I Need Relationship Advice

[slockmn]

Please read and reply quickly because it's urgent...

In my church's youth group about three or four weeks ago this new girl, who's friends with some of the other girls in the group, came along and decided to join.

At first she was relatively shy but as soon as I found out her name I decided to start talking to her and find out more about her. After all, there's nothing better than meeting new people.

She told me her hobbies and interests and a little about her and I told her about myself. I was off to a good start.

Then, because most of the people at school are complete tools, I found myself liking this girl after about two weeks or so. She's beautiful, really nice, we talk all the time and best of all, she's a Christian.

Friday was the last day of youth group before the holidays start and we had this sort of dinner/formal going on and I sat next to her and we talked for a while.

I asked her if she wanted to do something on the holidays and she was really keen. She even suggested we go and see a movie. We swapped phone numbers and emails so we could talk even when we weren't together.

Then after about an hour or more we had to line up for a big group photo and I was standing next to her so I decided to put my arm around her and hold her by the waist. She didn't resist and I could tell she liked it.

Afterwards, back at the table, we kept looking into each others eyes. I was almost certain she liked me as well.

Then when she had to leave we looked into each others eyes again and said a silent goodbye.

The next day we kept sending each other flirty texts and talking about our day. I also asked her if she wanted to go to a cafe on Thursday so I can see her before I go away for two weeks to another country. Again, she was really keen and said that she wanted to.

Now it's Sunday and when I woke up I checked my phone and she left a message saying that she really likes me (in a more than friend way) but "doesn't want a boyfriend right now"

???

She says that she isn't ready to be in a relationship and just wants to be friends for now.

The one part of the message that really confused me however was when she said this, "It's not that I'm not interested in you because I know I will be."

Does that mean she does want to start something in the future? Why is this sort of thing so confusing?!

What do people think about this? I really need some answers so I can text her back today!!

 

[Avniel]

It means she takes her times be her friend but not her homie but a friend. Some people call this the talking phase I would say you got good taste she sounds like a keeper.

 

[Albion]

I'd take her pretty much at face value. In other words, give her some space and keep in touch but less often, putting off the date for awhile. Be understanding of her most recent message when you get back to her. She might have thought you were too eager for a steady girlfriend and isn't ready for that--but don't mention it.

 

[slockmn]

She also said, "I don't want to lead you on any more than I already have by meeting up with you." I assume she means Thursday and the cafe rather than the movie. Also, should I bring this situation up the next time we meet face to face or act casual and not talk about it?

 

[Albion]

She also said, "I don't want to lead you on any more than I already have by meeting up with you." I assume she means Thursday and the cafe rather than the movie.

Probably. But you can't be certain. She could merely have been flirting for its own sake. All you can do is slow it down. That might reassure her and make possible something later.

 

[Ark100]

I will answer as a female and in the best way I think possible and put myself in her shoes in this reply as well.

I think she likes you, but maybe not in the way you envisage. I have had in the past guys/men who misinterpreted my nicety or even slight flirtiness for being interested. Some girls can be like that, it doesnt mean they want a relationship. I would send that kind of message to a guy who was getting the wrong idea.

I think she doesn't want to hurt you or make you feel bad is why she added those little extras in her texts. Sorry.

I may be wrong but thats what I feel. So what you can do is pull back and give her some space. If you persist or keep pushing it, it will totally put her off. When a girl/lady says not right now, then she means it.

You ve only known her for a short while anyway, best to consider her just a friend in your mind and focus on other things and enjoying your xmas holiday.

I wouldnt worry about it. Life goes on.

 

[Radagast]

She says that she isn't ready to be in a relationship and just wants to be friends for now.

The one part of the message that really confused me however was when she said this, "It's not that I'm not interested in you because I know I will be."

I'm just guessing here, but I think it means that she isn't ready to be in a relationship and just wants to be friends for now.

It could be because she thinks she's too young to get married.

 

[BFine]

Moving too fast-- now that she's thought about things, it appears
she's backing off.

Don't pressure her.
Keep things light and enjoy her company when you two are
around one another.

Work on building a friendship over time, don't rush things --
you two are just getting acquainted at this point...(especially since
she's backing away from your "attention"--putting your arm around her.)
That screams "exclusiveness" and she's not up for that yet...so slow your roll.

 

[bluegreysky]

Please read and reply quickly because it's urgent...

In my church's youth group about three or four weeks ago this new girl, who's friends with some of the other girls in the group, came along and decided to join.

At first she was relatively shy but as soon as I found out her name I decided to start talking to her and find out more about her. After all, there's nothing better than meeting new people.

She told me her hobbies and interests and a little about her and I told her about myself. I was off to a good start.

Then, because most of the people at school are complete tools, I found myself liking this girl after about two weeks or so. She's beautiful, really nice, we talk all the time and best of all, she's a Christian.

Friday was the last day of youth group before the holidays start and we had this sort of dinner/formal going on and I sat next to her and we talked for a while.

I asked her if she wanted to do something on the holidays and she was really keen. She even suggested we go and see a movie. We swapped phone numbers and emails so we could talk even when we weren't together.

Then after about an hour or more we had to line up for a big group photo and I was standing next to her so I decided to put my arm around her and hold her by the waist. She didn't resist and I could tell she liked it.

Afterwards, back at the table, we kept looking into each others eyes. I was almost certain she liked me as well.

Then when she had to leave we looked into each others eyes again and said a silent goodbye.

The next day we kept sending each other flirty texts and talking about our day. I also asked her if she wanted to go to a cafe on Thursday so I can see her before I go away for two weeks to another country. Again, she was really keen and said that she wanted to.

Now it's Sunday and when I woke up I checked my phone and she left a message saying that she really likes me (in a more than friend way) but "doesn't want a boyfriend right now"

???

She says that she isn't ready to be in a relationship and just wants to be friends for now.

The one part of the message that really confused me however was when she said this, "It's not that I'm not interested in you because I know I will be."

Does that mean she does want to start something in the future? Why is this sort of thing so confusing?!

What do people think about this? I really need some answers so I can text her back today!!

Well, you've only interacted for a few weeks and locked eyes a few times. Of course she's not ready right now. Get to know her and be her best friend for several months, see how she interacts with other people and deals with situations and treats her friends and family... maybe after awhile you'd see she isn't your type after all. Or maybe you will see that she is... and because you know she is, you won't go through that awkward "we've been arguing over petty stuff alot let's breakup for a few months and see other people and then realize we're only meant for eachother and go crawling back to eachother and try to patch it up" phase

 

[paul1149]

It means you're going way too fast. Slow down. "A wise man makes his steps secure" -Proverbs. Build the friendship first, so this doesn't descend into a possessive thing. She's probably showing spiritual wisdom. Now you excel her, and as the man employ even more. That above everything else will attract her.

 

[LilLamb219]

Could your going away for 2 weeks also have something to do with her backing off?

Maybe one of the flirty texts was a little too strong too fast?

Just let her know you still look forward to seeing her again when you return from your trip...and maybe suggest that the get together is with a bunch of friends instead of alone so she feels comfortable?