I have a big problem

[confused&lonely]

Well first off I just wanted to say hi to everyone I am new to the forum thingy, but I don't want to talk about that a lot I want to get to my point of posting here. I am a popular 17 year old girl. I will be 18 in 2 weeks. I come from a good family, both of my parents are married and I have lots of friends so it is not like I have emotional issues or anything. I started going to church 3 years ago. During the first year of going to church, I became very good friends with my youth pastor's wife who is 26 years old. She is my best friend. We spent a lot of time together my first year of church. Anyway, I fell in love with her, and I have been in love with her for the last 2 years. I have never told anyone this before until last night. My youth pastor's wife invited me over to spend the night with her because my youth pastor is out on a trip preparing for the mission trip that the youth group is going to go on this august. Anyway my youth pastor's wife and I were sitting on the couch and watching a movie, when she asked me if I was cold. So we ended up sharing a blanket which meant we had to scoot closer together, which meant that we were touching, but not on purpose. I was getting butterflys and stuff. I turned to her and told her that I was in love with her and had been for the last 2 years. She smiled at me and I leaned forward to kiss her and we kissed. Things got more intense and we went upstairs to her room and we ended up performing sex on eachother. We slept in the same bed since there was no reason to sleep seperate. When I went to leave the next day she came up to me and kissed me. I know that it is wrong but we both enjoy it. I don't know what I should do. She invited me back for more tomorrow night. I am going but I know I shouldn't.

 

[Aalbiel]

Ok. Do you really see yourself being involved with this woman for a long time? This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, however, there seem to be many things going on here behind the scenes.

Scenario #1 - Youth pastor's wife may be lesbian, but she has not told her husband.

Scenario #2 - Youth pastor's wife is only interested in short affair, breaks off relationship, you feel crushed because you are "in love."
Scenario #3 - You continue having sex with this woman until someone realizes what is going on, and all of a sudden, the secret is out, and it's a huge deal in your town.

I would say that you are not in love with this woman, if all you are doing is having sex. Either she does this with other girls a lot, or she is just using you as an outlet for her frustrated sexuality. As someone who knows about unrequited love, this reeks of it, honey. I would suggest finding someone your age and not in a relationship to explore these feelings with...because this is not healthy, and you will probably end up getting hurt. You may be in love with her, but she could not be in love with you if you have sex on the first night. This is called a one-night stand. If the one-night-stand continues, this is called a "booty call" which lacks all respect and only serves as an outlet for lust, not love.

If you are going to college soon, wait 'til then. And, if you worry about these homosexual feelings, do some good deep research, talk to TRUSTED friends/counselors/clergy (not about the current situation, just the feelings), and try not to worry.

Again, as far as this whole affair thing goes....please break it off as soon as possible...there is a snowball's chance in hell for this to work out like you want it to, especially with the marriage and church pastor thing. Yeah. That's no good. Find a good, genuine, healthy relationship, and don't give it all away on the first date, aaight! Love should feel like a good book...not a tabloid.

 

[StAnselm]

I know that it is wrong but we both enjoy it.

Well, this is the key statement. I have a feeling that you don't really think its wrong. That is, you don't fully appreciate that this greatly offends a holy God.

First of all, you need to agree with God that this is sin. This is clear from Romans 1:26. You have to realise that even if it feels good - feels natural even - it's still wrong.

Whoever told you to follow your heart lied to you: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)

Second, you must plead with God for mercy, for the sake of Jesus Christ.

Third, you need to turn from this sin, and resolve never to do it again.

Fourth, you have to make sure that you're not alone with your youth pastor's wife again. If you are, the same thing is going to happen. Do not go over there tonight.

 

[TAFKAP]

You have already taken the first step to recovery by realising what you are doing is wrong.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Hmm...
The word "felony" comes to mind.

 

[madison1101]

What she has done is commit sexual abuse on you. This is indeed a crime. You are confused by your emotions, and she has taken advantage of that to meet her own sexual needs.

I would stop seeing her. I would also seek counseling or therapy from someone qualified to help you deal with the emotional fall-out you will experience from this.

God bless.

 

[miss Karla]

This does not sound like a healthy God - led situation. First of all, you are a youth in the congregation, and for the youth pastor's wife to be having these relations with you is just plain wrong.

I understand how one can "fall in love" with a good friend, that's happened to me with a good male friend. However, I think in this situation, you need to walk away from the relationship because it has trouble written all over it. You also need to look at your own sexuality issues.

Do not go over there tonight...because this same scenario will happen again. The floodgates have opened. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me that a youth pastor's WIFE would be in a sexual relationship with a youth of the church - male or female.

 

[oat02351]

Well first off I just wanted to say hi to everyone I am new to the forum thingy, but I don't want to talk about that a lot I want to get to my point of posting here. I am a popular 17 year old girl. I will be 18 in 2 weeks. I come from a good family, both of my parents are married and I have lots of friends so it is not like I have emotional issues or anything. I started going to church 3 years ago. During the first year of going to church, I became very good friends with my youth pastor's wife who is 26 years old. She is my best friend. We spent a lot of time together my first year of church. Anyway, I fell in love with her, and I have been in love with her for the last 2 years. I have never told anyone this before until last night. My youth pastor's wife invited me over to spend the night with her because my youth pastor is out on a trip preparing for the mission trip that the youth group is going to go on this august. Anyway my youth pastor's wife and I were sitting on the couch and watching a movie, when she asked me if I was cold. So we ended up sharing a blanket which meant we had to scoot closer together, which meant that we were touching, but not on purpose. I was getting butterflys and stuff. I turned to her and told her that I was in love with her and had been for the last 2 years. She smiled at me and I leaned forward to kiss her and we kissed. Things got more intense and we went upstairs to her room and we ended up performing sex on eachother. We slept in the same bed since there was no reason to sleep seperate. When I went to leave the next day she came up to me and kissed me. I know that it is wrong but we both enjoy it. I don't know what I should do. She invited me back for more tomorrow night. I am going but I know I shouldn't.

It might be different if the woman wasn't married. That's complicated, it seems she likes you the same way but, still it's not good to take another's spouse. I think Aalbiel hit it on the nose. It's going to be a rough road if you don't get out of it. Getting out will be hard but, in the long run, it would be best.