I Messed Up...

[Kielso]

I did something stupid, childish, immature.

I thought I wanted away from my husband last October when I left. I thought we'd reached the end of our ropes. When I met Aaron in college, I thought that was the direction I was being led!

And so, I left my husband for this other man. Almost three years of marriage on a whim.

I never slept with Aaron, so I'm not sure if I cheated in Gods eyes or if it would just be considered a close friendship. I guess in my heart I cheated, though.

I miss my family. Every day I live with the rammifications of my actions. I miss my husband, I miss my son, I even miss his family...And they never really held me in high reguards.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to blabber....But I feel horribly guilty, as I should. I miss my husband so very much...This dreadful mental disorder sometimes causes me to think things that aren't true (Bipolar disorder). I should have been on medication all along, but I wasn't.

I guess...I just wanted to get this stuff off of my chest...

 

[Rhoni10]

I did something stupid, childish, immature.

I thought I wanted away from my husband last October when I left. I thought we'd reached the end of our ropes. When I met Aaron in college, I thought that was the direction I was being led!

And so, I left my husband for this other man. Almost three years of marriage on a whim.

I never slept with Aaron, so I'm not sure if I cheated in Gods eyes or if it would just be considered a close friendship. I guess in my heart I cheated, though.

I miss my family. Every day I live with the rammifications of my actions. I miss my husband, I miss my son, I even miss his family...And they never really held me in high reguards.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to blabber....But I feel horribly guilty, as I should. I miss my husband so very much...This dreadful mental disorder sometimes causes me to think things that aren't true (Bipolar disorder). I should have been on medication all along, but I wasn't.

I guess...I just wanted to get this stuff off of my chest...

Have you told your husband all of this?

 

[~Nikki~]

Can't you sort things out with him???

 

[HuntingMan]

Prayfully its not too late to patch things up

I did something stupid, childish, immature.

I thought I wanted away from my husband last October when I left. I thought we'd reached the end of our ropes. When I met Aaron in college, I thought that was the direction I was being led!

And so, I left my husband for this other man. Almost three years of marriage on a whim.

I never slept with Aaron, so I'm not sure if I cheated in Gods eyes or if it would just be considered a close friendship. I guess in my heart I cheated, though.

I miss my family. Every day I live with the rammifications of my actions. I miss my husband, I miss my son, I even miss his family...And they never really held me in high reguards.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to blabber....But I feel horribly guilty, as I should. I miss my husband so very much...This dreadful mental disorder sometimes causes me to think things that aren't true (Bipolar disorder). I should have been on medication all along, but I wasn't.

I guess...I just wanted to get this stuff off of my chest...

 

[~HopeFloats~]

I would be honest and open with your husband and ask for his forgiveness and God's

As for cheating the minute someone else was in your heart and you left him sex or not that was cheating plain and simple.

Seek Forgiveness and make things right and be True

 

[allieisme]

Have you been able to see your husband and your son yet?

 

[hugnluvable]

No matter what happens now you are still married to your husband. You havent slept with this guy you're with right? Well thats a very good thing, in fact that must show your commitment to the marriage.

Your husband should accept that fact. For the sake of a God given commitment and at least for the sake of your son!

Yes you're not perfect, yes you've done wrong - but havent we all! Everyone of us has messed up some way or another. And its up to all of us to support each other. My prayers are with you hun

Erica
xxx

 

[allieisme]

No matter what happens now you are still married to your husband. You havent slept with this guy you're with right? Well thats a very good thing, in fact that must show your commitment to the marriage.

Your husband should accept that fact. For the sake of a God given commitment and at least for the sake of your son!

Yes you're not perfect, yes you've done wrong - but havent we all! Everyone of us has messed up some way or another. And its up to all of us to support each other. My prayers are with you hun

Erica
xxx

 

[Kielso]

Thank you all for everything. I lost internet access the day after posting that, and am just now getting it back.

Joshie (My husband) knows how I feel, but doesn't trust or believe me....He really has no reason to.

Josh is a good Christian man. He brought me back to Christ, and for that I am eternally greatful, because now I know where I'm headed - if not in this life, then afterwards.

I've tried talking to him. Sometimes he's civil, and sometimes he is horribly mean to me. I push on through everything and live life day by day, because that's all I can do. I pray every night - not that God will "make" Josh come back to me, because I want him to love me by his own free will. I pray for forgiveness, and I pray that the next day I might hurt emotionally a little less than the day before. But, each new day comes, and it hurts the same as before. I don't think I've made it a day without crying. The tightness in my chest is excrutiating.

Some days I get to see him...To take him things that he left here at our old house, usually. Those are the days that I smile, even though inevitably he'll make me feel worthless again and, also inevitably, I end up crying myself to sleep.

I tried to stop loving him because I thought that was what was best at the time...I only ended up realizing that I married him for a reason. I only end up missing him more and more each day. I throw myself into getting my life back together while I'm secretly torn apart from the inside out. I have faith that the Lord will put me where I need to be, and that's my only driving force right now.

I haven't even seen my son in over a month. I don't have the will to fight with Josh anymore, so I think I would end up going along with anything he says at this point. I keep hoping that someday my family will be reunited, but I can't do it alone.

What bothers me most of all are the changes. All of the things Josh complained about me? I've tried to fix. At the very least it's made me a better person. But he's not around to see them. He's not here to see me try. He doesn't know the things I've done, the improvements I've made. I don't even know if it would matter if he did see them, though I'd like to believe it would...

He doesn't want any contact with me anymore, and I'm afraid to push it. I don't want to seem desperate, though I would gladly be Mrs. Desperation if it did any good.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I pray for guidance, and I guess I just have to be patient while waiting for it...

Thanks again, everyone. I have so much bottled up inside that it's a great relief to get it out finally,

 

[hugnluvable]

As I said like before, you are still married to your husband! You know that, your husband knows that, GOD KNOWS THAT!

Probably the last thing you want to read off people here is to keep on praying about the situation. To be fair I could imagine thats all you're pretty much doing at the moment! And you've done one right thing and thats asked for people's prayer and support on here. The amazing thing about CF is that there are hundreds of people from around the world. Someone thousands of miles away is lifting your situation up right now to God. And He is listening. Be comforted by that.

Something that came to me was this... have you spoken to your church or a church about this? Have you asked for their support in this situation?

Another thing that should bring comfort to you is that your husband is probably praying about your situation right now. And God could be teaching him right now what it takes to really forgive someone. Cus to me thats what its really about. And men can be add sometimes and get all proud and dont like backing down. But if God has his way your husband will forgive you. You just need to make sure you're fully aware of what he's forgiving you for. And really repent and remain that way so you can both make it easier to forget.

i really hope that made sense

Love, hugs and loads of prayers
Erica
xxx

 

[RestoredbyGrace]

Praise God that you at least relized what you had. Now maybe you can do something about it! God Bless.