I need advice on being selfish

[Taxcollectingpharisee]

I need advice on how to not be selfish,

I am a very self centered selfish person and I always think about myself. Everday and everything I do, I do for myself so I can feel good or make myself better in some way shape or form. I have a girlfriend and she still likes me but I hurt her feelings and sometimes I make her cry because I am so self centered. I mooch off of my parents and I just use my girlfriend and I am always thinking about myself.

It is extremely hard to wake up each day and only think about yourself. Yes I know I sound like a douchebag maybe but having alot of nice things does not really make me happy, I have alot of money and cool stuff and my girlfriend says I look good but I keep saying im ugly because I am ugly on the inside. I am such a pathetic loser that despite all the nice things I have in life, im still sad and that makes me even more sad!

I was gonna try to be nicer to my girlfriend and I was gonna try to do some volunteer work and not be so rude to people. Sorry for ranting on, my questions are...

1. Does anyone else feel selfish and struggle with being self centered?
2. Please show me a Christian example for not being selfish.
3. Is it possible to find some sort of balance?

 

[Ttery]

I need advice on how to not be selfish,

I am a very self centered selfish person and I always think about myself. Everday and everything I do, I do for myself so I can feel good or make myself better in some way shape or form. I have a girlfriend and she still likes me but I hurt her feelings and sometimes I make her cry because I am so self centered. I mooch off of my parents and I just use my girlfriend and I am always thinking about myself.

It is extremely hard to wake up each day and only think about yourself. Yes I know I sound like a douchebag maybe but having alot of nice things does not really make me happy, I have alot of money and cool stuff and my girlfriend says I look good but I keep saying im ugly because I am ugly on the inside. I am such a pathetic loser that despite all the nice things I have in life, im still sad and that makes me even more sad!

I was gonna try to be nicer to my girlfriend and I was gonna try to do some volunteer work and not be so rude to people. Sorry for ranting on, my questions are...

1. Does anyone else feel selfish and struggle with being self centered?
2. Please show me a Christian example for not being selfish.
3. Is it possible to find some sort of balance?

1. This sometimes does come as a struggle to me at times, I do admit.
2.

"Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." Mark 9:35

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10

Try to put others above yourself, hold the door open for others, give them the "right away", if people loan you things take care of them well, ect. I know that may not seem like much but:

"“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much" Luke 16:10

3. I don't really have an answer to this question, sorry.

YouTube - Da Truth - Fantasy

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

Read the word, get on your knees before God and recognize that your a sinner and condemned in His sight. Humble yourself before God...you need to be humbled, we all do but you really need to be humbled. Once you realize that you are nothing but a evil little person who may live for 70 years and then die and face the judgement of Christ, this truth seems to wake up people who are self-centered. What will you do with all your money and things when your soul is required of you?

When God asks you what you did with His Son who shed His blood for you, what will you say? You may ask and take and demand things in this life but do you think you can demand forgiveness and eternal life from God? No, you cannot, you are a sinner and owed nothing from God! Like all of us you are a sinner and the only way to be free from your sinful way of life and to be forgiven for your sin is to REPENT and BELIEVE the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Start reading the word and believe what you read, let it slowly change you and renew you, ask for forgiveness from the ones you have used and ask the Lord for strength to stop sinning. And with all your will: stop doing these things. Repent means to change your way of thinking, that means a complete turn around, when God saved me out of a life of drugs, I had to come to the realization that drugs were evil and I was not allowed to do them anymore, you can have the same realization with your selfishness. Let Jesus turn your life around but do not be like the young selfish rich man in scripture who, when Jesus asked Him to give up all, he turned away saddened, be the one who will give up everything for the God of your salvation who is the living Lord Jesus Christ, your self (you) needs nothing but His love.

 

[Thankful For Grace]

Dear Tax,

You may not realize this, now, but the recognition that you are selfish is a very good beginning in becoming unselfish. We are all selfish in our original, fallen state.

Sometimes it takes even Christians years and years to become as honest with themselves as you are being. God gave us free will, and even after we recognize that we are hopeless sinners and desperately need the salvation Christ purchased for us on the Cross, we can still choose to be selfish.

It seems as if you are beginning to walk and think in the right direction. I would recommend that you read the book of 1st John to see how we are to choose to love each other. Praying for you, that you will "deny yourself, take up your cross, daily, and follow Him." One thing that helps me every day is to remind myself that the only thing we can take to heaven is other souls. When we pray for others' eternal lives, it focuses us on them and takes the focus off ourselves.

Many blessings to you,

TFG

 

[briareos]

Yes we all struggle with selfishness and selflessness is really at the very core of Christianity. Don't feel so bad, your aware and that's great. The idea of Christianity is to be loving. Try to focus on being more loving. Read 1 Cor 13 and soak in what all that really means and try to live it out.

You need to be a loving Christian, the more you love others the less selfish you will be It is all about love. Try to make loving others the core of your life and Christianity.

 

[lutherangerman]

1. Yes. Selfishness is evil but it is also very natural. It's like animals, they don't get ideas of sharing their food unless it's programmed into them. A human has animal aspects too, but we are supposed to control them much better than animals can. What is beautiful and innocent in animals, isn't so in humans. You need to leave this fleshly way of being be and be more spiritual instead. Our spirit is the marrow of our heart, and it is fully under God's care and willing to submit to Him. Then there's our soul which goes back and forth. Then there's the flesh which revolts against God. Now it matters in what team you have your soul. If your soul aligns to your spirit, it is two against one and your spirit wins against the flesh. If your soul aligns to your flesh, it is two against one again and your flesh wins against the spirit. The soul is our thinking and feeling which needs to be directed away from the fleshly stuff. Just read your bible every day, don't forget to go to church, pray to God and try to do good. Over time this will change you and make you less selfish, although selfishness is a human problem that just won't go away from us entirely until after we have died.

 

[Lee52]

TCPharisee, as everyone else has alread affirmed, selfishness is definitely an inborn trait of man. You want to learn how to be unselfish? Give of yourself. Begin to ask the question of yourself in every situation you encounter, "What is the most loving thing I can do in this situation for 'that' person?" Then do it.

Another thing, since you have financial means, find a mission trip to go on with other Christians. Sometimes being led, being mentored, is the best way to learn how.....

Be blessed,
Lee

 

[childofGod31]

I need advice on how to not be selfish,

I am a very self centered selfish person and I always think about myself. Everday and everything I do, I do for myself so I can feel good or make myself better in some way shape or form. I have a girlfriend and she still likes me but I hurt her feelings and sometimes I make her cry because I am so self centered. I mooch off of my parents and I just use my girlfriend and I am always thinking about myself.

It is extremely hard to wake up each day and only think about yourself. Yes I know I sound like a douchebag maybe but having alot of nice things does not really make me happy, I have alot of money and cool stuff and my girlfriend says I look good but I keep saying im ugly because I am ugly on the inside. I am such a pathetic loser that despite all the nice things I have in life, im still sad and that makes me even more sad!

I was gonna try to be nicer to my girlfriend and I was gonna try to do some volunteer work and not be so rude to people. Sorry for ranting on, my questions are...

1. Does anyone else feel selfish and struggle with being self centered?
2. Please show me a Christian example for not being selfish.
3. Is it possible to find some sort of balance?

Try doing things for others even though you don't want to. Make it a duty as opposed to a desire (which would probably never come).

We are who we are. Some people are born/made unselfish and others are born/made selfish by life/genes/upbringing. Different people fight different problems within themselves.

I found for myself that there are certain things which I hate doing and I don't want to help others with doing those things. But there is 1 or 2 things that I love doing and when I help others with those, I actually feel very good. It makes me happy. Perhaps you will discover something you actually LIKE helping with, and whenever you do that thing (whenever you help in that way), it will make you happy and will give you a sense of being a contributer (instead of a parasite).

 

[kellyc]

it sounds like you are an insecure guy in some ways, that could be the reason why you are so desperate to get what you can from others.
having nice things won't make you happy, being good looking won't make you happy, there isn't anything from the outside that can make you happy. contentment is internal and we learn it over time from having a relationship with God.
i think it's fantastic that you have realized this flaw about yourself and you will certainly be able to grow and change. a few years from now you can be a totally different person.

 

[Quasicentennial]

Because of Adam and Eve, their disobedience has caused the selfish plague of Satan to cause war, violence, illegal immigration, crime and new false religions such as Scientology .:*:. We must not worship human idols like ourselves or false gods. Jesus must be accepted spiritually in your heart so that when he returns - the transformation of our earthly-born mind and bodies to the glorious Christ-like memoryloss-proof mind and perfect young bodies would cease all sinful actions of selfishness and we would not suffer the painful memories and negative feelings because of the peace of Jesus that is so full of love and unselfishness - it is beyond our earthly-born mind's understanding .:*:. Lord Jesus, you know in Revelations you have defeated Satan and that means Christianity will grow like a strong forceful tornado of mother nature as time passes by. Our faith in you can only become stronger and we wait with peaceful patience for your return soon.:*:.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

illegal immigration

I guess that could be considered selfish in certain situations...

 

[meep18]

1. yea, but I think I'm making progress.
It became a lot easier for me when I started praying a lot more.
If I ever feel deprived because of some sacrifice I made for someone else, I just talk about it with God, and He usually makes it up to me one way or another.
3. Ultimately, we're all selfish to varying degrees.
The Bible even says to love your neighbor "as yourself".
Maybe you could ask yourself some questions:
Why do you think you're selfish?
Have you always been selfish, or is this a recent development?
Do you have some beliefs about life that lead you to selfishness? (i.e. God won't provide for me. God doesn't really care if I'm selfish. etc.)
hahaa, if you were really totally selfish, you'd either (a) stop, or, (b) try to convince yourself you aren't selfish. So you've already made some progress.
Keep up the good work.

 

[Maremma]

Well I must say to you that you have made the first and most important step to becoming unselfish. You have admitted to yourself and confessed to us that you have this sin in your life.
You also took the next step. You are feeling the conviction and seeking to turn away from this sin! This tell me that God is working in you and will help you to overcome this!
Make yourself a note card and hang it up on your bathroom mirror that tells you to pray first thing in the morning for Jesus to help you walk in love and unselfishness each day. It will help you a great deal to ask Him specifically to help you EACH DAY.
Ask Him to give you something each day that He specifically wants you to do that requires you to be UN selfish. There is a good chance that as time goes on He is going to give you bigger and bigger things but this is GOOD. "practice makes perfect" you know!
EVERY day do at least ONE unselfish thing for your girlfriend. It gets easier and easier the more you do it I promise.
Every time you have a selfish thought enter your mind, IMMEDIATELY get rid of it from your mind and replace it with a scripture or a worship song or thinking "hmm what can I do to help "whats his name" or what nice thing can I do for "whoever she is" . This is how we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Taxcollectingpharisee. You had some good advice, and may I point out something straightaway: it is not a human trait, it is an adopted way of life. We could blame our surroundings, those many temptations, and our lack of selfless love. No matter what some clever people maintain, selfishness is adopted and can become our second nature. God made us in His image, and He made us Good. If we want to get rid of selfishness, we have to learn to overcome it, to resist the false lure of wanting: What?? Riches? Power? to live a life devoid of need, of security? of neglect even? That is not why we are on Earth, we have to learn to become as God wants us to be, loving, caring, living with others in peace and harmony. We are being schooled for eternity, eternity with God our Heavenly Father, and God`s children, our brothers and sisters. It sounds so very unreal, but it is why God made us, why we are here now, and are prepared for our eternity with our Maker. Selfishness is not for God`s children/brothers and sisters, God is Love and wants to be surrounded by Agape/Selfless Love. I say this humbly and with love, Taxcollectingpharisee. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[Nique1985]

Hi TaxCollector,

I first want to applaud you on recognizing you have selfish tendencies. The fact that you are able to admit that about yourself really takes a lot of courage! Most people are self-centered and don't even realize it.

Being unselfish is less about being nice, and more about putting others needs before yours even if it means, it will make you uncomfortable.

Start practicing doing little things for others even if it is not something you want to do. Like if you girlfriend wants to watch a romantic comedy and you don't, watch it because it makes her happy and her reaction alone will be satisfying enough. You will get a ton of gradification fulfilling someone elses needs. Then eventually, once you start doing things like that, it will eventually become second nature to you.

I will be praying fo you.

 

[If Not For Grace]

We have to LEARN to give. It is a process-start by giving away something that means something to you. Time is a good one. Make a committment to not do anything for yourself each day UNTIL you have done something in SECRECT for someone else (if you get found out it does not count).

Selfish people love their time, so if you sacrifice your time-doing for others (it does not count if you just pass on Mom/Dad's $$,) You'll feel it, maybe even resent it in2-3 days, but then you'll come to understand & love it. (Try Babysitting, cleaning up something you normally don't Dishes?, Dad's Car, the Garage, Cutting the grass at the girlfriend's house too). It's like exercise, it's going to hurt til you get in the habit, then you can branch out and go the distance.

PS-all this comes from experience...But I' proud to say I'm a giver now, where are before I callem suckers. It's great you brought this to light.

 

[heron]

I have a girlfriend and she still likes me but I hurt her feelings and sometimes I make her cry because I am so self centered.

Look back on exactly what it was that made her upset. Some people dash out and buy presents in an attempt to be less selfish, but that can just draw more attention to themselves.

If you find out what she really wanted or expected, then you know where to start -- respect, kindness, decency, putting others first, balance of whose friends you spend time with.

For many relationships these days, a large problem is online and gaming time -- people zone out and ignore life going on around them. It might seem normal, but can take up many hours of the day, that people used to spend relaxing together.

Dishes?, Dad's Car, the Garage, Cutting the grass at the girlfriend's house too

Definitely, anything along those lines. When you think about it, work is just activity -- what difference is there between mowing, and walking a treadmill. One is for others, one is for yourself. Mowing smells better.

 

[BondiHarry]

I would just add that Satan promotes something that sounds much like what God says regarding 'selfishness' but is actually quite different and harmful. We are sinners and weak in the flesh and we do need to learn to deny ourselves (our imperfect wills) take up our cross daily and follow Jesus (and His perfect will). BUT, God calls for us to do things that are good for our 'self' (soul) such as prayer, fasting, study, believing, productive work, caring for our loved ones, caring for those in need, looking at those things that are good and pure and true etc.

Satan on the other hand teaches that 'self' denial itself is the virtue (altruism) and if we deny those things which promote our 'self' good we are doing as God commands and if we are experiencing 'self' joy (in the many things God commends to us) we are being sinful. This robs the man of God the joy that God would have us experience.

It sounds like you are struggling with the lusts of the flesh and in that I can only recommend you heed God's call to turn away from those things which promote the flesh and seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness ... He will add to you all those things you need to sustain body and soul.