I hate my life with a burning passion.

[Braydeno]

it sucks, Not a 5/10,... no, a 20/10. If anyone lived my life for a month they'd be out of it, literally,... all this pain, loneliness, and all these other harsh unexplainable feelings. you know that feeling when your heart breaks when your just gushing your eyes out, that feeling that consists of heartstrings being ripped out, that pain that fills the heart so much that the pain is almost pleasurable? That's how I've been feeling. Reason why I'm pathetic enough to tell strangers this on the internet is because I'm simply a loner with bottled up feelings. my last friends were in the right when they hated me, all their reasons where true, and there's a reason why I have no friends except for 1 distant one. I was born(not, just in the past) a weird, horrible, abnormal, and gross person.. too awkward to make friends, So awkward that I don't even Want to bother making any, and i hate being approached.,yet i hate being lonely. It's like having no friends and looking out your window on a nice sunny day and seeing people walking by with their friends, with no hope of getting one yourself. My big sister is a drunk with a deadbeat boyfriend in another province, mom a drunk, uncle next door, a drunk who I talk to every day for weed, and a social interaction, despite it always being 1 sided(just so i dont go stir crazy again). My mom just can't go single for once in her life........my gosh... Everyone on this side of the family is having a crappy life, and I'm sick of being around people who are living horrible lifes while im living one myself.

I've tried praying to god but he Ain't helping me, he didn't help and love me enough in my greatest times of need, which is why i ended up in this pit. I want him to drastically change my life, wheres his compassion, mercy, and love? How can he just let me be like this?? its hard to believe he loves me when he's neglecting me like this, It makes me envy those who are all holy and grew up in the right family. It hurts, I'm getting frustrated god. I want to just say SCREW THIS but I want to go to heaven and be loved. Its ticking me off why cant all this just change, i just hate it i hate it so much that its ruining me. there's nothing i can do about it and i just wanna punch a hole in the wall and throw all my furniture across the room and smash everything. I dont have anger issues, Its just that my whole life has been horrible. I got a big punch in the face from life telling me life isn't fair. Especially when you have a dysfunctional family, and a god who wont answer your prayers or change your flipping life. I can't just magically just change my life with the wave of a wand.

 

[visionary]

All I can say is get real with God. Make Him a deal. Put your finger on Rev 3:21 and ask for a face to face meeting with Him. Make this an all out and out serious all in deal. Prepare yourself to meet a Holy God.

Study the bible to find out what the people in scripture who encountered God, saw, heard, felt, and thought. Seek God's help in preparing to meet this Holy God of the Bible. Find out what you have to do to be in His Presence. Have God show you the way, using His Scriptures to talk to you and reveal Himself to you. Turn your eyes away from your predicament, your life, the world and all its crap, and just focus on Him.

I do not care if it take six months of serious study, lots of notebooks, and serious prayer without ceasing until He says you are ready to meet with Him. Do as He says. Open up your heart and let Him in. You are the Temple of God, let Him come in. He will knock, and if you hear His voice let Him in. Let Him open up your book of life and reveal all the sins that separate you from Him.

Repent. If you do not understand how what is revealed to you is sin, ask Him, He will show you the width, depth, breath, and height, along with the roots, branches, fruits of sin. No secret, small, little sin will be small little or secret before Him.

You want a new life. Then start with yourself. Go to Him for a new life in Him. Get real and have Him come into your life and heart and be real to you. Have Him give you His eyes to see, His ears to hear, His wisdom to understand and His heart to love.

 

[RC1970]

it sucks, Not a 5/10,... no, a 20/10. If anyone lived my life for a month they'd be out of it, literally,... all this pain, loneliness, and all these other harsh unexplainable feelings. you know that feeling when your heart breaks when your just gushing your eyes out, that feeling that consists of heartstrings being ripped out, that pain that fills the heart so much that the pain is almost pleasurable? That's how I've been feeling. Reason why I'm pathetic enough to tell strangers this on the internet is because I'm simply a loner with bottled up feelings. my last friends were in the right when they hated me, all their reasons where true, and there's a reason why I have no friends except for 1 distant one. I was born(not, just in the past) a weird, horrible, abnormal, and gross person.. too awkward to make friends, So awkward that I don't even Want to bother making any, and i hate being approached.,yet i hate being lonely. It's like having no friends and looking out your window on a nice sunny day and seeing people walking by with their friends, with no hope of getting one yourself. My big sister is a drunk with a deadbeat boyfriend in another province, mom a drunk, uncle next door, a drunk who I talk to every day for weed, and a social interaction, despite it always being 1 sided(just so i dont go stir crazy again). My mom just can't go single for once in her life........my gosh... Everyone on this side of the family is having a crappy life, and I'm sick of being around people who are living horrible lifes while im living one myself.

I've tried praying to god but he Ain't helping me, he didn't help and love me enough in my greatest times of need, which is why i ended up in this pit. I want him to drastically change my life, wheres his compassion, mercy, and love? How can he just let me be like this?? its hard to believe he loves me when he's neglecting me like this, It makes me envy those who are all holy and grew up in the right family. It hurts, I'm getting frustrated god. I want to just say SCREW THIS but I want to go to heaven and be loved. Its ticking me off why cant all this just change, i just hate it i hate it so much that its ruining me. there's nothing i can do about it and i just wanna punch a hole in the wall and throw all my furniture across the room and smash everything. I dont have anger issues, Its just that my whole life has been horrible. I got a big punch in the face from life telling me life isn't fair. Especially when you have a dysfunctional family, and a god who wont answer your prayers or change your flipping life. I can't just magically just change my life with the wave of a wand.

"Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?'" ~ Matthew 16:24-26

 

[PeaceJoyLove]

it sucks, Not a 5/10,... no, a 20/10. If anyone lived my life for a month they'd be out of it, literally,... all this pain, loneliness, and all these other harsh unexplainable feelings. you know that feeling when your heart breaks when your just gushing your eyes out, that feeling that consists of heartstrings being ripped out, that pain that fills the heart so much that the pain is almost pleasurable? That's how I've been feeling. Reason why I'm pathetic enough to tell strangers this on the internet is because I'm simply a loner with bottled up feelings. my last friends were in the right when they hated me, all their reasons where true, and there's a reason why I have no friends except for 1 distant one. I was born(not, just in the past) a weird, horrible, abnormal, and gross person.. too awkward to make friends, So awkward that I don't even Want to bother making any, and i hate being approached.,yet i hate being lonely. It's like having no friends and looking out your window on a nice sunny day and seeing people walking by with their friends, with no hope of getting one yourself. My big sister is a drunk with a deadbeat boyfriend in another province, mom a drunk, uncle next door, a drunk who I talk to every day for weed, and a social interaction, despite it always being 1 sided(just so i dont go stir crazy again). My mom just can't go single for once in her life........my gosh... Everyone on this side of the family is having a crappy life, and I'm sick of being around people who are living horrible lifes while im living one myself.

I've tried praying to god but he Ain't helping me, he didn't help and love me enough in my greatest times of need, which is why i ended up in this pit. I want him to drastically change my life, wheres his compassion, mercy, and love? How can he just let me be like this?? its hard to believe he loves me when he's neglecting me like this, It makes me envy those who are all holy and grew up in the right family. It hurts, I'm getting frustrated god. I want to just say SCREW THIS but I want to go to heaven and be loved. Its ticking me off why cant all this just change, i just hate it i hate it so much that its ruining me. there's nothing i can do about it and i just wanna punch a hole in the wall and throw all my furniture across the room and smash everything. I dont have anger issues, Its just that my whole life has been horrible. I got a big punch in the face from life telling me life isn't fair. Especially when you have a dysfunctional family, and a god who wont answer your prayers or change your flipping life. I can't just magically just change my life with the wave of a wand.

Braydeno, I, too, grew up in a very dysfunctional family and suffered greatly. But today, I stand strong by HIS spirit alive within me. I possess peace, and joy beyond measure by the grace of God and HIS love is something I could never imagine in my human understanding. HE promises this to those who diligently seek Him and I can testify that it is TRUE.

I once hated my life and wondered the very things you do...well, I prayed to God with all my heart and I began to read my Bible. I read for hours per day and I cried out to HIM...and HE came and HE healed all that was broken inside. HE made me whole. HE loves me more than any human could ever love. HE fills all that was lacking.

You say you can't change your life magically with the wave of a wand...and you are so right. BUT, have hope Braydeno! Jesus Christ can do just that...but first we have to BELIEVE that He can and will do it. I know HE did it for me...and many others. First step is to repent of sin and tell HIM you want HIM to come and fulfill those promises. He sees your brokenness and longs to come make you whole.

This life on earth is not fair...it is full of darkness, evil and hatred. But I have some Good News, Jesus Christ offers Light, LOVE and peace in all circumstances...but first we must seek HIM and find out HIS ways and do it. That is faith.

In the Book of Pslams, I found much wisdom regarding the agony of soul you are taking about. For King David suffered greatly and cried out desperately to God to lift him out of the pit. As well as David's Psalms of despair, there are Psalms of the joy he received from the Lord and how he got there, to that place of joy.

So, keep on praying...don't give up. And seek HIM in scripture. Find out how the LORD truly wants to come and heal all your brokenness...and HE will. He TRULY will! HE loves you, but we must be willing to repent and then use our faith to diligently seek HIS ways, then by HIS spirit HE will show us the path on which to go to find those heavenly treasures of PEACE, LOVE AND JOY.

Praying for you, Braydeno!

 

[PeaceJoyLove]

Braydeno, here is a song I'd like to share with you.

 

[4x4toy]

When many were abandoning Jesus asked "why don't you leave too" Peter said "where do I go Lord , you have the words of eternal life" John 6:66-69

Be patient and wait on God, he has a plan for you and its not fast food or microwave quick as we are accustomed to .. There are birth and growing pains for everyone .. If you're like most of us and you knew what God is planning for you you'd probably mess it up .. God has heard your prayers
Luke 11:10-13

 

[timewerx]

If you hate your life, it can be a good thing:

In fact, you might ought to be scared if you love your life, LOL!

John 12:25
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

 

[PeaceJoyLove]

Braydeno,
Something I also learned when I was a teen going through much of which you speak, the family around us who are not loving us they way God intended do not know HIM. I remember praying for God to change them and save them...and when HE didn't, I got angry with God. I have since learned that each person is given the freedom to choose whether they believe and serve God. You cannot pray against that freedom to choose. Not even God can force HIMSELF on anyone. However, we can pray for God to prepare their hearts to receive His Word.

The biggest testimony for those family members is for them to see the changes God has made in us...changing our thoughts and minds on how we look at things and situations. By the power of HIS spirit, HE can cause us to change on our inward parts...in our heart. We no longer look at these people in the same light and we begin to treat them in the way God tells us to treat all people - "Love others as you love yourself." It is a hard thing to do, but HE will give the grace to do it by HIS Spirit coming alive within us...we cannot change them, but we can allow God to change us...to walk according to HIS ways. It will make all the difference in the world.

You are so young and have been through so much, but truly God wants to come and transform your life. Read that Bible and pray like your life depends upon it...and HE will come and pour HIS spirit into you and cause you to walk in HIS power, not the weakness of our fleshy, human nature. HE can raise you up out of the despair and make you sour like an eagle...but we must believe HE can and will do it...according to what we learn in scripture and by HIS spirit.

May you find HIS peace, Braydeno.

 

[Jaxxi]

it sucks, Not a 5/10,... no, a 20/10. If anyone lived my life for a month they'd be out of it, literally,... all this pain, loneliness, and all these other harsh unexplainable feelings. you know that feeling when your heart breaks when your just gushing your eyes out, that feeling that consists of heartstrings being ripped out, that pain that fills the heart so much that the pain is almost pleasurable? That's how I've been feeling. Reason why I'm pathetic enough to tell strangers this on the internet is because I'm simply a loner with bottled up feelings. my last friends were in the right when they hated me, all their reasons where true, and there's a reason why I have no friends except for 1 distant one. I was born(not, just in the past) a weird, horrible, abnormal, and gross person.. too awkward to make friends, So awkward that I don't even Want to bother making any, and i hate being approached.,yet i hate being lonely. It's like having no friends and looking out your window on a nice sunny day and seeing people walking by with their friends, with no hope of getting one yourself. My big sister is a drunk with a deadbeat boyfriend in another province, mom a drunk, uncle next door, a drunk who I talk to every day for weed, and a social interaction, despite it always being 1 sided(just so i dont go stir crazy again). My mom just can't go single for once in her life........my gosh... Everyone on this side of the family is having a crappy life, and I'm sick of being around people who are living horrible lifes while im living one myself.

I've tried praying to god but he Ain't helping me, he didn't help and love me enough in my greatest times of need, which is why i ended up in this pit. I want him to drastically change my life, wheres his compassion, mercy, and love? How can he just let me be like this?? its hard to believe he loves me when he's neglecting me like this, It makes me envy those who are all holy and grew up in the right family. It hurts, I'm getting frustrated god. I want to just say SCREW THIS but I want to go to heaven and be loved. Its ticking me off why cant all this just change, i just hate it i hate it so much that its ruining me. there's nothing i can do about it and i just wanna punch a hole in the wall and throw all my furniture across the room and smash everything. I dont have anger issues, Its just that my whole life has been horrible. I got a big punch in the face from life telling me life isn't fair. Especially when you have a dysfunctional family, and a god who wont answer your prayers or change your flipping life. I can't just magically just change my life with the wave of a wand.

First of all, you have shown you know how to capitalize...it is God, not god and He is not abandoning you. What makes you feel like you are gross, weird, abnormal and horrible? Give me a reason why you would say such things about yourself.

 

[Braydeno]

i hate my life guys..... He wont help me.. I know he's there but he just isn't helping. I'm back where i was before. I feel that my "gonna loose it mentally" meter is beginning to reach overflow complicity. A part of me Desperately wants to stay christian and just get the peace, love and care a human needs(despite that not happening) and another part Strongly wants to toss the cross i wear everyday and my bible into the lake, soak in my sin, and wait for my death.

 

[PeaceJoyLove]

Is there someone in your area you can reach out to, Braydeno? The things you are saying are from the flesh and they are not accepting to the LORD. For HIM to come and help, you have to ask Him, without ceasing. Enduring the trial you are going through. Reading scripture is where you find out what HE wants and requires of each of us...and THAT is exercising true faith.

He who endures receives the promise. HE promises to come and bring peace...tie another knot in your rope and hang on. Don't give up.

 

[Traveling teacher]

bro I am praying for you that God will bring someone into your life in the next few weeks to help you on your journey.....
Can you find a good youth group at church.....
God moves through His people......

I believe being open hear is a start to a new journey in Christ for you......