- Mar 19, 2017
- 75
- 129
- 25
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
I NEED JESUS! Lol no but really. I’ve been through a lot this year. Good and bad. And I think about God a lot. And for some reason I still struggle with the fact that it’s not our works that get us into heaven. It’s like even thought I know it, I hear it all the time. I don’t think I know it in my heart. If that makes sense? Also another thing, I think it goes along with the first thing I said, I can’t help but think I have to read an excessive amount of the Bible or I’m not adequate. Like I’m not joking. It’s never just like I can only read a chapter. I have to do so much more than that. Like multiple studies in a day. Now I’m not saying those things are bad, obviously, but when I feel forced and like I have to do it or else something bad will happen. Then it’s like I’m doing it out of fear, and not cause I want to.
Gosh, I feel like I’m stuck. I don’t really have friends at my church. People who lift me up and in courage me. Although I could reach out to them, I feel insecure about my relationship with God. I feel like I don’t even really have one with him. And I was thinking the other day, where would I go when I die? Let’s just say it wasn’t heaven I get this horrible feeling like I’m going to hell. It’s the scariest feeling ever!!! I constantly feel like I’ll never be accepted by Jesus. And the thing is I know that I can’t do anything to earn salvation, but it’s like I can’t help but act that way. And the thoughts constantly pop up!! It’s horrible. I feel like I have a mental illness that’s in the way of Jesus and me!! Like something just constantly blocking me from him! It sucks! Because I want that personal relationship with him. I want to do his will for my life. I want to be consistent (which the Lord knows I need help with). But for some reason I feel like something is blocking that. But I don’t know what? I’ve prayed about it, and I’m trying to kick out things that come to mind. Things I know I shouldn’t be doing.
And it’s like gosh! How long must I endure this! I mean, as long as it takes of course. But it’s hard. I guess I’m writing on here for prayers! And words of encouragement. I’m doing a Bible study in the book of John right now. And I like it a lot because it teaches the history of that chapter, and helps me to understand the back story and just how great Jesus’ miracles were. So I have high hopes for that! I just really need Jesus to help me with our relationship. Cause it’s something that I can’t shake. Like I’m always thinking about him. And I always wish I was closer with him. So, I shall try! With his help I’m trying to believe I am saved. And that he will use me for his will!
Thanks!!!
Gosh, I feel like I’m stuck. I don’t really have friends at my church. People who lift me up and in courage me. Although I could reach out to them, I feel insecure about my relationship with God. I feel like I don’t even really have one with him. And I was thinking the other day, where would I go when I die? Let’s just say it wasn’t heaven I get this horrible feeling like I’m going to hell. It’s the scariest feeling ever!!! I constantly feel like I’ll never be accepted by Jesus. And the thing is I know that I can’t do anything to earn salvation, but it’s like I can’t help but act that way. And the thoughts constantly pop up!! It’s horrible. I feel like I have a mental illness that’s in the way of Jesus and me!! Like something just constantly blocking me from him! It sucks! Because I want that personal relationship with him. I want to do his will for my life. I want to be consistent (which the Lord knows I need help with). But for some reason I feel like something is blocking that. But I don’t know what? I’ve prayed about it, and I’m trying to kick out things that come to mind. Things I know I shouldn’t be doing.
And it’s like gosh! How long must I endure this! I mean, as long as it takes of course. But it’s hard. I guess I’m writing on here for prayers! And words of encouragement. I’m doing a Bible study in the book of John right now. And I like it a lot because it teaches the history of that chapter, and helps me to understand the back story and just how great Jesus’ miracles were. So I have high hopes for that! I just really need Jesus to help me with our relationship. Cause it’s something that I can’t shake. Like I’m always thinking about him. And I always wish I was closer with him. So, I shall try! With his help I’m trying to believe I am saved. And that he will use me for his will!
Thanks!!!