I Have To Share This!

[DiscipleOfIAm]

WARNING - LONG STORY - BUT WOULD LIKE INPUT

This is something I can't just keep bottled up. I have to share and get some feedback from others. This has never happened to me and I'm very disturbed by it. Let me start from the beginning.

A few months ago, my family moved back to a city we lived in 3 or so years prior. When we lived here before, we were never able to find a church to call home. We decided to visit a church back in Jan after trying two others and we liked this one enough to go again and again. We had a list of churches we wanted to try and we had reviewed websites, emailed the pastors, etc prior to making the list.

Well, we ended up going to this church we for about 2 months. I sort of started a dialogue with the pastor via email and began asking doctrinal questions and advice on scriptures and more in depth information about his sermons to grow on and further study.

The church began mentioning membership and we took the form to fill it out. My wife and I started praying about it and discussing our thoughts and feelings with each other. I emailed the pastor and explained we had the form, but I was concerned that we had not attended the church long enough to consider membership. He said, no, don't worry about that, we want you as a member. My wife and I kept coming back to the thought that there was this one church we had always wanted to visit and never did because of going to the other regularly. We decided that in order to be sure this current church was for us, we needed to finish out the list and try the last church we had intended to try anyway. We needed to be sure about the membership. We liked the current church, the people, the pastor, but we take membership very seriously. It lacked some things we felt would enhance our walk with God, but we were willing to follow God wherever he leads us.

So, out of respect for the pastor and the church that we had grown fond of, I notified the pastor that we wanted to make sure we were making the right decision and that we were going to try this other church before applying for membership at his church. The response was not what we expected. We were told to pick one or the other and stay put.

After we visited the other church, we realy loved it. It had everything the current church had, but also had the things that were lacking. We decided we had better not apply for membership and that we needed to begin attending at the new church. I informed the pastor of this, again out of respect to him, not that we were members or needed to explain ourselves to anyone. His response was fine, but stay there.

It kept eating at me, so I finally emailed him and told him I was really bothered by his response and wanted to ensure I had not offended him by not joining his church. I told him the things we loved about his church and the things that his church didn't have that we were looking for. I wanted to make sure I was leading my family where God wanted us to be.

I received the most rude, unchristian response I have ever heard from a pastor. He begins to tell me that I have offended him, that I don't know scripture and that I'm full of myself. How dare I offer any type of criticism or evaluation of his church, I'm not a consulatant and I do not know scripture of their church. He accused me of being a church hopper. He tells me I need a mentor to get in my face and bring me down a notch, I should be listening and not advising anyone and basically that I'm a big piece of dirt that he wishes he had never met me. He said it is people like me that frustrate the leadership of a church after pastoring a person who then leaves their church. Almost as if, you had better attend his church for life if he is going to waste his time with you.

It would appear if you do not have a Doctorate in Divinity, then you cannot have an opinion about anything with this guy either. The kicker is this, he is buddies with the associate pastor at the church we tried and liked. He is going to share with him some thoughts about me and my family. Basically, warn them about us and that we will go there 2 months and leave, so don't waste their time with us. Which is odd because he knew from the beginning that we were looking/searching for the church God was going to lead us to. We never committed to his church and even if we had, God leads people away from churches and to others everyday. I'm very concerned about this. This is going to give the new church a wrong pre-conceived notion about us.

I'm very confused and hurt by all of this. This was a man that I trusted and looked up to. I feel like he is personally mad at us for not joining his church. I explained the reasons for us not feeling at home there, but all he did was attack me and degrade me and my knowledge of scripture. Now, he is going to share his dislike for me with the new church's leadership. This is going to hinder my family in their walk with God, growing, and all around comfort zone at the new church.

Sorry for the long message, but I had to get this out. It is effecting my whole family. My wife had intended on staying in her Thursday morning ladies bible study at this church since she had been going for 4 weeks, but she feels really uncomfortable at the church now. The pastor's wife is in her group and he is there during the day and she sees him when she is there.

Anyone have a reaction to this and how it is going to effect our future church? I'm almost to the point where I want to find an out of town church that this guy doesn't know, so we can get away from him. I'm so in shock and hurt by the way this has unfolded.

Thanks to all and God Bless

 

[Iollain]

I would show your new pastor this email, and have a talk with him asap

 

[desert_island_1]

I do not think it should really affect your new church at all, but I am not saying that it will not. One thing about moving is that you have to find a new church and most people understand when you first move to a new town that you may not stay at a church long. I do not think it is your fault that the pastor is mad and there is nothing you can do with it. I think if you really have trouble at this new church with the associate pastor, you should try talking to the senior/executive pastor. That is just my $0.02!

 

[ZiSunka]

Whew! Got away from that toxic place without entangling yourself and your family in the pastor's personality problems!

Shake the dust of that place off your feet and keep going to the new church. Chances are, the pastor at the new church knows quite well that the pastor at the old place has some issues and he won't take the guy's "warnings" to heart.

 

[Victrixa]

I'm sorry about what you're going through DiscipleOfIAm. That must hurt a lot!

That pastor definitively has problems. If not personality problems, spiritual problems...

Prayers are going up.

 

[Matthan]

It sounds to me as if that pastor has a serious problem. Is it his personal pride? Or, maybe it is his desire to obtain new members (and [$] everything [$] they [$] might [$]bring [$] with [$] them) regardless of the costs? Regardless, his actions prove his lack of true Christianity.

The best advise I can offer, for what it might be worth, is to cherish your new church congregation and understand that the Holy Spirit caused you to check out "just one more." Do not think it was luck, or anything else. It has to be God's love leading you to His purpose. He has a plan and a mission for you, and probably your entire family. Look forward towards what you cn do to serve Him in the congregation where His love obviously abounds in great measure.

As for the wayward pastor "bad-mouthing" you, think nothing of it. Intead, let your example shine for others to see, and it will speak louders than any complaints that poor soul might muster.

One other thing. Pray for that pastor, that he might come to grips with whatever character flaw(s) he has to contend with.

Give us his name and congregation name, and who knows. Maybe he will have a whole bunch of CF posters and readers praying that he might come back to Christ, and not be lost in himself, in His dealings with others.

Matthan <J><

 

[P_G]

I was actually with the pastor of the 1st church till he got nasty.

Thats wrong very wrong indeed
I don't know why some pastors get that way and ruin what could have been something positive.

Had he simply said we are glad you have found a new church but to enhance your personal growth we want to strongly urge you to put all of your efforts into your new church home. Not that we dislike you or don't call you brother we simply feel that it is best to bloom where you are planted.


Thats what I would have wrote you. And I would have meant it because it is best for you to stay in a church and grow there and not be bouncing all over the place to different churches.

What he did was mean and mean spirited
Take the letter and file it in the round cabinet and move on

PG

 

[Joshua J. Daigle]

Wow, that is really a bizarre story if ever I heard one. I think that there is a reason that you felt the need to check out other churches before making a decision. Obviously, God didn't feel that the first church was appropriate for your family, and the Pastor's actions proved it. Just be thankful that God spoke to you, and that you left for a more suitable church. I don't think God would have lead you to a church where you would be the target of malicious gossip. Pray for that Pastor, and God will make certain that all is done according to his will.

Joshua...

 

[DiscipleOfIAm]

I was actually with the pastor of the 1st church till he got nasty.

Thats wrong very wrong indeed
I don't know why some pastors get that way and ruin what could have been something positive.

Had he simply said we are glad you have found a new church but to enhance your personal growth we want to strongly urge you to put all of your efforts into your new church home. Not that we dislike you or don't call you brother we simply feel that it is best to bloom where you are planted.


Thats what I would have wrote you. And I would have meant it because it is best for you to stay in a church and grow there and not be bouncing all over the place to different churches.

What he did was mean and mean spirited
Take the letter and file it in the round cabinet and move on

PG

That's the thing. He stated we were bouncing around or church hopping. Not true. We were visiting churches to find where God was leading us, our home church. We thought it was his and we went there for about 2 months. We haven't gone to a church for 2-3 mos and then hop to another. No, no. The other churches we visited, we only had to go 1-2 times before we knew they weren't for us. Remember, we just moved here, we're searching for our home church. We're not just going from church to church for the past 20 years, we've lived here about 4 months. He knew this, we met with him and explained our situation the first time we attended a service there. He even made the statement that he knew how difficult it was to find a church where you feel at home and that sometimes you visit 10 churches before you find the one. He told us to at least visit a church 3 or 4 services to be sure and get the big picture. We visited about 6-7 services. I guess we should have stopped at 4 and he would have not blown up.

I think that may be the reason why we stayed at this church so long, we were tired of not finding "THE" church and when we found this one, we thought it was enough to stay and basically settle. We knew it wasn't completely right for us, but we were willing to follow God and stay where we felt compelled to be. Luckily, we had a calling or something to go to another to be sure before joining this one.

As to the other comments from everyone, thank you. I'm glad I'm not off my rocker. I started to wonder why this guy would say and do the things he's doing and it seems a general consensus that he is bitter because we didn't join his church. So, now he is trying to ruin any chance of us having a happy life elsewhere. How childish and demented. He does need our prayers!

God Bless all!

 

[MbiaJc]

WARNING - LONG STORY - BUT WOULD LIKE INPUT

This is something I can't just keep bottled up. I have to share and get some feedback from others. This has never happened to me and I'm very disturbed by it. Let me start from the beginning.

A few months ago, my family moved back to a city we lived in 3 or so years prior. When we lived here before, we were never able to find a church to call home. We decided to visit a church back in Jan after trying two others and we liked this one enough to go again and again. We had a list of churches we wanted to try and we had reviewed websites, emailed the pastors, etc prior to making the list.

Well, we ended up going to this church we for about 2 months. I sort of started a dialogue with the pastor via email and began asking doctrinal questions and advice on scriptures and more in depth information about his sermons to grow on and further study.

The church began mentioning membership and we took the form to fill it out. My wife and I started praying about it and discussing our thoughts and feelings with each other. I emailed the pastor and explained we had the form, but I was concerned that we had not attended the church long enough to consider membership. He said, no, don't worry about that, we want you as a member. My wife and I kept coming back to the thought that there was this one church we had always wanted to visit and never did because of going to the other regularly. We decided that in order to be sure this current church was for us, we needed to finish out the list and try the last church we had intended to try anyway. We needed to be sure about the membership. We liked the current church, the people, the pastor, but we take membership very seriously. It lacked some things we felt would enhance our walk with God, but we were willing to follow God wherever he leads us.

So, out of respect for the pastor and the church that we had grown fond of, I notified the pastor that we wanted to make sure we were making the right decision and that we were going to try this other church before applying for membership at his church. The response was not what we expected. We were told to pick one or the other and stay put.

After we visited the other church, we realy loved it. It had everything the current church had, but also had the things that were lacking. We decided we had better not apply for membership and that we needed to begin attending at the new church. I informed the pastor of this, again out of respect to him, not that we were members or needed to explain ourselves to anyone. His response was fine, but stay there.

It kept eating at me, so I finally emailed him and told him I was really bothered by his response and wanted to ensure I had not offended him by not joining his church. I told him the things we loved about his church and the things that his church didn't have that we were looking for. I wanted to make sure I was leading my family where God wanted us to be.

I received the most rude, unchristian response I have ever heard from a pastor. He begins to tell me that I have offended him, that I don't know scripture and that I'm full of myself. How dare I offer any type of criticism or evaluation of his church, I'm not a consulatant and I do not know scripture of their church. He accused me of being a church hopper. He tells me I need a mentor to get in my face and bring me down a notch, I should be listening and not advising anyone and basically that I'm a big piece of dirt that he wishes he had never met me. He said it is people like me that frustrate the leadership of a church after pastoring a person who then leaves their church. Almost as if, you had better attend his church for life if he is going to waste his time with you.

It would appear if you do not have a Doctorate in Divinity, then you cannot have an opinion about anything with this guy either. The kicker is this, he is buddies with the associate pastor at the church we tried and liked. He is going to share with him some thoughts about me and my family. Basically, warn them about us and that we will go there 2 months and leave, so don't waste their time with us. Which is odd because he knew from the beginning that we were looking/searching for the church God was going to lead us to. We never committed to his church and even if we had, God leads people away from churches and to others everyday. I'm very concerned about this. This is going to give the new church a wrong pre-conceived notion about us.

I'm very confused and hurt by all of this. This was a man that I trusted and looked up to. I feel like he is personally mad at us for not joining his church. I explained the reasons for us not feeling at home there, but all he did was attack me and degrade me and my knowledge of scripture. Now, he is going to share his dislike for me with the new church's leadership. This is going to hinder my family in their walk with God, growing, and all around comfort zone at the new church.

Sorry for the long message, but I had to get this out. It is effecting my whole family. My wife had intended on staying in her Thursday morning ladies bible study at this church since she had been going for 4 weeks, but she feels really uncomfortable at the church now. The pastor's wife is in her group and he is there during the day and she sees him when she is there.

Anyone have a reaction to this and how it is going to effect our future church? I'm almost to the point where I want to find an out of town church that this guy doesn't know, so we can get away from him. I'm so in shock and hurt by the way this has unfolded.

Thanks to all and God Bless

Sorry brother but you keep referring to it as his church. That may be the case, and not the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ? But I would like to think it is the Lord Jesus Christ Church. If so then they need to kick this dude out and set up bibical Church leadership. This one man pastoral authority in the churches is ungodly.

 

[SonOfThunder]

Man sometimes gets in the way of Spirit, no matter what title they hold. God has given you the ability to see that. Now to walk in Grace and Love and move on, always praying for God to be in control and for others.

GAL 5:16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
GAL 5:17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
GAL 5:18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
GAL 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
GAL 5:20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
GAL 5:21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
GAL 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
GAL 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
GAL 5:24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
GAL 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit


James

 

[aReformedPatriot]

DiscipleofIAm its good to see you again, I havent read any of your posts for awhile.

Sorry to hear about this Pastor, it is a sad thing indeed. Pray for him and move on.

 

[SumTinWong]

DOIA

I cannot tell you how sorry I am about your journey to find a church. I would if I were you talk to the pastor of this new church and try to explain your side of the situation and hope he understands. That is the only advice I can give you except for make sure this is the right church so you don't make his prediction true and hop to another.

 

[Velcro]

I am not Baptist, but do you mind if I write a couple suggestions after reading your post, Disciple?

First, when you have something negative to say to a person, try not to put it in writing. By my own experience, and that of others I know, this is not a good practice. Don't even do it by phone. Go to them face-to-face and say it, and take someone with you. This stops most of such behavior as you described before it begins.

Face-to-face, with another at your side,

• You will be more likely cognizant of your opponent's humanity and will be more aware of your wording
• The other person will recognize that they will not be as successful at twisting your words because of the witness
• You have not given them a written weapon against yourself

Also, this pastor may be having a bad year. Or even just a bad week. Sometimes, we react rather than responding, and this sound like the case for him. Perhaps he saw your continuing to attend as commitment, while you did not, so there was a communication/understanding problem.

Also, I attended the same church for just over 50 years, while attending where I now go during the last 4 years of that 50. When I joined where I now attend, the old church called me a church-hopper, too. I found that to be quite humorous! Isn't it more important that you and G-d know the intentions of your heart, so what they say is unimportant? I know that it hurts to be accused when you have done nothing wrong, when your intentions were completely innocent and polite, but in the end, it will not be that man upon the judgment seat. Your actions in the future, in fact, will prove who you really are, and his opinions will be forgotten.

 

[DiscipleOfIAm]

I am not Baptist, but do you mind if I write a couple suggestions after reading your post, Disciple?

First, when you have something negative to say to a person, try not to put it in writing. By my own experience, and that of others I know, this is not a good practice. Don't even do it by phone. Go to them face-to-face and say it, and take someone with you. This stops most of such behavior as you described before it begins.

Face-to-face, with another at your side,

• You will be more likely cognizant of your opponent's humanity and will be more aware of your wording
• The other person will recognize that they will not be as successful at twisting your words because of the witness
• You have not given them a written weapon against yourself

Also, this pastor may be having a bad year. Or even just a bad week. Sometimes, we react rather than responding, and this sound like the case for him. Perhaps he saw your continuing to attend as commitment, while you did not, so there was a communication/understanding problem.

Also, I attended the same church for just over 50 years, while attending where I now go during the last 4 years of that 50. When I joined where I now attend, the old church called me a church-hopper, too. I found that to be quite humorous! Isn't it more important that you and G-d know the intentions of your heart, so what they say is unimportant? I know that it hurts to be accused when you have done nothing wrong, when your intentions were completely innocent and polite, but in the end, it will not be that man upon the judgment seat. Your actions in the future, in fact, will prove who you really are, and his opinions will be forgotten.

Of course I don't mind if you put in your opinion here! Actually, it was a good opinion. Thank you. It's hard to move on and not care about what others think or say about you, especially when it is untrue. But, we, the family, need to do so!

Thanks again! God Bless!

 

[2Timothy2]

You know, I really feel sorry for the members of that first church.

DOIA, I pray you can forgive this man and move on.

 

[DiscipleOfIAm]

My wife, God bless her, happened to run into the pastor of the second church last night at a school function. At first, she wasn't going to say anything about this, but after they began to talk further, she spill the whole story.

He wondered if something was going on since we did not attend Sunday services this past week. He is going to pass the incident along to his associate pastor, who is the one that is friends with the pastor of the first church. He wants to see if any misinformation has been exchanged and ensure no ill-will is tranferred from the first pastor to the new church. He basically wrote it off as either a "sour grapes pastor" upset at losing a potential member or a huge misunderstanding. He understood that we are trying to follow God's will and that the first church serve its purpose until we were able to find the second church.

This was good that he took it this way. He wanted us to be assured that he would not allow any type of discrimination or "gossip" to affect our attendance at the new church.

Anyway, just an update! Thanks to all for reading and responding!

God Bless