I need major advise....

[Beth S.]

So, my best friend has been hanging out with a married man. She's getting all excited about him and spending a lot of time with him. At first I told her not to talk to me about him at all because I do not agree. She is now telling me it's bothering her that I"m being so judgmental. I told her I need to seek counsel because I do not know how to handle this. She knows I feel it's very very wrong, he is married! She said it's not like that, they are just friends and he talks to her about his marritital problems...I'm not okay with this. She says they haven't done anything wrong etc. What do I do? How do I handle this? I don't want to hear about it because it makes me so dissapointed in her! She is so lonely and attaching to him already. She obviously won't listen to me. Do I stop being her friend, do I listen to this crap, what do I do?!!? Help!!!

 

[Dave L]

So, my best friend has been hanging out with a married man. She's getting all excited about him and spending a lot of time with him. At first I told her not to talk to me about him at all because I do not agree. She is now telling me it's bothering her that I"m being so judgmental. I told her I need to seek counsel because I do not know how to handle this. She knows I feel it's very very wrong, he is married! She said it's not like that, they are just friends and he talks to her about his marritital problems...I'm not okay with this. She says they haven't done anything wrong etc. What do I do? How do I handle this? I don't want to hear about it because it makes me so dissapointed in her! She is so lonely and attaching to him already. She obviously won't listen to me. Do I stop being her friend, do I listen to this crap, what do I do?!!? Help!!!

Ask her how she could ever trust him if his wife cannot.

 

[Beth S.]

Ask her how she could ever trust him if his wife cannot.

I've said so many things and this man is telling her all the things she's been longing to hear from a man and I think he's got her! ugh! I'm getting so angry about this!

 

[Dave-W]

Oooo. Ouch. All I see is a sea of red flags. That is an affair about to go big time. She will end up in bed with him in a matter of months, unless one or the other of them breaks it off.

The Matt 18 process is pretty clear:

15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.​

You have already done verse 15 - talked to her in private. So now go with another person or 2 to explain to her the dynamics of an affair. If she still does not change, talk to her pastor or elder. Then be done with her.

 

[Dave-W]

this man is telling her all the things she's been longing to hear from a man and I think he's got her! ugh! I'm getting so angry about this!

He is grooming her to be his next sex partner.

 

[Beth S.]

Oooo. Ouch. All I see is a sea of red flags. That is an affair about to go big time. She will end up in bed with him in a matter of months, unless one or the other of them breaks it off.

The Matt 18 process is pretty clear:

15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.​

You have already done verse 15 - talked to her in private. So now go with another person or 2 to explain to her the dynamics of an affair. If she still does not change, talk to her pastor or elder. Then be done with her.

Oh thank you for that advice! I will try this although I feel it will not help, she will not listen :-(

 

[Beth S.]

He is grooming her to be his next sex partner.

I feel the same! :-(

 

[eleos1954]

So, my best friend has been hanging out with a married man. She's getting all excited about him and spending a lot of time with him. At first I told her not to talk to me about him at all because I do not agree. She is now telling me it's bothering her that I"m being so judgmental. I told her I need to seek counsel because I do not know how to handle this. She knows I feel it's very very wrong, he is married! She said it's not like that, they are just friends and he talks to her about his marritital problems...I'm not okay with this. She says they haven't done anything wrong etc. What do I do? How do I handle this? I don't want to hear about it because it makes me so dissapointed in her! She is so lonely and attaching to him already. She obviously won't listen to me. Do I stop being her friend, do I listen to this crap, what do I do?!!? Help!!!

they are just friends and he talks to her about his maritital problems - so far

If there is nothing wrong with it and they are just friends ... then she shouldn't have a problem talking with his wife and find out if his wife is ok with their friendship. And if they are just friends the husband shouldn't have a problem with this either.

 

[Dave L]

I've said so many things and this man is telling her all the things she's been longing to hear from a man and I think he's got her! ugh! I'm getting so angry about this!

Does his wife know?

 

[Dave-W]

Oh thank you for that advice! I will try this although I feel it will not help, she will not listen :-(

I got that impression too. But at least you will have tried to save your friend.

But we all know how those things end: either he leaves his wife and takes up with her, or eventually he gets tired of her and dumps her on the street. Be there to pick her back up and put her life together if/when that happens. Be an example of Christ's love and forgiveness.

 

[Beth S.]

they are just friends and he talks to her about his maritital problems - so far

If there is nothing wrong with it and they are just friends ... then she shouldn't have a problem talking with his wife and find out if his wife is ok with their friendship. And if they are just friends the husband shouldn't have a problem with this either.

Very nice! I just suggested that to her, let's see waht she says! You are exactly right!

 

[eleos1954]

Very nice! I just suggested that to her, let's see waht she says! You are exactly right!

I'd be interested to know what her reply is ;o)

God Bless.

 

[Beth S.]

I'd be interested to know what her reply is ;o)

God Bless.

I will let you know as soon as she replies

 

[Hammster]

So, my best friend has been hanging out with a married man. She's getting all excited about him and spending a lot of time with him. At first I told her not to talk to me about him at all because I do not agree. She is now telling me it's bothering her that I"m being so judgmental. I told her I need to seek counsel because I do not know how to handle this. She knows I feel it's very very wrong, he is married! She said it's not like that, they are just friends and he talks to her about his marritital problems...I'm not okay with this. She says they haven't done anything wrong etc. What do I do? How do I handle this? I don't want to hear about it because it makes me so dissapointed in her! She is so lonely and attaching to him already. She obviously won't listen to me. Do I stop being her friend, do I listen to this crap, what do I do?!!? Help!!!

Talk to your pastor.

 

[Beth S.]

Talk to your pastor.

Ahhh...very nice! I will do that as well! You all are giving such great advice! I really appreciate you all!! :

 

[Beth S.]

I'd be interested to know what her reply is ;o)

God Bless.

So her reply was, "I'm done talking with you about it" I also had my hubby send her a nice message and she said that ticked her off and we aren't good Christians if we are going to judge her on this! *sigh*

 

[eleos1954]

So her reply was, "I'm done talking with you about it" I also had my hubby send her a nice message and she said that [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed her off and we aren't good Christians if we are going to judge her on this! *sigh*

Well ... you aren't judging her, nor cursing her ... you are merely pointing out a possible and likely disaster. So, since she's done talking about it ... that tells you wife does not know ... and this of course is dishonesty by both of them. She lashes out because, inside, she knows it is wrong. So, let it go ... pray for her and give her situation to the Lord and don't feel bad about it.

You can advise people to evacuate before a storm, but not all do.

God Bless you. May the Lord open up their eyes. Amen

 

[mina]

You have gotten good advice. I think you have done all that you can do: you told her how you have felt and that you don't want to hear about it. I think married people can be friends with the opposite genders in healthy ways, but when they are venting martial problems and looking for comfort in those friends I think it crosses a line.

 

[Beth S.]

Well ... you aren't judging her, nor cursing her ... you are merely pointing out a possible and likely disaster. So, since she's done talking about it ... that tells you wife does not know ... and this of course is dishonesty by both of them. She lashes out because, inside, she knows it is wrong. So, let it go ... pray for her and give her situation to the Lord and don't feel bad about it.

You can advise people to evacuate before a storm, but not all do.

God Bless you. May the Lord open up their eyes. Amen

Thank you! It's just so sad to me! She's really upset and keeps repeating that being Christian I should not be judging her etc. I figure I can't say anymore so yes, all I can do is pray for her! THank you so much for your kind words and advice!

 

[Beth S.]

You have gotten good advice. I think you have done all that you can do: you told her how you have felt and that you don't want to hear about it. I think married people can be friends with the opposite genders in healthy ways, but when they are venting martial problems and looking for comfort in those friends I think it crosses a line.

Thank you!