I need help.

[Mansonslilchild]

I know that this is going to come off as quite strange, but I am having some terrifying thoughts of reality lately.

A little background first:
I grew up in a Christian home from age eleven until 18. Before that, my parents were actually on some drugs and living life "in the fast lane." When I was extremely young, I specifically remember having a happy childhood (and this lasted throughout my childhood) but that my parents were kind of careless. I was obsessed with "Child's Play" and had dolls of Chucky. I also remember that I watched movies like IT (when I was extremely young...probably like 2-3) and A Nightmare on Elm Street, etc. I also remember "The Wall" as a horrifying movie.

I have also, ever since I can remember noticing it (probably 5...around the school age) had anxiety. i remember getting sick daily because I was scared of people and how they would treat me (not that they would murder me, but just social awkwardness and fears of being neglected or hated). I never said a word in class unless I HAD to. Ever. I used to eventually (over maybe 6 months to a year) start getting sick every day before school...IBS along with much nausea. This lasted up until now. Except it has calmed down quite a bit for the most part. It happens every week, maybe 2-3 times and either before work or college.

I have also, from the movie " The Wall," formed a phobia of ground meat. The only part of that movie I could recall, up until I watched it a year ago, was when the children were ground up. I think more realistically now than I did then, but I still do not touch ground meat because it disgusts me. I feel like you're going to think all of this is pointless, but I really need some help here. I think all of the information you get out of this can help with making your suggestions or advice more accurate.

When I was 14 I had already learned about God, read the bible, began understanding that this life had serious meaning...that everything happens for a reason and that I found the light and would never have bad things happen to me that would make me miserable. My fears had not disappeared, but definitely had been suppressed. I actually still had stomach issues and was nervous around people, spiders, meat, etc. but I didn't thrive on my fears like I once had.

But BAM...my sister dies. She had always been sick. She had charge syndrome, was born premature and was both blind and deaf. She also couldn't speak...she could make sound but could never learn how to talk. She could, however, walk. She was someone that I didn't have in my life for quite a few years because my grandparents had decided to take care of her. But she was still my sister and I still played physical therapy with her and things when I was young. I loved her, no matter how different she was. But, she died and I couldn't quite comprehend that. After a year or so my grandfather died. After that in the matter of 2 or 3 years, 3 different guys I wasn't good friends with, but did sit in class next to and did know OF (school of 500) died. 2 wrecks and one overdose. But, I could not comprehend this at about age 16 and 17. Little did I know, I would still not be able to comprehend that very well by age 21.

When I turned about 16 I started having what I like to call an "identity crisis." I wanted to be cool and I had a crush on a very popular guy who was the starter of "goth" in a very small town. He had piercings, wore all black, listened to music that was "satanic' and cussed. He was extremely attractive to me at the time (definitely not looking back, haha) and I decided I would be just like him and cause him to like me. I begged my parents to let me get my nose pierced. I eventually talked them into my tongue as well. They were EXTREMELY unhappy (they attended an assemblies of god church). I also began listening to Marilyn Manson, Ozzy Osbourne, Green Day, AFI, Slipknot, etc. and bought shirts. That lead to black and death metal and I was eventually losing my virginity to a goth guy and smoking marijuana. I then got into Anton LaVey and Satanism. I had always had a hard time UNDERSTANDING god to begin with, so I know that I wasn't a true Satanist, unless you consider a rebellious teenager that is only doing it for attention a Satanist. But, I definitely was on a self destructive path.

I then moved after graduating and getting out of a long relationship with a guy who cheated on me, and I had planned on going to school. I had every intention of it. However, I met a guy who ended up being a pretty good friend, who got me into ecstasy. I eventually hooked up with another guy who could get it for me cheap. I got into ecstasy extremely hard for about 6 months. I was taking 5 pills in an average day (double and triple stacks if you are familiar). And I am not bragging, I'm trying to give perspective. I am far from proud of any of that. I eventually moved back to where my parents lived and from there I started college and met a wonderful man that I want to be with for the rest of my life. I am currently in my second year of school and I have been with him for nearly 2 years as well. He is my entire life now and I love him so much.

I have calmed down, at least involving my self destructive activities, since then. However, I started having SERIOUS anxiety issues. I'm talking, debilitating.

I decided that I was no longer a Christian, for good and in my right mind. I laid out under the stars one night and just looked... and I saw ow magical and vast our universe is, and how small we are. I just couldn't accept the fact there there was a man, like us (or however, really) that created all of this, consciously to make us choose right or wrong. The point here is, I just couldn't understand it. It didn't sit right with my emotions.

I have been (for a few years) into nature. I really love beautiful scenery, or scenery in general for that matter. It makes me remember things...I also just love the smell before it rains, or thinking of a sunset on the lake. I love thinking about the trees and how unimportant and amazing every little molecule is.

I have good morals. I'd never harm anyone. I love the world and sympathize with every man and woman on this planet. I care about everyone and everything. I care about starving children, and single mothers. I am not a bad person. But I just can't believe what I feel isn't right to me. Can I? People say, "just believe. it's so easy." But it's not. We are on a planet right now, revolving around the sun, in a universe and I just can't believe that there is anything bigger or beyond that. If that was the case, then who created that? etc. It's an extremely difficult concept for me to understand, let alone try to believe in.

I am not bashing Christianity. I, in fact, wish that I COULD be a Christian. But I cannot. Not right now, anyway. I don't mind following rules and I WANT hope. I want that certainty...that faith. But I don't have it. And that is my fault, possibly. But I've tried everything...diligently tried...

Anyway, so I decided to smoke some cannabis one night and lay under the stars and thank the heavens for my life. I am not a drug addict, so you know. Marijuana, to me, is not a drug. And it is the only illegal substance that I use. I do not even drink. Anyway, I wanted to admire the beauty of our universe. So I watched the sun set and laid under the stars, really high. And I came to the conclusion that I honestly feel, deep down in my soul (I am not promoting any religion, this is only for you to understand what I feel because I need some help here) that the universe is god. That the universe is the everlasting I Am, that we should take care of it...because it is our temple. It is where we reside and all that we know. I felt that it just happened one day from some particles that composed what was once "nothing." I just had this serious and really enlightening moment.

Ever since then I have been a Pantheist. I just don't know why I'm here. I'm scared of death, driving, sleeping, getting close to people, socializing, enjoying my life and living for the moment, etc. I am just a serious wreck. I am scared of going to hell, I am scared of being judged. I'm scared of so many possibilities. I am afraid to not check my locks at night in my house at least 3 times. I am petrified of anything that could cause me harm and I am not okay with death.

At any moment, any one of us could die. Our life, consciousness, memory, etc would be gone...at least (as far as we know) from this planet. What I'm getting at here is I am insecure. Insecure in something that I feel I will never be totally secure about.

I'm sorry for the book. I tried to give as much info as possible because I'm hoping someone out there can give me some reliable hope and words of encouragement. Please just don't tell me I'm going to hell. I hear things like this a lot and I'd rather just not think about that.

Thanks for reading and your responses.

 

[singpeace]

Dear Mansonslilchild,

I read your thread - and in all my reading, one thing stood out - what has so many paralyzed emotionally and mentally; that is fear (also known as anxiety). I also suffered from fear and anxiety from my childhood until my adulthood. I finally became so sick and tired of being afraid. I was angry and determined to never again let fear dictate another decision - I found the answer to overcoming that fear.

365 times in the bible God says, "DO NOT FEAR." It is a commandment.

Fear comes from one source; Satan, who is the father of lies. He means to steal from you what God has for you, to kill your hopes, dreams, and even you if possible, and to destroy any chance for you to ever see the truth about what he has been doing.

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.


God knows Satan uses fear to tear down our faith and keep us defeated, distracted, and without hope or purpose. So He mercifully provides a very simple and easy 2-step formula to overcome fear and restore our faith.


Here's the formula God has shown me:

Faith is canceled out by fear. The two cannot work together.

Hebrews 11:1 tells us that faith is “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
('being sure' and 'certain' do not happen with fear)


Faith without works is dead.

James 1:17 - In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
(lack of works kills faith, so doing good works brings faith back to life)



So here is your first step:

1. DO GOOD WORKS WITH HUMILITY.

1 Timothy 6:18-19
18. That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate;
19. Laying up in store for themselves a good foundation against the time to come . . .




Here is your second step:

2. HUMBLE YOURSELF BEFORE GOD AND RESIST THE ENEMY


James 4
7. Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you!


Romans 8:15
For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
(fear is the "spirit of bondage")


THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE TO DO.

Conclusion:

1. Do good works
2. Humble yourself before God
3. Resist the enemy (resist the temptation to fear)

The fear will flee from you = anxiety will flee from you.

Your faith will be in tact which pleases God.


James 1:5-6
5. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the "spirit of fear"; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

 

[Mansonslilchild]

But I'm having a problem believing in god. =/

 

[Christian-Catholic]

But I'm having a problem believing in god. =/

Ok I think im understanding this a bit better since going through your post. I think the problem your having is in understanding what God is. Think of God as an immaterial pure spirit, the first cause. Ravi Zacharias will give you the ground floor on this when he says that no original particle in our universe has the explanation of its cause within itself, that ultimately all material cause in the universe owes its existence to a first cause that exists outside of time, outside of material and outside the universe itself.

This video would be a great starter for you.

YouTube - Ravi on How do you know there is a God?

Zacharias is one of my favorites as he explains things in a way that even a layman like me could understand

After the foundation has been laid, you can then move on to great philosophers like william lane craig and gary habermas. Habermas went through a 10 year journey just as your going through now and almost became a buddhist. He ended up doing his phd dissertation on the resurrection of Jesus which convinced him that Christianity was the true faith and path to God. Christianity isnt just about fiedism (pure faith). Its so much more. If it wasnt for the christian world view science itself would have never enjoyed the explosion that it had for the west in the 17th century.

Also you can get into some of the more amazing parts of the bible such as the messianic prophecies and how accurate they were all the way with incredibly fine detail that they even predicted that none of Jesus's bones were broken when he was crucified (most peoples bones were broken to quicken their death), and how he was betrayed for 30 pieces of silver.
God isnt some old man in the sky as most atheists like to portray him and we christians dont see him that way. Once you start to get an idea of how Christians see God and Jesus things will become much clearer to you.
God loves seekers and he eventually will give you what you need, remember "seek and you shall find". Your kind usually end up with super strong faith in the end.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

"""And I came to the conclusion that I honestly feel, deep down in my soul (I am not promoting any religion, this is only for you to understand what I feel because I need some help here) that the universe is god. That the universe is the everlasting I Am, that we should take care of it...because it is our temple. It is where we reside and all that we know. I felt that it just happened one day from some particles that composed what was once "nothing." I just had this serious and really enlightening moment."""""

Father Spitzer explained it perfectly on why the universe isnt God and that it had a beginning, and if it had a beginning then it had a beginner, and he and doctor william lane craig explain it scientifically here.

YouTube - The Borde Guth Vilenkin Theorem

If your a pantheist then essentially you have to believe that the universe created itself out of nothing which is a logical contradiction.

Here is also why there had to have been one creation event. Professor Hugh Ross who is a well known astro-physicist explains it perfectly in this audio.

Hugh Ross - Origin of the Universe

and here

Big Bang Gets New Adjectives-Open and Hot

The data derived from observations of SN1997ap also rule out a bouncing universe with no big bang and a universe younger than the radioactive decay rates of thorium and uranium indicate.(10) Such disproofs have existed for several years,(11) but these new findings provide independent confirmation and provide it in a manner laypeople can more easily understand. All five research teams dated the moment of origin, the creation, at 15 billion years ago.(12)

Hugh Ross - Origin of the Universe

 

[singpeace]

But I'm having a problem believing in god. =/

Have you at some point in the past received Salvation; believing on Jesus Christ, repenting of your sins, and asking him to come into your heart and be your Lord? If so, was it with a sincere heart, I mean, did you believe it at the time?

If your answer is yes, then is your situation one in which you have felt God getting further and further away? Until you began to wonder if you really did get saved, or if God is even real?

Is this what has happened, or is it something else? I really want to understand and help you if I can.

 

[Mansonslilchild]

My problem isn't that I do not WANT Jesus to be real and there to be a hope of salvation. The real issue here is, I don't believe.

Now...That isn't to say that I don't want to and I have really TRIED. I promise you guys.

):

My issue is that I feel in my soul that the universe is that everlasting I am. I'm not promoting that, I am actually kind of scared of that. I don't want that to be how it is because there isn't any comfort in that outlook on life. And please do not twist this anyone, I am not saying that the only reason I want to be a Christian is to go to heaven. I would LOVE to go to heaven...but that's not really it at all. I, most of the time, tend to follow Christian morals and guidelines and if hell were real, I would definitely want to save people from it. I would love to SERVE God...but I cannot believe.

How do you make yourself believe something that just doesn't sit well with you?

And, in the past...I was a Christian and I did believe in God. But, I ended up getting "that" age. By this I mean, there is an age (regardless of what anyone believes) that people actually do think: "is this true?" They examine what their parents or other elders have passed on to them as truths. When I did that, I actually kind of went over the edge. I just wanted to escape everything because I didn't feel right believing that. And not believing has been a bad thing. And I have felt like this ever since.

So, it's not a question of whether or not the bible tells me not to fear. It isn't that I am being a rebellious teenager anymore and it sure as heck isn't because I want to make a statement to my parents or other elders.

I am fearing because I do not understand life. My "old" reality isn't there anymore and this is extremely scary. It isn't easier to be an atheist or a pantheist or a religion other than Christianity. As a matter of fact, it can be complete misery.That is one thing I have never understood about people saying "we can't sugar-coat the bible..." because as hard as it may be for some people, Christianity can actually be a great religion and way of life.

So, I am suffering right now because I could die at any day. This causes me some exhausting and disabling panic attacks as well as feeling like a complete mess every single day. I'm tired of it. I don't know what to do ): I wanna be close to the almighty but I am just not sure what to do.

 

[MMN]

Do you know what anxiety is? It's a nice word for FEAR. FEAR stands for...FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. Satan puts a thought in your mind that caused you to become fearful. There is just enough of the truth to what he is saying to make the whole entire lie seem believeable. For example he may say things like if you eat this meat your gonna die of mad cow disease. In your mind you may think hmmm. people have died from mad cow disease by eating meating me. Okay that is reasonable because it has happened that is true. In your mind it goes on and on and all the sudden you start hearing of people that have died from eating meat. He uses every trick in the book to built up this stronghold (lie) in your mind that your gonna die if you eat meat. He pounds it in and reinforces it constantly. It is a lie!!! You have to break agreement with him in thinking your going to die if you eat meat. I don't know why I even used this example about mad cow diesease but I just heard of it and I dont know if you can die from it. But never the less thats just an example of his trickery and how he gets people in mental bondage so they become completely disabled and not able to carry out the purpose God has for them. God has a purpose for you. God never intended for you to live like this. He knew you before you were born and he knew you would post on this site because your so at your ropes end you can't stand it. I will be praying for you and God does have a plan for you and he is going to deliever you because you have called upon him. This is for you Psalm 34 v. 4 I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me freeing me from all my fears. Psalm 34 v. 6 I cried out to the Lord in my suffering, and he heard me. He set me free from all my fears. These verses are for you. Saying them over and over.

 

[justpassingthrough21]

Hi, I just happened to stumble upon your post. I want to ask you some questions specifically based upon your denom. I know because I was raised in a pentecostle family. AoG and pentecostle or WoF are very close in many things. Anyways, even if you are having intellectual doubts over God and the Bible, assuming you actually went to church and attended service for many years when you were younger, didn't even ever see manifestations of God? You probably did, so you can have these intellectual doubts but how are you going to explain those away. For example, even if I wanted to lose all of my faith, it would be impossible for me to explain away the gift of speaking in tongues. It would of been hard before I received it, but impossible now that I have it.
Don't get me wrong, I have had severe doubts to even while I was praying in tongues, I have doubts about God. Only because even while doing something supernatural like that, your flesh mind still has a hard time wrapping around the hugeness of God and what he has planned and done.
Also I know at my church I have seen prophecies come to pass, people healed instantly. I am guessing you have witnessed these same things. This is why Jesus said "if you don't believe My word that I am the Son of God, at least believe in Me for the sake of the miracles that I do". Even if I didn't believe in truthfullness of Gods Word, I can't deny miracles and supernatural experiences. All I am saying is, beings that you had the privilage of growing up in a church denom. that really flows in the gifts of God, it would make it doubly hard for you to turn your back on Him. If you did it wouldn't be from unbelief but down right rebellion.

 

[justpassingthrough21]

I just wanted to add in, you will never be secure with pantheism. As I see it their is Christianity and everything else. If you believe in Pantheism then you might as well believe aliens designed our planet, or you are actually in something elses dream and then they wake up you will disapear. I'm not trying to be narrow minded on the subject, but when it comes to brass tax, the Bible is really the only thing that holds water. If you spent a month really studying hardcore, how impossible it is that the Bible even exists, i'm just talking mathematically here, you might actually give some credence to what it says. Their is a better chances that a pile of pond scum, became brilliant design, that the Bible just happened to come together by chance and a bunch of people came up with a book and just stumbled upon its success. But I know the Bible could of never just happened to be, but was brillaintly and masterfully brought together over thousands of years with dozens of writers, with one theme. Not to mention throwing in personal experiences of people who have died and went to hell or heaven, and then being revived to tell the story. Their is no other thing out their like the Bible, and it actually aligns with experiences of real people. No other thing that changes lives, or gives true peace.
So ultimately you have 2 choices, the Bible or everything else. I would much rather put my faith in something that makes sense like Gods Word, than in something that is just another theory in the big piles of man made theories.

 

[urlelove]

It’s important to be aware of the risks of anxiety medication, too. Anxiety medication can cause a wide range of unpleasant and sometimes dangerous side effects. Many medications for anxiety are also habit forming and physically addictive, making it difficult to stop taking them once you’ve started. The bottom line is that anxiety medications can be helpful, but they’re not right for everyone and they’re not the only answer.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

""""""And, in the past...I was a Christian and I did believe in God. But, I ended up getting "that" age. By this I mean, there is an age (regardless of what anyone believes) that people actually do think: "is this true?" They examine what their parents or other elders have passed on to them as truths. When I did that, I actually kind of went over the edge. I just wanted to escape everything because I didn't feel right believing that. And not believing has been a bad thing. And I have felt like this ever since."""""

Remember if your soul is what believes in pantheism then it isnt a problem with what you believe intellectually, it is a spiritual thing. Remember that in the bible it says that our war is fought in the flesh as well as in the spirit. If you said that you believe in Pantheism from your soul then your belief isnt pantheism because panteism doesnt believe in the human soul. Now if your doubts are intellectual doubts than the links I gave you will more than satisfy your intellectual doubts. There is no ancient book that has the historicity that the bible does. the old testament was the only book where it was taught that the world was round in a time when even scientists thought the world was flat.

If pantheists dont believe in the human soul, just google online "near death experiences and remote viewing" and you will see medical documentation of human conscience survival even after the patient has been pronounced brain dead. If a person has no soul and has been pronounced brain dead, how can he possible see things from miles away from his hospital bed if his soul didnt leave his body (proving there is a soul). Its ok to go through that questioning period, but makesure you thoroughly research it and you will see that christianity holds up to scrutiny better then any religion or worldview today. Your parents probably came to christ through the experiential experience of Christ (nothing wrong with that too), but the holy spirit might have a different route for you to come to him. I beg you to check this stuff out, then if your body and soul are satisfied open yourself fully to lord

 

[Mansonslilchild]

Do you know what anxiety is? It's a nice word for FEAR. FEAR stands for...FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL

Fear doesn't actually mean that and all anxiety is not caused by religious issues. It is a serious disorder. I have an anxiety and panic disorder and it is extremely difficult to live with. My disorder causes things like this to be a bigger deal to me. I am just having trouble with religious issues due to my anxiety and I'm not sure exactly how to feel satisfied with my ideas on life.

He uses every trick in the book to built up this stronghold (lie) in your mind

I see where you're coming from, but I am not exactly in agreement. I think that it has nothing to do with any of that. I feel that it is a literal and actual disorder that is caused by the brain not working properly. It doesn't have anything to do with an evil, powerful genius just deciding to torment me.

even if you are having intellectual doubts over God and the Bible, assuming you actually went to church and attended service for many years when you were younger, didn't even ever see manifestations of God? You probably did, so you can have these intellectual doubts but how are you going to explain those away. For example, even if I wanted to lose all of my faith, it would be impossible for me to explain away the gift of speaking in tongues. It would of been hard before I received it, but impossible now that I have it.

There are two reasons why I think these things do occur. You have to think of it like this: An outsider who just saw someone speaking in tongues would probably think the people were doing it to look "good" to fellow church members or honestly think they can actually speak in tongues and perhaps they believe so much that they actually do it. Because, we do control our mouth and it is POSSIBLE (I'm not saying it is true) that they just THINK they can and when they feel so powerful and encouraged from a long church service, they MIGHT just do it because of their subconscious or something.

A story in relation to what I'm telling you: One of my old Sunday school teachers told me that one time she had thought about stealing some makeup from a store. She was thinking and debating of whether or not to actually go through with it because it was just a few dollars and the store probably wouldn't even miss it...but she didn't have the money and felt like she needed it. She knew it wasn't really the right thing to do, but kept justifying herself. She then saw a friend who she hadn't spoken to in a while and the makeup was no longer on her "mind." She went to the register, checked out, and then when she got home she found the makeup in her purse!

It's not a really exciting story or anything, but the fact remains that sometimes when you don't know you're thinking about things, you can. And if someone really wanted to speak in tongues and felt so uplifted in a church service and because everyone else was doing it, they could possibly get into the mood and subconsciously cause themselves to actually do it and for all they know, they actually DID.

It's a bit of a stretch, but it does demonstrate what I'm trying to explain.

In conclusion: I just think that even though I have seen those things, I don't think that they were actually speaking in tongues as the bible describes it. They just thought they were.

I watched my sister get prayed for every Sunday...and I watched a pastor constantly speak in tongues over her. But, she still died. She was born with charge syndrome and was blind and deaf. She could not speak but did actually learn to walk. She was a mess and I do not understand why a loving God COULD do that. (I'm not in any way trying to degrade god, I am just trying to explain to you how I feel).

How can you explain that?

lso I know at my church I have seen prophecies come to pass, people healed instantly. I am guessing you have witnessed these same things.

I haven't ever witnessed a prophecy come true. Not one that was SO far out that it actually wasn't chance or common sense.

That's where I have problems.

I just wanted to add in, you will never be secure with pantheism. As I see it their is Christianity and everything else. If you believe in Pantheism then you might as well believe aliens designed our planet, or you are actually in something elses dream and then they wake up you will disapear.

I actually think the alien analogy identifies more with Christianity. Christians tend to believe that there is a creator. A conscious being who decided to create this universe. (That is the same in the comparison you just made, except replacing aliens with God).

Pantheism is quite different. And I don't really think that me being in someone else's dream and having full consciousness is likely or that it relates to Pantheism in the slightest.

I'm not going to argue with you, but only explain why I feel differently. I appreciate your help and I understand that you feel that you're right and I admire you and your views. However, the definition of Pantheism is the view that the Universe (Nature) and God are identical.Pantheists thus do not believe in a personal, anthropomorphic or creator god.

I

'm not trying to be narrow minded on the subject, but when it comes to brass tax, the Bible is really the only thing that holds water. If you spent a month really studying hardcore, how impossible it is that the Bible even exists, i'm just talking mathematically here, you might actually give some credence to what it says.

Their is a better chances that a pile of pond scum, became brilliant design, that the Bible just happened to come together by chance and a bunch of people came up with a book and just stumbled upon its success. But I know the Bible could of never just happened to be, but was brillaintly and masterfully brought together over thousands of years with dozens of writers, with one theme. Not to mention throwing in personal experiences of people who have died and went to hell or heaven, and then being revived to tell the story. Their is no other thing out their like the Bible, and it actually aligns with experiences of real people.

I am telling you that I seriously have spent years studying the bible. And I am not afraid to admit that I honestly feel that it could have happened that way...but I, deep down, do not believe it...and not by choice.


I want to explain. Evolution and natural selection can be true, even to a Christian. Provided there is a God, his timing could be very different from our own and maybe he did decide that the human race would evolve from primates. The Bible could have been a little less literal, as MANY old works of literature are, than you think it is. So, that theory isn't actually too unlikely.

You are saying this:
1) Something HAD to create us.
2) It is insane to think that something created itself.
Conclusion: God must be real.

This is not very good logic. (I'm not meaning to be offensive in any way, shape, or form. I am mainly trying to explain to you how logical my views on life are in comparison of yours so that you can understand what my original post was about).

If something had to create us, wouldn't something have to create it? That causes premise one to no longer be a good reason. (Not saying it proves anything wrong, because it doesn't).

Reasons why I am a pantheist:
1) Biology
2)
From early times, until now, religion has been proven time and time again to make people do what government officials want. Take a western civ class. It is also just a way of explaining things that no one really understands. MANY historians have come to the conclusion that Yahweh was actually a god that Moses' father had worshiped in Canaan (The Canaanites were actually polytheistic, so the fact that Yahweh derived from that would instantly be frowned upon because those religions are actually considered to be mythological). I can never prove you wrong, and I hope you don't think that I am trying to. I am just explaining why I'm not so sure.

Then, there is evolution. Now, even Christians can believe in that. God's timing might not be our own and who's to say that the bible was completely literal in saying that God spoke things into existence right there, and right then? No one says that. As a matter of fact, much of the bible is written metaphorically. So...there's that. Same goes with the big bang theory. With scientific evidence included, there is actually a great possibility that evolution is what happened.

Where I am having a problem with is not whether or not you, or anyone else, believes in God. I'm having a problem with my anxiety disorder. I am also stressing (abnormal level of stress, that is) about religion because of how I was raised, etc.

I am personally a Pantheist, I think. I believe that the the omniverse is the everlasting I am. I believe the creation of the universe was probably not consciously considered. I feel that there is no "man behind the curtain." I believe that we all have a purpose and that purpose is whatever we decide to do, provided we have the means (that the universe caused us to have). In regards to how the universe existed: well, maybe things don't always have to be created. There has to be ONE thing that just WAS. And since we have no real hardcore scientific evidence that God does exist, and because he has not really manifested himself in my life (that I know of) I am really just thinking that my reasoning is very logical.

I don't know guys. I feel scared of my belief though. It's like: I want to be a Christian, I want to believe, but I just CAN'T believe.

It's terrible =/

 

[Mansonslilchild]

And pardon my typos, I am extremely exhausted lol

 

[justpassingthrough21]

Ok I will probably end up responding to your book with my own book. I'm not trying to throw clitches at you because I know that doesn't work. I'm trying to give you real examples of a real faith, that is definetly worth fighting for. Not to mention the fact that I believe people who have been apart of a Spirit filled church have an even deeper sight into the true power of God.
Your ideas about speaking in tongues make sense now that you said you yourself never were filled. I wanted to receive it when I was 8 years old, and I didn't receive it until I was 20 or 21. I spent 14 years thinking the same things you did. I was hoping that I would someday get it, but even if I did speak how would I know it wasn't me. This caused so much anxiety. Well long story short, I sat in our house alone and told God I wasn't moving until I could speak in tongues. I felt a cyllable on the end of my tongue, and I spoke it then tongues flowed forth. I can do it anytime I want, on command. What I can do, speaking in another language, would be impossible to duplicate. It hasn't changed since the first day I spoke to now 3 years later. I can sit here and explain all day what it is like, but if you haven't experienced yourself then it probably just won't click for you. I know for a fact though that the ability to speak in a language i've never learned, has helped me keep my faith when I doubted everything God related. Because I could never explain away what God does through me when I pray like that.
And nobody busts out in another language because they had a long day at church, lol. I'm a computer programmer and if I spend a long day programming on my PC, i don't just bust out speaking in 1's and 0's. It is a gift, and is in the Bible, simple as that.
I am so sorry to hear about your sister. I really am, i hate stuff like that. But about what you said, because someone lays hands on you, while praying in tongues doesn't really mean anything. Laying of hands is Biblical, but praying in tongues doesn't make it more powerful. I wish I could tell you why your sister died. I can't and yes those things really bother me, but I do know this. If the Bible is true, then this earth belongs to Satan. If the Bible is true, then Adam sold the title deed to the earth to Satan when he committed treason against God. Even the Bible talks about Satan having the deed to this earth. And I know as long as Satan is in control, disease and sin will continue. Unfortunetly even in the most dedicated Christians. Why? Because when you become born again your spirit man is reborn, but you are still stuck in this unredeemed physical body. And no matter what beating your body takes even unto death, your spirit man cannot be touched.
And this loving God came to this filthy and wicked earth, to save us wicked and filthy people. I know it sucks that so much disease and death can happen to people on earth, even godly ones, but that ball started rolling a long time ago with Adam, and isn't going to stop until the Lord wraps things up down here.
I chose pantheism, aliens, and alternate dreams worlds because they are all the same. Their is no reason, no evidence to believe in one over the other. You are essentially saying that you believe in pantheism because of some feeling you got staring at the stars. Well i'm not a Christian because of a feeling I got one night, but because my God went through a lot of work to put His truth in a book. I had faith in what it said, and not I do have lots of feelings, great feelings! If you believe you die and become a tree, how can you prove that over someone else thinking they will die and come back as a fish. No matter what theory you have, non of it has any evidence or basis of truth to it. Only Christianity has enough backing to make it a possibility as truth. We have the Bible which has more than enough evidence, to prove it's only possibly here because of a higher authority making sure it was created and survived all of the eras of time. But all of the appologetics in the world won't change anything if your heart is hard towards Him. A persons heart is always where He starts, it is where the issues of life flow. No one even changed their life, except that their heart was changed first.

About your shpeel on God creating things or rather not being a creator. Lets establish this, yes their is no way that all of this came about accidently. If you have studied this out, chances are you only looked at it from one side. If I rub 2 rocks together for a billion years, i'm not going to end up with Shakespear. Anyways I have studied both sides of the coin. Anyone who goes to a public school and then college is going to have so much godless crap fed to them, their really isn't any studying I had to do for the anti-biblical perspective, I had received it my whole life. So I decided to look into Biblical scientists, and its almost comical watching them debunk the evolutionists. I listened to one of the most intellegent evolutionists and most intellegent creationists debate at a large ivy league college. The evolutionists by the time the debate was over, was reduced to incoherant babling, and even admitted that "their may be a creator, but even if it was proved their was, he still wouldn't believe." Well thats not science, thats just stupidity and rebellion to the truth. Whats to say every Christian believes that the earth is young? Actually my Pastor does believe in old earth, and he can back it up Biblically.
I wanted to mention something about their having to always have been something. You and I sort of live in a box, we live in a life that has 4 dimension. 3 of space and 1 of time. But even non Christian scientists have said to have found as many as 9 dimensions. Which means their may very well be a place where time doesn't exist. This isn't whacky, this has been found and studied by even the most ungodly scientists. All you and I know is the beggining and ending of time. Hence our minds could never wrap around a dimension that doesn't have time. It won't help you realize that God never "started", but it sure helped put my mind to the question, how did God start, who created Him.
You know that "smart" people said to have found out that our founding fathers were polytheists. Except they failed to destroy the documents that our father wrote talking about the Blood of Jesus. All I'm saying is if someone wants to make something real, they can distort it until the lie does become real. If they could distort our founding father from 250 years ago, could they not about a group of people from thousands of years ago.
Also when you talk about pantheism, you keep saying "I am". You can't take peices from the Bible and throw it into your own theories. Either take the "I am" of the Bible, or non at all.
Also do you know why the dark ages were called the dark ages? Because religious was govt. controlled and free religion was oppressed. When you get real, true, free Christianity it is freeing and life changing, and has nothing to do with the govt.

Don't think I am just a blind believer. I have been as close to hell on earth as a person can get, with the questioning God, the Bible, my upbringing and everything I know. I only talk to you about this because their probably isn't any question you have pondered, that I myself at some point also didn't ponder. I guess the evidence I see makes me lean in a different direction than you.

 

[justpassingthrough21]

Sorry my grammar was really bad too!

 

[Mansonslilchild]

I understand what you're saying and I completely respect it but I do not understand how to believe.

I am so lost. If I COULD believe, I would...and I would love to. But I don't know if anything anyone or even the bible says can change me now. That's the sucky part about it. I am an intellectual. I also think like one. I can NOT get this through my thick skull.

People tell you to pray a sweet little simple prayer asking for forgiveness and saying that you will do better and that you accept Jesus, of Nazareth, into your heart and you will be saved from an eternity in hell. What they do not say is that you have to BELIEVE.

The definition of believe:
to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so.

This is the hard part for me. It is not in any way hard for me to abide by Christian laws and morals on a daily basis. I am fine with that. I am fine with throwing my money at a preacher if I have to and I am completely fine with recruiting people (other than the whole panic attack in the middle of the conversation...lawwl) but seriously, I am okay with all of that. But when it comes to having absolute confidence in something that I cannot see (do not compare the air please) it really tends to hurt the:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

 

[Mansonslilchild]

And I do not understand how speaking in tongues helps the poor, hungry and sick. ):

 

[Mansonslilchild]

If I was a God:

I would absolutely love my little humans. I would never want them to be hurt and I would definitely never send them to burn forever. I would never let them cry or allow them to feel pain. I would give them as long of a life as they could possibly have and I would try to make it as worthwhile as I could. I would never let them be stuck feeling alone. And I would show them who I was so that they would believe in me and so they would do the right thing. And THEN, if they were still terrible little humans I would somehow fix them to where they would be good ! lol

 

[justpassingthrough21]

I have lots of things to respond to you, but I have to go to work, I will write tonight. have a good day!