I need help

[dsboy19]

I am 22 years old and engaged to be married in October. I have struggled with looking at pornography since I was 13 on and off and I am really being attacked recently. For some reason, the other day I went and got a prostitute to perform oral sex on me. I will never do that again and I feel so dirty when I do this crap. I told my fiancee about my problem (not the prostitute) and she said it makes her feel dirty and like she's not good enough. I am still a virgin and we have saved ourselves for each other. I know she's the woman God has for me and I know we're supposed to get married. Please help me with your advice and prayers. I hate this crap and it has got to go. My fiancee is all I need.

 

[AmericanPrincess]

Here I am again....
im praying for you little brother...

 

[Danielof the Island]

First off, if you've had oral sex, you're not a virgin. As far as I know, being a virgin means you have not engaged in any sexual activity with another person. If you have, you lost your virginity. Sex is sex, regardless of form. However, that does not matter. If it made you feel guilty and you've sworn off ever having sex again before marriage, that is whut matters!!!

Be sure to check with your doctor to make sure you did not contract any STD's from the prostitute.

Now, on to the important part of my post:

Why are you looking at pornography? Is your fiancee not enough to make you happy? You need to think back to when you were 13 and first got involved. Find out how and why you got involved, and then think about why you continued. You need to dig into your past in order to break free. Once you have figured out why you got into that, you need to go to Jesus Christ in prayer and ask for his strength to help you break free of this horrific desire that you have.

Understand that a woman is not a sexual object. She is a Human being just like you and me. You are wrong for looking at naked or almost-naked woman for the sole purpose of visual sexual gratification. The purpose of sex is to procreate and physically/spiritually unite with your wife. Pleasure is a bonus to ensure the future of the Human race and strengthen the bond with your wife. Pleasure should enhance the experience, it should not be the sole reason to engage in sexual activity. You need to do some serious research on sexuallity from a biological and marrital point of view.

Having a strong sex drive is fine. Being visually stimulated by a woman is fine. However, you need to exercise self control. If a woman is visually stimulating, walk away and cool down. Being stimulated isn't a sin, it's how you deal with that stimulation that can be sinful or not. Arrousal is natural, lustful thoughts is the sin, not the arrousalment itself. Men can be arroused by virtually anything. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just how we are. Just don't allow that arrousalment to lead you to lustful thoughts, and you'll be fine.

You need to sit down with your fiancee and tell her about the pornography and the prostitute. Sinful issues that have long since been conquered don't need to be brought up, but if she is to marry you, she needs to know your current struggles. First, tell her everything about the pornography. Then explain to her that you have a choice. You can get married, or you can endulge in porn. Tell her you have chosen her and thus need her help in addition to Christ to help you conquer your sinful struggle. She can be your strength and anchor along with Christ. If she truelly loves you, she will be there for you. Further, she needs to know about the prostitute. Explain that it was about sexual gratification and not an attempt to cheat on her. She needs to know this. If she really loves you, she'll realise you made a one-time stupid mistake. It's one of the biggest ones you can make in a marriage, but if you are honest and truelly loved by her, she will remain at your side.

Do not hide your sins, for secret sins always grow quite rappidly. Only when sins are admitted to Christ and no longer a secret can they truelly be conquered.

 

[Johnnz]

Sexual maturity brings out sexual awareness. An interest in sexual matters and female bodies derives from our natural development. Unfortunately, and even more so with the easy availablity of materil and images on the Web it is very easy to become involved with unsavoury material.

Your visit to a prostitute concerns me. That is not a normal thing for a Christian to do.

There is a legacy from porn that takes real effort to work through. Marriage in itself will not necessarily eliminate or erase your pattern of sexual gratification. This will concern youa nd your future wife, quite understandably. in her case.

I wonder if you have not been able to adequately think through sexuality from a healthy Christian perspective? You may wish to PM me if you are willinging to discuss some issues and try and reach a better understanding of where to go from here. It's great that you had the courage to post here. That is one positive step.

John
NZ

 

[dsboy19]

I guess my definition of real sex is different than yours. Sex is only what it was meant to be, and thus I have never had "real sex" and am still a virgin in my eyes. I did not contract any STDs, she used her mouth...nothing more and it has been a week and I am fine. It was a one-time, stupid (really stupid) mistake. I didn't even want to but was just driving through an area where they are prominent and couldn't get it out of my head. It was idiotic and by the grace of God will never happen again.

I have told my fiancee about the pornography. It really hurts her and she is here for me. I feel that the Lord is healing me of this and for His glory I will never look at that crap again. It's time to straighten up and live right, and now that it is out in the open to my fiancee I am accountable to it and will not do it anymore by the grace of God. If she knew about the prostitute, it would be over for good. There is no way I can tell her about this. I have admitted it to the people on this forum and confessed it to other brothers...it's over, it was a stupid mistake, and it won't happen again...period. I am ashamed of it and asked the Lord to forgive me of it so it's over, end of story.

I know women aren't objects, I have always told myself that. But for some reason I have always looked at them that way. The Lord is really working on my heart to look at them as people, people that He loves and cares for and so should I. I am at a down point in my life right now, and the Lord is lifting me up, He is giving me strength. I thank you for your posts, and any more advice and prayer would be appreciated.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I'm not sure what STDs may be transmitted through oral sex, but I recommend you get that base covered.

Your fiance is all you need yet you have done something that could justify her ending the relationship.
You say she is the one for you, but you haven't turned the mirror to yourself and asked if you are worthy of her.
Talk is cheap. It is time to grow up. There is no feeling quite like coming home and seeing that my actions, porn on the net, are the reason my wife was a shattered crying ball of anger, confusion, and betrayal. It was past time for me to be a man and a husband worthy of my wife rather than the immature boy who looks at girly pictures.
What you do says, "I don't love you as much as I love my self-gratifying behavior." You have no idea how much your actions could crush to a lifeless pulp the woman you are engaged to. Is this what you are offering her? Your actions now affect more than just you. Each woman you look at tells your wife-to-be that she is as cheap as the harlot you paid. She's not as pretty as them. You would rather be with them. They make you feel better than her.
Your reality will become broadened when you see your wife in anguish and you can't do anything about it because she can't stand to be in the same room as you at that moment.
So this is where you are headed. You have vented your frustration on here. Venting is allowed.
Now is the time for action.
Become the man who deserves this woman, the woman you are engaged to. Throw away your childishness. Those days are over. Kiss them goodbye. It's time to become a husband.

 

[dsboy19]

I'm not sure what STDs may be transmitted through oral sex, but I recommend you get that base covered.

Your fiance is all you need yet you have done something that could justify her ending the relationship.
You say she is the one for you, but you haven't turned the mirror to yourself and asked if you are worthy of her.
Talk is cheap. It is time to grow up. There is no feeling quite like coming home and seeing that my actions, porn on the net, are the reason my wife was a shattered crying ball of anger, confusion, and betrayal. It was past time for me to be a man and a husband worthy of my wife rather than the immature boy who looks at girly pictures.
What you do says, "I don't love you as much as I love my self-gratifying behavior." You have no idea how much your actions could crush to a lifeless pulp the woman you are engaged to. Is this what you are offering her? Your actions now affect more than just you. Each woman you look at tells your wife-to-be that she is as cheap as the harlot you paid. She's not as pretty as them. You would rather be with them. They make you feel better than her.
Your reality will become broadened when you see your wife in anguish and you can't do anything about it because she can't stand to be in the same room as you at that moment.
So this is where you are headed. You have vented your frustration on here. Venting is allowed.
Now is the time for action.
Become the man who deserves this woman, the woman you are engaged to. Throw away your childishness. Those days are over. Kiss them goodbye. It's time to become a husband.

Point well taken. You're exactly right, and I know I have the Spirit of God in me and if I surrender, He will take it away. Well, I surrender. I surrender to lust, to pornography, to looking at women as objects and something to be looked at. It is time to grow up and become the husband God wants me to be. Thank you for your words.

 

[AmericanPrincess]

Point well taken. You're exactly right, and I know I have the Spirit of God in me and if I surrender, He will take it away. Well, I surrender. I surrender to lust, to pornography, to looking at women as objects and something to be looked at. It is time to grow up and become the husband God wants me to be. Thank you for your words.

Still praying for you little brother....
God loves you and Jesus does too...
and so do I ...................................

 

[AmericanPrincess]

Point well taken. You're exactly right, and I know I have the Spirit of God in me and if I surrender, He will take it away. Well, I surrender. I surrender to lust, to pornography, to looking at women as objects and something to be looked at. It is time to grow up and become the husband God wants me to be. Thank you for your words.

I am still here praying hard for you my lil brother.....I have a big place in my heart for you because I have faith that the lord will help you in fact.............. I believe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[AmericanPrincess]

Still prayin' fer you!!!!

 

[NoName12]

I guess my definition of real sex is different than yours. Sex is only what it was meant to be, and thus I have never had "real sex" and am still a virgin in my eyes. I did not contract any STDs, she used her mouth...nothing more and it has been a week and I am fine. It was a one-time, stupid (really stupid) mistake. I didn't even want to but was just driving through an area where they are prominent and couldn't get it out of my head. It was idiotic and by the grace of God will never happen again.

I have told my fiancee about the pornography. It really hurts her and she is here for me. I feel that the Lord is healing me of this and for His glory I will never look at that crap again. It's time to straighten up and live right, and now that it is out in the open to my fiancee I am accountable to it and will not do it anymore by the grace of God. If she knew about the prostitute, it would be over for good. There is no way I can tell her about this. I have admitted it to the people on this forum and confessed it to other brothers...it's over, it was a stupid mistake, and it won't happen again...period. I am ashamed of it and asked the Lord to forgive me of it so it's over, end of story.

I know women aren't objects, I have always told myself that. But for some reason I have always looked at them that way. The Lord is really working on my heart to look at them as people, people that He loves and cares for and so should I. I am at a down point in my life right now, and the Lord is lifting me up, He is giving me strength. I thank you for your posts, and any more advice and prayer would be appreciated.

Frist of all I use to look at porn, I still have strugals with my sexaulty but I stop looking. I made a promiss if I ever do get envloed with some one I would have to tell her I use to veiw that trash, the reason why is because it would be unfair not to tell her, she desverd the option of of wheather or not she can trust a ex-pron addict and she would want a real reastionship with him, that the price one pays for looking at pron. I give you a pat on the back for telling her about the pron but the longer you keep her in the dark about the prostude the worse its going to get, will she leave you, I dont know, but lets say she has skelaton in her closet, i bet you would want her to tell you about it before you tied the knot. Sorry to say this, I dont know you and I know what its like to have out of control sexaul erges but Its sounds like you and your fenances may need some help before you take things to the next leval, tell her the truth, I suggest you find a counsler or prist to help you with your problem, mabey he can help you break the news to your feancea.

Good luck
I will be praying for you both.

 

[AmericanPrincess]

Frist of all I use to look at porn, I still have strugals with my sexaulty but I stop looking. I made a promiss if I ever do get envloed with some one I would have to tell her I use to veiw that trash, the reason why is because it would be unfair not to tell her, she desverd the option of of wheather or not she can trust a ex-pron addict and she would want a real reastionship with him, that the price one pays for looking at pron. I give you a pat on the back for telling her about the pron but the longer you keep her in the dark about the prostude the worse its going to get, will she leave you, I dont know, but lets say she has skelaton in her closet, i bet you would want her to tell you about it before you tied the knot. Sorry to say this, I dont know you and I know what its like to have out of control sexaul erges but Its sounds like you and your fenances may need some help before you take things to the next leval, tell her the truth, I suggest you find a counsler or prist to help you with your problem, mabey he can help you break the news to your feancea.

Good luck
I will be praying for you both.

I agree with no name.....and I pray for you and your girl brother......
amen

 

[pastel]

Praying for you. Porn is very destructive in lives. If it ends now, perhaps you can save your life and your relationship.

 

[pastel]

Praying for you.

 

[AmericanPrincess]

It is very destructive..... it can only do harm.....Praying....

 

[godiswithme]

I think that while it's important you get correction for your sins (who doesn't like a little perspective?) it's important for us to remember that we shouldn't judge one another.

Yes, you did make mistakes. Yes, you did confess them to God and they are forgiven. However, hiding it from your fiancee may be dangerous. Don't you think she has a right to know? What if the roles were reversed?

I believe people are too fickle and self-righteous in many cases (I know I have a tendency to act that way). If she truly loves you, she will be hurt but will forgive you and love you more anyway.

I'll pray for you. May God give you strength and a knowing heart.

 

[BrianJones]

Man, I am in the struggle with you I will pray for you bro!

 

[YoungJoonKim]

hmm..
Everyone is praying.
I will join too!

And umm..
Getting prostitude also concerns me..
Perhaps move to a place where prostitude can't be found?

Also, since you told your fiancee about your problem, why not take a course called:

www.settingcaptivesfree.com

I STRONGLY recommend you to this blessed course.
It will give you new image and how evil sexual sin can do to your life.
Don't miss it, please.

God bless !

 

[TheWakeUpCaller]

If you enter into marriage with a lie, guess what? you will never be happy. If you are a christian this will bother you from now on thru your marriage. I feel you owe it to her to tell her about what you did, you two were in an agreement, and you broke it. If she leaves you that does not mean she does not love you, but she has a right to know. Honesty is always the best policy. I treat patients all the time that said it was only oral sex.

 

[sweetstrawberry_801]

first of all dont feel guilty about this because jesus died for ur sins on the cross and rose again and he doesnt want u to feel guiltly about this. as long as u ask for fogivness and repent if u mess up and keep on trying trust in the lord he will help u and set u free from this. and know that u have victory in jesus because jesus had victory on the cross for us.
here are some sugesstions to help u stop.

1.Spend more time away from your computer. The 1 trigger for this kind of addiction cycles? Loneliness. The 1 solution to loneliness? Face-to-face interaction with other human beings. That means no computer. get out of ur room more and do some activities of interest such as a sport u like or are interested in.

2.if u have a problem with looking at sexual images or porn on ur computer Install a content watcher like x3watch, which watches what sites you go to and emails an accountability partner with what questionable sites you've visited.

3.get an accountability partner. That's a mature male in whom you can confide your problem. It should be someone you can contact on a moment's notice when you are weakening against temptation. Using something like x3watch will help keep you honest with your accountability partner.

4.Continue your walk with God and praying, worshiping and keep reading Scripture. also if u do not already go to church start going to chuch and speak to ur pastor or minster. if the church has a youth group or church group for ur age group you could go to the group and speak to and confide in ur group leader, preferably a male leader.

I suggest u go to this site http://settingcaptivesfree.com/home/ and do this. its helps people with this kind of addiction. so many people on here have said it has helped them with there addictions. heres an example of how its helped someone.
http://www.christianforums.com/t3296...turbation.html