I left abuse

[Yasha]

I have recently received an email from a relative of mines who is aware of what has been happening. She says that she is concerned and cries because she is not sure of how my safety is and says that she still loves me and wants to hear from me. What should I tell her? Should I tell her where I am living and my number? I know that she probably does care but Im not sure if I can believe she will not disclose that information from my family.
?

I say, you have worked very hard to create a space for yourself to be separated from the abuse. I think that is a great idea, as I said earlier, if it is working out for you with school and all.

I can only assume that this separation took a lot of personal effort and energy. It is a valuable space for reflection and growth. I say...you can get word to your relative, who may truly care...without disclosing anything, that you are well and safe. You may want to avoid justifying your actions to them and inviting response, unless you are truly prepared to compromise your separation and find that relative on your phone or at your door. Email would seem to be a good place to communicate that you are well.

Anyone who really loves you, will believe in you during your absense and respect your desire to separate, for now. I can understand a need to know if you are safe and fine or not. I just went through this with my son last year. He even changed his last name and successfully hid out for 8 months. I went through hell trying to maintain composure, I was so grief stricken...but, even though I stumbled upon all his information 3 months before he surfaced and knew where his girlfriend worked, I never went there or called there or even revealed knowing any of this until it was his idea to surface.He left in rebellion following drug treatment, not because he was in an abusive danger. He did also leave because his growth in treatment had caused a lot of anger toward this family to surface...and towards his mother's family(he is my stepson). He just couldn't breathe or see straight anymore in the midst of it all. His methods sucked, but it was a good thing for him to have done in many ways.

He came back in pieces, though. His self professed reason for that was, he did not establish enough support systems for himself. You can avoid that, if you really seek out support.

I'm confident that the Lord will guard and keep you...I trust you to do what is the best thing to heal yourself, and I trust the Lord to cover your butt when you turn a wrong way and pull you back. In Christ, be blessed and sanctified.

Do you know that sanctified means separated out? He wants us to be separated unto Him in our lives. Paul's infamous separation before his ministry after his vision through blindness...and time alone in the desert...and Jesus' 40 days and nights of tempting in the wilderness...John the Baptist...were all good examples of the need to separate ourselves and be sanctified unto the Lord. Sometimes, our lives call for that. Be blessed and know the support of friends and schoolmates and co-workers and ...support groups...I STILL suggest them strongly.

 

[dusky_tresses]

Thank you all so much for your kind and helpful words. I am so glad that what I am feeling isn't abnormal and that my worries are not unfounded.

It has always been a struggle for me to move past the whole not honoring my parents deal. My culture, which is Middle Eastern/Southeast Asian (that vicinity) stresses that it's very important to please one's parents and to do your best to honor them. My culture is also a very family and honored-focused one, where it's possible after doing one wrong thing or even a mistake you can bring shame to your family, and therefore be shamed yourself and ostracized. I have also been taught that you owe your parents all obedience, even if you disagree and it's even more strict if you are a girl, which is my case.

I know that my culture really does not practice beating children, however I can't help but think differently when I have heard from people of my culture from four different countries and two different generations that it's the way to go. I guess it might perhaps be different from religions, because I know that from what I have heard from Christians, it isnt what you do.

I have still kept a distance from my family and I'm still not sure how to communicate with them again. I know that I'll need to do more than just write a letter but Im not exactly sure what to do. My relative has also begged me to call, but Im still rather apprehensive.

I have continued praying and going to church and seeking spiritual healing in this. However even being at church sometimes makes me feel bad for what I have done. For example, mother's day has passed and father's day will be here soon. On mother's day, the priest at my church said that what we need to do is forgive our mothers for their sins against us because they are human. That hit me like a blow to my heart.

But once again thanks everyone for your great advice and I'll keep you posted.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

abusive people are often manipulative, using guilt to get the person to come back.

The only one who should feel any guilt are your parents. They have no one to blame but themselves for your leaving.

You've gone abck to them twice. For all the crawling on her knees your mom does, nothing will ever change.
If you meant so much to her then none of this would have ever happened to begin with.
You deserve so much more.

You're not a terrible daughter. Any effect of your leaving is her fault. She did it all to herself.
*hug*

 

[dusky_tresses]

Well sorry about not posting for a while so I decided to come back to this thread.

I have no started talking to a sibling of mine and well she isn't all that it's cracked out to be. The other night we had a conversation and when i mentioned that I'd be spending holidays with my bf's family she became offended and wanted to know why I wouldnt go home.

Then the conversation basically lead her to believe that I wasn't a matured adult and I was still an angry kid, and because our culture is "special" we do things differently, not like "stupid American people". I tried to explain to her that no....once a child becomes of adult age the relationship changes and it's a two way street, respect cannot be demanded from one end and not from the other. But now....my sib even proclaimed that even if one of our parents raped her, beat her and sent her to the hospital, she would still respect them and their actions no matter what. Apparently my heart isn't big enough and I don't know crap about what it means to be in a family and try to work things out.

Her words angered me but most of all they hurt. I think I spent that night and the following day crying. She had also mentioned to me that I have a weak mind and heart and whenever a trusted loved one says or does something bad to me I cave in, and that's wrong.

What am I supposed to say to all of this? maybe she is right....maybe I am weak and I shouldnt have moved out. After all, if she would respect them no matter how abused she was, and not tell anyone, shouldn't I be able to? or is she brainwashed?

 

[dusky_tresses]

Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I don't or can't forgive....I mean after all this time I should be able to just let it go and get over, right? I know what's wrong and right in this situation but sometimes I just can't help but doubt myself and the actions that I have done. I know it was all for the betterment of myself but at the same time....I feel that I've been selfish and perhaps I just need to let go of all the years of abuse and hurt and realize that maybe my parents can change--- but will they? I don't even know what to do in that instance. A friend of mine told me that my sib is so ingrained in what my parents believe that even she herself will not leave them for a very long time, and they are all so ingrained in what THEY believe and THEIR culture that they've discounted what God wants us to believe and do for our lives, and what is the wrong thing to do and the right thing to do...I know that is true but why do I feel so doubtful of myself?

Another reason why I have been doubting too is because living on one's own isn't easy at all- my biggest problem is financially supporting myself. I know some people believe that if I can't maybe I should be living with them-- but what's worse, living check-to-check or living with people who abuse me mentally and physically, without really having much to show for myself anyway?

 

[justcallmejamie]

I don't know if anyone has been familiar about what my parents are like, but I had posted a thread in the dating forum about my parents and my relationship and I had mentioned some points about how they were abusive in the past. But lately this is what has happened....

Almost a month ago one of my parents pushed me against the wall and then tried to use my head as a hammer against the wall and thne preceded to strangle me. After that night I filed a report and then left my parents home. I have not spoken to them since. My parents were mentally and physically abusive and that is the main reason why I left. I am also going to be 22 next year and graduating from college yet they never would treat me like an adult and never respected the fact that their abuse hurt me physically but even more emotionally inside.

But I feel like I'm being a horrible child for leaving. The reason why I havent spoken to them directly yet is because Im scared that I'll lose my composure and eventually "give in" by letting them know where I live, where I work (I have two jobs now) and my number. I know what will happen if I were to do that. I know if I moved back into their house, they would be nice at first but after a few weeks it would just be the same thing all over again. I cannot live my life fearing to go to sleep or being afraid to go home because I missed my 10:00 curfew.

But I feel like I'm not honoring them and I'm being weak by leaving. I have been told in the past that I needed to get hit in order to make things fair because they paid for everything I needed and I didnt have to pay rent in their house, and the fact that they don't admit that hitting me is bad is something that is just ok. But to me, that is NOT ok. I also know that my parents use our culture as an excuse for everything, when in reality our culture does not condone this kind of behavior.

I was also told that even though my parents are controlling and abusive, they love me. I dont know about the rest of you but that statement just didnt make any sense to me. And to be honest, I'm not even sure that I love them because of what they have put me through. I know that eventually I'll need to forgive them but right now that isnt something I'm going to do so quickly. Is having my mom smack my head several times love? Even when she says sorry? Or her giving me a black eye, and then saying sorry about it afterwards? Or my dad using a belt on me because I dont share their beliefs? My parents have always hit me severely and then said sorry and that they'd never do it again. They have always done that and I dont even know what to believe anymore.

My parents are also very good at manipulating my emotions and doing things in order to get me to do what they want. My mom will act like she's having seizures and say that I'm the reason why she can't function normally, and my parents will also buy things in order to get me to be quiet. And then all I can do is feel guilty for what I have done, and feel that being abused is a true part of life because that's just the way it's supposed to be.

Right now all I feel is sadness, resentment and anger. Sadness because it has had to come down to this, resentment because I feel like my parents played with my emotions to get what they want and anger because they did it in the first place yet won't admit what they did and do is wrong.

My parents act like they want me back in their home so badly and say stuff about how they will change and how they are sorry, but once I am in their house they turn around and act the opposite. What am I supposed to do?

Am I being immoral for leaving? Should I move back into their home in the hopes that things might change, even if I am still abused from time to time? How can they say they love me when they treat me like dirt?

honey, you are 22 not 12, get as far away from these Toxic people as possible and live your life for God, he is your father and the best parent you could ever want.

your either a victim or a volunteer. Your too old to be a victim....get gone, and stay gone.

 

[NeedHelp11]

I don't know if anyone has been familiar about what my parents are like, but I had posted a thread in the dating forum about my parents and my relationship and I had mentioned some points about how they were abusive in the past. But lately this is what has happened....

Almost a month ago one of my parents pushed me against the wall and then tried to use my head as a hammer against the wall and thne preceded to strangle me. After that night I filed a report and then left my parents home. I have not spoken to them since. My parents were mentally and physically abusive and that is the main reason why I left. I am also going to be 22 next year and graduating from college yet they never would treat me like an adult and never respected the fact that their abuse hurt me physically but even more emotionally inside.

But I feel like I'm being a horrible child for leaving. The reason why I havent spoken to them directly yet is because Im scared that I'll lose my composure and eventually "give in" by letting them know where I live, where I work (I have two jobs now) and my number. I know what will happen if I were to do that. I know if I moved back into their house, they would be nice at first but after a few weeks it would just be the same thing all over again. I cannot live my life fearing to go to sleep or being afraid to go home because I missed my 10:00 curfew.

But I feel like I'm not honoring them and I'm being weak by leaving. I have been told in the past that I needed to get hit in order to make things fair because they paid for everything I needed and I didnt have to pay rent in their house, and the fact that they don't admit that hitting me is bad is something that is just ok. But to me, that is NOT ok. I also know that my parents use our culture as an excuse for everything, when in reality our culture does not condone this kind of behavior.

I was also told that even though my parents are controlling and abusive, they love me. I dont know about the rest of you but that statement just didnt make any sense to me. And to be honest, I'm not even sure that I love them because of what they have put me through. I know that eventually I'll need to forgive them but right now that isnt something I'm going to do so quickly. Is having my mom smack my head several times love? Even when she says sorry? Or her giving me a black eye, and then saying sorry about it afterwards? Or my dad using a belt on me because I dont share their beliefs? My parents have always hit me severely and then said sorry and that they'd never do it again. They have always done that and I dont even know what to believe anymore.

My parents are also very good at manipulating my emotions and doing things in order to get me to do what they want. My mom will act like she's having seizures and say that I'm the reason why she can't function normally, and my parents will also buy things in order to get me to be quiet. And then all I can do is feel guilty for what I have done, and feel that being abused is a true part of life because that's just the way it's supposed to be.

Right now all I feel is sadness, resentment and anger. Sadness because it has had to come down to this, resentment because I feel like my parents played with my emotions to get what they want and anger because they did it in the first place yet won't admit what they did and do is wrong.

My parents act like they want me back in their home so badly and say stuff about how they will change and how they are sorry, but once I am in their house they turn around and act the opposite. What am I supposed to do?

Am I being immoral for leaving? Should I move back into their home in the hopes that things might change, even if I am still abused from time to time? How can they say they love me when they treat me like dirt?

Ill reply to your first post beacsue its the first time i have read it.
My parents were mentally abusing toward me, but not physically. just so you know where im coming from.

I understand how you feel about leaving but its the best thing. dont go back, i did and it was a terrible mistake.

Making you feel guilty is part of the cycle of abuse, its the only think left that makes it abuse, if they just beat you up all the time or abused you mentaly all the time you would have left ages ago, if they let you. Part of the abuse is making you feel you are wrong, guilty, undeserving, unappreciative, and that you need them. Its the step that completes the cycle.

When you are young you believe it and when you are older you learn people like this will never change and every single thing they did was to try to ruin your life. Every single thing, anything that helped you was forced on them to look socialy acceptable not because they wanted the best for you.

Those people dont love you because they dont even love themselves. I expect they dont know what love is and have probably never experienced it. Those are just words to make you feel guilty nothing else. They love that power, thats what they love. not you. sorry.

Again saying sorry is part of the abuse, almost to pretend its normal an nothing happened. its not real sorrow, its just lies.

Obviously they want you back because its alot easier for them to blame their problems on you than grow up themselves. They wont change, dont go back.

You are not immoral for leaving.
Should you move back, NO.

I am just getting over my things and im very angry. I think you must feel pretty similar. Im sorry if you dont.
They will never change no matter what. Thats something im cmoing to understand.
Never.

Dont go back. Get out that cycle of abuse and improve things for the future

Good luck.

 

[justcallmejamie]

you both sound so hurt, i can relate, i dont speak to my family at all becuase of there abuse, for almost 2 yrs, its hard but worth it, i mourn the family i never had and have my weak moments, but then i dwell on Christ and let him comfort me.

Forgivness can only be done by the power of God, we as human beings dont have it in us to forgive, it is a divine quality, we can do all things through Christ friends....

remember that forgivness is not tolerance. You can forgive your parents for being jerks but you dont need to tolerate the abuse. For me that meant not having any relationship because they just couldnt respect my boundaries, i live a better life without them. As a result, God has blessed me with an incredible church family, i mean we are tight. In many ways they are better than any family i have ever had. God will restore what the locusts have eaten!

here read this, it was my devotion today, its from streams in the desert, life giving stuff...

"Believe ye that I am able to do this?" (Matt. 9:28).

God deals with impossibilities. It is never too late for Him to do so, when the impossible is brought to Him, in full faith, by the one in whose life and circumstances the impossible must be accomplished if God is to be glorified. If in our own life there have been rebellion, unbelief, sin, and disaster, it is never too late for God to deal triumphantly with these tragic facts if brought to Him in full surrender and trust. It has often been said, and with truth, that Christianity is the only religion that can deal with man's past. God can "restore the years that the locust hath eaten" (Joel 2:25); and He will do this when we put the whole situation and ourselves unreservedly and believingly into His hands. Not because of what we are but because of what He is. God forgives and heals and restores. He is "the God of all grace." Let us praise Him and trust Him. --Sunday School Times

"Nothing is too hard for Jesus
No man can work like Him."

"We have a God who delights in impossibilities." Nothing too hard for Me. --Andrew Murray


Love you like Jesus

 

[dusky_tresses]

I believe in forgiveness but I'm not going to give it easily this time. My parents are going to have to really and sincerely demonstrate that they want to change and respect me. I know it sounds harsh, but I've gone back to my parents a couple times before and I'm not doing it again.

 

[nb_christseeker]

nah you were right to leave.

Mat 4:22 And they immediately left the ship and their father, and followed him.

 

[dusky_tresses]

Am I still being respectful though? Because I dont have direct contact with them? Im doing that so they can emotionally become stable as well as me.

 

[dusky_tresses]

Seeing that I have contact with some family members I am not being begged to move back in with them. It just doesn't feel right and I don't want to seem like I'm being cruel, but I know that deep down inside NOTHING has really changed that much. I know its cause my sibs miss me. But moving back in doesnt seem like the right thing to do.

 

[Jcsogls]

I don't know if anyone has been familiar about what my parents are like, but I had posted a thread in the dating forum about my parents and my relationship and I had mentioned some points about how they were abusive in the past. But lately this is what has happened....

Almost a month ago one of my parents pushed me against the wall and then tried to use my head as a hammer against the wall and thne preceded to strangle me. After that night I filed a report and then left my parents home. I have not spoken to them since. My parents were mentally and physically abusive and that is the main reason why I left. I am also going to be 22 next year and graduating from college yet they never would treat me like an adult and never respected the fact that their abuse hurt me physically but even more emotionally inside.

But I feel like I'm being a horrible child for leaving. The reason why I havent spoken to them directly yet is because Im scared that I'll lose my composure and eventually "give in" by letting them know where I live, where I work (I have two jobs now) and my number. I know what will happen if I were to do that. I know if I moved back into their house, they would be nice at first but after a few weeks it would just be the same thing all over again. I cannot live my life fearing to go to sleep or being afraid to go home because I missed my 10:00 curfew.

But I feel like I'm not honoring them and I'm being weak by leaving. I have been told in the past that I needed to get hit in order to make things fair because they paid for everything I needed and I didnt have to pay rent in their house, and the fact that they don't admit that hitting me is bad is something that is just ok. But to me, that is NOT ok. I also know that my parents use our culture as an excuse for everything, when in reality our culture does not condone this kind of behavior.

I was also told that even though my parents are controlling and abusive, they love me. I dont know about the rest of you but that statement just didnt make any sense to me. And to be honest, I'm not even sure that I love them because of what they have put me through. I know that eventually I'll need to forgive them but right now that isnt something I'm going to do so quickly. Is having my mom smack my head several times love? Even when she says sorry? Or her giving me a black eye, and then saying sorry about it afterwards? Or my dad using a belt on me because I dont share their beliefs? My parents have always hit me severely and then said sorry and that they'd never do it again. They have always done that and I dont even know what to believe anymore.

My parents are also very good at manipulating my emotions and doing things in order to get me to do what they want. My mom will act like she's having seizures and say that I'm the reason why she can't function normally, and my parents will also buy things in order to get me to be quiet. And then all I can do is feel guilty for what I have done, and feel that being abused is a true part of life because that's just the way it's supposed to be.

Right now all I feel is sadness, resentment and anger. Sadness because it has had to come down to this, resentment because I feel like my parents played with my emotions to get what they want and anger because they did it in the first place yet won't admit what they did and do is wrong.

My parents act like they want me back in their home so badly and say stuff about how they will change and how they are sorry, but once I am in their house they turn around and act the opposite. What am I supposed to do?

Am I being immoral for leaving? Should I move back into their home in the hopes that things might change, even if I am still abused from time to time? How can they say they love me when they treat me like dirt?

I can relate to what you just typed. Your post hit home for me in a big way.

First off theres no excuse for you to be treated like that. It doesnt matter if you live with your parents rent free. THERES no excuse for you to be treated like that. Your parents have some serious problems and are manipulating you into thinking that your the reason why your getting abused. They have a problem and they need to get it straightened out.

My parents are alcoholics. They burned me, she sufficated me a few times, they both physically abused me, and were both sexually abusive. They deny most of it. But say that they did the best they could as parents well my dad said that most of the time, HOGWASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. They never ever took responsibility for the hurt they enflicted on they're kids or other people. To them they are the victims. When life doesnt go they're way its a reason to drink, be abusive towards people and they're kids. They feel that the world is against them so take it out on other people. They always have a justification for being able to do the crappy mean evil things they did to there kids and other people.

I dont talk to my parents. I havent talked to them in over 10 years. I cant talk to them or be around them. They are sick people who need help. My brother lives with them and pretty much takes they're side on everything so I dont have a relationship with him either. You were absolutely in the right by moving out. You deserve to be safe and protected and feel secure.

Keep your distance..Don't tell them where you live, or give out your phone number or anything. Dont feel bad about wanting to be treated with love to be cared for and to now want to get hurt...

In Christ

Rich

 

[NeedHelp11]

Wow Rich, im pretty similar to you. but i only recently moved out and im not planning on moving back.

 

[dusky_tresses]

Lately Ive resumed contact with a sib though....and she asked me if I would come over for a party and the holidays but Im not sure....my bf is REALLY uncomfortable about it too becuase its definately not gonna be in a public place....are his worries unfounded? I am never moving back in but someday I have to see them and let them know Im okay.

I KNOW that if I did move back in, at first things would be great....but the minute something that either one of my parents doesnt like happens, they explode and everything goes back to the way it was. The thing is I told my sib that Id 'consider' coming over....how do I break it to her that I dont feel comfortable with the idea??

 

[Just Me Garry]

Why should you feel horrible for leaving your parents? The main thing is are you now in a safe place or not.

You can still conact them via phone, write them or if they have access to the internet email them.

I did not see anything wrong with you did. No one should have to take abuse of any kind. I am sure it was a very hard thing for you to do what you did. I believe you still respect them and want to honor them, but you do not have to take abuse.

 

[s_gunter]

Browneyes,

Please learn from my experience, and your own. DON'T GO BACK!! I was recently forced to go back to my parents home after the hurricane. I was physically safe there this go 'round, but definately not emotionally. I'm starting to believe that abusers cannot be 'fixed.' They will keep on and keep on until their dying day....

All they could talk about was how much I had hurt them after I moved so far away. After I moved, I was no longer in contact with them either. No phone calls, no emails, and all letters went in the trash. I was too far away from them to drop by. However, I had started to call them again. We had been doing pretty good too. But then, abusers are always on their best behavior to get what they want. So, after the storm, I thought maybe, just maybe, it'll work.

Well, it didn't. They started up their bull after 3 days of my being there. They couldn't stop telling me what a hurtful and hateful child I was, and what a horrible adult/wife/mother I had become because I refuse to believe it, and I refuse to take their garbage anymore. And I dang sure don't let my kids be around them without me present. They say that they'll never hurt my kids, but I don't trust them. Why should I? Also, (but irrevelant) I see this as just another attack. You won't hurt your grandkids, but you feel free to harm their mother, YOUR DAUGHTER THAT GAVE YOU THEM!!! Nope. That doesn't happen either. My children will not be influenced by them at all. I don't care if they had the only house left on this earth and it was bitter cold outside, I wouldn't go back. Now, I don't even call them any more. They blew their last chance. When they call me, I just let them talk, not really listening, or I don't pick up the phone at all. I don't want to be too ugly.

DON'T EVER GO BACK. I don't know how they did it, but they have your sister so deluded that she doesn't see that it's abuse, and shouldn't have to live that way. Or, maybe it's just her way of surviving. She is trying so hard to please, so that they don't hurt her. Don't listen to what she says. You did do the right thing. I'm not saying she is wrong, because she may not have the ways and means to get out, and is only doing what she has to do.

 

[dusky_tresses]

Browneyes

DON'T EVER GO BACK. I don't know how they did it, but they have your sister so deluded that she doesn't see that it's abuse, and shouldn't have to live that way. Or, maybe it's just her way of surviving. She is trying so hard to please, so that they don't hurt her. Don't listen to what she says. You did do the right thing. I'm not saying she is wrong, because she may not have the ways and means to get out, and is only doing what she has to do.

Actually you are probably quite right.

I don't plan on living with them again but I know that there will have to be a time where I visit them and will have to have a conversation with them. I mean....I don't want to continue having a bad relationship with them and next thing I know they arent at my wedding. For now I will keep a distance, but at the same time I need time until I'm ready to see them. And it isn't anytime soon.

 

[D'Ann]

Hi Browneyes84,

This is the first time that I've ever been in this particular forum. There are so many words of wisdom mixed with care and kindness and goodness from the other posters. I agree with Gunter and relate to her the most on many different levels, not that Gunter grew up in the same way as I did, nor I grew up in the same way as she did. Abuse in whatever form it takes, does the damage and hurt is hurt no matter what type of abuse.

I grew up in a neglectful/alcholic home myself. It took many years for me to work through the wounds and to heal. It takes time to heal the wounds that are caused by the very people that should love us and keep us safe and protect us from harm. When parents hurt their children via any kind of abuse, they are betraying a very sacred trust that a child has for their parents. Once this happens and continues to happen throughout the child's life and onto their teenage years and then their young adult life... it is very normal for one to feel exactly the way that you are feeling now.

The best thing that you could have done for yourself is exactly what you did do and that is moving out and being on your own. Once you took this step in your life it enabled you to gain more confidence and assurance as to who you are and what you want and what you don't want, and that you are truly worthy of love, kindness, friendship and goodness. You are a good person and a strong person in your heart and mind and soul. The fact that you found the courage to get away proves your strength.

Eventually, the stronger you become within yourself and spiritually, the more you will heal and be able to trust others in your life. Also, in time, you will come to a place where you will have inner peace and truly forgive your parents for hurting you and betraying your trust, but it will take a long time to get there.

I moved 2000 miles away from my parents when I was 20 years old and happily married for just over a year at the time, but I was hurting inside too and angry and resentful along with many, many, many other thoughts, feelings, emotions... it took a long time to forgive them, but I have. I had to accept that I can't depend on them or change them, nor truly trust them, but I do love them. I would never live with them again though. It's okay for kids to grow up and be adults and have lives of their own. It is okay for you to take some time away from them while you sort through the stuff going on inside your heart and head. Take time to pray and contemplate with God all of the things that are in your heart and mind.

God's peace,

Debbie

 

[lillybug0514]

The thing is I told my sib that Id 'consider' coming over....how do I break it to her that I dont feel comfortable with the idea??

Is there any chance that you could invite her over to your place? That way you could see her during the holidays, and not put yourself in a situation where you are uncomfortable.