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I need help and advice (Another woman) please...

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by loveisgod7788, Dec 6, 2012.

  1. loveisgod7788

    loveisgod7788 Newbie

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    My husband has been calling some girl since july i wasnt happy with it as it was for hrs and hrs everyday....... ( my husband is Ghanian) so i could never understand what they where saying to each other and it was mostley when he was at work. ( he works nights) and she started txting him in Ghanian. he said the txt said goodnight hard working man. To me thats not right so i told him and he called me jelous and controling and said he wasnt going to stop to which i wanted to walk out and end it because why is she more important than me? then he said he will cut down contact and stop which i said ok. But contct was still there he would ring me and talk to me for like 5min and say hes busy at work but when i check he rings her after ( which hurts more than anything) because i want laugh and joke with my DH 2 for hrs and hrs. I brought it up again in Oct because my dad died and we had to fly to Guyana whilst on the plane he passed me his phone and i see the last call he made was to her again. He said it wouldnt be nice if she was to ring him and he blanked her so he had to tell her ( i dont see why) We got back home 10days later and i asked him again why are you putting her before me? And he said she needs help and advice and when he gets called for judgement by God he has to answer to why he stopped being friends with her because i said i dont like it..... so i asked him if it was the other way round and i was ringing a guy the way he is would he be happy to which he said no because a man is man :/ and should know things
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2012
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  2. sdmsanjose

    sdmsanjose Regular Member

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    I am a man. Tell your husband that I do not buy his weak pathetic excuse for talking to this other woman. If God wants to help this woman He does not need your husband.

    If your husband is serious about God then he knows that god wants him to put his wife above all other women. In fact God uses the example of husbands loving their wife so much that they would give their life for her.

    Tell your husband to stop the BS!
     
  3. LinkH

    LinkH Regular Member

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    Invite her over an hour an hour before your husband comes home and talk for about an hour so she will be there when he comes home.
     
  4. singpeace

    singpeace Senior Member Supporter

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    Dear Love,

    He has to answer to God for how he treats YOU. If this woman needs help, God would put another woman in her path - not a married man. What he is doing is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

     
  5. loveisgod7788

    loveisgod7788 Newbie

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    Thank you all for your replys. So what do you think i should just keep praying or leave him. I so confused
     
  6. loveisgod7788

    loveisgod7788 Newbie

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    Thats what i said becuse i know for a fact if it was me he would flip out. And i said to him she as a woman has to resepect for me txting you late at night and call you all the time ( if she even knows about me) it just doesnt sit right with me but i want to trust him but i know the devil is a liar.
     
  7. loveisgod7788

    loveisgod7788 Newbie

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    She live 3hrs away and im sure she cant drive. i think she has not got right to be in the contry.
     
  8. loveisgod7788

    loveisgod7788 Newbie

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    I know and i told him god said loves your wife as he loves the church. but he replyed back with love your brother as yourself but not more.

    Do you have female friends? And if your wife felt uneasy about you talking to one of them would you stop?.......

    and how would you like your wife to ask you stop.
     
  9. GloryBe!

    GloryBe! Always learning.....

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    From a wife's perspective... my husband was having a similar problem over text and emails (although it was more subtle and harder to catch). I knew in my spirit that his heart wasn't right in our marriage, and it was causing me to doubt and distrust him. It all came to a head when I had enough. He got a hotel, and we didn't have sex until several weeks after our baby was born. My definitive actions made him frightened to lose me enough to realize what he was doing to us. He agreed to council, and made to effort to set it up. It took me a while to trust him again, and some things I'll never forget, but we're better than ever. Even had we divorced, I would not regret standing up for what's right. You'll take your conscience with you no matter what people remain in your life.
     
  10. loveisgod7788

    loveisgod7788 Newbie

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    So youthink i should just tell him to stop or il leave??
     
  11. Mrs. Luther073082

    Mrs. Luther073082 Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

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    I would lay it all out for him one more time and make sure he knows this is negatively impacting your marriage and your trust in him. If this woman needs a listening ear, she can go to a Pastor, therapist, a female friend, or an unmarried man for help. If he brings up that you are being controlling, tell him that if he feels that way, he should attend marriage counseling or see a Pastor with you and see if a professional would agree with that (because I don't think they would). If he can not respect your feelings and the boundary that you are requesting and will not seek outside help, I would separate from him ASAP.
     
  12. Mrs. Luther073082

    Mrs. Luther073082 Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

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    Pop some popcorn and the three of you can watch Fatal Attraction together. :smirk:
     
  13. Avniel

    Avniel Doing my part each day by being the best me

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    You know when I think of me personally I was born in America but most of my family was born and raised in Jamaica. I grew up in a Jamaican neighborhood and my first real experience in the american culture was college, I went to a HBCU. When I was living in Mississippi for awhile I was embarrassed and I felt left out. If I spoke patwa it was out of frustration and it was a mistake and a slip up and I felt even more embarrassed. Sometimes culturally people need to connect with their own people to feel accepted and understood.

    I have a female friend but she is more like a friend in the family. Her father and my grandfather were friends in Jamaica, she lived on the same block I grew up on and she was a few years older then me. My wife never really had an issue with me talking to her because they became friends. She calls and talks to my wife more then she calls and talks to me. Apparently I am still an annoying little brother to her but my wife has good sense. I think if your husband wants a friendship and to connect with someone it should be 1. a man or 2. someone that is both friends with both of you.

    I
     
  14. sdmsanjose

    sdmsanjose Regular Member

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    I have a few female friends. I never talk for hours with any female friends without my wife being present. If my wife was hurt by me talking to another female for hours I would stop. It is very risky to be talking to another female for hours on many occasions without my wife being present

    I would like for her to just say the truth without any sugar coating. She could say you should not be talking for hours on many occasions to another woman because that is risky for any man. I would also want my wife to tell me that if God really wants me to help that woman then we can both be present to help her. My wife should tell me that if the man does not want his wife talking with another man without him present then that should give you your answer

    Your husband either lacks wisdom or he is feeding his ego and trying to use God as an excuse.




     
  15. loveisgod7788

    loveisgod7788 Newbie

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    Thanks to each and everyone of you for your replys and advice. I have decied to wait till after Christmas to bring this up again as this could truley end my marriage and my kids are at the age to enjoy and understand christmas now finally :).... And who knows with all your prays he may will just stop completely in the name of jesus christ.. Do you think im wrong waiting till after christman??
     
  16. Avniel

    Avniel Doing my part each day by being the best me

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    Maybe not I can't call it. Do me a personal favor before ask him about his culture ask him what is christmas like where he is from ask him to teach him his language show interest in his culture like never before
     
  17. loveisgod7788

    loveisgod7788 Newbie

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    I will try but i have done it all before :( im starting to think im more commited to this marriage than him i wonder if he really cares/love me.
     
  18. Darling, I don't think other peoples' prayers are going to work like a magic spell and change his behavior. He has to want to change, and decide to change. There is NO WAY my husband would ever have a female "friend" on the side like this. And if he did, he'd be out the door. I wouldn't divorce him, but he'd have to find somewhere else to live until he changed his behavior, admitted FULLY and OPENLY to what he'd done, and agreed to marriage counseling. He is completely and utterly disrespecting you as his wife, and you deserve the MOST respect on earth from him. Only God Himself should come before you, NO ONE ELSE.

    I would suggest immediate counseling (wait till after Christmas if you want to, it would definitely keep things more peaceful for the kids) and if he refuses, I'd tell him he needs to find another place to stay while he considers what life would be like without his wife and children.
     
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