I Need Clarity!

[foreverseeking234]

Here is the story:

I have been dating this girl for about 4 years. We have kept purity at the forefront of the relationship and I'm thankful to say that I've never done anything with her that I regret (while I know we've made mistakes I know we've been kept from sexual pitfalls so that is a blessing).

I broke up with her about 2 years ago when I was away for the summer. I rebounded with another Christian girl and we "dated" for about 2 weeks before I simply felt it was not right (we never did anything physically). I returned home and we remained apart for about a year. We've been back together for a little longer than a year now.

Ok. So the personal side of this. I was caught up in a life of lies until midway through last year (while we were dating) and she faithfully stayed with me the whole time.

She is an incredible godly woman who really loves and cares for me and wants to marry me.

I am struggling right now because school is approaching it's completion for both of us and I'm feeling a serious obligation to move towards marriage with her. Now I know this isn't right so I've been searching my own heart to see if this relationship is what God wants or if it's something I feel obligated to be in. I also don't want to write it off as obligation and go the other way because I really truly care about this girl.

Ok. So another confusing part of this for me: there are a few other girls (in particular one) who has caught my attention. She is just as incredible and godly and does not even know of my interest in her. I find myself thinking of this other girl a lot and desiring to be with her. I do not want to leave my girlfriend for someone else (I don't believe that's healthy and correct and I'm not even sure if this other girl likes me so if I base the decision on that I know it's incorrect).

I am desperately seeking God on this one but would appreciate any insight or advice concerning my situation. I don't want to lead my girlfriend on if it is not supposed to be but it's incredibly hard for me to honestly evaluate myself on this one. I need CLARITY. My heart has been hearting over this for some while as I think of how this will literally change my life.

 

[peanutbutter12]

It sounds to me like you need to figure out the difference between having feelings for someone and being in love with them because they aren't the same. Feelings come and go, love is[SIZE=-1] a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained. That doesn't mean that feelings aren't involved because feelings are involved in every relationship you have from your closest friend to the person you talk to in school once a month.

The fact that this relationship has been on and off so much would make me question whether or not it's just feelings driving you two to be in it, or not. It's something you really need to consider because, in marriage, you don't want to "just settle with what you have". You need to be sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

And the fact that you aren't sure about marriage is a huge red flag to not rush into it because you aren't ready for it. To have feelings for another person is completely natural, but it's what you do with those feelings that dictates your relationship. The fact that you'd consider dumping this girl for another clearly shows you aren't serious about marrying her and are considering other options. Not to say this is a permanent thing, but if you're going to make a decision to love and marry this girl you are with, then you need to be serious about it.

I highly suggest you take this issue up with your pastor and have a face to face conversation with someone who knows what marriage consists of and whom also knows the two of you so that they can better counsel you in this issue.
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[hiddentears37]

I agree with what the other people have said.
The fact that you are so unsure if you want to marry her should be a huge sign. Is she really the person you want to spend the rest of your life getting closer too? Is she the person you want to continue to grow closer to God with? Just because you have feelings for someone and they are a godly person, doesn't totally mean that they are the right person for you.
Even thought it might be hard to talk about, this is really something you should talk about with her. If you dont' talk about it, you never know, she might be in the same situation. Then together you can pray about it and make the decision together.