I hope it gets easier

[WilliamM]

I am a newly single parent.
All I want is to have custody of my son.
The laws in the state I live in give sole custody to the mother because we were not married.
I can't imagine spending time away from him because I have raised him since birth.
I am feeling desperate.

 

[akmom]

I think it's important for you to get a lawyer to familiarize you with your parental rights. It varies by state, but your assumption that you can't get joint custody based on your marital status doesn't sound right. You are at least entitled to visitation if you are a fit guardian. Go to your state website and browse their legal resources for families, or stop by your local court for a pamphlet. There's generally a lot of helpful information in there you can use before you consider a lawyer, and many states have programs that offer limited free legal advice in your situation if you cannot afford a lawyer.

 

[akmom]

If you specify your state, you may get more specific advice.

 

[OliviaD1230]

I am actually on the exact opposite side of your situation. I had a child outside of wedlock and now have sole custody because of it. However, in my case, that law works out perfectly in my situation. My daughter's father was never involved in her life, never cared if she had food/clothes/etc, not a real "father." So in my case, the law giving me sole custody is good. Have you tried mediation? In my state mediation is free. You can find information on your county's court system's web page. Are you paying child support? You could most definitely get shared parenting rights if you would take her to court and are a suitable guardian. Best wishes.

 

[Inkachu]

In my state, the only way the mom gets sole custody is if the dad doesn't bother showing up to the custody hearing. Were you there? Did you stand up and speak to the judge? Regardless, you can still go to court for joint custody or at least visitation rights; not being married has nothing to do with that. You may need to prove paternity if your ex fights you on it, but the court can suggest where to go for that. If there's a child support order in place, make sure you're paying it faithfully, because not paying will not look good if you want to fight for visitation. Unless you have something else you're not telling us (criminal record, etc)... there's no reason you can't see your child on a regular basis. I know your post is pretty old, so I don't expect a reply.

 

[Inkachu]

I am actually on the exact opposite side of your situation. I had a child outside of wedlock and now have sole custody because of it. However, in my case, that law works out perfectly in my situation. My daughter's father was never involved in her life, never cared if she had food/clothes/etc, not a real "father." So in my case, the law giving me sole custody is good. Have you tried mediation? In my state mediation is free. You can find information on your county's court system's web page. Are you paying child support? You could most definitely get shared parenting rights if you would take her to court and are a suitable guardian. Best wishes.

Same for me, my ex was abusive and a complete loser (yeah, I was stupid, trust me, I know) and I was so thankful when he didn't show up to court, and I got sole custody. He's never bothered to be involved in our lives since, and I'm glad. It's been 12 years and I don't think he'd have the guts to try and drag me into court at this point. He's never been around, never paid child support, nothing. God really took care of my son and protected him by keeping that man out of our lives.

 

[Lordshayne]

You can shoot for joint custody, which I'm sure you'll get. However, I can't much help you if I don't know the state you're living in, as the laws for parenting varies by state.

 

[livinwhope]

I wish my children's father was involved. It hurts them so much that he doesn't visit (it has been 12 years and they have seen him only a few times). It is important to fight for your right to be involved, kids need to have time their parents (as long as they are safe to be around).