I need major advise....

[Albion]

I say that mina has struck the right chord. And Dave-W is right that you have tried your best.

From here on, your efforts will probably just convince her that she is being unfairly criticized or that her life is her own business, etc. and your efforts will not only be useless but counter-productive.

Beth, you cannot beat yourself up about this if you have already made known your views on the matter and you backed them up with sound advice. They are entirely reasonable and in accord with the thinking of most people, whether they are religious or not. I would, however, not kiss her off entirely, since she may well need a friend when something or other turns sour for her in this relationship of hers.

 

[Beth S.]

I say that mina has struck the right chord. And Dave-W is right that you have tried your best.

From here on, your efforts will probably just convince her that she is being unfairly criticized or that her life is her own business, etc. and your efforts will not only be useless but counter-productive.

Beth, you cannot beat yourself up about this if you have already made known your views on the matter and you backed them up with sound advice. They are entirely reasonable and in accord with the thinking of most people, whether they are religious or not. I would, however, not kiss her off entirely, since she may well need a friend when something or other turns sour for her in this relationship of hers.

Yes, I love her and will always be here for her when she needs me, I just don't know what to do about this. She keeps wanting to talk to me about him but I do not agree so I think it makes her back up from me some. She wants someone to be excited for her or something.... I told her how I feel about this over and over again. I can only pray from here and hope she doesn't keep wanting to talk to me about him. She may even stop being my friend since I've upset her and made her feel "judged"

 

[eleos1954]

Thank you! It's just so sad to me! She's really upset and keeps repeating that being Christian I should not be judging her etc. I figure I can't say anymore so yes, all I can do is pray for her! THank you so much for your kind words and advice!

Well, remind her she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore ... and you respect her wishes and you won't talk about it any more ... and hold her to that ;o)

Proverbs 27:5
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

Of which you have done in a kind way.

Tough love isn't easy.

 

[Dave-W]

So her reply was, "I'm done talking with you about it" I also had my hubby send her a nice message and she said that ticked her off and we aren't good Christians if we are going to judge her on this! *sigh*

I am not surprised.

 

[mina]

If you told her you aren't going to hear it and she says she's done talking about it with you, hold her to it. She may get mad and distance herself, but you have done nothing wrong. Friends don't have to support each other in things they believe are wrong.

 

[Deidre32]

Sounds like your friend wants to be more than friends with this guy, if we're being honest. Pray for her, and tell her that you care about her, that is why you are warning her. She might have to learn the hard way, and get hurt. Which she will get hurt if it continues, because she is interested in more than a friendship, and honestly, so is he.

 

[Deidre32]

So her reply was, "I'm done talking with you about it" I also had my hubby send her a nice message and she said that ticked her off and we aren't good Christians if we are going to judge her on this! *sigh*

You're not judging her, you're trying to warn/help her.

If she were married, would she be okay with her husband hanging out with women, talking behind her back about their marriage? Probably not. If he will do it with you, he'll do it to you...as the saying goes.

You've been a good friend, you just have to let her stumble now. This won't end well for her.

 

[Avniel]

Distance yourself if you’ve spoken to her, you’ve brought others to speak to her...if I were you, I’d no longer be her friend. Anyone that is that desperate for a relationship is able to do anything. As a married man I find it almost disrespectful when people come to me with adultery. You two are on two different paths now, let her go.

 

[Gwen-is-new!]

You are a really good friend, and she is so blessed to have you. She doesn't hear your wisdom or heed of warning which makes me believe she might be saved. Maybe go back to the basics of the gospel with her - faith and repentance. Can you show her some verses about our flesh, temptation, spiritual warfare, and remind her that she has an enemy that hates her and marriage (since it was the 1st institute created by God).

Prov 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.

 

[Beth S.]

You are a really good friend, and she is so blessed to have you. She doesn't hear your wisdom or heed of warning which makes me believe she might be saved. Maybe go back to the basics of the gospel with her - faith and repentance. Can you show her some verses about our flesh, temptation, spiritual warfare, and remind her that she has an enemy that hates her and marriage (since it was the 1st institute created by God).

Prov 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.

She's really really upset with me. She won't hear anything more about it, sadly. She says I'm judging her and being judgmental! :-( All I think I can do now is pray for her!

 

[turkle]

It's very common for people who are knowingly doing something unethical or foolish to lash out at the voice of reason, calling it "judgmental". In fact, it might be good that she's doing it, because that shows that she might know, on some level, that what she's doing is wrong.

You can differentiate this though. If she was running towards a cliff, you could tell her that she was being stupid, and that you would never do such a stupid thing because you are so much better than that. That's being judgmental. It's about you, and a way for you to feel superior over her.

If, on the other hand, she was running toward the cliff and you shouted at her to stop because she will harm herself, that is not being judgmental. It's about her, and you are warning her that there is imminent danger, and you want to help her to see it so that she can stop it before she harms herself.

People who want to justify sin will almost always accuse the one who points it out as judgmental because it makes her feel bad. She wants to feel good about what she's doing, and she is actually bullying you to try to make you see it her way. You might want to use an example like this to show her that a real friend will always warn the other friend when they are facing danger, even if they don't want to hear it. If she continues to ignore the fact that she is playing with fire and is about to get lit, then she will get burned.