"I Killed Him"

[bumblebee62331]

This is just something I wrote many years ago, so go easy on me.


I killed him
He's dead
It's completely my fault
I don't know where I should stash the body
I mean, I have to bury it
Maybe I will, in the veggie garden
But that's probably the first place they will look
Sister will notice first
She'll realise he's gone
He should have been waiting for her when she got home from school, in the
lounge
But I got home first
I saw him and I was jealous
He got more attention than me, ever since Sister brought him home the first time
Everyone said he was handsome, striking, beautiful
They just ignored me
We had a BBQ celebrating his birthday this year
I didn't get a party
When I saw him waiting for Sister I got really mad
I walked over to him, didn't say a word, but I was fuming
I was green with envy
I killed him mercilessly
Now I sit in the lounge waiting for Sister to get home
She will notice he's not there and ask where he is
I'll tell her the truth, that he's dead
She'll cry for a long time and I will feel bad
But I can't feel any worse than I do now
Come to think of it, he wasn't that bad
Maybe I acted too harshly, too quickly
Maybe we could have bonded
It's too late now though
I've already killed him
He's dead, lying in the veggie patch
Maybe the dog will dig him up
That would be awful
The dog might drag him across the yard and leave him by the front door
Sister would cry and shriek and scream
Mum would blame me, say it's all my fault
And it is
I killed him
It's too late to turn back time
It's done
It's over
The goldfish is dead

 

[Lessien]

I was reading it, thinking "Wow, who did he kill? Her boyfriend? Maybe her dad...." Then it got to the end, and I had to laugh! I liked it.

 

[bumblebee62331]

I was reading it, thinking "Wow, who did he kill? Her boyfriend? Maybe her dad...." Then it got to the end, and I had to laugh! I liked it.

LOL

I went through a phase of writing things with a twist in the end. Thanks for your reply!

 

[PaladinWithGun2]

This is just something I wrote many years ago, so go easy on me.


I killed him
He's dead
It's completely my fault
I don't know where I should stash the body
I mean, I have to bury it
Maybe I will, in the veggie garden
But that's probably the first place they will look
Sister will notice first
She'll realise he's gone
He should have been waiting for her when she got home from school, in the
lounge
But I got home first
I saw him and I was jealous
He got more attention than me, ever since Sister brought him home the first time
Everyone said he was handsome, striking, beautiful
They just ignored me
We had a BBQ celebrating his birthday this year
I didn't get a party
When I saw him waiting for Sister I got really mad
I walked over to him, didn't say a word, but I was fuming
I was green with envy
I killed him mercilessly
Now I sit in the lounge waiting for Sister to get home
She will notice he's not there and ask where he is
I'll tell her the truth, that he's dead
She'll cry for a long time and I will feel bad
But I can't feel any worse than I do now
Come to think of it, he wasn't that bad
Maybe I acted too harshly, too quickly
Maybe we could have bonded
It's too late now though
I've already killed him
He's dead, lying in the veggie patch
Maybe the dog will dig him up
That would be awful
The dog might drag him across the yard and leave him by the front door
Sister would cry and shriek and scream
Mum would blame me, say it's all my fault
And it is
I killed him
It's too late to turn back time
It's done
It's over
The goldfish is dead

Brava, my dear! Beautiful set up - you let the reader take the bait and you reel him in. Choice bit! I love it.

Shawn

 

[bumblebee62331]

Brava, my dear! Beautiful set up - you let the reader take the bait and you reel him in. Choice bit! I love it.

Shawn

Thankyou for the encouragement!

 

[jesusmysaviour76]

Hi i thought this was fantastic, but can I make a suggestion just to make it a little easier to read?

If you put it into stanza's then it will flow easier rather than like an essay.

You don't have to it's your piece but I just thought I would make the suggestion.

God bless.

 

[Maul]

*laughs* I was wondering the same thing as Less, and as I tend to do, I skipped down to the last line and read up and then read as it was supposed to be read. That was awesome, bravo!

 

[bumblebee62331]

*laughs* I was wondering the same thing as Less, and as I tend to do, I skipped down to the last line and read up and then read as it was supposed to be read. That was awesome, bravo!

LOL that's like eating dessert before the main course!

Thanks for your encouragement, I am glad you liked it! No flaming yet, which is a good sign. It's the first bit of writing that I have published on this site, and you bunch really know how to make someone feel welcome! So thankyou to all of you for that!

 

[JamiArch]

Very interesting!

 

[Bernergirl]

Haha... I opened this up thinking it was going to be something about how each time we sin we become like the people who crucified Christ... And it was about the goldfish...

What an unexpected twist... ha...

 

[Shubunkin]

I really enjoyed that! It is very good. Excellent for a first try!

 

[bumblebee62331]

lol Thanks guys for the words of encouragement

 

[fallupchik]

that was so good and suprising

 

[bumblebee62331]

Thanks!

 

[JohnathanM]

I have to say that was absolutely awesome! While reading it I thought the boyfriend had been murdured. The ending made me laugh, very funny.

That was great!

 

[bumblebee62331]

Thanks JohnathanM!

 

[xMMKayx3]

LOL I did the same thing to my sister's hamster in the 4th grade.

 

[Abyssal]

Great job, I had to go down to the bottum and read the end in the middle though. You write better then I could.

 

[bumblebee62331]

Thanks for the encouragement guys.

 

[puttytat190]

I liked it.