I need guidance for my broken marriage. Is my husband commiting adultery?

[Cinthia Hernandez]

I will try my best to make this as short as possible but I desperately need help. Late last year I got into an affair (no sex was invloved). It lasted about a week. At first my husband seemed willing to make things work but over the course of about 3 or so months he decided he wanted a divorce. I tried everything in my power to show him I wanted to make things work. Around this time however, my husband decided to express his feelings to a coworker of ours (yes we work together). This co worker is also a mutal "friend". So since then my husband has been getting closer and closer to this woman. To the point where he is even staying at her house here and there. From my interpretation of the bible, he is now committing adultery. From his interpretation, he is not. He believes that as soon as the adultery occured, the marriage was over. Can someone please clarify this situation? I am not fighting him on the divorce but I made it clear to him that I don't want it and that he will have to do the work to make it happen. He has put little to no effort on finializing the divorce, it hasn't even been filed yet. I am trying to focus on getting closer to God and working on myself. We have never put God first on our marriage at all. We never attended church or even prayed together. I belive we have an opportunity to make this relationship a better one but he is firm on what he wants and firm on believing that he is not wrong is being this woman. Am I wrong for thinking that my husband is now committing adultery?

 

[Petros2015]

He believes that as soon as the adultery occured, the marriage was over. Can someone please clarify this situation?

Sounds like your husband no longer considers himself bound by your marriage vows and is leaving. Doesn't really care about the legal bond, though probably won't admit to sexual infidelity since could make divorce split of properties problematic if he does.

Am I wrong for thinking that my husband is now committing adultery?

I don't think you are wrong; but does being right help?

 

[Cinthia Hernandez]

Being right doesn't exactly help. But I do want him to do the "right thing". If he really wants to pursue this woman, I think he should start pursing the divorce first. And working on seeing how we can live apart. I still live with him and I work with both of them, so I have to just witness everything right in front of me. I keep telling him this is just making things messier. Now I am the one putting the effort of seeing how I can move out with the kids and even looking for another job. And I won't lie, I do want him to be aware that he is now in the "wrong" as well. He has always had his own interpretations of the word and everyone around him would always dissagree with his opinons. But he is unmoveable. The past few months have been very rough for me but I am starting to get to a point where I think I can finally move forward, I just don't want to see him get hurt anymore either. This woman isn't exactly a saint and he knows this. But at this point all I am left to do is to continue praying.

 

[Cinthia Hernandez]

Sounds like your husband no longer considers himself bound by your marriage vows and is leaving. Doesn't really care about the legal bond, though probably won't admit to sexual infidelity since could make divorce split of properties problematic if he does.



I don't think you are wrong; but does being right help?

Being right doesn't exactly help. But I do want him to do the "right thing". If he really wants to pursue this woman, I think he should start pursing the divorce first. And working on seeing how we can live apart. I still live with him and I work with both of them, so I have to just witness everything right in front of me. I keep telling him this is just making things messier. Now I am the one putting the effort of seeing how I can move out with the kids and even looking for another job. And I won't lie, I do want him to be aware that he is now in the "wrong" as well. He has always had his own interpretations of the word and everyone around him would always dissagree with his opinons. But he is unmoveable. The past few months have been very rough for me but I am starting to get to a point where I think I can finally move forward, I just don't want to see him get hurt anymore either. This woman isn't exactly a saint and he knows this. But at this point all I am left to do is to continue praying.

 

[Petros2015]

Being right doesn't exactly help. But I do want him to do the "right thing". If he really wants to pursue this woman, I think he should start pursing the divorce first. And working on seeing how we can live apart. I still live with him and I work with both of them, so I have to just witness everything right in front of me. I keep telling him this is just making things messier.

God bless it's going to be tough; just remember you have control over your own actions, and it sounds like you are taking some. But waiting for him to "do the right thing" may be a long wait if he doesn't have an incentive to do it. Make sure you are doing the right thing for yourself (and it sounds like you are).

 

[Enilorac]

Playing fast and loose with marriage vows, getting "surprised" when the other does the same and then wondering why there's a divorce in your future? Take responsibility for your part in this and let him do the same. Should have thought about those marriage vows BEFORE doing something that ruptured that vow.