it upsets me way more than anyone else, I can't seem to just shrug it off...
How come I have given them so much power, and how can stop them from having such a huge affect on me?
any thoughts?

Why they have such a pull on you is something that is called in psychology "transference". It means that this person probably reminds you either consciously or unconsciously of someone or something from your past. This person makes a connection with you and it becomes important for you to keep that connection strong. I wonder if you can identify what it is this person reminds you of or who?
I have had this happen to me often in counseling someone at the hospital. It is like when you first meet someone and you feel like you have known them for years. It sounds like your self-esteem to some degree is wrapped up in pleasing this person.

 

[AngelDove1]

Selfesteem has alot to do with the way you feel.Work on it.

We need to love (like yourself) ourselves enough to not let others
control our feelings.



No one has that power but God and you.
Others contribute,you give them the permission to mentally
abuse you.

Sometimes we trust our friends so much,that when they say
negative things to us it hurts.Even if it constructive criticisim.
Hurting people hurt people,too.

Its all in controling your mind set.
What you permit is your choise.

 

[Starting again]

Why they have such a pull on you is something that is called in psychology "transference". It means that this person probably reminds you either consciously or unconsciously of someone or something from your past. This person makes a connection with you and it becomes important for you to keep that connection strong. I wonder if you can identify what it is this person reminds you of or who?

Yes... I think the biggest reason I became friends with them, is because they remind me of myself - cept they seem to be doing a better job of life than I...

I have had this happen to me often in counseling someone at the hospital. It is like when you first meet someone and you feel like you have known them for years. It sounds like your self-esteem to some degree is wrapped up in pleasing this person.

I can understand that, it makes alot of sense.
Thank you so much for your help.

Selfesteem has alot to do with the way you feel.Work on it.

We need to love (like yourself) ourselves enough to not let others
control our feelings.

Yeah.... I have realised I have very low self-esteem, I have resently started seeing someone to help me with this.

No one has that power but God and you.

Others contribute,you give them the permission to mentally
abuse you.

Your so right, but I always find it so hard to tell if it is abuse, or if I am just being overly sensitive... which is very possable.

Sometimes we trust our friends so much,that when they say

negative things to us it hurts.Even if it constructive criticisim.
Hurting people hurt people,too.

Yeah... hurting people do hurt people...
But hurting people are easily hurt by people, and I think that is some of my problem too.
I don't want to bring this up with my friend again, because I don't want to make them feel bad, if its' just me being overly sensitive...

Its all in controling your mind set.

What you permit is your choise.

I am slowly learning this...
sometimes I feel like I'm still just a little child still learning in an adults world...life is so confusing to me.

Thank you guys so much for your help, please keep giving me advice I am taking it all in.
its also helping me find out who I really am in myself.

(Wow... all those quotes went screwy...I don't get it...)

 

[mikki]

Starting,

You remind so much of my old self and an issue I still struggle with. God has given all of us gifts to be used for His greater purpose. One of mine is the ability to empathize with others and to care about how others feel. Well, I used to take that to the highest degree by caring way too much about what they they thought about me and what I said and did. I also used to think that if I was taking the time to care about others' feelings that they should do the same for me, and I would internalize things that others said and did. In other words I was a people pleaser and not a God pleaser. Now what I do when I feel like being offended by someone's comments or actions is to go directly to God with it and He guides me into a more productive thinking pattern. I have become so much more confident and less anxious that I can't even put into words how awesome it feels!! It is a struggle, but we have to work hard at not being controlled by our feelings, but by God's Word. His power to heal and make straight our paths is amazing! God Bless you!

 

[Starting again]

Starting,

You remind so much of my old self and an issue I still struggle with. God has given all of us gifts to be used for His greater purpose. One of mine is the ability to empathize with others and to care about how others feel. Well, I used to take that to the highest degree by caring way too much about what they they thought about me and what I said and did. I also used to think that if I was taking the time to care about others' feelings that they should do the same for me, and I would internalize things that others said and did. In other words I was a people pleaser and not a God pleaser. Now what I do when I feel like being offended by someone's comments or actions is to go directly to God with it and He guides me into a more productive thinking pattern. I have become so much more confident and less anxious that I can't even put into words how awesome it feels!! It is a struggle, but we have to work hard at not being controlled by our feelings, but by God's Word. His power to heal and make straight our paths is amazing! God Bless you!

Hmm... wow, thats really awesome!
I can relate to that heaps, thank you so much for shearing with me.

 

[AngelDove1]

learning in an adults world...life is so confusing to me.
Thank you guys so much for your help, please keep giving me advice I am taking it all in.
its also helping me find out who I really am in myself.

(Wow... all those quotes went screwy...I don't get it...)