I need serious help.

[New_Christian]

I've only been a Christian for a couple days now. I've been planning on writing a long, several page thread in the "testimonial," page, but I haven't got around to it yet.

Basically, I have a lot of problems and they've gotten worse over the years. Initially, I just had mild anxiety and depression, but it's just gotten worse and worse. For a while now, I've had violent thoughts, thoughts of suicide (about 6 months ago, I was in a psych ward), thoughts about arson, I've struggled with Nihilism and Atheism -- the idea that there is no God, no meaning to life, nothing -- and recently, I've had semi-voluntary shakes. Sometimes, when I'm really stressed out, I'll be sitting or laying down, and I just can't stop twitching. My whole body, usually my back and neck, will just suddenly "jump." I call it semi-voluntary because I don't choose to do it. It does it on its own. But if I try really hard to relax (and it's not really even like relaxing, more like holding my body in place), it will go away. Sometimes, I even question whether I'm possessed or something and, in the past, I have been involved with Wicca.

Anyway, tonight, I need to do write a paper for college -- I'm behind on work for all of my classes and I'm 21, almost 22, and it's scary because I really need to prepare to enter the real world. I can't fail. I tried to access a scholarly libary I subscribe to on Questia.com, but it said that the credit card was maxed out (my mom pays for it)... And... well... I'm extremely worried that my mom is spending her money into poverty.

My mom just got an inheritance check of a few thousand dollars from her family a few weeks ago and recently, she said we had no money (she's ALWAYS behind on her bills). It's not that we don't have money, but that she spends it at all. A long time ago, I was arguing with my mom to make a budget and at one point, I demanded to see her credit card statement... She kept telling me no, and I knew she was hiding something. So, finally, she gave in and she showed me. And she had been spending tons of money at Goodwill and Wal-Mart on basically just JUNK. She'd spend like $50, every two or three days, on junk.

And I literally mean junk. Our house is almost like a warehouse from all the stuff that she buys. On several occassions, I've almost given up on cleaning, because even though she (on rare occasions) sells stuff and gets rid of it, it's very rare, and she's always bringing more stuff in than she's getting rid of.

Then, today, her credit card was maxed out, I couldn't access Questia, and I really couldn't do my paper. I tried to use my college's own online scholarly libraries, but they weren't that great -- Questia was exactly what I needed. It's more extensive and includes books, my school primarily just has journal, magazine, and newspaper articles, which aren't as long.

My mom's divorced and she's also been staying with this guy who, because of his job, sleeps in a hotel during weekdays. My mom met him through AOL and I don't trust him, because all of the guys she's known in the past were jerks and\or conmen. I get a ride to college from her in the morning and it bothers me, because I'm constantly worried that she's going to be late... I mean, I could walk and I could (it's a 30-minute walk), but... She always comes in JUST BARELY on time and I know, from experience with my mom, that eventually, she's going to be late. I know it. So, I asked for her to come home early, she said no, because she'd have to get up too early (the hotel is far away). I asked her why she just couldn't see the guy on weekends and she said that he goes home on weeks and he lives too far away... And yes, I could walk, but that's not the point -- the point is that I feel like she doesn't care about, because she's going off with some guy in a damn hotel room, and if I have to walk, that would just reinforce that feeling even more.

And I'm strongly addicted to the internet. I go on various online forums and I get such a rush out of it, that I just can't log off and meet my RL obligations. I am pretty much certain that both my mom and me have internet addiction, because she's the same way. She lives on AOL, constantly... In the past, until she met this guy, she had a habit of passing out on AOL... And... well... um... If I can get personal here, I'm... sort of grossed out, because... ugh... I don't know how to say this. Basically, I know that my mom is basically constantly having cybersex and stuff like that online and... ugh... it's just... I hate it, because it just feels... really weird, having... I don't know.

Anyway, I came to Christianity because I was such a negative person. In a way, it was almost like Nietzsche's Existentialism. Through reason, Nietzsche had come to the conclusion that life was meaningless and there was really no hope for anything -- these were things I had been struggling with. But his solution was to just create a purpose, to create meaning from nothingness -- Existentialism. And coming to Christianity was kind of like that, in that I had pretty much no hope, but I could just simply choose to believe something that I had so strongly opposed in the past... But in that way, it doesn't really feel like choosing to believe nonsense, but accepting the not-so-obvious truth, believing something and then experiencing it. Metaphorically, it felt like a flower in bloom. For a couple days now, I've felt more motivated and positive. But I'm disturbed right now, because I'm feel that same kind of negativity, hatred, and cynicism that I felt before, and it hurts.

 

[New_Christian]

Anyway, I need to go to sleep. I'll read this in the morning. God bless.

 

[Oriental03]

I've only been a Christian for a couple days now. I've been planning on writing a long, several page thread in the "testimonial," page, but I haven't got around to it yet.

Basically, I have a lot of problems and they've gotten worse over the years. Initially, I just had mild anxiety and depression, but it's just gotten worse and worse. For a while now, I've had violent thoughts, thoughts of suicide (about 6 months ago, I was in a psych ward), thoughts about arson, I've struggled with Nihilism and Atheism -- the idea that there is no God, no meaning to life, nothing -- and recently, I've had semi-voluntary shakes. Sometimes, when I'm really stressed out, I'll be sitting or laying down, and I just can't stop twitching. My whole body, usually my back and neck, will just suddenly "jump." I call it semi-voluntary because I don't choose to do it. It does it on its own. But if I try really hard to relax (and it's not really even like relaxing, more like holding my body in place), it will go away. Sometimes, I even question whether I'm possessed or something and, in the past, I have been involved with Wicca.

Anyway, tonight, I need to do write a paper for college -- I'm behind on work for all of my classes and I'm 21, almost 22, and it's scary because I really need to prepare to enter the real world. I can't fail. I tried to access a scholarly libary I subscribe to on Questia.com, but it said that the credit card was maxed out (my mom pays for it)... And... well... I'm extremely worried that my mom is spending her money into poverty.

My mom just got an inheritance check of a few thousand dollars from her family a few weeks ago and recently, she said we had no money (she's ALWAYS behind on her bills). It's not that we don't have money, but that she spends it at all. A long time ago, I was arguing with my mom to make a budget and at one point, I demanded to see her credit card statement... She kept telling me no, and I knew she was hiding something. So, finally, she gave in and she showed me. And she had been spending tons of money at Goodwill and Wal-Mart on basically just JUNK. She'd spend like $50, every two or three days, on junk.

And I literally mean junk. Our house is almost like a warehouse from all the stuff that she buys. On several occassions, I've almost given up on cleaning, because even though she (on rare occasions) sells stuff and gets rid of it, it's very rare, and she's always bringing more stuff in than she's getting rid of.

Then, today, her credit card was maxed out, I couldn't access Questia, and I really couldn't do my paper. I tried to use my college's own online scholarly libraries, but they weren't that great -- Questia was exactly what I needed. It's more extensive and includes books, my school primarily just has journal, magazine, and newspaper articles, which aren't as long.

My mom's divorced and she's also been staying with this guy who, because of his job, sleeps in a hotel during weekdays. My mom met him through AOL and I don't trust him, because all of the guys she's known in the past were jerks and\or conmen. I get a ride to college from her in the morning and it bothers me, because I'm constantly worried that she's going to be late... I mean, I could walk and I could (it's a 30-minute walk), but... She always comes in JUST BARELY on time and I know, from experience with my mom, that eventually, she's going to be late. I know it. So, I asked for her to come home early, she said no, because she'd have to get up too early (the hotel is far away). I asked her why she just couldn't see the guy on weekends and she said that he goes home on weeks and he lives too far away... And yes, I could walk, but that's not the point -- the point is that I feel like she doesn't care about, because she's going off with some guy in a damn hotel room, and if I have to walk, that would just reinforce that feeling even more.

And I'm strongly addicted to the internet. I go on various online forums and I get such a rush out of it, that I just can't log off and meet my RL obligations. I am pretty much certain that both my mom and me have internet addiction, because she's the same way. She lives on AOL, constantly... In the past, until she met this guy, she had a habit of passing out on AOL... And... well... um... If I can get personal here, I'm... sort of grossed out, because... ugh... I don't know how to say this. Basically, I know that my mom is basically constantly having cybersex and stuff like that online and... ugh... it's just... I hate it, because it just feels... really weird, having... I don't know.

Anyway, I came to Christianity because I was such a negative person. In a way, it was almost like Nietzsche's Existentialism. Through reason, Nietzsche had come to the conclusion that life was meaningless and there was really no hope for anything -- these were things I had been struggling with. But his solution was to just create a purpose, to create meaning from nothingness -- Existentialism. And coming to Christianity was kind of like that, in that I had pretty much no hope, but I could just simply choose to believe something that I had so strongly opposed in the past... But in that way, it doesn't really feel like choosing to believe nonsense, but accepting the not-so-obvious truth, believing something and then experiencing it. Metaphorically, it felt like a flower in bloom. For a couple days now, I've felt more motivated and positive. But I'm disturbed right now, because I'm feel that same kind of negativity, hatred, and cynicism that I felt before, and it hurts.

Wow, you need to get alot off your chest. I'm not going to try and understand how you feel or what you are going through, my life circumstances are different then yours and I'd be kidding myself if I thought I could help you, but I'm a pair of ears non the less. Let me just assure you that even though you have make the choice and accepted Jesus, it doesn't mean to say that everthing is rosey. The feelings you had previous to your committment aren't just going to go away, contray, you will be made to face them, to learn from them to change them. Being a christian is hard work, its almost too hard at times, but the difference is there is a reward at the end, there is someone who love me regardless and I can tell you that is just the comfort I need to get through each day. Unfortunately partents are responsible for alot of our own flaws, and if given the choice we'd prolly have them shot, but they contribute to who we are, our responsibility is grow from that and become better people....something that will take a life time to perfect. My prayers are with you, as I too am studying and juggling a family and it is stressful enough without trying to cope with the family constraints. May God reveal himself to you in a way that is forceful enough for you to feel, embrace, understand and experience his love. I know it doesn't sound like much but it is baby steps that get us going, so eventually we can run. Goodluck, and as I said, I'm a pair of ears if nothing else. God bless

 

[Roadmap]

All I can do right now is pray for you. I wish I could do more, but believe me... prayer is powerful. Hopefully you can find someone locally who is a Christian who will assist you in your new walk in Christ, and I pray that you will find a strong Bible believing church that will also help you sense the direction that God wants you to go. You are in my prayers right now.

 

[goldenviolet]

God's word and blessings for us daily

salvation (the greatest gift of God's grace and mercy... sending his only son to endure our sins for us... to reconcile us back to Himself, and giving us new and everlasting life in His will);

to except God's will for us: we must ask for forgiveness, and repent of our old life of sin, and confess that we need God's will and forgiveness, and want to except salvation: this is how we are forgiven.

we become new, God's word and Holy Spirit guides us through our new life. we continually confess and except God's grace and mercy. it was just once that we excepted Jesus' gift. it is a gift, He doesn't take back while we struggle to overcome our old lives of sin. He continually loves and gives us blessings to be in Hm.

so, what is God's will and where this new life?

the bible is God's word. His will is right inside it.
the Holy Spirit is the helper that guides our growth in both God's word and this new life. He will teach you how to listen if you have God's word across your heart.

God's people fellowship with eachother to train and teach. we want this thread to be about God's word. we want to teach you the things you want to know.

hey, i want to tell you that you are a child of God. everything will be ok. God uses our trials to bless us. i've had a really hard life. i've come to learn to live one day at a time. i don't know what you need right now, but i know as a child of God you need built up and encouraged. we all do. so this is what give you. my new bro. blessings! continue to reach out, so your new family can exstend lots more blessings and friendship to you. let us bear your burdens with you as you learn to let God heal and teach you new things about life.

 

[inHisgripkim]

I've only been a Christian for a couple days now. I've been planning on writing a long, several page thread in the "testimonial," page, but I haven't got around to it yet.

Basically, I have a lot of problems and they've gotten worse over the years. Initially, I just had mild anxiety and depression, but it's just gotten worse and worse. For a while now, I've had violent thoughts, thoughts of suicide (about 6 months ago, I was in a psych ward), thoughts about arson, I've struggled with Nihilism and Atheism -- the idea that there is no God, no meaning to life, nothing -- and recently, I've had semi-voluntary shakes. Sometimes, when I'm really stressed out, I'll be sitting or laying down, and I just can't stop twitching. My whole body, usually my back and neck, will just suddenly "jump." I call it semi-voluntary because I don't choose to do it. It does it on its own. But if I try really hard to relax (and it's not really even like relaxing, more like holding my body in place), it will go away. Sometimes, I even question whether I'm possessed or something and, in the past, I have been involved with Wicca.

Anyway, tonight, I need to do write a paper for college -- I'm behind on work for all of my classes and I'm 21, almost 22, and it's scary because I really need to prepare to enter the real world. I can't fail. I tried to access a scholarly libary I subscribe to on Questia.com, but it said that the credit card was maxed out (my mom pays for it)... And... well... I'm extremely worried that my mom is spending her money into poverty.

My mom just got an inheritance check of a few thousand dollars from her family a few weeks ago and recently, she said we had no money (she's ALWAYS behind on her bills). It's not that we don't have money, but that she spends it at all. A long time ago, I was arguing with my mom to make a budget and at one point, I demanded to see her credit card statement... She kept telling me no, and I knew she was hiding something. So, finally, she gave in and she showed me. And she had been spending tons of money at Goodwill and Wal-Mart on basically just JUNK. She'd spend like $50, every two or three days, on junk.

And I literally mean junk. Our house is almost like a warehouse from all the stuff that she buys. On several occassions, I've almost given up on cleaning, because even though she (on rare occasions) sells stuff and gets rid of it, it's very rare, and she's always bringing more stuff in than she's getting rid of.

Then, today, her credit card was maxed out, I couldn't access Questia, and I really couldn't do my paper. I tried to use my college's own online scholarly libraries, but they weren't that great -- Questia was exactly what I needed. It's more extensive and includes books, my school primarily just has journal, magazine, and newspaper articles, which aren't as long.

My mom's divorced and she's also been staying with this guy who, because of his job, sleeps in a hotel during weekdays. My mom met him through AOL and I don't trust him, because all of the guys she's known in the past were jerks and\or conmen. I get a ride to college from her in the morning and it bothers me, because I'm constantly worried that she's going to be late... I mean, I could walk and I could (it's a 30-minute walk), but... She always comes in JUST BARELY on time and I know, from experience with my mom, that eventually, she's going to be late. I know it. So, I asked for her to come home early, she said no, because she'd have to get up too early (the hotel is far away). I asked her why she just couldn't see the guy on weekends and she said that he goes home on weeks and he lives too far away... And yes, I could walk, but that's not the point -- the point is that I feel like she doesn't care about, because she's going off with some guy in a damn hotel room, and if I have to walk, that would just reinforce that feeling even more.

And I'm strongly addicted to the internet. I go on various online forums and I get such a rush out of it, that I just can't log off and meet my RL obligations. I am pretty much certain that both my mom and me have internet addiction, because she's the same way. She lives on AOL, constantly... In the past, until she met this guy, she had a habit of passing out on AOL... And... well... um... If I can get personal here, I'm... sort of grossed out, because... ugh... I don't know how to say this. Basically, I know that my mom is basically constantly having cybersex and stuff like that online and... ugh... it's just... I hate it, because it just feels... really weird, having... I don't know.

Anyway, I came to Christianity because I was such a negative person. In a way, it was almost like Nietzsche's Existentialism. Through reason, Nietzsche had come to the conclusion that life was meaningless and there was really no hope for anything -- these were things I had been struggling with. But his solution was to just create a purpose, to create meaning from nothingness -- Existentialism. And coming to Christianity was kind of like that, in that I had pretty much no hope, but I could just simply choose to believe something that I had so strongly opposed in the past... But in that way, it doesn't really feel like choosing to believe nonsense, but accepting the not-so-obvious truth, believing something and then experiencing it. Metaphorically, it felt like a flower in bloom. For a couple days now, I've felt more motivated and positive. But I'm disturbed right now, because I'm feel that same kind of negativity, hatred, and cynicism that I felt before, and it hurts.

Dear Child of God:

You have alot of weight on your shoulders which is very difficult for anyone, but also difficult for a young Christian. You have alot on your mind. Do you need to have all that on your mind? Are there some things that you can't fix? You are concerned about your Mom, but may I remind you that cannot fix your Mom. You can pray for her and you can be there when she asks for help, but you cannot change her path. That change is left up to her and the Lord.

My rule of thumb is to let go of those things that I can't fix. You can work on you and you have started by turning to the Lord. What a wonderful and beautiful step you have made and for the better.

I, too, am a young Christian. I found the Lord about six years ago. May I suggest that as a young Christian that you begin by seeking the Lord and seeking to have a personal relationship with Him. Start learning about Him by reading the Bible. A good bible handbook such as Halley's is recommended. You learn much from the Bible handbooks and they simplify things and give you more history about ancient times.

Seek the Lord through prayer, reading, listening to Christian music, meditating, and fellowshipping.

For you, I would recommend that you find a bible study group at a church. The fellowshipping is a wonderful support system that keeps you moving along the path of the Lord. You will find that your addiction on the net will be released as your love for the Lord develops. You will have a thirst for knowledge that will keep you seeking Him.

Seek Him in all your heart, mind, and soul. Read the bible slowly. The new testament is a good place to start. Start keeping a journal. Go to the blog site here on the forum and start your own blog. Good place to journal your way along God's path.

As a young Christian, work on surrendering your concerns to the Lord. He is faithful and He provides. Trust in Him and your will find peace of mind. Practice surrendering and trusting the Lord. Continue to seek Him in every breath. Pray alot. Read scripture alot.
Give the Lord your all and He gives it back to you.

I come from a history of abuse and I have found complete healing in Jesus. You are welcome to read my blog. At the end of it is my story of abuse and my story of healing. You may find some inspiration.

In the meantime, I am here if you have any questions or just need an ear.

Go in peace my brother. Blessings and blessings to you.
InHisgripkim

 

[inHisgripkim]

hey, i want to tell you that you are a child of God. everything will be ok. God uses our trials to bless us. i've had a really hard life. i've come to learn to live one day at a time. i don't know what you need right now, but i know as a child of God you need built up and encouraged. we all do. so this is what give you. my new bro. blessings! continue to reach out, so your new family can exstend lots more blessings and friendship to you. let us bear your burdens with you as you learn to let God heal and teach you new things about life.

Hey Goldenviolet: Nice to see you here. Such a blessing to see you.

Sweetness to you,
InHisgripkim

 

[Anti Existance]

Your problems are far more severe then what you are merely stating here. Although you need the help of professional psychiatric/counceller ,along the support of God, good family and friends i want to press you to the heart that merely becoming a Christian with the idea that this decision will 'miracously' solve your problems is 'not the way' to go. Because there are more fundamental behind lying reasons why everything is going wrong in your life.

In terms of money managment, i believe you should be in charge , but i don't think that's likely to happen. I think you have to keep on hammering with your mom that she needs to stop spending money on useless stuff.

Maby the word 'managing' contains it all into terms of life lessons , i mean how are you managing? You are not, it therefore would be right for you to do what God wants you to do. Namely bringing order into the chaos of your life, and figuring out what you 'truelly' believe. What you want isn't Christianity if you ask me, you simply want to escape from your problems, and are seeking an 'easy' way out.

Well reality is that there is no easy way out, and its essensial that you start out puzzling to solve the problems that are currently bothering you. Your depression, your violent actions.

The meaning of life is to love and help other people. God does exist, and choosing for God is something very personal,I gues for you out of desperation but thats ok, because we are here for you.

I can only hope you that you will find what you are looking for.

I've been suicidal and depressed myself, http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf this book helped me thru my worst of times, and restored my faith in God. Maby its exactly what you need, your free to read it. I also hope you get acces to that library of yours ,somehow.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I'm very much into existentialism and the idea that we create ourselves. We are the sum of our choices.

 

[goldenviolet]

I'm very much into existentialism and the idea that we create ourselves. We are the sum of our choices.

commere mr. cheese. hold still.





New_Christian hope you come back! i keep checkin for ya.

 

[dan888]

commere mr. cheese. hold still.





New_Christian hope you come back! i keep checkin for ya.

hahaha, lol. excellent! For an apathetic person as I, you really made my day!

 

[RomanPrincess]

Congradulations....now you are a part of God's family! YEAH!
God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.
You are a baby in Christ ...that's what we call someone who just became a Christian and as time goes on and you begining to learn about God more and apply his word to your life you will grow and become wiser and a better person.I recommend you get in a good bible based church and seek God and his word(the bible) seek his will for your life and pray.

Let all those old worries go now and stop thinking about al that junk, relax and don't worry.God has you in the palm of his hand....so now you don't have to worry no longer.Focus on him now and not that other stuff........your new life in Christ is about to begin.As you seek God and study his word you will become born again.........praise God.

 

[madison1101]

Wow. You have a lot on your plate and I can see the mind racing big time with concern for your mom, and that is good.

Now, for the hard part. Boundaries are a big thing with me. I know you love your mom, and are very concerned about her. You see her setting herself up for hurt and major financial problems with her current lifestyle. All you can do is express your concern and then back away. She is going to do what she is going to do. She is an adult, albeit one that lacks good judgment.

You are also an adult. Letting go of concerns that are not yours is a skill that I had to learn the hard way. I have three children who are all in their twenties. When I see one of them making a decision that is going to backfire on them, I have to state my concern once, and then back off. If it turns out okay, Praise the Lord. If it turns into a disaster, I help clean up the mess with love. (It is so hard to not say "I told you so.").

May I suggest that you get yourself into a discipleship relationship with an older Christian. Speak to your pastor about finding someone that could guide you in your walk of faith and help you sort out life stuff like this.

God bless.

Trish