I have Aspergers, also

[NeverEnder]

Hello.

I have returned to this forum after some time away.

I have been struggling with my faith for the last two years.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome approximately three years ago; I have been spending time both trying to learn about Aspergers and trying to understand how it affects my daily life. And, it does affect my life.

I am not a very social person, but I hope to meet others of the faith on this site and now, in this particular forum, others that struggle with Aspergers.

Thank you,
-Matthew-

 

[dayhiker]

Welcome back never.
Have you learned to be more social as you have matured?

 

[NeverEnder]

Hi. Thank you for your reply.

To answer your question: No, I am not very social in any way. I used to have more friends when I was younger. Now, although I am not against having friends or a more sociable life, I do not.

I feel in time this may change. I may find a good church some day and make friends via fellowship.

-Matthew-

 

[NowhereManNot]

Hi NeverEnder
Lets sort this out together hey!
I too am comming to terms with this 'condition'. Amazingly people have been placed in my path who can help - it just worked out that way. I think that is how God operates. He is actively working behind the scenes, no fan fare.
I think about my faith this way:
If you can accept there is a God then it is only a tiny step to accept He is who He says He is, ie LOVE & what I can understand of LOVE; therefor He must want to do. I think what I am saying if you can accept there is a God then you have to accept that He will find ways to LOVE you; He can't do anything else because HE is LOVE. So lift your eyes a little now and again look and see, you never know, you too will start to notice evidence He really is at work on your behalf.

Some time ago I lost most of my belongings in a train accident, of the two shipping containers, one survived, it was dumped in my driveway and what was left of my belongings fell out in a pile for me to identify. Not good as a single father of 3. Anyway I look back and you know good came of that mess. I had all this old stuff that i had been hanging onto for too long (apparently we can tend to do that as AS's) and I was forced to replace it with new. I think God needs to do that with each of us from time to time. He is in the business of rebuilding the very essence of us he does not give us a mask to wear. Thankfully i'm sure He is very patient.
I dare you NeverEnder I feel like I really have to let go of my junk how about you do it with me! See what He might replace it with! Keep in touch

 

[aspieinsearch]

Matt thanks for describing me too. I'm 41and I'm very lonely myself and have no friends these days. I know its not wright to avoid people to the extent I do and is the main thing that got me to find out what's going on. I didn't think I ever would figure myself out, i just wanted to be normal and I thought I was the only one with all the oddities I had on top of the antisocial behavior that started way way back in Jr high. I'm learning now that I can stop trying to be normal because I'm really not ,and I like to do everything a little different than the norm anyway so I must learn to embrace the good and work on the bad. I'm am here to learn from other with aspergers and others in deep faith and hoping for understanding and proper guidance in becoming one with the lord. I want to learn to love everyone and not judge anymore. I feel this place is safe and productive so I'll be around almost daily. Thanks for listening Jon

 

[MoeSzyslak]

I have tried for 22 years to make friends or have fellowship through church. Now, 22 years later, I have exactly zero to show for my efforts

Only within the past few months I have officially given up. If God wishes me to have fellowship he is going to have to put the people in my life. All my attempts are futile and worthless.

And you know what? I feel good. It feels like a weight has been lifted from me. I'm done trying and I feel free.

 

[LovedSparrow]

Hi NeverEnder! It's good to see you back!

 

[dayhiker]

Search .. welcome to CF.

What things do you obsess over?

 

[dayhiker]

Moe, one would think that the church would be the place to make friends, but I agree its not always the way. Yet, I have found that small groups have been very useful in my search to figure out how to communicate with people.

Yet as they say if one doesn't like the results, don't keep doing the same thing over and over.

 

[aspieinsearch]

Dayhiker, You mean when im not working? in my free time? and do you mean in my head when thinking cuz i do daydream a bit or what i actually like to do in my freetime? Thank you for welcoming me to CF :0)

 

[jackmt]

Hi. Thank you for your reply.

To answer your question: No, I am not very social in any way. I used to have more friends when I was younger. Now, although I am not against having friends or a more sociable life, I do not.

I feel in time this may change. I may find a good church some day and make friends via fellowship.

-Matthew-

When I was in my teens and early 20s I had 3 close friends and a few acquaintances. I realized a few days ago that I was not any more social then than I am now. Those 3 friends were guys I grew up with and who lived on the same block I did for 12 years. I was more a mascot than a peer. When we grew up and moved away I never again made any close connections.

I don't want to burst your bubble, but maybe you should keep your expectations low. Then successes will be better appreciated and disappointments won't take you so low.

Church people will question your faith if you aren't as bubbly as they are about people. So I advise you to keep your expectations low there, too. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Ask Him for some Aspie friends. I am in an adult Aspie support group. We have great conversations and laugh a lot because we get each other and don't condemn, because we all have the same difficulties.

If you can't find one, start one of your own. It is the highlight of my week.

 

[hedrick]

Church people will question your faith if you aren't as bubbly as they are about people. So I advise you to keep your expectations low there, too. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Ask Him for some Aspie friends. I am in an adult Aspie support group. We have great conversations and laugh a lot because we get each other and don't condemn, because we all have the same difficulties.

If you can't find one, start one of your own. It is the highlight of my week.

Bubbly? Not all churches are like that. I wouldn't go near one of those places where everyone wears plastic smiles. We'd be happy to have you. With two Aspies and one kid with PDD-NOS, we'd hardly notice. (And those are just the ones I know about personally.)

 

[jackmt]

Bubbly? Not all churches are like that. I wouldn't go near one of those places where everyone wears plastic smiles. We'd be happy to have you. With two Aspies and one kid with PDD-NOS, we'd hardly notice. (And those are just the ones I know about personally.)

Yes. But it took me a long time to find a church that was both intellectually oriented and true to the gospel of Christ. And now the Presbyterians and nearly every other conservative denomination are going liberal. And at the last Presbyterian church I attended the pastor had a son with Asperger's and treated me as if I were trying to scam the church. (I look too normal, I guess.) Now where do I go?

 

[Sabertooth]

Welcome back never...

That doesn't seem very polite...

 

[dayhiker]

lol .. guess I shouldn't have shortened his name from neverender ....
sounds like neverender means the opposite of never!

smile

 

[hedrick]

Yes. But it took me a long time to find a church that was both intellectually oriented and true to the gospel of Christ. And now the Presbyterians and nearly every other conservative denomination are going liberal. And at the last Presbyterian church I attended the pastor had a son with Asperger's and treated me as if I were trying to scam the church. (I look too normal, I guess.) Now where do I go?

I don't know the churches in your area, so I can't give a specific suggestion. I'm part of a mainline church (PCUSA). We don't think of ourselves as super-liberal, but since we accept gay folks, most other Christians probably would think of us that way. Part of our definition is that we are accepting of diversity, including "special needs," of which we have several. I suspect this is typical of liberal churches. Not that all conservative churches reject Aspies, of course, but are you sure you want to reject a group of churches that would probably be among the more accepting?

I would have thought someone with a son who had Asperger's would be more accepting than usual. Your scenario is one I hadn't considered. However I can see how it could happen. It just requires a degree of narrow-mindedness that I wouldn't expect from a pastor (at least not a pastor in a church I'd attend). The Aspies I know (at least 3 of them) sound like you: you wouldn't know there was anything unusual from casual conversation. That doesn't mean there isn't. Are you sure you're not having a miscommunication with that pastor?

 

[jackmt]

... are you sure you want to reject a group of churches that would probably be among the more accepting?

...Are you sure you're not having a miscommunication with that pastor?

It is a moot point. At the same time I was trying to fit in in a better way and so approached the pastor, the denomination declared that it would accept and perform homosexual marriages and ordain actively homosexual ministers. I will continue looking.

 

[Sabertooth]

... Now where do I go?

I have been blessed at Vineyard and many Assemblies of God. I am told that Four Square Gospel churches have a similar feel. I have also found similar independent churches.

It is like the Baptism of the Holy Spirit seems to grace the communications there.

 

[jackmt]

I have been blessed at Vineyard and many Assemblies of God. I am told that Four Square Gospel churches have a similar feel. I have also found similar independent churches.

It is like the Baptism of the Holy Spirit seems to grace the communications there.

I was brought up RC and was heading for the priesthood when a Christian friend invited me to her church. I thought I'd see what the protestants do. It was a Spirit-filled Southern Baptist church pastored by a Mennonite. Boy, was I confused! I haven't been able to find another church like it since.

The Assemblies are too emotional for me. I went to one here last year. I went alone, and I was very anxious the whole time. (When I go with someone else I do much better, but still anxious and easily distracted. Once I was so distracted by the uneven haircut on the woman in front of me and the tag sticking out of the blouse of the one in front of her that I couldn't listen to the sermon.) I had to go out during the greeting, hang out by the door much of the time and leave early to avoid the people.

I remember going to a Four Square church 2 years or so after I was saved. What I recall most is that it was not a negative experience. I.e., I don't recall it being an anxiety producing event. I have driven by one here recently and thought about going again. Maybe tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. Thanks.