i havent been back in a long time

[brokenwings27]

its been a really long time since i last posted... months..
but i know i can always come back here if i needed anything

i just wanted anybody's imput and opinion on this... its longer, but its a sad story, and i just want some opinions

i started SIing almost 2 years ago, and last may i found someone i could talk to about all of it, and he basically got me out of it...for the time being. i went away to college and we started actually "dating" but it was just a long distance relationship.. and we are so very close. i havent cut myself since he got me out of it.
now, here's the big twist in this seemingly ordinarily story
i went home for the 4 week christmas/semester break, and we had an amazing time... but for some unknown reason, i didnt want to cut myself.. but i just wanted to do that.. and 2 weeks after i did that, he found out about it, and wasnt happy, of course..
but a week and a half before i left, on new years day, i had called him upset about coming back to college and telling him how much i would miss him and it was just a very sad time.. he tried to kill himself that night, while i was on the phone with him, and i didnt even know it. i rushed over to his house, just hysterical, but thankful that he hadnt succeeded, and i asked him why he did it, and he said he just hurt, he said it just hurt him so bad to know that i had done that..
so basically i have stopped out of fear for him.. not healthy i know, but nonetheless, thats how it is for me
(and for a little background info, he's on meds for being bipolar and manic depressive, and he had started a new medicine, and that played a key factor in him trying to commit suicide, and after his meds got changed, he got back to normal)
im guessing this really hasnt happened to anyone, but if something similar has, i'd love to hear about it..
but im just wondering if anyone has any opinions about this.. about anything at all.. why i took apart the razor, whether i should end the relationship or not... or something completley different that you got from this...
thanks and God bless

 

[Winter]

Brokenwings -

When I was your age I used to cut myself. As I look back, I see how much pain it caused my mother and father. They were afraid for me. Your boyfriend is equally afraid for you. He needs you to be happy - you both need to be one another's strength and support. I think somewhere deep inside you, you already know this. Do not continue the self destructive cycle that affects one another. I wish I had thought about that when I was 18 - I wish I had thought about my parents feelings when I did such things. I did my best to hide it - but they knew.

If your boyfriend is already suffering from his own turmoil, be a positive enforcement for him. Be a beacon of hope - and if you do hurt yourself, don't let him find out. It is obvious he cannot deal with his own pain and your pain.

I wish the best for you both - and hope that you can help one another and be each other's strength.

God bless.