I learned something today.

[Stanfi]

Friends,

Learn from my mistakes. I used to have this lady friend that I thought was a great person. She broke my heart, but I forgave her. I had heard that she was dating someone who does not believe the same as her.

I firmly believe that we should not develop close relationships with people who not believe the same as us. It is so easy to get pulled away from God. I think we have to be really careful.

So anyway this concerns me. I send her a letter about it, and I contacted one of her friends and talked to them about it. For I had heard that this friend was concernred also. I really had a pure heart about my motives. I was concerned about her walk with God. I wasn't expecting to get anything out of it for myself.

I always thought that If I had been doing something to hinder my walk with God, I would want someone to help me. I thought a fellow Christian might feel the same.

I was wrong, it severly backfired, her friend go mad, the girl got mad, her parents got mad, and I have been condemed for my actions. As you can see I am a bit of a pickle right now. I really felt that standing up for what the scriptures say, and trying to reach out and help someone in their spiritual walk would be the right thing to do.

I am starting to think that we should not go out of our ways to reach help some. Perhaps we should just stay in our nutshell.

What do you guys think?

 

[jenptcfan]

Friends,

Learn from my mistakes. I used to have this lady friend that I thought was a great person. She broke my heart, but I forgave her. I had heard that she was dating someone who does not believe the same as her.

I firmly believe that we should not develop close relationships with people who not believe the same as us. It is so easy to get pulled away from God. I think we have to be really careful.

So anyway this concerns me. I send her a letter about it, and I contacted one of her friends and talked to them about it. For I had heard that this friend was concernred also. I really had a pure heart about my motives. I was concerned about her walk with God. I wasn't expecting to get anything out of it for myself.

I always thought that If I had been doing something to hinder my walk with God, I would want someone to help me. I thought a fellow Christian might feel the same.

I was wrong, it severly backfired, her friend go mad, the girl got mad, her parents got mad, and I have been condemed for my actions. As you can see I am a bit of a pickle right now. I really felt that standing up for what the scriptures say, and trying to reach out and help someone in their spiritual walk would be the right thing to do.

I am starting to think that we should not go out of our ways to reach help some. Perhaps we should just stay in our nutshell.

What do you guys think?

First of all, I commend you for caring enough about the girl spiritually to try to correct something that you understood to be a hinderance to her faith. The Bible tells us that if we see another believer who is headed down the wrong path, we are to try to help the person get going in the right direction.

I firmly believe that it's a Christian's duty to hold his/her brothers/sisters accountable in a non-judgemental way. But, in this case, your actions seem to have been based on what you had heard *might* be true from someone else. I don't believe in correcting someone (especially an ex-significant other) based on hear-say. If she had come to you herself and said "Mrstace, I'm seeing this guy who's not a Christian.", that might have been an appropriate venue for you to say, "I believe the Bible teaches us that it's a sin to do so. Please consider this."

The chances of an ex taking one's out-of-the-blue relationship advice (spiritual or not) to heart and not being resentful of one butting in is slim to none. The chances of an ex thinking it's cool that you brought one of her friends into it too is even slimmer. I don't believe that it was scriptural at all to talk to her friend about it...after all, it's not the friend's spiritual walk that's at stake.

I don't believe we should stay in our nutshell, but I do think we have to be careful how we "reach out" to those who we perceive to need our help. Sometimes it can do more harm than good. I believe that if God's plan is to use us in a situation to set someone on the right path, he will provide a venue for us to do so.

Again, though, to you for having your heart in the right place.

Hopefully the whole situation will simmer down and God will use this situation for good.

 

[Stanfi]

First of all, I commend you for caring enough about the girl spiritually to try to correct something that you understood to be a hinderance to her faith. The Bible tells us that if we see another believer who is headed down the wrong path, we are to try to help the person get going in the right direction.

I firmly believe that it's a Christian's duty to hold his/her brothers/sisters accountable in a non-judgemental way. But, in this case, your actions seem to have been based on what you had heard *might* be true from someone else. I don't believe in correcting someone (especially an ex-significant other) based on hear-say. If she had come to you herself and said "Mrstace, I'm seeing this guy who's not a Christian.", that might have been an appropriate venue for you to say, "I believe the Bible teaches us that it's a sin to do so. Please consider this."

The chances of an ex taking one's out-of-the-blue relationship advice (spiritual or not) to heart and not being resentful of one butting in is slim to none. The chances of an ex thinking it's cool that you brought one of her friends into it too is even slimmer. I don't believe that it was scriptural at all to talk to her friend about it...after all, it's not the friend's spiritual walk that's at stake.

I don't believe we should stay in our nutshell, but I do think we have to be careful how we "reach out" to those who we perceive to need our help. Sometimes it can do more harm than good. I believe that if God's plan is to use us in a situation to set someone on the right path, he will provide a venue for us to do so.

Again, though, to you for having your heart in the right place.

Hopefully the whole situation will simmer down and God will use this situation for good.

Your are right. I will remember this next time.

 

[zibbler]

Did you feel God told you to say something? I have learned the hard way (much like you did) to pray about things before I act. I still mess this up sometimes. If God did not tell you to medle, then you shouldn't have. The best thing you could have done is pray for Gods wisdom and turn it over to him. I'm going through a situation in which my daughter (who will be 18 March 1st) has been dating a guy who is not saved, and she is. To make matters worse, he has been verbally and physically abusive to her. This breaks my heart. We had a restraining order on him, but it has expired, yet she still insists that she "loves" him and wants to be with him. If we force the issue or try to take things into our own hands, it will just push her away and she will move in with this loser. So, we have no choice but to turn the situation over to God. He can do a heck of a lot more than we can anyway.

 

[seebs]

It can also matter a lot how we present our understanding to others. It's often useful to make sure you clearly indicate that you're sharing your own understanding; if you come across as thinking you know everything for sure, that tends to sound more arrogant than helpful.

As someone who has been dating, and indeed married to, someone whose beliefs aren't exactly the same as mine, for something over a decade, I can say that I would not take well to being told not to do it. I wouldn't mind someone telling me that there are downsides, and hey, I know that. But... There's limits.

 

[Stanfi]

Did you feel God told you to say something? I have learned the hard way (much like you did) to pray about things before I act. I still mess this up sometimes. If God did not tell you to medle, then you shouldn't have. The best thing you could have done is pray for Gods wisdom and turn it over to him. I'm going through a situation in which my daughter (who will be 18 March 1st) has been dating a guy who is not saved, and she is. To make matters worse, he has been verbally and physically abusive to her. This breaks my heart. We had a restraining order on him, but it has expired, yet she still insists that she "loves" him and wants to be with him. If we force the issue or try to take things into our own hands, it will just push her away and she will move in with this loser. So, we have no choice but to turn the situation over to God. He can do a heck of a lot more than we can anyway.

Yes, I did pray.

 

[mina]

I think your heart was in the right place. We should be concerned for our brothers and sisters in Christ. But I think that you should have told her your concerns directly instead of involving a friend. Matters of the heart should be handled carefully and even though I feel you had a right concern, I can also see how she and others would take it the wrong way. Especially since you said it was based on what you heard. I think she would have been more receptive or ready to listen if you had talked to her about it instead of just going on info. that y ou heard through the grapevine. And then involving other people; it almost seems like gossip in a way or a kind of control thing; even though I doubt you meant it that way. I think therein lies your problem. It would make me mad too. Anyways I hope everything works out for you and for her.

 

[desi]

Getting into other peoples' business is always a touchy situation. At least you cared enough to try. I'm not surprised she didn't receive your interloping well, after all she broke up with you. Leave her to her mess. You have bigger fish to fry.

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

mrstace, I believe you did the right thing. one thing i woulda done differently. somewhere in scripture it says to talk directly to the person with the problem first and no one else. then if they dont believe you or dont want to, then you get an elder to prove your point. i wish i knew what i was referring to,

Anyone know the verse?

 

[Stanfi]

mrstace, I believe you did the right thing. one thing i woulda done differently. somewhere in scripture it says to talk directly to the person with the problem first and no one else. then if they dont believe you or dont want to, then you get an elder to prove your point. i wish i knew what i was referring to,

Anyone know the verse?

I know the verse you are speaking of, but can't recall it right away. Hopefully God can use this fiasco for his good. You know, the odd thing is normally when I would do something like this, it would really bother, but I seem to have deep peace about it. I do think my heart was right, and I did pray that God would prepare their heart to receive.

However, I must have had 'rose colored glasses', and failed to realize that they would not get past the messenger to hear the message.

I have found that God has made me bolder in the past year. It used to be that I would never tell someone that were hurting their spiritual walk. In a way it feels good to be able to stand up for Christ, and say "Hey look at the Bible, this isn't quite right". Even though they didn't ask for my opinion, and didn't like it once they got it.

*mrstace makes mental note. Consult CF members before doing anything in the future.*
*mrstace makes another mental note. Do not forget first mental note*

 

[harmmony]

hey mrstace, I also think that your heart was in the right place, but I also agree with others that you should have talked to her personally, it probably felt to her like you were being judgemental and went behind her back to talk about it. And what you knew was really only based on rumour.

I think that we have to be very careful of becoming morally superior and passing judgement on the way others choose to live their lives. There are circumstances where it is our business, but I think that there are a whole lot more where it just isn't. I have to admit, I would only accept this kind of "talk" from someone I was close to and would never dream of talking like this to anyone else that I wasn't in a close relationship with. I don't think that what others outside of that group do in their personal lives is any of my business.

I think we should definitely go out of our way to help people, but we have to be careful about it, even if our motives are pure. Others will be effected by our actions

 

[TheHumanHighLightReel]

Friends,

I always thought that If I had been doing something to hinder my walk with God, I would want someone to help me. I thought a fellow Christian might feel the same.

I was wrong, it severly backfired, her friend go mad, the girl got mad, her parents got mad, and I have been condemed for my actions. As you can see I am a bit of a pickle right now. I really felt that standing up for what the scriptures say, and trying to reach out and help someone in their spiritual walk would be the right thing to do.


What do you guys think?

Ok, heres the issue bud, you have one problem off the bat, she's an ex (or did i misinterpret that?). Whatever, im gonna go with it. Theres a few things in life you just can't do, and telling an ex shes making the wrong decision about the latest boyfriend is one of them. Think about it, no matter how pure your heart is and despite the best intentions, to anybody, even a christian, its gonna look like a case of insane jealousy.

Problem number 2. You should have confronted her about how you felt, not her friend. Thats almost like a low blow. If i were your ex, i would feel as if you were trying to turn my friends against my choice in boyfriend. Or worse, turn my friend against me.

Problem number 3. Just cause you take asprin for a headache, doesnt mean everyone else does... if you get where im going with this. Perhaps you would like someone to help you if you were falling off the straight and narrow, but maybe she doesnt, cause i bet shes thought about dating this guy and figured he was a decent candidate.

This is all advice coming from a buddy who has had more girlfriends then most men could imagine and a huge past by the age of 20, i know it all, its fresh in my mind. Hell, ive almost toyed with marriage. One thing though bud, what you did whats admirable and honorable, i can tell you meant everything with all due respect and the best intentions.

God bless.

 

[Worddancer]

Well, it may have seemed to "blow up in your face" and didn't turn out as you'd hoped, but perhaps there is the outside chance that your care and concern will yet speak to her heart in those quiet times when we bring out the things we may not really want to think about, and she will see that you were right . . one never knows.

I'm sure if you had not been so close to her before, maybe she would have recieved your advice more easily, but that's something no one will really ever know for certain. I'd encourage you to tally it up to another lesson learned, and still try to follow your heart in things . . . although the problem with that is, we can't always be certain of our hearts, even if we think we know them well . . we are often most blind to those things that are dearest to us, sure that our motives are pure, but they may not be. (I hope that makes a shred of sense!)