My question is: are there anny men here who were molested when they were young? The reason i ask is, I was. and although i read many woman's acounts of the terible things that happened to them, i would like to know how other guys handled what happened to them. I think im being fair when i say that women and men deal with sexual abuse in different ways. I don't mean that in a bad way i just think men and woman for whatever reason have different reactions to abuse.
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I have a question
- Thread starter Dantepedro
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Dantepredro,
I work with sexual abuse offenders (mostly male) and as a result victims of sexual abuse sometimes also seek me out for counseling (I think mostly because they think I can tell them "why".) I agree with you that many times men respond a bit differently to abuse then women. However, there are a great deal of similarities. I find that it is very very hard for men (harder then women) to disclose that they had been sexually abused as a child.
I also want to state that there is this myth that a man who was sexually abused is more likely to become an abuser. This is definately NOT the case. However, many men fear disclosure because they don't want others to think they will become an abuser. Women may decide not to disclose because they blame themselves, or due to embarressment and other reasons. But most of the men who disclose to me (and most of these disclosures are not the offenders I work with) tell me that they did not want others to think they were a risk to be around children.
I work with sexual abuse offenders (mostly male) and as a result victims of sexual abuse sometimes also seek me out for counseling (I think mostly because they think I can tell them "why".) I agree with you that many times men respond a bit differently to abuse then women. However, there are a great deal of similarities. I find that it is very very hard for men (harder then women) to disclose that they had been sexually abused as a child.
I also want to state that there is this myth that a man who was sexually abused is more likely to become an abuser. This is definately NOT the case. However, many men fear disclosure because they don't want others to think they will become an abuser. Women may decide not to disclose because they blame themselves, or due to embarressment and other reasons. But most of the men who disclose to me (and most of these disclosures are not the offenders I work with) tell me that they did not want others to think they were a risk to be around children.
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DeaconDean
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This may not be what you wanted to hear but I have a similar experience. While I wasn't molested, I was raped. You may think that is funny but nevertheless it is true. I spent some years running the streets with people I knew were bad for me but I was in rebellion against my Dad so what can I say. To shorten this up some, I was hanging out with my ex-gf, and her brother. Well as it turns out he had broken into a bunch of vending machines and had stolen about $500. When the police rolled in, he was there, she was there, I was there, and the stolen money was there. He got 3 years of felony time for BE&L. (Breaking, Entering, and Larceny) I was given 2 years for Breaking, 2 years for Entering, and 2 years for Larceny. Misdemenor time. BTW...I got out in 9 months) My ex-gf got 2 years. While I was in prison, I was raped in the bathroom by 6 big black fellows. It hit me real hard! I fought but with 6:1 it really wasn't a fight. It wasn't my fault, I didn't bring this on myself, but it happened nevertheless. I deal with it. Up until today, only 8 people know of this, the guys who did it, my wife, and my Mom. And of course the Lord. Now whoever reads this will too. It is a part of my life that I know will always be with me. Sometimes I wonder why did this happen to me? But if there is any consolation in it it has to be that for some reason this fit in God's divine plan. He let it happen for a reason. It fit some purpose in His divine plan for me. That may be wrong for some peoples thinking but it works for me because for one thing it did was to keep on the straight and narrow.(ha-ha) God has given me peace over this, I no longer worry about it. I'm "OK" with it. What would happen if I met one of these fellows on the street today? At one time I would have said I'd kill them, but no more. That was 23 years ago. I live in today, God's grace is sufficent for me. That's all I need. That and the support and love of my wife, son and my family. i have hid nothing from them, they know about this, and yet they don't hold it against me. What a blessing from God! I'm sure that if I had dwelled on it, it would have eaten me alive. Drove me to darn near insanity. But that's God for you. I don't know if this is what you wanted or were looking for but that's my story.
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- Jul 5, 2005
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I was when I was about six or so. I was swimming in my pool with my male cousin and he molested/raped me. I didn't know what he was doing at the time he was doing it. It was a one time thing. I have forgiven him and moved on with my life. So many people have a hard time dealing with this, especially girls because rape is different for girls than with guys.
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