I Must Needs Vent

[shaslove]

Well, two things that have helped me with working my way through this rather unpleasant surprise:

I was venting to my Dad about feeling like the elder brother (daughter?) in the Prodical Son parable and my dad reminded me what the father says at the end of that parable. "All that I own is yours." And it hit me with a bang that all of my IL's blessings and respect belong to my husband and myself because we waited and did it the right way.
Secondly, I have gone from anger to truly feeling sorry for my BIL's gf. I wake up with my sweet husband telling me I'm beautiful, making me breakfast sometimes and warming up our car so we can drive each other to work. On the other hand, she is waking up in a homeless shelter with an 18 month old and the nausea that comes with the first trimester I'm thinking about sending her an encouraging note, but I just don't know how to put it without coming across as rubbing it in. Any gracious ladies want to help me with that?

Maybe something like:

__,
I just wanted to encourage you today. I know what it is like to have morning sickness, and I am praying for you. Here is something that helped me:
____

Many blessings,
Beth

 

[becstar77]

Ok... after reading through this thread I will attempt to gently guide...

This is not directed at any one person but rather to a few people who share the same feelings...

There has been a few comments about people feelling resentment, jealousy, anger etc towards other women who are pregnant out of wedlock and unsteady relationships.

There have been comments like "We waited and did the right thing" or "I feel sorry for them" and others...

So my first question is... why did you choose to wait and do the right thing? See it should be about you and your own convictions... WANTING to be obedient to God's will.... BUT here is my concern - if that was truly your hearts desire (to do God's will, WANTING to wait and do the right thing) then what others around you are doing should be the least of your concern...

Mmmm now don't get me wrong... I am not suggesting that you have not had the right desire in your heart over the time that you waited and did the right thing BUT perhaps you have just momentarily lost sight of it....

Let me give you a real life example.... Imagine you have two children... one is misbehaving... the other is pointing out to you that his brother is behaving badly...
many times the parent will not only correct the misbehaving brother BUT also deal with Johnny is keenly pointing out that his brother is behaving badly... usually something along the lines of "Johnny it is not your problem what Timmy is doing.. That is upto Mummy to tell him to stop taking the chocolates of the shelf"

I guess what I was trying to say there was... please just leave what other people around you do between them and God - and you keep your eyes focused on your walk with God.. everytime you spend energy focusing on what others are doing badly etc your taking your eyes of God.... yeah does that make sense..

In essence "let go and let God"

 

[Beth1231]

Ok... after reading through this thread I will attempt to gently guide...

This is not directed at any one person but rather to a few people who share the same feelings...

There has been a few comments about people feelling resentment, jealousy, anger etc towards other women who are pregnant out of wedlock and unsteady relationships.

There have been comments like "We waited and did the right thing" or "I feel sorry for them" and others...

So my first question is... why did you choose to wait and do the right thing? See it should be about you and your own convictions... WANTING to be obedient to God's will.... BUT here is my concern - if that was truly your hearts desire (to do God's will, WANTING to wait and do the right thing) then what others around you are doing should be the least of your concern...

Mmmm now don't get me wrong... I am not suggesting that you have not had the right desire in your heart over the time that you waited and did the right thing BUT perhaps you have just momentarily lost sight of it....

Let me give you a real life example.... Imagine you have two children... one is misbehaving... the other is pointing out to you that his brother is behaving badly...
many times the parent will not only correct the misbehaving brother BUT also deal with Johnny is keenly pointing out that his brother is behaving badly... usually something along the lines of "Johnny it is not your problem what Timmy is doing.. That is upto Mummy to tell him to stop taking the chocolates of the shelf"

I guess what I was trying to say there was... please just leave what other people around you do between them and God - and you keep your eyes focused on your walk with God.. everytime you spend energy focusing on what others are doing badly etc your taking your eyes of God.... yeah does that make sense..

In essence "let go and let God"

These words are similar to something my wise Aunt shared with me when I was in my "venting" stage. You make a lot of good sense and thank you for being willing to remind me again.
Sometimes I have moments of "She should not be pregnant. This is MY time and MY spotlight time etc"....but usually, I am able to remember the bigger picture.

 

[Annabel Lee]

Well, two things that have helped me with working my way through this rather unpleasant surprise:

I was venting to my Dad about feeling like the elder brother (daughter?) in the Prodical Son parable and my dad reminded me what the father says at the end of that parable. "All that I own is yours." And it hit me with a bang that all of my IL's blessings and respect belong to my husband and myself because we waited and did it the right way.

You're still being self-centered and holier than thou. All the blessings and respect belong to you and your husband because you did it the right way?

Unbelievable.

I did it the wrong way when I was a teenager and now my so called, "child that should never have been born" has her Masters in Psychology and is a highschool guidance counselor for troubled teenagers.


Luke Ch 18

Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector.

The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, 'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity--greedy, dishonest, adulterous--or even like this tax collector.
I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.'

But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, 'O God, be merciful to me a sinner.'

I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted."

Secondly, I have gone from anger to truly feeling sorry for my BIL's gf. I wake up with my sweet husband telling me I'm beautiful, making me breakfast sometimes and warming up our car so we can drive each other to work. On the other hand, she is waking up in a homeless shelter with an 18 month old and the nausea that comes with the first trimester I'm thinking about sending her an encouraging note, but I just don't know how to put it without coming across as rubbing it in. Any gracious ladies want to help me with that?

I'm neither a gracious lady or a pharisee, but let me ask you one question; what is this pregnant woman and baby doing living in a homeless shelter?
Where is your brother in law in all of this?

You claim to be blessed. Blessings are to be shared.

If your BIL is a selfish fool, maybe your family members need to stand up and help the young woman, baby and unborn child.

 

[Annabel Lee]

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.
-Mother Teresa

 

[Beth1231]

You're still being self-centered and holier than thou. All the blessings and respect belong to you and your husband because you did it the right way?

Unbelievable.

I did it the wrong way when I was a teenager and now my so called, "child that should never have been born" has her Masters in Psychology and is a highschool guidance counselor for troubled teenagers.


Luke Ch 18

Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector.

The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, 'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity--greedy, dishonest, adulterous--or even like this tax collector.
I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.'

But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, 'O God, be merciful to me a sinner.'

I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted."







I'm neither a gracious lady or a pharisee, but let me ask you one question; what is this pregnant woman and baby doing living in a homeless shelter?
Where is your brother in law in all of this?

You claim to be blessed. Blessings are to be shared.

If your BIL is a selfish fool, maybe your family members need to stand up and help the young woman, baby and unborn child.

Hi, Annabel Lee
You have made some judgments in your post. I freely and willingly admit that I struggle with grace for people who purposely put themselves in very diffficult, less than desirable situations. My initial anger with my BIL (although I know it wasn't right, since his wrong was not done to me) was because his gf already has an 18 month old by him and lives in a homeless shelter. Other than my incredibly loving IL's, she has no family to speak of. This is defnitely why I felt enraged with my husband's brother at first.
The reason I struggle with having grace and not being a Pharisee is because I was never there and did not walk in her shoes. My IL's on the other hand, got married while six months pregnant with my husband. I do believe that my husband should have been born and God has His hand on his life. HOWEVER, my IL's should NOT have had sex before they were married. I'm grateful my Heavenly Father has more more grace for my sins and weaknesses than I do for some sins and weaknesses in others. I believe every Christian can testify to this.
As for your comment about "sharing blessings"....I wish my husband and I were in a situation to financially help the situation. At this time,all we can offer is unconditional love. My "venting" posts are certainly not going to be repeated to my extended family that is hurting. I ask for grace in your reply and as I'm trying to understand your perspective, try to see my own as well.
Also, it will help you to remember that I'm over five months pregnant and I have indeed waited for this special time to all my own. It is selfish, but I admit it's hard for me to share in these circumstances.

 

[ChildByGrace]

Hugs for you Beth

I'm so pleased that you felt able to vent and then deal with your feelings.
It is hard with something like this. It's your special time. I know that you are not venting at the girlfriend but at your BIL

I think the idea of sending her a note is a great idea

 

[Crazy Liz]

Also, it will help you to remember that I'm over five months pregnant and I have indeed waited for this special time to all my own. It is selfish, but I admit it's hard for me to share in these circumstances.

Don't worry. The difficulties of parenting should help you get over that pretty fast. There are so many other priorities more important than being in a spotlight.

And having a cousin about the same age might help teach your child to share happily, so when she grows up, she won't find it as difficult as you do.

 

[MyaShane]

I don’t think you’re being the least bit selfish or petty. When a woman is pregnant (especially with her first!) she looks forward to being given special attention and having to share that can be a disappointment.
When my husband and I were expecting our first child, his half sister also announced that she was pregnant with her second child by her then boyfriend (not the same father to the first child). While this didn’t bother me a great deal, my husband was devastated. His sister flitted in and out of their dad’s life only when it suited her needs, or when she needed money, etc. and now she was stealing his thunder. Worse yet, the babies were born just a month apart!
You want it to be your time and when it’s not, it can be quite a disappointment since you may only get an opportunity like this a few times in your life!
However, once that little one is finally here, you will most likely never remember feeling the way you do now! Not only will you be filled with the joy and wonder of your new baby, but there will probably be a time in the dead of the night when you’re rocking a fussy baby, trying to recall the last hot shower, hot meal, or full night’s sleep you had and it might seem silly to you then that you ever even had the time to worry about such things!
It a blessed and wonderful time you’re in right now. Enjoy all of it. Take a long hot bath, have a quiet dinner with your hubby, go to a movie….and sleep as much as you can!!!