I need help

[YellowSapphire]

We have food out for them 24/7. They also have 3 litter boxes in the basement for the two of them. I don't want one upstairs, but I'll do it. The issue is not the number of litter boxes, but about Lily being able to access one if Daisy is locked in the basement and she's not.

Lily is my cat and has been since 1998. We got Daisy together.

These cats are like children to us. Unfortunately, my husband does not believe in discipline for his children. Lily is better behaved because she lived at home with my parents for 6 years and didn't get to rule the roost. Daisy is getting worse and worse. I have done things his indulgent way for two years and it's gone overboard. About a year ago, I got so frustrated at her howling at the door that I opened it and tossed her down the hall. She barely noticed, but he's never let me forget it.

My husband cannot go the night without going to the bathroom and she always interprets this as a reward. Esp. because her crying will get him up and to the bathroom. He has a medical issue here, so I'm not going to tell him not to go.

You guys have given me some GREAT advice. I'm going to try bits and pieces of it over the next few weeks and find what works.

 

[Singin4Him]

Personally for me I would give up my cats before I with the separate bedrooms thing, that right there will hurt your marriage even worse. Seriously, if it a choice between the health of your marriage as well as your sanity or the cats, take those cats to your local SPCA and focus on your marriage. If your husband is choosing the cat over you at least bring this up to your husband and maybe he'll realize the cats aren't so important after all.

Maybe your husband won't consider counseling right now but what about getting counseling on your own?

 

[MaraPetra]

YS, I have a suggestion which may just keep you in your husband's good graces, garner you some sleep, and keep the cat where she belongs.


http://www.petsmart.com/global/search/search_results.jsp?cm_ven=goo&cm_cat=adwords&cm_pla=Cat&cm_ite=Repellants&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=2534374302023690&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374302025622&N=2025622&Ne=2&TS=2%7CALL&bmUID=1151438080635

Yes...Use cat repellent on the bed, on the carpet...Wherever you don't want her pretty little paws. According to my co-worker (who just called me "inhumane" for peppermint-spraying Azzie! The nerve!), she used this stuff with her three cats with good results. Spray your hallway, too, if the need arises.

After a while, you should be able to discontinue the spray, especially after the cat learns her boundaries.

There's also a spray available to keep your cat from peeing on the bath mat.

One last suggestion...You could probably use air freshener to cover any odors that the spray produces.

 

[YellowSapphire]

YS, I have a suggestion which may just keep you in your husband's good graces, garner you some sleep, and keep the cat where she belongs.


http://www.petsmart.com/global/search/search_results.jsp?cm_ven=goo&cm_cat=adwords&cm_pla=Cat&cm_ite=Repellants&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=2534374302023690&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374302025622&N=2025622&Ne=2&TS=2%7CALL&bmUID=1151438080635

Yes...Use cat repellent on the bed, on the carpet...Wherever you don't want her pretty little paws. According to my co-worker (who just called me "inhumane" for peppermint-spraying Azzie! The nerve!), she used this stuff with her three cats with good results. Spray your hallway, too, if the need arises.

After a while, you should be able to discontinue the spray, especially after the cat learns her boundaries.

There's also a spray available to keep your cat from peeing on the bath mat.

One last suggestion...You could probably use air freshener to cover any odors that the spray produces.

Thanks for the link! I think there's a petsmart only a half hour away, and I'm so there! Getting my purse as I type...

My husband is on a biz trip for the next couple of days, so that'll give me time to try some stuff and present my case. As long as it's not harmful to the cat, I'm almost sure he won't mind.

 

[sioleabha]

YS, I have a suggestion which may just keep you in your husband's good graces, garner you some sleep, and keep the cat where she belongs.


http://www.petsmart.com/global/search/search_results.jsp?cm_ven=goo&cm_cat=adwords&cm_pla=Cat&cm_ite=Repellants&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=2534374302023690&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374302025622&N=2025622&Ne=2&TS=2%7CALL&bmUID=1151438080635

Yes...Use cat repellent on the bed, on the carpet...Wherever you don't want her pretty little paws. According to my co-worker (who just called me "inhumane" for peppermint-spraying Azzie! The nerve!), she used this stuff with her three cats with good results. Spray your hallway, too, if the need arises.

After a while, you should be able to discontinue the spray, especially after the cat learns her boundaries.

There's also a spray available to keep your cat from peeing on the bath mat.

One last suggestion...You could probably use air freshener to cover any odors that the spray produces.

You probably don't actually want to cover the odor, since that's what keeps the cat away in the first place. You might end up making it less effective.

 

[BigNorsk]

Do they have the shock collars for cats that work with the boundary wires? Or doesn't it work with cats? I know it works well with dogs. When I was visiting my sister we walked by one place where this dog really looked like he would love to run over and chew off our legs or something. I was going to move to the other side and my sister said that dog won't go near the sidewalk due to being trained with the barrier wire. She didn't suggest trying thing on the other side of the wire.

I was visualizing a wire under the carpet leading up to the bedrooms and the whole area being off limits.

I've never needed to restrict a cat to a particular area. The worst thing sneaky Pete would do is stare at you so closely his wiskers would tickle. He wouldn't do it unless it was past time to get up anyway, I think he was worried if I was okay.

Marv

 

[mlukas]

I think I'm headed straight for Hell for what I did last night. And I don't know how to fix things.

I guess the relevant information here would be that we have two cats and that other than the masterbedroom, the only other area of the house with a door on it is the basement. One of our cats is two-year-old Daisy. We've had behavioral problems with her since the begining. The other cat is eight-year-old Lily who is nice and sweet and I just adore her.

Daisy has been waking me up several times a night for the past two years. I have not gotten a full night's sleep in about eight months. I have problems falling and staying asleep to begin with and have since I was a girl. It's not insomnia, but very light sleeper whose mind can easily rule.

She wakes me up at 11:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:45. Most nights I cannot fall asleep between her episodes because I'm on edge that I know she's going to do it again in a few hours. And she's like clockwork. I often don't get more than 5 hours of sleep and a lot of times I sleep well into the morning to make up for the night. Before we got Daisy I was an early riser. Now I'm up at 9 most mornings and completely exhausted and lethargic.

We have tried all kind of techniques to get her to stop: giving in to her cries, ignoring her cries, shutting the bedroom door, building a baracade in the hall so she couldn't get to the bedroom door, lock her in the basement. None of these work except for locking her in the basement and even then she wakes us up by pounding on the basement door.

The problem with putting Daisy in the basement is that we have to put Lily down there as well. Lily had pancreatitis last year and it cost us several thousand dollars and tons of time (I had to tube feed her) for her to get back to normal. The stress of being thrown into the basement and the enviroment down there causes Lily to throw up-- a precurser to pancreatitis. The vet warned us that she's suseptable to getting it again and I cannot emotionally or financially afford to go through that again.

I say I can not go through that again because my husband sometimes seems to put Daisy's needs above anyone else's. He does not care if Lily gets sick or if I'm up all night so long as he gets to keep Daisy (as opposed to her going to a shelter). He's a heavy and fast sleeper, so apparently the only thing that bothers him is me complaining to him about it. Even when Daisy does wake him up, he'd rather keep the door open to her so that she can come and cuddle with him.

I warned my husband that I was at the end of my rope. I haven't slept a full night in 8 months and before that-- over a year. I told him that I'm sick all the time and I'm about to lose my mind. He did not care.

Last night, when Daisy woke me up at 2:30, I lost it. My husband put her in the basement so that I could sleep at least part of the night. I swear, something like the devil came over me. I went down to the basement and I started screaming at the cat. I hit her and would have hit her more than once, but she got a good gash in my arm. My husband has refused to discipline this cat since we got her, and I almost felt justified in my rampage.

My husband came down in the basement because I was disturbing his sleep and he has to get up for work. My husband has repetedly demonstrated his belief that "we" get enough sleep if he gets enough sleep for work. I've been complaining for two years about this cat and it just doesn't bother him because he's been sleeping and he loves Daisy.

Last night, he could not fall asleep after the incident of me losing my mind and lashing out at Daisy. He's so mad at me he won't even return my calls. One night of four hour sleep and he's furious at me. That's been my life for almost two years and he has acted like it's no big deal.

At this point, we're talking about seperate bedrooms. Of course, I get kicked out of the master bedroom, but the theory is that the cats will bother him and leave me alone. Daisy is attached to his hip and does not care much for me. He's let me know that he'll never forgive me if I get rid of Daisy. I really think he prefers that cat to me, and his actions are starting to upset me.

What can I do? My husband will not hear of counciling.

I posted this situation on another message board a few months ago because it was tearing apart my marriage and got mocked and humiliated for weeks on end for having a "creepy" husband. Please don't do that. I realize I'm opening myself up here, but if one more person turns my personal pain into a punchline, I'm going to scream.

Sorry that's so long.

If your husband chooses a bloody cat over his wife he has some major issues.
I love my dog but I'd loose her in a second if she was bothering my wife that much. Your husband needs to grow up, man up and get some counseling.
Just an opinion...

 

[c1ners]

My cat is inside from the time I get home from work to the time I wake up in the morning. He does not have a litter box, and does not pee or poo on the floor. If he has to go outside, he wakes me up, and I let him out. If they're trained right, they don't need a litter box.

 

[Torah]

I am a practical reasoning person. If I plant a tree, I plant something that will give a food as well as shade, I see animals in the same way. A Dog serves as outside watchmen of my home. A cat serves as an outside rodent killer. My advice would be to put all the cats outside. Or take them to the animal center, Just get rid of them.

 

[indagroove]

If your husband chooses a bloody cat over his wife he has some major issues.
I love my dog but I'd loose her in a second if she was bothering my wife that much. Your husband needs to grow up, man up and get some counseling.
Just an opinion...

I'll second that !

 

[gracefaith]

These cats are like children to us. Unfortunately, my husband does not believe in discipline for his children.

Forgive me for relating this back to one of your other threads, but I would definitely DEFINITELY take this into consideration when discussing the child/no child issue with your husband. If he is unwilling to discipline and make boundaries with your cats, you have every reason to be concerned about how he will parent a child.

I don't mean to be a big meany, but if I were you, I would actually tell him that you won't even contemplate the child issue again until he gets involved and proves he is capable of raising and being responsible for the 'dependants' you already have.

 

[YellowSapphire]

Forgive me for relating this back to one of your other threads, but I would definitely DEFINITELY take this into consideration when discussing the child/no child issue with your husband. If he is unwilling to discipline and make boundaries with your cats, you have every reason to be concerned about how he will parent a child.

I don't mean to be a big meany, but if I were you, I would actually tell him that you won't even contemplate the child issue again until he gets involved and proves he is capable of raising and being responsible for the 'dependants' you already have.

Are you confusing me with the other poster who was wondering whether she should have children for her husband? Because for us there is no issue... it's been decided and done with.

However, how we've both reacted with the cats (my temper, his indulgence) has cemented my reasoning that we'd be crappy parents.

 

[YellowSapphire]

Discipline with the spray bottle worked well last night and I'll continue to develop strategies to keep the peace.

There's NO WAY I'm getting rid of the cats. I respect the advice, but I just cannot do that-- even if I do kind of hate our youngest one. It's not her fault; she's just being a cat.

 

[MaraPetra]

I'm glad to hear you used the spray bottle, and that it worked for you as well. Did she jump back on you for the rest of the night?

 

[YellowSapphire]

No. I decided to make the master bedroom a cat-free zone so there would be no confusion as to where they could not be. I worried that if I sprayed her for meowing at night, but not during the day, she wouldn't get it.

If I hear meowing outside the door, the lights go on and without a word, I spray. Three times at the door and Daisy went running before I could make it to the door. She's affraid of the sound of the sprayer-- good thing, since it's clogged and water isn't really coming out.

 

[sjdennis]

Discipline with the spray bottle worked well last night and I'll continue to develop strategies to keep the peace.

There's NO WAY I'm getting rid of the cats. I respect the advice, but I just cannot do that-- even if I do kind of hate our youngest one. It's not her fault; she's just being a cat.

Just a point about getting rid of the cats. I know you both love your cats. However, does Daisy have incurable mental problems? This issue seemed to come up earlier in the thread. If she has actual mental problems (not just poor training) she may be so thick she can never be trained. She may always be a nuisance, and never live a normal life. My wife had a dog like this a few years back - it was completely untrainable, even by professionals, and was mentally impaired. In the end she had to have it put down.

Try your training methods, and good luck! Hopefully she responds! However if she doesn't ever, and there are many factors in her life pointing towards a mental disability, you may eventually have to consider getting rid of her. Animals have mental problems too.

If a cat has cost you $8,000 over 2 years, I would have shot the thing long ago. A cat is after all just a cat, however attached you are to it. A cat isn't worth the price of a good second hand car. She certainly isn't worth the cost of yet more vet bills. In my opinion anyway, I know a few people will disagree.

 

[lin1235]

I feel for you, really! Our previous cat (who got stolen about 6 months ago) also really wanted to spend nights with us and would complain at the door for hours! We ended up using some white noise (radio on no station, or a fan) in the bedroom so we don't need to hear her. I think cats are partly bored at night (remember, they're nocturnal) and partly they like the body heat and so there's no better place for them than your bed... at least from their perspective!

I was also going to recommend the spray bottle; even the dumbest cat will learn that certain actions (scratching the bedroom door) leads to consequences (getting wet). I hope this works!

 

[Jocristian]

I did not read the entire thread, so forgive me if this has been said. I strongly believe that in alot of cases, the only way animals learn is negative consequences. My dogs used to yelp at night, and I would go in there and spank them with a newspaper when they did. Pretty soon they learned that if they yelped, they got spankings.


Same with cats though, although spankings are harder because they are so agile . I would definitely reccomend a spray bottle. Fill it up with water and add a tiny bit of vinegar. When the cat whines at night, douse her with vinegar water. After a few nights, I would be surprised if the cat still bothered you.

 

[Leanna]

Oh my goodness

Cats can stay in the basement at night.

I wouldn't give up my sleep like that....

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

Oh my goodness...your post could not be more timely. We have an annoying outside dog (had him for ten years now...half lab, half dalmation) who barks alot. However, since hubby left, this dog feels he is on hyper-alert and he barks constantly all night long...the sort of frantic barking that makes you sit up in bed thinking, "Oh my goodness, somebody is breaking in."

I have not been sleeping well as it is. I'm missing my husband so much that I dread going to bed at night and stay up much too late, coupled with my anemia and one child who always has leg cramps in the middle of the night and another who just will start screaming for no reason in the middle of the night, well, I am exhausted too.

Seriously, I am not rational in the middle of the night when the dog does this and I've actually considered doing something pretty serious to the dog when I've been absolutely exhausted and I love animals. My father suggested that since he is ten years old, I feed him lots of fatty foods and just help him die sooner and happier but I cannot even bring myself to do that and I feel terrible for thinking about these things.

I feel for you. I really do. I like the idea here but drugging the cat and may look into that for the dog. I've really had it with him.

Amazing that somebody else is going through the same thing.