I know people can be petty but wow...

[PreachersWife2004]

So hubby just got back from church from a short get together with the elders. Turns out some people complained about my playing. I play too slow or I play too fast, and I have trouble reading the music. That's what they told the elders, and they asked to have the issue "addressed".

Oh it got addressed alright. I'm not playing anymore for the church. I'm done. I don't even want to attend there anymore. Every time I play someone has found fit to complain. I played faster because someone said I played too slow. Then someone said I was playing too fast. Sometimes it's so cold in the church my fingers don't work right so I might hit some wrong notes. Or I might only play the soprano and alto line. BUT I PLAY.

I am in tears right now. I know it's stupid, but this is how I gave back to the church and to have people complain about it hurts. And it doesn't help when my husband is trying to tell me there's another side to things, blah blah blah. No, there's not another side. You be thankful that someone is willing to get up and do it when no one else volunteers.

 

[LilLamb219]

Oh Beckie How awful that must have been to hear such criticism from people who don't know the difficulties of playing for a congregation!! I don't play and I can't imagine ever playing because my mind cannot even grasp the concept of playing so many notes at one time! It's SO DIFFICULT! They should be grateful that they are blessed to have you there.

Please, don't be so quick to give up on them though. Not everyone complained...only a few select people who probably complain about every other thing in life as well. I'm sure there are so many who appreciate your time and talents that you have put into the church but don't say it because they assume you already know.

I feel bad for you about this. I'm the choir director at my church and if anyone ever said something about me, I know I would take it as hard as you are right now. *sigh*. You're right that it's very petty (on their part).

 

[PreachersWife2004]

Thanks Lambie.

They complained about me being the choir director too. I picked not good songs. That got bad enough that I did quit, although I was headed that way anyway because it's hard to do that AND work full time. No one else has picked it up, and I've heard a few people complain that I'm NOT doing it this year.

Oy.

It's not that I'm giving up on them, they already gave up on me, and I just don't have the intestinal fortitude to deal with that kind of criticism all the time. Every time I've played there's been differing comments. I'm just tired of it.

I've had a form of stage fright about playing the piano/organ since high school (long story short I screwed up in front of a crowd and it didn't go well) and so getting back and playing for the church has been a huge struggle for me. I'm good at hiding it, but sometimes I'm up at that organ and I can barely breathe. I can play...I can play well. But when there's people around my fingers lock up. Over the last few years I've gotten better at keeping it at bay, but to hear comments like that and couple that with my paralyzing fear, well, it's just not worth it anymore.

 

[DaRev]

I'm sure that the people who complain know where the door is. They came in through it, so they can leave through it just as easy. I've grown weary of how down right evil "church" people can be. While the church is filled with good solid Christians, it's the hypocrites that cause the most problems in the congregations. They are clearly not there for the right reason.

 

[Lilly Owl]

(Hugs 2 You)
I wouldn't let this eat me up inside. I'd address the issue directly to those who were so petty.
You gave of your own free will and they're ungrateful. They should hear how this makes you feel. Who knows, it may help them to not do this to the next person who volunteers to take your spot.
Or maybe they wanted someone else to do just that and this was their backdoor way of getting that done.

Either way, I wouldn't take this disrespect quietly. Elders, should act the part of wise one's that includes common decency and manners!

 

[Lizabth]

I am sorry. That is just so rotten.

Hubby's been through this in the past(as an organist) and it is very frustrating for you good folk providing music. There will always be someone who thinks the tempos are off, it's too fast, too slow, etc. It takes a tough skin, for sure.

You'd think folk would be grateful to have live accompaniment for worship. And charitable. It's a real shame when that isn't the case. Maybe they should use a CD player.

 

[JCFantasy23]

Ugh I'm sorry. That would really bug me too. I don't blame you either. It's a shame to do volunteer work like that and not get appreciated.

 

[Lizabth]

"Or maybe they wanted someone else to do just that and this was their backdoor way of getting that done."

This.

Never underestimate the politics, even in the church.

It's sad to say that, but we have seen this happen to some fine organists over the years.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

It's not so much that people complained, actually. I don't really mind that, and I am open to constructive criticism when it comes to my playing. I know I serve the congregation as well and that I should be playing at a tempo they can play at. I do complain occasionally to my husband about such things, but I never would complain about it openly, because I am thankful we have a regular organist who can play, so that I generally don't have to do it. This year I figured I'd make it easier on Matt so that he wouldn't have to stress about finding substitutes while our regular organist goes down south, AND it would help me in that I'd be playing in front of people more.

What kills me is that the elders had to actually MEET after church to tell Matt about this, like it was some big thing. I would like to know who complained, Matt doesn't want to know. But now, when people ask me why I'm not playing, I will say "because a few people thought it wise to complain about how I was playing. Rather than ruin their worship I figured maybe they'd want to step up and play themselves."

We're so busy trying not to offend people that we forget WHY we're in church!

 

[mandelduke]

So hubby just got back from church from a short get together with the elders. Turns out some people complained about my playing. I play too slow or I play too fast, and I have trouble reading the music. That's what they told the elders, and they asked to have the issue "addressed".

Oh it got addressed alright. I'm not playing anymore for the church. I'm done. I don't even want to attend there anymore. Every time I play someone has found fit to complain. I played faster because someone said I played too slow. Then someone said I was playing too fast. Sometimes it's so cold in the church my fingers don't work right so I might hit some wrong notes. Or I might only play the soprano and alto line. BUT I PLAY.

I am in tears right now. I know it's stupid, but this is how I gave back to the church and to have people complain about it hurts. And it doesn't help when my husband is trying to tell me there's another side to things, blah blah blah. No, there's not another side. You be thankful that someone is willing to get up and do it when no one else volunteers.

I’m praying for you! It is unbelievable how petty so called Christians can be.
And they wonder why people don’t like church anymore. You would not catch me dead in a church like that.

 

[Lupinus]

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Along the lines of what Rev said earlier, a year as VP and a year as Pres has made me weary of just how petty some supposedly good people can be. It's always a small group who has nothing better to do than complain about everything but never ONCE has a solution to something they have issue with.

 

[MarkRohfrietsch]

So hubby just got back from church from a short get together with the elders. Turns out some people complained about my playing. I play too slow or I play too fast, and I have trouble reading the music. That's what they told the elders, and they asked to have the issue "addressed".

Oh it got addressed alright. I'm not playing anymore for the church. I'm done. I don't even want to attend there anymore. Every time I play someone has found fit to complain. I played faster because someone said I played too slow. Then someone said I was playing too fast. Sometimes it's so cold in the church my fingers don't work right so I might hit some wrong notes. Or I might only play the soprano and alto line. BUT I PLAY.

I am in tears right now. I know it's stupid, but this is how I gave back to the church and to have people complain about it hurts. And it doesn't help when my husband is trying to tell me there's another side to things, blah blah blah. No, there's not another side. You be thankful that someone is willing to get up and do it when no one else volunteers.

I'm so sorry that it's came to this.

For what ever reason, in some congregations, it seems that someone has to be blamed for something. I have seen the following...

• It's the Pastor's fault that our Congregation is not growing.
• It's the Elder's fault that they can not "control" the Pastor.
• It's the Sunday School teacher's fault that attendance is down.
• Etc. Etc. Etc.

I agree with your husband that there is most likely another side to things; when people complain for the sake of complaining it is for one of two reasons. First, these people may have control issues; they may have so much disorder and so little control in their lives, that they need to control something or someone. People sometimes feel that they can elevate themselves by diminishing other's (a control thing as well).


While this may not give you much comfort, I'm very sure that you are not their problem; they need only to look in the mirror to see with whom their problem lies.

 

[boomlakelady]

I'm so sorry that it's came to this.

For what ever reason, in some congregations, it seems that someone has to be blamed for something. I have seen the following...

• It's the Pastor's fault that our Congregation is not growing.
• It's the Elder's fault that they can not "control" the Pastor.
• It's the Sunday School teacher's fault that attendance is down.
• Etc. Etc. Etc.

I agree with your husband that there is most likely another side to things; when people complain for the sake of complaining it is for one of two reasons. First, these people may have control issues; they may have so much disorder and so little control in their lives, that they need to control something or someone. People sometimes feel that they can elevate themselves by diminishing other's (a control thing as well).


While this may not give you much comfort, I'm very sure that you are not their problem; they need only to look in the mirror to see with whom their problem lies.

Amen!!!

 

[Moses Medina]

There isnt much I can say that others havent. Im sorry the elders did this. Being new to the l church I wouldnt be in this situation. However in the case that I was I can only imagine how frustrated and sad I would be. Maybe talking to the elders yourself isn't such a bad idea.

 

[MNKeith]

As an elder myself, when issues like this happen, I try to follow Matthew 18:15. If persons are offended by your playing, (certainly not a sin, just a matter of opinion) they should speak to you in private, not get the elders involved.

It is nearly always the same, if someone has a complaint about someone, I ask "did you talk to ...?" Most often the answer in no.

 

[Aibrean]

Would you have the capabilities of using a virtual organist when your main one is gone? That's what we do and the assistant pastor controls it via iPad. It's certainly not perfect, but at least it doesn't have feelings. People don't appreciate what they have.

 

[LutheranChick]

Oh dear! I am SOOOO sorry, PW. I play full-time at our church. I never wanted the job - in fact I used to say that organist is the one job I will never do, because of nervousness and the fact that I simply am NOT a great player. But I can read the notes. The congregation basically begged me to do it, as there was no one else- we have a really tiny congregation. Fortunately for me, no one complains, and even tho I don't play all that great, I provide a melody for the congregation to follow. If anyone hates my playing - they sure don't say anything, thankfully! I volunteer my playing, as well. I used to get paid but I finally asked the council to stop paying me, as I didn't want to add to the financial burdens of our tiny congregation.

Being organist is a huge job, and people have no idea what you go through to play. I wish the elder who heard the complaint against you had asked the complainer to please play next Sunday for the service! People really don't think, sometimes.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

Would you have the capabilities of using a virtual organist when your main one is gone? That's what we do and the assistant pastor controls it via iPad. It's certainly not perfect, but at least it doesn't have feelings. People don't appreciate what they have.

We have hymnsoft that can run on a laptop through the speaker system.

However, people have complained about that, too. It's a very clunky program so we don't mess around too much with it trying to change tempo and whatnot, so sometimes the songs are super super fast and sometimes they just drag.

I wrote a nice letter to the elders explaining why I wouldn't be playing anymore and that I believed they needed to use some discernment when deciding what complaints get passed on. Honesty, there's more important things to focus on during a worship service than the organist.

Hubby gave them the letter last night. He thought it was well written and showed good restraint.

But I'm not going to play again. I'm not even sure I could play again, if that makes sense.

Thank you all for the well-wishes and suggestions.

 

[alexnbethmom]

honestly, reading this saga kinda makes me glad that i *don't* play....i fully and completely understand your feelings and decision not to play, and i understand the other side of the coin, that others have pointed out as well.....honestly it's an extremely tough position to be in - i'm glad that's one thing i don't have to worry about....

our pianist (we have a church organ, but the pianist never really knew how to play it, so it sits, unplayed - i think the last time it was played was at our wedding) used to play every single sunday for us, unless she had to go away for a weekend for a family thing....then right around Easter, her father passed away - and 2 weeks after that, she had a stroke.....that was in May, and she has only been to church once since then.....honestly she will probably never be able to play again, her right arm and hand are still not good (better than they were, but nowhere near normal)....we have all the hymns from the hymnal on cd and downloaded onto the computer.....he picks the hymns and the liturgy music, and i sit in the back on the computer and run the music off the laptop....fortunately nobody has complained, and thankfully everybody realizes the fix we're in - there isn't anybody else in the congregation that can play....

 

[boomlakelady]

and to those who honestly, for whatever reason, can't stand an organist's playing:
just concentrate on the hymn's words and don't say a negative word to the organist. Smile instead.