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I need help in making sense of all this.

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Anonymous816, Sep 19, 2021.

  1. Anonymous816

    Anonymous816 New Member

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    I don't understand why God stays distant from me. I thought it was because I was struggling with sexual sin at the time (I was working on overcoming it) but he still won't come close. When I did get clean of all the sin in my life I grew spiritually and God uses me a lot to help other people: pray for them, give them prophetic words, a lot of spiritual warfare, and I'm a dreamer (main spiritual gift). God answers and is present when I ask him to do things for others but never when I need him.
    I was very suicidal, depressed, and I was scared for my safety because I didn't trust myself to be alone. I was so close to suicide I'd have to spend hours convincing myself not to actually do it and I would beg God to show himself or just tell me he loved me and never did. The only time he spoke to me was to do things for other people but he never helped me; even my verbally abusive, at the time, mother. Literally I ask for anything regarding myself he is silent but when it comes to other people he is very vocal and moves is such incredible ways. I'm not asking for anything crazy or anything either or anything that would go against his word. I don't understand why he's doing this, and he won't give me an answer and I've been asking for YEARS. He won't help me get a job so I can escape, he won't comfort me when I beg him to during the times when I cry for hours because I want to die. I see him work in people lives in so many different ways and people keep telling me that he'll do these things if I just ask but he never does. I used to ask him all the time to just tell me he loves me (I'd never heard a non abusive person tell me that before) and he didn't but I know several people who have asked for the same thing and gotten it; God himself has had me tell other people but he won't tell me. It's like I have to see other people get blessed in ways that I've been asking for and yet he won't do it for me; many times he'll have me bless someone else in the very things I've been asking for. I've been actively seeking him, following his word obeying him, working on myself and growing for years but still nothing. He's just so absent in my life and I don't understand. He never even answers my questions when I ask so I'm just confused all the time and stressed out. When people pray for me the things they pray for never happen regardless of how much faith I have. I'm just tired, you know, and I have no more hope. Why is God doing this? I don't understand and I'm convinced that he just doesn't care and I'm meant to be hated and distant from everyone; I have been all my life by literally everyone in my life. Maybe he wants me to suffer so I can once again give someone the very thing that I need for myself. I'm happy to help these people and obey God but why does it never happen for me?

    Yall probably think this I a stupid question and I'm just whinning over nothing; and it probably is a stupid question but I' desperate. God doesn't hate me right?- honestly I don't know, no one else can give me answers and God is always silent so maybe yall can help me.

    P.S. I'm sorry if the above doesn't make sense I'm not in a really bad place mentally and emotionally and it's affecting my thinking and ability to write well and form good thoughts.


    Simple relevant info:
    Abusive home, sucidal for most of my life since I was young, poor mental health for most of my life, forced into isolation by father for most of life, Became severely ill from stress 4yrs ago and still am, forced to raise myself, don't know love, I literally can't leave my home- me, my mom, and brother tried running away and we had to come back after a month becuase we had no were to stay and would have ended up on the streets, can't get a job regardless of how hard I try, grew up seeing God's word abused to justify abuse (still in that environment today)
     
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  2. TheWhat?

    TheWhat? Well-Known Member

    852
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    In Relationship
    I've been through a lot as well and I'll say it's more than likely bitterness, given that you're coming from an abusive background.

    It doesn't seem fair that God would be distant to the abused, I don't believe He is in actuality but the bitterness is a huge problem for your relationship with God.

    It can take a lot of time to heal.
     
  3. Anonymous816

    Anonymous816 New Member

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    Sorry, just ignore this comment. I didn't mean to post it, I meant to reply but I don't know how to delete this.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2021
  4. Anonymous816

    Anonymous816 New Member

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    -----
    How did you heal? I'm still in the situation so it seems like every time I try to heal I just get another wound or the old wounds open back up again. I'm lost on what to do, I know I need therapy but I'm not allowed to go.
    Also thank you so much for responding.
     
  5. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    +7,429
    Australia
    Christian
    Married
    1 John 4:10
    "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."


    You know the hard part of depression is that often time we can't hear love, as an emotions, very well and that is why we often miss the voice of Him who wants to save us.

    i found that learning to have faith in God's loving truth brought me healing. Sure i battled loveless realities living within me non stop learning to trust Him, but i found that the Spirit of love for God and neighbour taught me rightly.

    Now it is in your unbelief and doubt that you keep God's love away from you. In my life as someone who struggle with a depressive illness, i had to learn to trust the truth of the bible, even though i could not feel love or hear Him say that His word is true within myself at the time.

    So the job is to find Jesus inside your own heart. He dwells within us, through faith, in love and in truth. It is there that i learned to heed Jesus and it is there that i was set free from my sins.

    The living word is who you need to meet, that is Christ's Spirit speaking the truths of scripture in love for God, you and your neighbour. Get to know Him!

    And that voice which tells you that God hates you is the liar. Understand believing him has brought you much sorrow for he keeps The Truth at bay with his nasty lies.

    Believe The Truth even if you don't experience Him yet. He will come if you wait for Him.

    Isaiah 30:18-21
    Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
    therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
    For the Lord is a God of justice.
    Blessed are all who wait for him!
    People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
     
  6. TheWhat?

    TheWhat? Well-Known Member

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    A mix of things. Religion/spirituality is for me very therapeutic. I spent a lot of time in prayer, and praying against the things I was bitter about. I took charge of my spirituality, turned off harmful sources like various styles of preaching, and started focusing in on issues I needed to resolve. God has been faithful to provide some serious breakthroughs for me. Other things couldn't be helped by any effort at all it seemed and simply required time.

    Sorry I can't help you there. I'm not one to rely on therapy much. I did try to look for a christian therapist but I couldn't find much that seemed promising.

    No problem.
     
  7. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

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    He Created the Cosmos, our Galaxy, Our Solar system, the sun, your windows, and your eyes to look at it all. It's your turn.
     
  8. andreha

    andreha Senior Contributor

    +10,782
    South Africa
    Word of Faith
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    Gather all your energy and ask the Holy Spirit to help you, directly. He is with you, waiting to be part of your life. He'll uplift you and console you, while revealing the love of God to you.
     
  9. Carl Emerson

    Carl Emerson Well-Known Member

    +6,266
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Married
    For me a key factor on my journey out was to decide to believe in what God said about me in Scripture.

    Simple questions like do you agree with Him that He Loves you with an everlasting Love?

    I believe also that if you chase prayer from mature believers and agree with Scripture regardless of feeling you will gain ground.

    Combine this with learning to resist demonic activity in His name and the process is further accelerated.

    You need to be melded into loving fellowship for the process to flow.

    It took me 7 years to become "normal' and strong.

    You have to however want Him above all else - no exceptions.
     
  10. returntosender

    returntosender EL ROI Supporter

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    You seem a very strong person. Is God perhaps telling you to lean on your own strength? It seems to be your gift and he expects you to use it with others as you are. Perhaps you underestimate your own capabilities and this is his way of making you aware of them.
    God bless you.
    Rewards await you in heaven for your good work.
    God is with you, be thankful. He has never spoken to me but I know he loves me.
     
  11. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal: Quipping the Saints! Supporter

    +5,553
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    Charismatic
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    @Anonymous816, are you going to an effective church?
    Much of the decline you have described happens when people try to live as isolated Christians.
    Their growth is hindered.
    They are more played by Satan's head trips.
     
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  12. Jay Sea

    Jay Sea ................ Ke ĉiuj vivu

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    G-d does not abandon anyone. It is mankind who do the abandoning or, at his own or G-d's prompting, aiding. So seek help from a local Church or mental health service. Hopefully there are some cost free services or at least affordable locally. Keep as healthy physically as you are able, walk, meditate listen to calming music etc. Do not abandon yourself. Love yourself, that is the first requisite to loving others.
    In LOve
    Jay Sea
     
  13. SANTOSO

    SANTOSO Well-Known Member

    +880
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    Married
    Beloved one,
    If you want to understand why God stayed distant, consider this :

    Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; -Isaiah 59:1
    but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear. -Isaiah 59:2

    So beloved one, our iniquities have made a separation between us and God, and our sins have hidden His face from us — that made us distant from God.

    So we should deal our iniquities and sins. How? This is what we have heard:

    For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, -Matthew 6:14
    but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. -Matthew 6:15

    So beloved one, when others abused us, they trespassed us against us — we should forgive.

    If we have any disturbing thoughts that arose in our minds regarding abusive actions and words that anyone have done to us, we should seek the Lord to give us the strength to release forgiveness to them. Then release the forgiveness every time. And you will be set free as our Lord have promised.

    When you have released forgiveness, you can be assured that you have met the condition that Christ have spoken in Matthew 6:14-15— that you are forgiven. When you are forgiven, believe that you have been justified by faith and that you have peace with God through Christ. And that now there are no iniquities that you separate you from God and that there are no sin that made God hide His face from you. And that now God hear every prayer you make.

    Beloved one, believe that through Christ, you now stand in this grace of repentance that you have accessed by faith and now can rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

    Beloved one, fill me your mind and heart with the words that Christ have spoken. Then call
    Him in truth. He won’t be far from you.

    May God’s peace with you. Amen

    Note on prayers:
    Beloved one, pray this prayer of forgiveness and prayer regarding your circumstance. And be strengthen in the steadfast love of our God :

    Lord Jesus,
    I bless the person who accuse me, hurt me, disappoint me, upset me, mistreat me, resent me, reject me, and abandon me.

    I may have been accused, hurt, disappointed, upset, mistreated,hated, and rejected, abandoned.

    but now I release forgiveness to those who hurt me, disappoint me, upset me, mistreat me, resent me,reject me and abandoned.

    I bless the persons who accuse, hurt, disappointed, upset, mistreated,hated, rejected me, abandoned me.

    I thank you Father in Heaven.

    When I bless them, I got blessings coming my way.
    I am inheriting blessings today or tonight.
    In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

    Lord Jesus Christ, my Shepherd.
    I bless the circumstances that bring grief and sorrow into my heart. I bless it. I receive the peace of Jesus Christ and the inheritance blessings— that is coming to me; from blessing it.
    Amen.
     
  14. SapphirePrincess

    SapphirePrincess New Member

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    Married
    Sometimes, we go through periods like that. I don't want to tell you what is true for you, because I don't know. But your post burdened my heart. I'll tell you what is and was true for me. And you can take it to prayer and see if any of it applies to you. I have great compassion for you, because God loves you so much.

    When I have gone through bad periods, and God seems distant, like He doesn't care and has left me alone. And when I have begged for Him to tell me or give me a sign or a dream or something, He almost never does that for me. And I went through some pretty awful stuff.

    This is when I have to make a decision. One day, I decided to just trust Him. It doesn't matter what it looks or feels like, He always loves me and He always looks out for me. He doesn't play favourites. I choose to stand on the Word even when I feel bloody awful. I choose not to question but to come like a little kid.

    I remember one time, I was walking through a mall and I had no sense of God at all. Everything felt empty. No presence. Like I am all alone and I will have to deal with things by myself and maybe He doesn't care. It was just a bad feeling. But, I said to myself, "I don't care how it feels. My God is true and faithful and He has never left me". I quoted scripture at it.

    And the bad feeling went away. That is one example.

    Sometimes, I think we go through all this to be tested. God tests and disciplines us in a lot of ways. I know it's hard to think He would test you in this way, but I think sometimes the question in our faith walk is not so much whether He cares about us. He absolutely does. But whether we will be faithful to Him and trust in Him and stand on His Word regardless of what it feels like or looks like on the outside. I think it is a good sign - as it is - that He answers your prayers for others. He listens to *your* prayers. Consider the implications of that and pray over this.

    I know you are discouraged. I think maybe we all have gone through this sort of thing. Trust Him and wait patiently and *believe* that He cares about what you are dealing with.

    We all have to reach the end of ourselves at some point.

    I am sorry about what you are going through, but I know He loves you and knows what you are dealing with better than you do. Hold onto Him. ❤️

    Be strong. And very courageous. You have an advocate who stands for you like a mighty lion. You will get through it. You will succeed in accordance with God's perfect will.

    God bless you. I will pray for you, Anonymous. You pray over what I said, ok? Especially the part of being tested and standing on the Word.
     
  15. Jesus is my Superhero

    Jesus is my Superhero Zealot

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    If you are having trouble forgiving someone from your past or in your present life, pray for the person. Ask in prayer for blessings upon the person you have issues with. Pray for their salvation and keep praying for them whenever you pray. Eventually, you'll arrive at a place of being able to forgive and you will know that it is God in you who performs this. Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness in your life.
     
  16. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

    +3,862
    Canada
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    "Come close"? There is nowhere in all of the universe you can be where God is not. You are always before Him. And if you are a born-again child of God, the Holy Spirit lives within you; He can't get any closer. Your sense of distance, then, is not on God's side - He hasn't withdrawn from you - but on your side. And so, the question you should be asking is "What have I done to make me feel distant from God?"

    Sin always has the effect of making us feel distant from God, yes (Psalms 66:18; Isaiah 59:2; 1 Peter 3:10-12). But we sin as a symptom of a deeper problem which is that we aren't fully under God's control, we aren't fully yielded to Him in our lives. Usually, this is because we don't love Him as we should, which is the result of not really knowing, and not being truly convinced of, how much He loves us. We love Him because He first loved us, the Bible says (1 John 4:19); and when we love God, when we desire Him deeply, we are willing to submit ourselves lock-stock-and-barrel to His will and way. Are you convinced, fully, thoroughly convinced, that God loves you with a perfect, awesome, faithful love, deeper and higher than anything you can imagine?

    Dreaming is not, as far as I can remember, listed in Scripture (Romans 12:6-8; 1 Corinthians 12; Ephesians 4:7-13) as a spiritual gift. And in the record of God's word, men used of God often waited for long periods before He used them for His purposes. Moses was forty years on the backside of the desert before God called Him to lead the Israelite Exodus; Joseph was the better part of twenty years in servitude and prison before he was elevated to second-in-command in Egypt; Paul also spent most of twenty years in obscurity before God sent him as the apostle to the Gentiles; Jesus was in his thirties before his "ministry" began, and so on.

    Far more important than serving others is being mature enough spiritually to be doing so from the right "power source" and under the right motivation and direction. Too often, new believers are urged into service to the Body of Believers (and the World) long before they are ready and burn out, or crash morally, as a result. Until a Christian understands and lives consistently in the basic truths of the faith - justification, sanctification, identification and appropriation - they will sow in the flesh and reap the corruption that always follows.

    ??? This is not the statement of one who knows God well at all. Which is why you should be very careful about "ministering" to others on His behalf. For what, exactly, do you need Him?

    ??? Do you not own a Bible? In it, God tells you over and over again that He loves you! He sent His only Son to die on a cross for you. Does this suggest God hates you?

    I guessed a faulty or weak understanding of God's love was at the bottom of your problem and here you reveal this is actually so.

    Friend, God is determined that His children will "walk by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7) He does not, then, usually answer requests to "show Himself" in some unique, just-for-you supernatural demonstration. He does promise, though, to do certain things in the lives of all His children through the Person of the Holy Spirit: convict of sin (John 16:8), illuminate divine truth (John 14:26; John 16:13; 1 Corinthians 2:10-14), strengthen in times of trial and temptation (Ephesians 3:16; Romans 8:13; Philippians 2:13), produce the character of Christ (Galatians 5:22-23; Ephesians 5:9), impart a love for fellow believers (1 John 3:14), etc. It is in doing these things in His children, by the Spirit, that God "shows Himself" to them, bearing witness to them that they are truly His.

    God's comfort is Himself, not a feeling, primarily. When you are filled with Him, with His Spirit, the comfort that He is also fills you. But such filling is only ever the result of being submitted to Him. God fills us up with Himself when we are emptied of ourselves, of Self, when we get off the throne of our hearts and let God sit upon it where He should always be sitting. God intends that we find comfort in knowing He is in control of us, that the Almighty God of Everything is ruling within us, enthroned upon our hearts and guiding us into His perfect, eternal will. Such comfort is not circumstance-dependent; it doesn't rely upon where we are or upon the absence of trouble; it exists in God and in our being in His hands, loved and controlled (aka filled) by Him.

    When you settle into God, confident, fully-convinced of who He is and how enormously He loves you, living in daily submission to Him (Romans 6:13; Romans 12:1; James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:6), life begins to straighten out. Not because our situation has changed, necessarily, but because we are situated in it rightly, our focus, not on us, but on our Heavenly Father, our peace and rest found in being ruled by the omnipotent One who never makes mistakes. (Isaiah 26:3-4)

    Friend, God is Himself our "exceeding great reward." He is the Ultimate Blessing. Do you believe it? You'll show you do when you live content just with Him. If God isn't enough, if the blessing He is doesn't satisfy you, NOTHING will. This is, in part, what the writer of Hebrews was getting at when he wrote:

    Hebrews 13:5
    5 Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,"

    It doesn't get any better than God. If we have Him, we have the very greatest treasure in all of Creation. When you know this and believe it, you won't be stressing over the blessings God gives to others.

    Would you accept the answers He gives? Are you a careful student of His wisdom and truth revealed to you in the Bible? How serious are you, really, about what God thinks?

    Of course He doesn't hate you. Seriously? Read the Gospel of John. Read any of the Gospels. Read Ephesians 2:1-10, or Titus 3:3-8, or 1 John 4:9-10.

    I grew up under a borderline-personality disordered mother. She was very...difficult to live with and absolutely terrifying to be around when I was a little boy. When I was in my early twenties - a long time ago now - I suffered from terrible anxiety and OCD (they usually go together). Panic attacks, insomnia, swallowing issues, breathing problems, endless inner debates, fighting with myself, afraid I would do something horrible for no reason - these things plagued me for two years, driving me to the brink of suicide. And then, I began to see things as I have described them to you above. Not all at once, but gradually, bit by bit, and as I did, and began to live in the truth I've just shared with you (and much I have not), God set me free, moving me into a life with Him that is full, rich and deep.

    I would urge you to go to the Discipleship subforum here on CF and read through my threads. I'm sure they will help you become properly grounded in your relationship with God and move you into the abundant life in Christ for which God made you.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2021
  17. FutureAndAHope

    FutureAndAHope Just me Supporter

    +1,941
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    It can take a long time for God to heal everything in our lives. I started out with some really bad jobs, so much so that I would curse and swear while working (due to the heat and time pressure). I remember passing a university and praying "why God do they have all the luck, and I have nothing?", some years later I ended up at that university and got a degree after. I prayed for a wife since the time I was saved but it took 20 years to actually get married. I say this to say there were many tear-filled nights from the time I prayed till I got my answers. In fact, it took me 20 years to get stable. My life is now blessed, but it can take time.
     
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