I know I should walk away

[291012]

*issue resolved

 

[cweinstein]

You are not trapped, there is a way out. The domestic violence hotline can get you to safety. You will start to heal when you leave.
Being with someone who is abusive is much worse than being with nobody at all. It will feel better if you don't feel confident about being by yourself, and that is part of the abuse. With time and therapy after leaving you will find it is much better to be with nobody at all than it is to be with someone who is abusive.
It was very difficult, but I did it.

 

[joey_downunder]

I have a question:
If your best friend who was going through exactly what you are right now, what advice would you give her?
Aren't you just as worthy and precious and deserving of *real love* as that friend is?
You are right, they will never change. Only God can do that. God will give you love you *need*. Please turn to Him for that genuine love.

At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:25-30)

 

[sdburtis]

I went through the same thing as you, and I did have some trouble breaking the cycle. It is tough to get out and you can feel trapped. I will not deny that. However, you need to decide what you want for yourself, minus the idea of being with someone. Now is not the time to worry about that aspect of your life. You need to value yourself, set down a firm set of standards for your own life and a mate, and get on your own feet. Once you can do these things for yourself, you will find someone who is good to you and who can appreciate you for who you truly are. And then, you can be in a relationship for all the right reasons, standing beside each other as partners instead of experiencing more take than give from your partner. I know it sounds tough and often impossible, but if I could do it, anyone can.

May God Bless You, Keep Praying, and if you ever need to talk, shoot me a message.

 

[RuthD]

I have been through the same thing and now am glad to be alone. At least I have peace of mind now that I'm not getting abused. I still think of my last bf, thank God he ended it because I didn't realize how bad it was until way after it ended. Now, I am being cautious about my relationships and try not to get back into a bad one. It's so hard to break away and you fear being alone. But being alone is better, believe me. I am praying for you to find peace.

 

[DaisyDay]

But I keep on clinging to these abusive men because being with someone who's abusive feels better than being with nobody at all. Yes, it sounds absolutely absurd, and I know it is.

The emotional intensity of these relationships can be addicting.

I went through six months' worth of emotional abuse with someone; and now I'm trapped in a similar situation with someone who will be all nice and kind, and then turn around and shout at me, belittle me, disregard me, and avoid me - and so the cycle goes on.

That kind of abuse is sometimes called "emotional vomit." It's pretty common with people who have Borderline Personality Disorder. If you think your bf might have that, check out Online Communities - BPD Central. If nothing else, you can see how those in a similar situation to yours handle it.

Do you have your own money and housing? That's important.

There comes a time when praying for these men just no longer helps. Spending time worrying over them when they're gone (knowing they're doing it to "punish" me), trying to change them, hoping that loving them enough will change them... It's all a waste of time and energy.

A big part of co-dependency is putting their needs ahead of your own; it doesn't help them but it does hurt you.

But then they'll come back after a while and appear so normal and a changed man... It's a cycle that never stops with me. And I don't know what to do about it anymore. I should know better by now, having been through this repeatedly. I just always hope if I care enough or am the one person who stands by him, he'll change. It would seem they never do.

They won't change unless they decide to - most won't, especially if you put up with the bad behavior.

But be it on their consciences, if they have any.

Not everyone does - those are the scary dangerous ones. The ones that do, often hate themselves for it, if that is any consolation.

Lord, just please give me the strength to heal - and please give these men the insight to stop what they're doing before they ruin any other women's hearts.

Since you say that this is a pattern with you, you might want to seek counseling on how to stop.

 

[motherprayer]

What I realized in my journey is that the first step to breaking the cycle is to realize a very hard truth to learn: a woman doesn't need to have a man to be fulfilled.
This is a hard truth because its simplicity is often overlooked. To say this doesn't mean to say you should live your life single. It actually means your first step towards coming across a man who truly is worthy of your precious self is to feel good on your own.
Understand your true worth, and it will show.
See your beauty, and others will appreciate it.
Search yourself for things to be confident about, and your presence will change.
These things are hard, because we have been battered down and broken enough that we really don't feel like we are worth anything.
But this is why I say the first step is to realize you don't need a man, because by supporting yourself emotionally, physically, and financially, you will build up your self worth, and realize that you really can do it.

Bless you Sister. I will be praying for you!