Hey all! I've been looking around for a while for a forum to just be able to type stuff all out. This will be LONG and I appreciate if you do read this all..
Well, where to start. I love God. I was raised in a loving, Christian home.
When I was little I had a few (the ones I can remember) encouters with other little girls.. innapproprite touching. I don't know why or when they happened but I feel as if that's one thing that could have made this all worse.
I went through a part of my life where I thought I might like girls because of what had happened.
When I was about 14 years old I saw porn. Just accidently stumbled upon pictures not videos, from then on, not regularly, I would every once in a while look at pictures of girls. I feel like a lot of it was curiousity as to why men found women who did porn attractive. How and why I wasn't like these women.
At age 17 I got my first boyfriend, who had been struggling with a past porn problems. Talk about self-esteem killer. But who was I to judge? I think the killer was he'd seen so much more, and it was something still forien to me.
Not long later we got engaged and married He's wonderful, a truly loving husband. I know that God has blessed me greatly with him. I also know that we are both sinners and imperfect but recently we had a chat about our marriage and stuff.
Basically what I'm trying to get at is we more deeply talked about porn and out previous issues with it. He told me that he was actually into gay porn at one stage, though the though of being with a man is disgusting to him.
I'm having a hard time understanding, I'm really confused and honestly pretty hurt he didn't tell me before. I've tried addressing this again but I don't want to hound him and hurt him. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this.. like, I understand that I saw pictures of women.. but he's watched and seen men and men.
Sorry for this really messed post, I just need someone to try and explain this as they may see it. I'm only one person and my head is pretty jumbled around at the moment.
Thanks very much for reading
Well, where to start. I love God. I was raised in a loving, Christian home.
When I was little I had a few (the ones I can remember) encouters with other little girls.. innapproprite touching. I don't know why or when they happened but I feel as if that's one thing that could have made this all worse.
I went through a part of my life where I thought I might like girls because of what had happened.
When I was about 14 years old I saw porn. Just accidently stumbled upon pictures not videos, from then on, not regularly, I would every once in a while look at pictures of girls. I feel like a lot of it was curiousity as to why men found women who did porn attractive. How and why I wasn't like these women.
At age 17 I got my first boyfriend, who had been struggling with a past porn problems. Talk about self-esteem killer. But who was I to judge? I think the killer was he'd seen so much more, and it was something still forien to me.
Not long later we got engaged and married
He's wonderful, a truly loving husband. I know that God has blessed me greatly with him. I also know that we are both sinners and imperfect but recently we had a chat about our marriage and stuff. Basically what I'm trying to get at is we more deeply talked about porn and out previous issues with it. He told me that he was actually into gay porn at one stage, though the though of being with a man is disgusting to him.
I'm having a hard time understanding, I'm really confused and honestly pretty hurt he didn't tell me before. I've tried addressing this again but I don't want to hound him and hurt him. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this.. like, I understand that I saw pictures of women.. but he's watched and seen men and men.
Sorry for this really messed post, I just need someone to try and explain this as they may see it. I'm only one person and my head is pretty jumbled around at the moment.
Thanks very much for reading
