I need prayer

[RachelHalasa]

It's a long story but to cut it short I was a 26 year old girl whose marriage just broke down (had never touched drugs) who ended up using heroin. Two years later and I've been on methadone for 1.5 years, I am now on 35mg as opposed to 100mg which I was on. I've been steadily reducing my medication to go overseas at the end of the year.

The problem is, I am not coping. My current dose of 35mg is only covering me for three hours, after which time I start to go into withdrawal and feel sick as a dog. It feels like termites eating your bones. Everything aches, you can't think properly, you can't sleep, you can't eat.

My confession is....I am still using. The longest I've managed to stop for has been 2 months. I am so ashamed and don't want anyone to know, but at the same time that means I have no support.

The prayer team at church are wonderful but I am too ashamed to tell them the truth. And I have trouble believing that God wants to heal me of this. I was the one who got myself into this predicament and deserve the pain it brings.

I feel so desperate sometimes that I just want to overdose and end it all. No more suffering. A painless death and the way I'd love to go....

Lord God, I'm sorry I am now such a waste compared to what I once was as a Christian. I miss the closeness we had, but I can't get rid of this problem as much as I try. It just gets worse every day, Lord, and I'm not sure how much longer I can last. Please take some of this burden from me! Thank you for still loving me like this. I just can't love myself. I love You. In Jesus' name, amen.

Sent from my iPhone using CF

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying!

 

[Victorium]

Sorry Rachel you're going through this. I felt so sad when I read this. Don't consider suicide, that would be way too sad. You will come out of this so don't give up. I know some ex-users that have come out it through God's love and are totally clean. You can do it! Everyday just keep getting up and fight this and pray everyday to God. Keep seeking God, pray for forgiveness, pray for mercy and hang in there for the sake of love, it's worth it. Deal with this pain. He does want you back and you're not a waste, you just went off the tracks, you are someone very valuable.

Let us know how you are going? We will support you if you need it! Praying for you!

 

[tripletiger1200]

I'll be praying

 

[TheMainException]

Friend...it's hard to believe it when the enemy has such a grasp on your life, but God DOES want to heal you. I used to think the same thing, and although I'm no where near done struggling with drugs, I've realized that God really does want to see me through to the point where I'm no longer using. As long as you keep this to yourself though, it will continue to be extremely difficult and seem impossible. Not only do you need the support, but you need to be honest with God too by being honest with his people. It helps to lift the weight and undo the chains. The prayer team may be hurt that you weren't honest, but if they are truly dedicated and understand addiction, they will realize where you're standing and continue to stick by you in prayer.

And remember, just because we all "deserve" it, doesn't mean God wants us to get it. That's thinking we know better than God...we don't, He knows exactly what he wants to give us and that would be FREEDOM. Proclaim it over yourself. That word has given me exactly what I screamed out...it's a great reminder and the more you proclaim it, the more it manifests as the Holy Spirit blesses you (and it's not about deserving, it's about what he wants to love on you).

 

[third11]

I pray for you and for all who are held captive by the chains of addiction.

Have you considered finding a rehab program that can prescribe soboxone to help you through the withdrawls?

I hear it can be effective in breaking addition as well as na meetings.

 

[RachelHalasa]

Thank you all who replied and especially for those who have prayed for me. It really helps to be able to talk about it and hear from other people who have their own words of wisdom and advice.

I'm down to 32.5mg and am very comfortable finally (body has adjusted). I'll drop another 2.5mg on Friday. It does make it much easier not to use when I'm not feeling sick all the time.

One day I will get there. I have considered going to NA meetings but I'm not sure. I might look into it again.

Next year I am planning to study counseling through a Christian place that offers a three-year course. I have been wanting to do this for years but it looks like we'll be able to afford it financially now to be able to study instead of work next year. I know that it will be much easier to stay clean when I'm being distracted studying busily. And hopefully I'll make some Christian friends....

Sent from my iPhone using CF

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying!