I hate to burden you with my relationship drama again, BUT....

[graciesings]

Maybe I shouldn't post about this same problem AGAIN, but I need advice... or, I at least need encouraged to break up, lol




So over the last few days I've still been upset over what my girlfriend, L, said this weekend... she insists that story about the party is true, but it seems highly unlikely to me. According to the story, she snuck out of the house to go to a cheerleader party and got home by 9 PM. She had "no choice" because her popular friend "made" her go. Her friend's family is super rich (and live in a poorer district of one of the highest-crime cities of the US.) She was worried the friend might post pictures of her naked and drunk on FB, but you know what? Nobody with the name she gave is listed among her Facebook friends. Also, it seems to me that if she was completely drunk and talked with me for an hour after getting home from the party, she would have mentioned the party in that phone call...

and her story just seems too outrageous to be true, in general.

So, L holds to this story and swears she would never lie to me, which bothers me because I'm 95% sure she did.

and if the story is true we have a problem, because according to the story she was three sheets to the wind at this party and wound up stripping in front of a bunch of people AND takes no responsibility whatsoever for any of it. It is all her friends' fault for getting her drunk.

There are also a couple other issues with this girlfriend. One is that she we are long distance, which is hard. Another is that she is SO constantly hyper that she wears me out. Also, she is Wiccan, and a liberal, so we don't have a lot of common ground idea-wise. She is the only time I've really fallen in love with anyone though... I am really crazy about her emotionally

meanwhile... there's a guy down here, J, that I kind of like. And he really likes me. He asked me to be his girlfriend last night...

There are a lot of things about J that I still don't know, but I do know he's a lot more relaxing than L. He's calm and quiet and gentle. He also seems a lot more reasonable than L. And lives 20 miles away, not 850.

so.... I am thinking about breaking up with L... would you recommend that?

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

Trust... seriously if you don't have trust you have nothing, my ex was into drugs hid it from me but i knew he was lying and it destroyed me so much because I was always trying to catch him out, wondering was he lying or telling the truth.

It seems like L is probably trying to show off too you, look at me i can get drunk with popular kids and get naked in front of them how cool am i. Though i would be fuming if my partner got naked in front of strangers.

I have a feeling that some people will tell you too go with J because he's a boy, I personally think you should stay clear of that at the moment, because even if you do break up with L you will be heart broken, you can't switch of your feelings and it takes a while to get over them, i know for one i still love my ex partner, it's going to take me a long time to get over that one.

Sending hugs and never say sorry about you ask for on the forum xx

 

[RayofSun]

I'll be honest that I'm not sure I completely understand the whole story, but I have to be honest. My gut feeling is yes.

The trust issues (which is even more important in a long distance relationship), the lifestyle differences, huge religious differences, distance, and the new guy all raise red flags to me. It's not just the drunken stripping story, it's everything together that tells me that maybe you're ready to move on and that something is wrong. Especially if you're talking to another guy to the point where he didn't just ask you out, but asked you to be his girlfriend.

I understand that there may be other details which I don't know. But based on the information you included in your OP and my pretty reliable gut instinct lol I would think that at the least you need to have a talk with L and tell her where you are standing.

I personally think you should stay clear of that at the moment, because even if you do break up with L you will be heart broken, you can't switch of your feelings and it takes a while to get over them

^ Wise advice and I would agree

 

[ElizaRN]

I agree with pirate. Trust is so huge in a relationship, and without it no relationship can survive (or be healthy). Once it is lost, it is really hard to get back and usually takes a bit of work by both parties. Always wondering if what she is telling you is true is going to be hurtful to yourself and to her as well.

I've just recently returned to the board after a bit of a hiatus wave so I am not familiar with the situation, other than what you just posted here. How long have you been with this girl?

Also, boy or girl, jumping right into a new relationship before an old one is even finished is typically not the best idea. Does this new boy know about your girlfriend? If so, he has no business asking you to be his girlfriend anyway. Even if he isn't aware and you do decide to break up with her.. give yourself time to heal and grieve that relationship prior to starting a new one.

That's my advice, at least.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Well, I'm not going to tell you what to do, because I think you're fully capable of making that judgement for yourself. But, what might be beneficial, is to write out a pros and cons list - or some variation of it, and see for yourself if she's worth holding on to.

 

[sehnsucht9]

I agree with pirate. You know it's time to break up with her. You just need affirmation, which you've got from all of us

The guy though... Sounds like a rebound waiting to happen. Those relationships are good to soothe a hurting ego temporarily, but more often than not it leads to more hurt and more drama. And it's tough not to look for another rebound to get over that because you've already started to teach yourself that people are the way to get over people. You need time to mourn this relationship and heal and really move on before your next one.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Drunken madness is a right reserved for the singles only (dumb ones, I got to say). What business does a person who is seriously dating have in drunken madness? Nothing! There is no excuse.

Let's say (not real) I am dating my GF. I then get drunk and does something with 2 other girls. I tell my GF I was totally passed out and these 2 girls were all over me. Does this make it ok?

If a person really cares about you, they wouldn't do something so dumb that it hurts you. The only reason why someone would do these dumb things is because they don't really care about you at all. They don't care if they hurt you.

She claims peer pressure? Tell her to give you a break haha. So who is worth more to her? You or her peers?

 

[Tess]

I also agree with Pirate

 

[MehGuy]

I'm not sure how David is going to feel about this thread, lol.

 

[Sketcher]

Being as she's female and Wiccan, I can't endorse this relationship for you at all, in full disclosure. But if you were a guy or if she were a guy and this same stuff went down, I'd still say that you probably shouldn't be with someone with character this bad.

 

[ks777]

It seems like she's definitely slooting around. Dude, she's wiccan?? AND a liberal? You know what you have to do.

My oneitus is an Atheist God hater now, I still think about her a lot but I know I have to move on because she's nuts and it wouldn't work out.

 

[graciesings]

I'm not sure how David is going to feel about this thread, lol.

 

[graciesings]

As an update, I have decided to break up with her.

I am still not sure exactly how but I plan to do it this evening.

 

[Tess]

Good luck!

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

Thinking of you, it's really horrible breaking up with someone esp when you still have deep feelings for them. Sending lots of love.

And make sure you are doing it for the right reason xxx

 

[Rhamiel]

Being as she's female and Wiccan, I can't endorse this relationship for you at all, in full disclosure. But if you were a guy or if she were a guy and this same stuff went down, I'd still say that you probably shouldn't be with someone with character this bad.

this

 

[MehGuy]

Lesbians and witches are evil.

Lol.

 

[Deidre32]

I would go with your gut. I've ignored my gut soooo much in life, only to get burned. I'd go with your gut, and end the relationship. A relationship, whether there is distance or not...should make you feel GOOD. If you feel bad more often than not, time to break up.

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[Deidre32]

As an update, I have decided to break up with her.

I am still not sure exactly how but I plan to do it this evening.

Oh, I just saw this. It will be hard, but I'm thinking you're making the right choice.

Praying for you, and her too...so you both can heal and move on.

 

[High Fidelity]

She is obviously a ridiculously immature child.

I'd move on.