I must be lost?

[confzed1]

At the age of 11 I said the sinners prayer and wast baptized. By the age of 13 I was smoking pot. at 14 I was snorting coke, at 15 I was smoking crack and at age 16 and 17 I was shooting up coke. One day I woke up and stopped cold turkey but continued to sell drugs for a living. From 18 to 25 I sold drugs and survive on the streets. At 26 I was sentence to prison on drug charges. Many tried to suggest Christ in my life including my sister and best friend. I cursed them and cursed God. I claimed to be a rebel for the devil and mocked God for having to put me in jail to be able to touch me. A year later I was born again and baptized again. For the next four years I served him the best I understood to according to his word. In 2001 I went on a backsliding binge that I have fallen deeper and deeper into not believing that I have any chance in the world to make it to heaven. I doubt the power of prayer. I actually despise the thought of one being able to pray and help one and another not being help. I don't understand the concept of praying and God actually acting on that but not on other terrible things that happen. But that is the least of my problems. I curse him. I mock him. I curse then mock him with my cursing. I have no respect for him. I yell at him and question him. I taunt and tease him with what life is. Yet everyday I stop and think, "I am going to hell! Why God, why am I like this? Where is my home?"

I honestly really don't ever see myself serving him or being able to stay through a service. I have repeatedly stopped on cable channels to listen to Benny Hinn, or Billy Graham or TD Jakes or Tony Evans. Not ten minutes into it and I am at raged with what they is saying and I begin to cuss and soon change the channel. every time. I fall into deppression and guilt at least once a day but it's not enough to change my life. I have been scarred and don't want to believe ever again.

Am I lost? I must be!

 

[hlaltimus]

Have you ever considered the Deliverence Forum of this site?

 

[ConanTheLibrarian]

It sounds like you have tried everything, found it lacking, and are on the verge of giving up. You are in my prayers.

I hang out mostly on the Eastern Orthodox section of this forum, and may actually convert soon. There is so much wisdom there for struggling sinners, and all sin is one form of addition or other, it's just that yours happens to be one of the more obvious ones. There are two things in particular I have learned from Orthodoxy that adress someone in your situation. The most important thing to remember is that the doors to repentence are always open, we must never despair of God's mercy and forgiveness. (Repentence, by the way, isn't so much bashing ourselves over the head and regretting past mistakes. Rather, it is a moving forward, as Paul says in Philippians 3:7-14. God meets us where we are, and redeems past mistakes.)

The second is that, in the view of Orthodoxy, there is a lot more than simply praying the "sinner's prayer". Salvation is a process of transformation into the image of Christ that, for most of us, probably will not be completed in this life. It involves a struggle against these addictive impulses that all of us have, in one form or another. Fasting is a particularly powerful weapon. Once I learn that I can deny myself certain types of food on certain days, that helps me realize that I can also deny myself these other things that are truly self-destructive.

I would encourage you to post your question on The Ancient Way section of this forum. Someone there, or a priest, would be better able to give you advice than I.

 

[Sojourner<><]

The only way to turn it around is to search out your heart, confess your sins and repent.

 

[bethdinsmore]

Hi - here's something I wrote previously that might help:

”I don’t know if I am a Christian or not. How can I tell?”

"What is saving faith? In salvation verses, the Greek for believe is "to trust in or rely upon". As in John 3:16, Acts 16:31 - to trust in Christ's death on the cross to pay for all sins (I Peter 3:18) and to get us to Heaven one day, without any good works on our own (Ephesians 2:8-9). (See also the verses at the bottom of my post). In other words, "faith alone in Christ alone plus nothing".
Concerning sin, God says that everyone is a sinner. "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23) That's why He sent Jesus to make the payment for all sins on the cross. We do not have to conform (do good works, promise to be good, etc.) in order to receive eternal life. We only need to make a decision to rely on Jesus to save us. To accept God's free gift. (Romans 6:23) . END QUOTE

Once we have made the decision, to be sure we understand correctly, we can ask ourselves this question: "What am I counting on to get to Heaven?"

If our answer included even a tiny bit of good works or promises, that shows we are not relying completely on Jesus to be our sinbearer and to get us there." END QUOTE

Confzed, if your answer included reliance even a little on yourself for salvation, that would indicate to me that you didn't understand the main issue (faith vs. works) when you prayed the sinner's prayer, and therefore didn't receive salvation at that time. In that case, I hope that you will make the decision right now to rely on Christ alone to save you.

And we cannot lose our salvation:
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NIV)
Rom 11:29 for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable. (NIV)
John 10:28-29 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. (NIV)
- we can't even take ourselves out of God's hand). If you see verses seeming to contradict these, just ask yourself which can be taken more than one way - God never contradicts Himself.

So, if the worst sinner in the world trusted Christ alone as his sinbearer, and then continued sinning with no qualms, he would be punished by his heavenly Father, but he would still go to Heaven when he died, because he cannot lose his salvation.

The obvious objection is, but wouldn't reliance on "once saved, always saved" encourage people to sin? Some people would be encouraged, I would imagine, but I didn't make the rules, God did. First, no matter what the result, God's Word stands true. Second, the thing that usually happens is that a person has a lot more freedom to love the Lord and to get his mind on the needs of others. And to serve with a willing heart, not one that's full of fear of hell.

God deals with sin on the part of the Christian - Heb. 12:5-6 (and look what happened to King David, yet he knew that he had eternal life - Psalm 23, last verse and II Samuel 12:7-23). Obviously punishment can get pretty rough when necessary.

So here's a study for you, friend, should you choose to accept it. Nearly always, when I post something on salvation and eternal security, objections will come in. Pray and examine the verses they choose and the ones I chose above - can they be taken more than one way? Are they unclear? Are they out of context? If a word is unclear, you could check out an Interlinear Bible and the Strong's number to find out its definition and root in the original language.

Please let me know if you'd like to hear about how a Christian overcomes sin - I have a lot to say about letting go and letting God.

2 Cor 1:9 Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. (NIV)

Aloha in Jesus, friend

 

[Deb7777]

At the age of 11 I said the sinners prayer and wast baptized. By the age of 13 I was smoking pot. at 14 I was snorting coke, at 15 I was smoking crack and at age 16 and 17 I was shooting up coke. One day I woke up and stopped cold turkey but continued to sell drugs for a living. From 18 to 25 I sold drugs and survive on the streets. At 26 I was sentence to prison on drug charges. Many tried to suggest Christ in my life including my sister and best friend. I cursed them and cursed God. I claimed to be a rebel for the devil and mocked God for having to put me in jail to be able to touch me. A year later I was born again and baptized again. For the next four years I served him the best I understood to according to his word. In 2001 I went on a backsliding binge that I have fallen deeper and deeper into not believing that I have any chance in the world to make it to heaven. I doubt the power of prayer. I actually despise the thought of one being able to pray and help one and another not being help. I don't understand the concept of praying and God actually acting on that but not on other terrible things that happen. But that is the least of my problems. I curse him. I mock him. I curse then mock him with my cursing. I have no respect for him. I yell at him and question him. I taunt and tease him with what life is. Yet everyday I stop and think, "I am going to hell! Why God, why am I like this? Where is my home?"

I honestly really don't ever see myself serving him or being able to stay through a service. I have repeatedly stopped on cable channels to listen to Benny Hinn, or Billy Graham or TD Jakes or Tony Evans. Not ten minutes into it and I am at raged with what they is saying and I begin to cuss and soon change the channel. every time. I fall into deppression and guilt at least once a day but it's not enough to change my life. I have been scarred and don't want to believe ever again.

Am I lost? I must be!

Hi Confzed, Your not lost or without hope when your still have the freedom to choose to serve and honor God. You seem to have alot of anger and bitterness, and all that is directed towards God because being almighty he could of stopped the cause of the hurt but didn't. Yes, the condition of this world is a fallen condition because of rebellion in the Garden of Eden and all of us share in an imperfect world with good and evil. People can make the world better or worse, when they choose to make it worse we all suffer some more directly than others. The condition is not permanent and by patiently carrying our cross and following the Lord he will in his good time put an end to all evil. He will separate the goats from the sheep, those who served him from those who rejected him, since he is God and his words will bring life to those who would obey and death to those who would disobey. You still are free to set aside your bitterness, take up your cross, choose good over evil and be a light in the world. The day will come you will no longer be given the opportunity to trust the Lord and his commands to bring you into a place of light and peace in your soul, the Lord wants all to be saved and safe in his Kingdom but we have to endure the trials of this world with confidence that God will bring us home, its just a matter of time. The Lord is not angry and bitter towards you, the demons are forever bitter and angry towards God, they are lost and without hope, once we enter the grave we will forever be in a state of peace and happiness or a state of complete hatred and anger towards God, you still have hope up until the grave but then its an eternal decision where you will be for all eternity, reject anger and hatred towards God, start trying to have a thankful and appreciative heart towards God no matter what the pain is, you can give that to our Lord and unite it with his pain and suffering of the cross, let go of anger so self destructing, God can heal you where you can have peace, no matter what the circumstance, trust him, Jesus I trust in you, God bless.

 

[Annoula]

i had a friend who was very unstable psychologically. depression and stuff.

he tried Christianity but didn't work. he then tried meditation which is starting to get scarry to him. he cannot control it anymore.

we had a discussion the other day and he told me that Christianity didnt work cause he couldn't do everything by his mind.

"of course" i said, "the mind is a tool who has to be controlled.
Christianity addresses the heart not the mind"
(we are both Orthodox Christians)

if something doesn't work it doesn't mean it doesn't work.
it may mean we are not using it the proper way.


i would suggest you address your psychology first.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I think your reaction to televangelism is healthy rather than bad.

 

[Anti Existance]

Well i love you and God does too

Let's start with a better way of life for you.

http://www.aleroy.com/Abetway.htm

then have a look at these near-death accounts

http://www.aleroy.com/board00.htm
http://www.near-death.com/forum/nde/000/93.html

All the stories on www.near-death.com are great by the way

Follow the pathway that leads back to Love. Its free will so you don't have to curse or get angry or anything.

Good luck =), i believe in you.