I have a fear of being alone, can anyone help?

[Incsoc]

I guess I've always been abit of a shy and quiet person and never go out much. When I was a child I used to join alot of clubs like scouts, swimming, taekwondo. So I used to have a lot of friends, but when I grew to be a teenager I didn't ake up any again and lost touch with these friends. I was never really popular in high school, again I was shy and quiet. I did have some goods for awhile which I hung out with after school but they stopped talking to me because I used to act like abit of a jerk. And now I've learned to be nicier and friendlier.
Then I went to a different school for my final year of school. I did make some friends there in the first few weeks and hung out with them for afew months, but then they turned out to be jerks, I did have one good friend but I never saw him outside school.
Then I started college and it was a great change, and I made some good friends in the first weeks and then I joined the clubs at college and made more friends and got involved with projets and stuff and got to know all of my class mates.

The problem is though that I don't see them outside college, I do see one friend outside college sometimes, he invited me and a girl over to his house one time to play some games. I also went too a capeoria club with a friend up in the city centre, and I saw some other guys when I took part in a kickboxing competition in another college. But that was about it.

When we finished our summer exams I went out to a local bar with everyon, and then everyone was going to go to a night club but I decided not to go because I didn't have enough money but I had a good time with them.
Afew days later I went on vacation with my family. When I got back I was hoping to get a job but then I found out that I had to repeat afew exams in August. I got very lonely for awhile because I didn't have anyone to hang out with except for one friend from my old high school.One guy at college suggested that me and afew other guys get together and practice our capeorica during the summer but I didn't hear from him and I didn't have the other guys nmbers. I did get to see some of my college friends again as they were repeating aswell, I saw them in the libary in late July and August.

I keep thinking that mybe if I just ask to hang out them and talk more and keep in touch with people I would have a great social life.

Another problem is I hardly ever go outside the suburb where I live, the college I go to also happens to be in the same suburb. Growing up, very thing I needed was near by, like sports clubs, shopping malls,cinemas,since I never had many friends I never went into town that much while other kids did. and I feel embarrssed to tell people that I don't know the bus routes or my way around the city centre and that's where all the night life is.

I feel delighted that college has started again, and signing up for the clubs is next week, I hope to mybe to join afew more clubs and mybe pluck up the courage to ask some people to hand out, and mybe I can go into the city centre with them, like go to bars and night clubs or other places like the film-club in my college aranges trips to see films in the city centre, I didn't go to them last year because I didn't know where they where, but I feel that maybe this I just find out and make my own way there.


I feel shy sometimes to talk to people, sometimes when I ask feel like asking people to hand out with me I feel like a pathetic loner. I'm very shy but I feel if don't get over it I'ill be all alone.

 

[fishstix]

So what's the problem again? You're shy, but you have managed to overcome that enough to make a few friends wherever you go. You don't have a super busy social life but at the same time you do get out sometimes. And the need to have contact with other people is preventing you from becoming a total hermit. Sounds normal to me.

 

[boilerblues]

I can relate in a lot of ways. I've been a loner most of my life. Through high school I pretty much floated by myself. I joined boy scouts part way through high school and got to know some guys through that. My senior year I opened up more and hung out with some people pretty reguarly. I went to college and lived in a guys Christian cooperative house. I got along with everyone pretty well, but didn't really find a close friend until my last semester (I squeezed 4 years into 4 1/2 due to working 20 hours a week my last 2 years). Leaving school and joining the working world I got plugged into a great church and have gotten to know a lot of people. There's been a lot of ups and downs with that. I've made a couple of close friends and they've kinda moved on (moved away or got married). Right now I could probably list 100 or 200 people that I know and am on good terms on. I lead a house church of 12 people, it was up to 30 before we birthed a new group. In all of this loneliness has been a constant struggle. I've grown a lot in my struggle, but I know there's still room to grow.

Fear is the opposite of faith, yet it is the same as faith. Both are a strong belief in something you think might happen, but you don't totally have full assurance of. Faith looks up to God in trust that He is in control of whatever is going to happen. Fear looks around at a world that is fallen and devoid of hope (apart from Christ). Do a search for the word fear in the Bible. God's response to fear is "I am with you" Fear comes down to a lack of faith in God, we have to grow in our faith that He is with us and is in control of the circumstances in our life.

As to your relationships, I didn't see any mention of relationships with anyone at church. Are you a Christian? If so, those are the relationships that you need to develop. Bars and clubs are a dangerous place to be. I won't say it's a sin to go to them (though some there could be a strong arguement for), I go to bars sometimes for music, witnessing opportunities, and because some of my friends do enjoy a drink or two. But if your relationship with Christ is not strong, you don't have accountable relationships with believers, and you are going there with the intention of building relationships with people who want to be a part of that environment, then you are asking for trouble. Developing relationships with people who have similar interests as you is better. But if you are a Christian then that should be the top interest on your list and you should be working to build those relationships. They aren't just people that you happened to cross paths with and you don't just happen to share interests, they are your brothers and sisters in the family of God. The people who are my closest friends are those who are my brothers and sisters in Christ. I have friends that aren't believers, but those relationships are very different because we don't share the one thing that matters most in my life.

To make a long story short, deepen your relationship with Christ. That is the most important relationship any of us should have in our lives and that is what will bring freedom from fear. Second, develop relationships with other believers. They won't solve your relationships problems (I could tell horror stories of where sin has come into relationships in the church), but those are the people who are your family and will encourage you and help you to grow.

 

[hitchhikerz]

hang out with God and he'll show u the real good guys to hang out with the kind that don't turn outto be jerks!

 

[Peter_in_Christ]

Dear Incsoc,

I agree with boilerbluss with regards to Church (group of Christians gathered together to worship, serve, encourage and etc). I use to be shy myself till I submitted completely to the Lord with all my fears and etc, and I found complete peace in Him. Christ is the only best stable friend you'll have for the rest of your life, and He'll help to build friendships within the Church, the body of Christ and with non-Christians too.

I would suggest initiating conversations in Church, get convertable with talking to people, accept both the positive and negative responses and learn from them.

In time you'll grow in your confidence in the Lords strength.

Take care and God bless
Love in Christ

Peter

 

[Oliver_from_Perth]

I had a look at this thread because the topic:

"I have a fear of being alone, can anyone help?"

reminded me of the same fear I am getting over. I too have been a loner without solid friendships my whole life. The last couple of months that has been changing slowly.

The last couple of months I have also come back to Jesus in a very strong way.

I'm concluded my fear of being alone and having no one to love me is directly related to being far away from Jesus.

I would even go so far as to say, this fear of being alone DOES NOT BELONG TO ME.

Instead it is something the DEVIL tries to convince me of. He tries to convince me there is no one that loves me, even when I have friends, family and a girlfriend who do love me.

Listening to this lie has to the cause of destruction to alot of my relationships.

Only when I develop my faith that Jesus loves me, does my fear fade. As this fear fades, and I feel loved by Jesus, I have the confidence to make new friends. Over the last few months, I have developed new friendships with Christians for the first time in my life. They are by far the most rewarding friendships I have had in such a short period of time!

But it began with feeling the love of Jesus... My best advice is to find your way of reaching out to Jesus. Talk to him. Open up to him. He is listening.

Insoc, i love you man, thanks for sharing your story, and reminding me of my own struggle.

Oliver